Storms

by Gerri Hill

  She sighed, knowing it was true. “Do you come up here to see her much?”

  “A few times a year. The old man came up here at least once a week. He’d sit over there,” he said, motioning to where the casket sat, “and talk to her.”

  “It’s funny,” she said. “While I was gone, I missed her so much. I couldn’t bear to think of her. I would be overcome with grief. Now that I’m back here, I don’t miss her as much. It’s like, like I can almost feel her still, you know.”

  “Being back among familiar things, places,” he said quietly. “Maybe you don’t miss her because you’ve allowed yourself to think about her, talk about her. You’ve let your memories come back.”

  She nodded. “Yes. I shut my memories out for so long. I didn’t want to remember. It just brought pain.”

  “And now?”

  “Now the memories bring a smile, happiness. I have fond memories of my childhood. Mostly,” she said.

  “So coming back was a good thing?”

  “Yes. It was the best thing. Thank you for making me.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  She leaned closer and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for reaching out to me. If you hadn’t, I would still be that bitter, lonely person I had turned into. It’s like you freed me of that, Chase.”

  “And Kerry?”

  Carson smiled. “And Kerry. God, I wouldn’t have met her. I wouldn’t know what it was like to be touched by her, to be loved by her. It’s amazing how life’s turns take you places, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah, it is.” He tugged her hand, leading her back to his truck. They both nodded at Mr. Hanes and Carson assumed they wanted to finish up. “I hate to bring this up again, but what about Cody? You’ve got to tell him.”

  “Tell him? You saw how crazy he got last night. Can you imagine what he’ll do when he finds out Kerry and I are sleeping together?”

  “Kerry needs to tell him. He’ll take it better coming from her. You, he might shoot.”

  Carson closed the door and glanced back at the cemetery, watching as her father’s casket was unceremoniously lowered into the ground. The finality of it hit her then and she realized she would never have the chance to reconcile with him. She sighed. Did she need it? He said he was sorry. He said he was wrong. Was that enough?

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah,” she said quickly. “I’m fine. It’s just...it’s over now.”

  “Maybe it’s time, Car. It’s time you let go of it all.”

  “I think maybe I already have.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Kerry visibly jumped as the loud crack of thunder rattled the windows. Dark clouds had long ago obscured the sun, making the late afternoon seem like dusk. She found Martha staring out the kitchen window, watching the clouds and rain swirl around them. She stood next to her, finally reaching out to lightly rub the older woman’s arm.

  “They were coming home from a school play,” she said. “Beverly loved to sing and dance, to act. He went alone to it. I had a bad case of the flu. I was in bed with fever.” She turned to Kerry, her eyes sad. “Storm came out of nowhere really. Like this. Sunny one minute, thunder and lightning the next.” She sighed. “The house was dark and I was lying in bed, watching the show, thinking how beautiful it was. I had no idea I would lose my family that night to that very same storm.”

  Kerry didn’t offer words of condolences or sorrow. She knew they weren’t needed and weren’t really appropriate. Martha was just remembering, something she most likely always did silently. Having Kerry beside her allowed her to give voice to her memories. So she squeezed her arm affectionately instead as she remained silent.

  Finally Martha stirred, a sad smile on her face. “Thank you,” she whispered.

  A bright flash of lightning and clap of thunder moved them away from the window. Kerry’s eyes went down the road to the stables.

  “They’re not back yet, are they?”

  “No. But the boys will be careful, don’t worry. This lightning may have them stuck inside though.”

  Chase, Colt and Carson had hurried down to the stables to secure the horses. They thought they’d have time but in an instant, the storm was upon them. Kerry now wished she’d gone along, but Cody’s wary eyes had stopped her. She didn’t want to cause a scene so she’d stayed behind, offering to help Martha in the kitchen to avoid being alone with Cody. He seemed to sense her hesitation and left her, going back into his own room while Chance said he had some paperwork to tend to.

