They're Always With You

by Mary Clare Lockman

  “Thanks, Colette. Give me a hug and then on with you.”

  After dinner, my dad asked if I wanted to go for a walk. I said sure since I planned on asking him about my Uncle Daniel. We were barely out the door when he brought it up. “Gramps told you about Daniel, I heard.”

  “Yes, he did. I felt so sorry for him; I didn’t know what to say.”

  “You didn’t have to say anything. You listened.”

  “Did you like Daniel?”

  “Very much. You couldn’t help but like him. He was always laughing and joking around. People got caught up in his enthusiasm. He wanted to see and do everything. He was always talking about seeing the Taj Mahal or the Louvre or the Grand Canyon. He loved life and he really loved people.”

  “Mom said that Aunt Florence was devastated.”

  “She was. She talked to Daniel about everything. He used to tell her that she didn’t have to be so afraid of boys. After all, he was one and he wouldn’t hurt her.”

  “He was nice.”

  “He loved his family. Just like I do.”

  “Was it hard to get married with everybody sad and all?”

  “Your mother and I wanted to get married but we didn’t know if it was a good time. We offered to postpone the wedding but neither Gramps nor your grandmother would hear of it. They tried to make the day as happy as possible for us. It really was a wonderful day.”

  “Did Gramps and Grandma Rose talk to each other?”

  “For the wedding. I thought that maybe planning the wedding would bring them out of their grief. But after the wedding they went back to their silent prisons. We couldn’t do anything about it.”

  “Mom said Aunt Florence used to come over a lot.”

  “She needed to get away from the house. She had intended to go to college in the fall but when Daniel died, she was lost.”

  “She went to nursing school later?” I asked. I had assumed that Aunt Florence went straight to nursing school after high school.

  “Yes.”

  All of a sudden I remembered Aunt Florence talking about the nurse hugging her while she cried. What was that all about? She did say that’s why she became a nurse. Where was she when she was hugging that nurse? My mom had never said a word about that conversation. Were there other secrets in the family?

  My dad and I continued walking along the sidewalk. It had started to rain a little bit. My dad asked if I wanted to go back but I said I didn’t care. It was a soft, spring rain so everything smelled fresh and clean.

  My dad’s face was very serious. The more my dad talked, the more questions I thought of. It was kind of confusing. “That’s just the way it is. Don’t you agree, Colette?” My dad stopped walking and looked at me. “That’s what family’s for. You’re there for each other when times get rough.”

  I linked my arm with my dad’s. The clack, clack, clack of our shoes on the wet pavement blended with the pitter patter of the rain.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Red Wing

  Gramps and I had not had a heart-to-heart in about ten days. Physical therapy still came three times a week. The sessions were only 30 to 45 minutes each but they were really intense. Gramps was exhausted on the days of therapy. I just kind of waved to him on those days.

  My mom and Aunt Florence helped him with his exercises in the evenings. Gramps was absolutely religious about his exercises. He worked on his legs, his arms, hands, and even fingers. I could tell that his weak side was getting stronger although he still used the walker. His bad leg dragged and his bad arm drooped but all in all he was making progress. They were almost ready to try the stairs so Gramps was happy he’d be able to go up to his room again.

  Another thing he was religious about and would never miss was taking his blood pressure pills. That made Aunt Florence ecstatic.

  I had finished my paper about Gramps coming over from Italy, going through Ellis Island, living in Chicago, and then ending up in Red Wing. I put pictures of the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island in my paper. Mrs. Bosworth loved the part about Gramps making the leather mittens and selling them on the street during the Depression. Some of the kid’s ancestors had come over from Ireland during the Potato Famine. Others came from Germany, Norway, or Sweden. Our ancestors left their countries for different reasons but the one thing they all had in common was they wanted a better life for their kids and grandkids.

  Mrs. Bosworth said one of the things immigrants found in Red Wing was the rich, black soil of Good-hue County. She said it was perfect for growing wheat. Red Wing had been a leading exporter of wheat in the late 1800s. And she said, the immigrants brought skills with them like the immigrants who started Red Wing Pottery and Red Wing Shoes. The immigrants used their ideas to start businesses that became part of our wonderful Main Street. She told the class to go look at the St. James Hotel so we could see the beautiful woodwork and handiwork from 1875.

