by Gerri Hill
“I didn’t expect her reaction to his death to be anything other than it is,” she said. “There was still too much bitterness. They never did clear the air about it all,” Kerry added.
“Yes. I suppose the brothers will take it much harder. Especially Chance. He seemed to be the closest to him.”
“I’m sure they’ll grieve, but Martha, really, they’ve known this day was coming for so long. I think when you’re prepared mentally for death, then you’ve already done your grieving.”
“I suppose that’s true. But even living here as long as I have, I still don’t understand the family or their relationships. And now with Miss Carson back...”
“I know. I don’t understand it either,” she said as she put the lid back on the pot. She leaned against the counter, waiting, knowing Martha had more to say. Her eyes were very watchful.
“Are you okay, Miss Kerry?”
Kerry smiled. “Yes.”
“Because if you needed to talk or anything, well, I’ll be happy to listen.”
“You mean because of Carson?”
“Yes. I know I’m not worldly or anything like that and I probably wouldn’t have any good advice for you, but sometimes, when things are...” she paused, smiling. “I should just mind my own business, shouldn’t I?”
Kerry smiled affectionately at her, wondering if her own mother would take this new development in her life as easily as Martha had.
“I like her an awful lot,” Kerry admitted. “But when the guys come back, when Cody comes back, then, well, I have no idea how things will be.”
“I don’t know anything about this, and I won’t even pretend that I do,” Martha said. “But to see the way you two look at each other, well, let’s just say you’d have to be blind not to see the...well, the...the attraction there,” she finished and Kerry was surprised by the blush on Martha’s face.
“I know,” she said. “And it’ll be hard to hide it. We obviously couldn’t hide it from each other either.”
“They will probably be back tomorrow,” Martha cautioned.
“Yes. Carson thinks so. The storm hit at night so that probably didn’t set them back a day like they’d feared.”
“Well, then should I plan on an early dinner?”
Kerry frowned, then added her own blush to the mix as Martha’s meaning became clear.
“How about leftovers?”
They both turned, finding Carson leaning against the wall watching them. Kerry wondered how long she’d been eavesdropping.
“That chicken casserole from the other night sounds good,” Carson continued, her gaze moving between both of them. “Because yes, it will be an early night.”
Kerry and Martha sported matching blushes as Martha busied herself with emptying the dishwasher and Kerry was left staring at Carson.
She walked closer, her voice low, the words for Carson’s ears only. “You’re assuming I’ll have the energy after this afternoon?”
“The hayloft was only an appetizer,” Carson countered, a lazy smile on her face.
“You do realize I got no work done today.”
“And that’s okay,” Carson said. “They’ll be back tomorrow afternoon, most likely.”
Which meant they would not have the opportunity to be alone again. Not at night, anyway. The thought thrilled her to know that tonight they would go to bed together. There would be no pretending, no avoiding the inevitable. Tonight they’d go to bed as lovers. And they would be alone. She glanced at the clock on the wall, wondering how early she could persuade Martha to serve dinner.
Carson must have read her thoughts. She took her hand and pulled her out of the kitchen, holding her against the wall. Kerry’s hands slid around her neck, bringing her mouth to hers. God, would she ever tire of this? She moaned into Carson’s mouth, forgetting where they were as her hands moved to Carson’s breasts.
Carson stilled her movements and Kerry felt Carson smile against her lips. She pulled back, seeing her desire mirrored in Carson’s eyes.
“Should we be afraid?” Kerry whispered.
“Afraid?”
“I obviously can’t be trusted,” she said with a smile. “I can’t seem to keep my hands to myself.”
“Does that make you afraid?”
“That I want you this much? No. It makes me afraid that I won’t be able to hide how much I want you.”
“We’ll deal with that when they get back. Tonight, it’s just us.” Carson stepped away from her. “Now, how about a walk to the bunkhouse? We’ll check the progress and you can feel like you did some work then.”
Kerry nodded. “Okay.” She squeezed her hand. “Let me tell Martha. Dinner at six?”
“Dinner at six,” Carson agreed.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
After pushing her food around on her plate, Kerry felt positively wanton as she climbed the stairs with Carson. It was still daylight, yet here they were, retiring for the evening. Oh, they’d tried to make it somewhat normal. They’d gone to the study and had brandy. Even then, their conversation had been forced. Innocent glances, touches, belied any pretense they may have had. Carson had finally set their glasses aside, pulling Kerry to her feet. They’d stood close together for long seconds, just watching each other. Their kiss, while nearly chaste to begin, turned passionate as their hands roamed freely.
“Bed?” Carson had murmured before they went too far.
“Yes. Yes, please.”
Now, their fingers were entwined as they paused at the top of the stairs. Carson’s glance went to her father’s closed door and Kerry wondered what she was thinking.
“I think he would have liked you,” Carson said, surprising her. She smiled then. “Of course, he would have liked you much better for Cody than for me.”
“Do you want to talk, Carson? I mean, about him, about—”
“No. There’s nothing really to say. I regret that we weren’t able to reconcile,” she said. “I think maybe I didn’t really want to.”
“Tell me why.”