  It had been at least thirty minutes since they’d driven off and Kerry was getting worried. With lightning all around them, she hoped they weren’t out in the pasture trying to corral the horses. Hopefully they’d gotten to them in time and were just waiting out the storm in the stables. That thought didn’t ease her worry as she went back to the window, trying to see through the rain-splattered pane.

  At first, she thought it was just lightning, but it lingered and grew. Her eyes widened as she realized it was a fire.

  “Oh my God! Martha, come look.”

  “What is it?”

  “Looks like fire.”

  “Oh, dear Lord, it’s not the barn, is it?”

  Kerry’s heart caught in her throat, and without thinking she ran out the kitchen door, ignoring Martha’s call for her to come back inside. The wind and rain hit her, but she didn’t care as she ran blindly down the road, her only thought, that of Carson’s safety.

  When a streak of lightning sizzled overhead she instinctively ducked, closing her eyes as thunder boomed all around her. She stumbled and fell, vaguely aware of voices calling to her from the house. The rain felt like ice as it pelted her face but she ran on, squinting through the downpour to keep from falling. As she got closer, she saw that it wasn’t the barn that was on fire—it was the bunkhouse. Her relief was short-lived as she saw figures running between the barn and bunkhouse.

  She ran too, then screamed as lightning hit one of the pines—their picnic pine—and split it in two.

  “Carson!” she yelled, brushing the rain from her face, trying to find her. “Carson!” she yelled again, the wind carrying the sound of her voice away. The barn door stood open and she ran toward the light, amazed that they still had power.

  “Jesus Christ, Kerry,” Carson said as she grabbed her. “What the hell are you doing out here?”

  “The fire, I thought it was the barn,” she said between gasps of breath. “I thought you were hurt—”

  “Lightning hit the bunkhouse. There’s nothing we can do.”

  “I’m sorry. God, I was just so worried about you.”

  They stared at each other, both soaking wet. Then Carson pulled her into a tight hug and Kerry clung to her, her body trembling now as her adrenaline ebbed.

  “Don’t ever do that again,” Carson said quietly into her ear. “The lightning, you could have been killed.”

  “I didn’t think. I’m sorry,” she said again. She pulled out of her arms, looking at the amused faces of Chase and Colt. She blushed profusely as she was totally embarrassed, but Carson didn’t release her hand when she tried to move away. “I guess denying this and saying we’re just friends isn’t going to work?”

  Colt shook his head and laughed as he glanced at Chase. “Like we didn’t see this coming from a mile away.”

  What none of them saw coming was Cody, the rain dripping down his face not enough to hide his rage as his eyes locked on their clasped hands.

  “You goddamn bitch,” he yelled, forcefully pushing Kerry out of the way as his hands landed on Carson. “I could kill you right now.”

  Kerry tumbled backward, falling away from Carson. She screamed as Cody swung, knocking Carson to her knees. Chase jumped in front of his next punch, taking the hit squarely in the nose.

  “Stop it,” Kerry screamed, frantically crawling over to where Carson lay. Blood trickled out of the corner of her mouth, and she was blinking at her as if trying to clear her head. She held her hand up to Cody as he bent ov
er them. “Stop it!”

  Stepping into the barn, Chance helped Colt grab Cody’s flailing arms. Chance pushed Cody back against the wall, his face as red as Cody’s.

  “Don’t be goddamn stupid,” he said loudly as Cody tried to get away.

  Cody’s eyes blazed at Carson. “Are you happy now? I liked her. I wanted her. I wanted to marry her! Why is it every time I like somebody, you have to take them away from me? It’s nothing but a goddamn game to you. That’s all it’s ever been.”

  Carson sat up, rubbing her cheek. “You’re wrong. It’s never been a game.”

  “Bullshit!”

  Kerry stood up then, standing between them. “Why do you think this is all Carson? Why do you think I didn’t have a part in this? Me? It has nothing to do with you, nothing to do with Carson. It’s me,” she said, tapping her chest.

  Cody shook his head. “No, I don’t believe that.”

  “I’m sorry, but it’s true.”

  “Fine.” He jerked his arm out of Colt’s hold. “Then I want you off the ranch. First thing in the morning.” He pointed at Carson. “And you, I never want to see your ass again. Both of you, I want you out of here.”