  My class was relieved when our papers were done because we thought the rest of the school year would be a breeze. We should have known better. Mrs. Bosworth believed in tying up what she called loose ends. “What kind of a teacher would I be if I left this for next year’s teacher,” she would say. “Why, I wouldn’t even be worth my salt.” So we went along with her because there wasn’t much else we could do and she worked us like dogs. We read new books, wrote papers, discussed historical events, and computed equations like our lives depended on it. I wished someone would tell her that the end of the year was supposed to be fun. I started counting the days until summer vacation. I barely had time to talk to Sally. It wasn’t fair.

  One day I went to the sunroom to see if Gramps was awake. He was. He had an opera record playing something godawful in Italian. I thought of Daniel.

  “Are you sure that’s really music? Maybe you just want Mrs. O’Neill from church to come over and sing in person.”

  “I don’t think so. Church is all she can handle. You can turn the record off if you want,” Gramps said.

  I carefully plucked the arm with the needle off the record. Then I put the record back in its jacket.

  “So you’ve been pretty busy in school.”

  “I have to say that I’m not going to miss Mrs. Bosworth one bit. No, sir. Actually, I’m thinking about not going to college at all. It’s just too many years of papers and books, papers and books.”

  Gramps listened quietly. “Learning isn’t always easy,” he said, “but it should be exciting when you learn something new.”

  “You don’t know Mrs. Bosworth. She’s total drudgery right now.”

  “Maybe you’re kind of worn out from the busy spring and all.”

  “You’re probably right. Maybe that’s it. I’m just plain worn out.” Then I thought, if I’m this worn out at age eleven and a half, what will I be like when I’m my mom’s age? Or Gramp’s?

  “Summer’s almost here.”

  “I can’t wait. Are you feeling better?”

  “Much better. One thing about spending time getting better is that you think about your life and the people who have been part of it.”

  “I hope I’ve been a good part of your life.”

  “You’ve been the best. My favorite grandchild always.”

  I bowed.

  “Colette, I want to tell you more about your Grandma Rose. Are you up for it?”

  “Sure, Gramps.” Oh good, I thought, another of Gramp’s stories.

  “I think when we came to Red Wing is where I left off. Does that sound right?”

  “She helped you in the store with bookkeeping and at the soda fountain.”

  “Yes. After Daniel and Florence were born, Rose brought the children to the store with her. They loved working in the soda fountain. When her father, Paddy, visited his favorite thing to do was serve malts and sodas.

  “I like doing that too.”

  “We had both thought that Red Wing would be a great place to raise a family and we were right. Sundays were my favorite days because the store was closed. I had the whole day with
Rose and the children. We would walk by the river to watch the pad-dlewheel boats. Daniel loved the river. We didn’t own a car but sometimes I borrowed one from friends. We would drive down to Lake Pepin so we could see the eagles. All the kids clapped when the eagles swooped down towards the water.” Gramps made a swooping motion with his right arm. “My favorite thing was to drive south along the river bluffs to Winona. It was so wonderful in the fall. The colors were just so beautiful. Rose and the kids would ooh and aah.”

  “Were Daniel, Mom, and Aunt Florence close to each other?”

  “They were very close. Rose and I were content with the way things had turned out. She thanked me for bringing her to Red Wing. I felt like the luckiest man in the world.”

  Gramps got up from the armchair. He didn’t like to sit too long. He used a cane now instead of his walker so he picked it up and leaned on it. He spoke quietly so I had to bend forward. “I noticed that Rose seemed awfully tired after Daniel died. Sometimes I’d come home from work and Rose would be sleeping on the couch. I didn’t know what to do. She was doing the bookwork at home and spending less and less time at the store. I thought it was because of Daniel.”

  He continued. “Something told me to go home for lunch that afternoon. Rose was on the couch as she had been other days but this was different. I tried to wake her and I couldn’t. I called an ambulance right away.”

  “How scary.”

  “Yes. Rose had had a stroke caused by a blood clot. As they did more tests they found she had an irregular heartbeat. She eventually went to the Mayo Clinic. They said they could put her on different heart medications but they couldn’t do anything about how enlarged her heart was. It wasn’t pumping very efficiently. One doctor said what she really needed was a new heart.”

  “They can do that now, Gramps.”

  “I know, they can do so much more today. Anyway, she finally came home with oxygen and we set up her bed right here in the sunroom. Every day I talked to Rose about our life together. It was healing for both of us. When we could talk about Daniel, we could also forgive each other. We even laughed about how mad she used to get whenever kids were mean to Daniel.”