“If we reconciled, then I would lose the resentment, the anger, the hatred I had,” Carson said. “Then I would be empty. What would I have left?”
“Oh, sweetheart, you wouldn’t be empty. You would be free. He wouldn’t have a hold on you anymore.” Kerry was surprised how vulnerable Carson looked at that moment. She wasn’t sure what to say to her to ease her conscience.
“Yes, he has had a hold on me,” Carson admitted. “It was always there. When I was young, I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t girl enough, I wasn’t smart enough. I had the wrong friends, I wore the wrong clothes.”
“But your mother—”
“She took up for me, yes. She was the one person who could talk back to him. He didn’t always listen but at least she had her say. She knew how much I wanted to be a part of the ranch. She begged him to let me ride with the guys and the herd.”
“But you never did?”
“No. I was relegated to the background. I think that’s why I don’t have a relationship with my brothers.”
“Chase—”
“Chase, sure. Twins. How could we not be close? But when I left, I had convinced myself that even Chase didn’t miss me. No one missed me.”
Kerry’s heart was breaking for the lost young woman Carson must have been back then. For all her bravado now, she still harbored those same insecurities.
“Carson, no one can take away your pain.” Kerry’s hand slid up her chest, resting between her breasts. “It’s a part of you. It probably always will be,” she said. “But look at you. You’re a beautiful woman. You made a life for yourself. You can still laugh and smile. You can still love.”
Carson looked at her with sad eyes. “I’ve been so lonely,” she whispered. “I don’t think I realized the extent of it until I came back home.” She reached out, touching Kerry’s face lightly with her fingertips. “I don’t think I realized it until you.”
Kerry frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I
’ve never let anyone get close to me. I’ve never let anyone inside,” Carson said. “I never wanted to give myself to someone before. I...I let you get close because, well, because you’re real.” Carson closed her eyes, her voice soft. “Does that make sense?”
Kerry took Carson’s hand and kissed it gently. “Yes. It makes sense.” And it did. From what Carson had told her, the women in her life were just bed partners, nothing more. She was thankful Carson didn’t view her that way. While their relationship was certainly physical, Kerry hoped it went deeper than that. Carson had awakened a sexual side of her that Kerry didn’t know existed. She had also awakened an emotional part, one where Kerry found herself opening her heart to Carson.
Carson’s eyes were gentle on her now, the sadness nearly gone. “Are you still frightened by this?”
“No.” She could say that without hesitation. She wasn’t frightened by her feelings any longer. What scared her was the future. Was she getting in too deep? Was she falling in love with a woman? Were they just passing through each other’s lives? Was this just a learning experience or was it more than that?
“But?”
Kerry smiled and leaned closer, letting her lips lightly touch Carson’s. “But nothing,” she murmured, letting her kiss deepen.
They were still in the hallway, neither making a move to go into Carson’s bedroom. They were alone. They had nothing to hide. Not tonight.
She felt the wall press against her back as Carson held her there, her thigh nudging Kerry’s legs apart. As always, their passion flared so quickly, there was no time to change course. Kerry moaned as Carson’s thigh pushed against her center, her hand stroking her breast, rubbing against her nipple.
She tore her mouth from Carson’s, breathing hard as she leaned her head against the wall. Carson’s mouth moved to her throat, nibbling and sucking her skin, making Kerry squirm with desire.
“God, Carson,” she gasped, cupping Carson’s hips and pulling her harder against her. They were both fully clothed yet she felt her orgasm building. She spread her legs farther, pressing her throbbing center against Carson’s thigh, her hips moving, the friction setting her on fire.
“Yes. Like this,” Carson said, her mouth at Kerry’s ear. “Come for me like this.”
One stroke of Carson’s tongue inside her ear was all it took for her body to explode. She cried out, her body convulsing as she clung to Carson, the throbbing ache between her legs only partially squelched. Before she could catch her breath, Carson was inside her jeans, her fingers spreading her, entering her.
“God, yes,” she whispered, finding Carson’s mouth again, their kisses hard and wet. Her hips moved with each stroke of Carson’s hand, the hallway filled with the sound of their lovemaking as Carson’s hand, now wet, slapped against her with each thrust. Kerry pulled her mouth from Carson’s, gasping for breath now, struggling to stand as her hips rocked wildly. Carson added another finger and Kerry groaned, her body giving way again as she climaxed for a second time.
“I’ve got you,” Carson whispered as Kerry slumped against her, her legs too weak to stand.
“My God,” she murmured, her breath still coming fast. “That was...that was amazing,” she managed, the word seeming too small for what Carson had just done to her.
“Come on,” she said, leading Kerry into her bedroom on wobbly legs.
Kerry’s hands immediately went to work on Carson’s clothing, their hands tangling as they each sought to remove the other’s clothes. Kerry had a need she couldn’t control, didn’t want to control.
“I want you,” she breathed, finally touching skin. “I need you,” she clarified. “I want my mouth on you. I want to taste you, feel you come in my mouth,” she whispered, urging Carson to the bed.
Carson groaned as Kerry knelt between her legs and Kerry didn’t wait for a response. She lowered her mouth, greeted by Carson’s wetness. She closed her eyes as she gathered Carson to her, holding her firmly by the hips as her mouth feasted, finding the throbbing bundle of nerves, her tongue licking, moving quickly.