  “That’s not how we make decisions around here,” Chance said.

  “Well we don’t have a bunkhouse anymore,” Colt said. “There goes our guest ranch idea.”

  “Insurance will cover that,” Chance said. “Let’s don’t—”

  “You can talk all you want to, but I want them gone,” Cody said. He stomped back outside into the storm and no one tried to stop him.

  Kerry helped Carson to her feet then extended a hand to Chase. He had a steady stream of blood running out of his nose.

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she said.

  “It’s okay. A broken nose will make me look a little rugged, don’t you think?”

  She smiled at him, then turned to the others. “I’m really sorry. This is my fault. I never should have—”

  “Don’t apologize,” Chance said. “It’s not your fault.” He glanced at Carson and raised an eyebrow. “You okay?”

  “It’s not the first time he’s hit me,” she admitted.

  “But it’ll be the last.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I’ll get out of here. You won’t have to see me again,” Carson said. Kerry whipped her head around, her brow furrowed. Surely Chance wasn’t just kicking Carson off the ranch?

  “That’s not what I meant. Cody has always had anger issues. Hell, the old man should have gotten him some help when he threw you out of the hayloft and broke your arm.”

  Colt laughed. “I’d have thrown her out too if she was fucking my girlfriend.”

  Carson winced. “Must you be so crass?”

  Colt glanced at Kerry. “Sorry. That was rude of me.”

  “Well, when you’re sixteen, I guess that’s all you’re doing is fucking, isn’t it?” Kerry said with a smile.

  Carson groaned. “Can we get off of this subject, please? We do have a fire outside, you know.”

  “A fire that will have to burn itself out,” Chance said. He went to the barn door, the storm moving away from them now as the lightning flashed across the valley. “The rain will help, but I doubt we can salvage anything.” He glanced over at Colt and motioned him to follow. “Let’s go check it out.”

  Colt put his hat on, then paused on his way out. “Welcome home, sis,” he said with a smile. “It’s just like old times, ain’t it?”

  Kerry guided Carson over to sit on a bale of hay. “Colt seems to have warmed up to you,” she said. “Here, you too,” she said as she sat Chase down beside Carson. “Hold your head back.”

  “Yeah, what’s up with Colt?” Carson asked.

  “Cody was an ass the whole trip. We all got sick of it. Ragging on you, planning his marriage proposal to Kerry. He even—”

  “Marriage?” Kerry shook her head. “Seriously?”

  “Seriously,” he said. “There are some towels over there,” he said, pointing to a closed cabinet. “Can’t vouch for how clean they are.”

  “Thanks for taking the hit for me,” Carson said. “I owe you.”

  “Like Chance said, he’s not going to hit you anymore.”

  Kerry found the towels, pulling one that was still neatly folded from the bottom of the stack. She turned the water on at the faucet to dampen the towel then took it to Chase, holding it against his nose.

  “The horses, were they okay?” she said, glancing at Carson.

  “Yeah. We only had two of the young foals who tried to take flight, but we got them all.”

  “I need to get a towel for you too,” she said, wiping at the blood near her lip.

  “I’m fine, Kerry. Really. He just grazed me.”

  Kerry took her hand and squeezed it. “What did you mean when you said it wasn’t the first time he’d hit you? There were other times besides the hayloft?”

  “Oh, Cody’s always had a temper. I seemed to be the one he took it out on.”

  “But he hit you?”

  “The problem was, she never told anybody,” Chase said, “so we didn’t know. The one time Chance saw him hit her, he bloodied Cody’s lip.”

  “Yeah. The only time Chance stood up for me,” Carson said. “But Cody left me alone after that. Until the hayloft incident.”

  It wasn’t the time to get into it now, but the fact that Cody had used her as a punching bag disturbed her greatly and Carson’s acceptance of it even more so. Of course, the Carson she knew today would never put up with that. Maybe as kids, there was a certain pecking order and Carson had been at the bottom. Carson’s confusion over her sexuality and her father’s insistence that she would have no part in the ranch probably all played a part. Low self-esteem would have caused her to think she deserved Cody’s wrath.

  “Hey.”

  She looked up, meeting Carson’s eyes. She tried to hide her thoughts but obviously didn’t do a very good job.

  “You’re trying to analyze it, aren’t you?”

  She nodded.

  “Don’t, Kerry. Don’t try to find blame or fault. That was a long time ago.”

  “But he’s your brother. You don’t hit—”

  “No. You don’t.” Carson stood then, signaling an end to the conversation. “Let’s take a look at the bunkhouse. Chase? You up for it?”

  “Yeah. The bleeding stopped.”

  “You should probably see a doctor,” Kerry said.

  “It’ll be okay,” Chase said. “It’s probably not really broken.”

  Judging by the bruising that was already evident, Kerry wasn’t convinced, but it wasn’t her place to argue. She took Carson’s hand, letting her lead the way outside. Chance and Colt stood nearby, watching the smoldering embers. Thankfully, the fire had started on the remodeled end. Since it had been gutted, there was little to fuel the flames. The rock siding deterred the fire from spreading. The original log structure, built generations ago, only had minimal damage, other than the roof. Apparently, the torrential rain had helped to douse the flames.

  “What do you think?” Carson asked Chance.

  “A miracle those old logs didn’t burn,” he said. “If you guys are willing, let’s bring some hoses out and soak it. We can maybe salvage the main part after all.”

  They spent what seemed like hours spraying water on the bunkhouse logs, the wind igniting embers as fast as they could put them out. Kerry was exhausted, but kept up the effort, not wanting to lag behind. They were all soaking wet by the time Chance signaled for them to stop.

  “I think this is the best we can do. The wind has died down finally.”

  “We look like drowned rats,” Kerry said with a laugh.

  “And smell like it,” Chase said. “Not that I can smell much,” he added, pointing to his nose.

  “I think Kerry is right,” Carson said. “You should probably have a doctor look at that.”

  “Oh, hell, I wouldn’t give Cody the satisfaction,” he said.

  “I can’t bel
ieve he didn’t come down to help with the fire,” Kerry said as she rolled up the hose she was using.

  “Cody just spent the last week telling us that he was going to marry you,” Chance said. “So when he saw that you and Carson had...well, the last thing he wants is to see any of us right now.”

  “I can’t believe he thought we were going to get married. I mean, there’s been nothing romantic between us,” she said.

  “Cody hasn’t had a lot of experience in that area, so in his mind, there was something between you two.”

  Kerry glanced at Carson. “I should go talk to him.”

  “No. Not alone. You just saw what he did,” Carson said.

  “He won’t hurt me,” Kerry insisted. “He deserves an explanation.”

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  After assuring Martha she would “never do anything that stupid again” and after a long, hot shower, Kerry made her way through the downstairs hallways and into Cody’s suite. After her first knock was met with silence, she knocked again.

  “Cody? Can we talk?”

  “Go away. I told you I didn’t want to see you again.”

  She sighed and bent her head back, staring at the ceiling. Men can be such girls sometimes. So she tried again.

  “Cody, please? I need to explain.” Her request was met with more silence, then she heard movement in the room. He opened the door, his eyes still hard and angry.

  “You don’t need to explain,” he said. “I know how Carson is.”

  “But you don’t know how I am,” she said. “May I come in?”

  He hesitated and she thought he would refuse, but he finally stepped aside. She had never been in any of the brother’s rooms before and was surprised at just how big they were. She entered into a nearly full-sized living room, a large TV on one wall muted now, but the picture was crystal clear. Through an opened door she glanced into his bedroom, the bed unmade, and discarded jeans were on the floor.

  “What do you want, Kerry?”

  She turned around and faced him, surprised by the coldness of his voice. She took a deep breath, not knowing where to start.

  “I guess first I should apologize for letting it go as far as it did. I wanted to like you that way, Cody. Really, I did.” Was that a lie? Yes, maybe a little. “But you have to know that there’s just nothing here,” she said, motioning between them. “I can’t make myself feel things that you want me to feel.”