“Jesus, Kerry,” Carson groaned again. “Yes...don’t stop,” she gasped as she tried to press Kerry’s face harder against her.
Kerry pulled back, not ready for it to end. Carson moaned in frustration as Kerry slowed her movements. With her tongue, she tasted the length of her, slipping inside as far as she could, moving with lightning strokes in and out, finally settling on her clit again, sucking it hard into her mouth. Carson’s hips rose off the bed, and she grasped Kerry’s hair with one hand. Kerry ignored the stinging pain, letting Carson grind against her mouth.
She could hear Carson gasping for breath, could literally feel her swell inside her mouth. She devoured her, starving for her taste, her lips and tongue working together, finally allowing Carson to reach orgasm.
Carson’s guttural scream was too much and Kerry felt her own body climax again as she squeezed her legs together. She drank every ounce that Carson gave her, only stopping when Carson collapsed on the bed, her hand falling away from Kerry’s hair.
Kerry climbed up the bed beside her, not even pausing to consider the act she’d just performed, executed with a proficiency and skill she couldn’t possibly possess. How could she know? Last night, she’d been tentative in her lovemaking, unsure of what would please Carson. Tonight, she simply needed to share the most intimate part of lovemaking.
“Are you okay?”
Kerry let her eyes flutter open, meeting Carson’s smoky gaze. “Are you going to ask me that every time we make love?”
“No. It’s just—”
“That I wanted—needed—you like that?”
Carson nodded, her fingers lazily grazing Kerry’s skin. “No one’s...no one has needed me before.”
“I don’t believe that,” Kerry said.
“I haven’t ever let anyone need me,” Carson admitted. “I couldn’t ever be there for anyone. Not totally.”
Kerry leaned up on an elbow, her gaze moving from Carson’s breast to her face.
“Has that changed?”
“Yes. I want to be here when you need me. And I want you to need me.”
Those words frightened her and she wasn’t sure why. Was it because she did need Carson? Did she tell Carson that she’d never made love with the intensity that she had the last two days? Did Carson already know that? Did she tell Carson she was dangerously close to falling in love with her? Or did Carson already know that too?
“What are we going to do?” she whispered.
“You mean when the guys are back?”
“Yes.”
“Well, if you want to get past your three-month window on the contract, then we need to hide this.”
“How can we hide this, Carson? I can’t even look at you without advertising it all over my face. Martha has told me as much.”
“Cody thinks he has feelings for you,” Carson said. “He told me he was going to tell you as soon as they get back.”
Kerry groaned and lay back, covering her eyes with her arm. “God, say it isn’t so.”
Carson laughed quietly. “It is so. I told you if you weren’t careful, he would propose marriage.”
“What am I going to do?”
“We’ll go back to avoiding each other whenever he’s around.”
“And then what? I can sneak into your room at night?”
Carson leaned over and kissed her. “Yes.” She pulled back and grinned. “You couldn’t have set your sights on Chase, could you? We wouldn’t have anything to worry about then.”
Kerry raised her eyebrows.
“He’s gay.”
“Chase? You’re joking.”
“No.”
“Do the others know?”
Carson shook her head. “He just told me last week when we were on an evening walk.”
“How does he stand it here then? I mean—”
“I know. He takes long weekends and meets friends,” she said. “But still, it’s a lonely life.”
“Doesn’t he want to get away?”
“Yes, actually. He says there’s some property on the Idaho border that he wants to buy. Start his own ranch, breed horses. Use Windstorm as stud,” Carson said. “I offered to help him, to buy it for him but...”
Kerry again raised her eyebrows again.
“You still think I’m here to collect inheritance?”
“No. But I realized I don’t really know anything about you. You said you had an apartment in Manhattan. I’m assuming it costs more than my yearly salary,” she said. “But I don’t know what you do.”
“That’s just it. I don’t do anything,” Carson said. “One of my many faults,” she added.
“Why do you consider that a fault?”
“Everyone should do something, shouldn’t they?”
“Your grandmother?” Kerry guessed.
“Yes. She and my father couldn’t stand each other. It was only natural he send me to her. Grammy Mae and her family owned a lot of land on the plains east of Denver. They made a fortune when the airport was built.”
“That explains the comments Colt and Cody made that first day.”
“I didn’t have anything to do with her will. In fact, I had no idea I was the sole beneficiary. But it allowed me to escape.”
“But you haven’t been happy,” Kerry stated. It wasn’t a question, just an observation.
“No. Never.”
“Then what do you want to do with your life that might make you happy?”
Carson smiled, her hand moving higher to brush under Kerry’s breast, but she made no attempt to turn it into a seduction. She was simply touching her and Kerry enjoyed the lightness of it.
“I think if someone had asked me that question a month ago, I wouldn’t have had an answer other than the status quo. I traveled a lot. I have a handful of friends. But being back here made me realize how much I’ve missed this. I don’t necessarily mean here. This doesn’t really feel like home anymore, but it feels familiar,” she said. “But I think I might want to stay out here somewhere.”