  Gramps said things like, “that’s the way life goes,” probably because he wanted me to think that these were just things that happened to everyone. Maybe they were but I still felt so sorry for him. “I’m glad you could talk to Grandma Rose,” I said.

  “I don’t know what I would have done if we hadn’t had that time. We had been such good friends. And the silence was so cruel. I look at that time now as a great gift.”

  “What happened next?”

  “Excuse me, but I have to sit back down.” Gramps shuffled over to the armchair and eased himself down slowly.

  “Rose made me promise not to send her back to the hospital. It took me a long time to agree. The doctor said she had congestive heart failure. We had nurses with her night and day. I was glad everyone was here when she died. She looked so peaceful. I liked to think she was with Daniel. I still like to think of them together.” Gramps looked over at the table. “Colette, would you bring me my wallet?”

  His wallet was on the table. I brought it over to him.

  “Look behind my license. It should be there.” I found another well-worn piece of paper folded carefully behind his license.

  I unfolded the piece of paper and saw the familiar handwriting.

  MY MOM

  First of all, I want to tell you how lucky I am to be your son. You taught me to love poetry and the written word. We discussed all the foibles of humanity and all the nobility too. When I wrote something you acted as if it were as treasured a piece of writing as Robert Frost or Hemingway. It made me work even harder at it.

  You and Pop are the perfect team. I can’t imagine one of you without the other. The love and respect you have for each other taught me that people could stay in love for a lifetime. How I loved Sundays when we’d walk down by the river and then you’d make fried chicken or one of your other famous meals.

  My friends were jealous that I got to be with my mom at our family store. You were always so patient as I “helped” you with the customers. How I loved pulling down the soda fizzer over and over again.

  I’ll always remember you and Grandpa Paddy behind the soda fountain. What a comedy duo! Both of you knew all the kids and their families. How many times did you give a free Coke or soda to a kid who didn’t have any money? When I think of you I think of a person so filled with love that everyone around you feels it. I love you so much.

  Daniel

  P. S. The guys at boot camp are a lot bigger than the kids on the playground. You better start lifting weights.

  D.

  I was crying again. Gramps had the tissue next to him so he handed me one. I had to blow my nose before I could talk. “I wish I had known both of them,” I said.

  “They were very close to each other. They just loved the same things.” Gramps looked out the window as he had so many times while talking.

  “I bet they’re in heaven together.”

  “I think so too.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  My Family

  The day was beautiful. It was one of those May days when the air was filled with the rich perfume of blooming lilacs. A day like that was full of promise and young love, my mom would say. We had had some rain in the last couple of days so the grass and the leaves were all different shades of green. Against these tints of green, the cornflower blue sky looked clear and endless. Everything was new.

  I went into the sunroom after I got home from school and to my surprise Gramps wasn’t there. “Hello,” I yelled. “Anybody home?”

  “We’re out here,” my mom said.

  I walked out in the back yard and there was Gramps sitting in the sun with my mom. “I suppose you’re working on your tan,” I said.

  “The sun feels so good,” he said.

  “Gramps walked out here,” my mom said.

  “Wow. I can’t believe it.”

  “Colette, would you mind if I run up to the store for a few minutes? Florence will be home soon.”

  “Sure, Mom, go ahead. Gramps and I can find plenty to talk about.”

  My mom left and I sat next to Gramps. “Pretty soon you’ll be able to go to the store. The customers have all been asking about you.”

  “I’ve missed being there.”

  “I remember how excited I used to get about going there. I couldn’t wait to help at the fountain. I still make a pretty good malt and a great chocolate soda.”

  “I never heard any complaints so they must have been good. I liked having you around at the store too.”

  Gramps had promised me that we would look at pictures of Daniel and Grandma Rose and her family. We had two old photo albums but through the years we had never spent much time looking at the photos. Gramps said he would put the pictures of Daniel back in the albums and then we could look at them.

  “I have the photo albums next to my bed. Do you mind getting them?”

  “Sure, Gramps. I’ll go get them.”

  Gramps opened the albums carefully because they were old and kind of falling apart. Each black and white photo was held in place by little corner brackets. Some of the photos were really little and the people in them were tiny.

  “This is my favorite picture of Daniel,” Gramps said. He held up a picture of my uncle with his uniform on. “This was the last picture taken of him.”

  I took the picture from Gramps. It was the first time I had ever seen a picture of my uncle. I stared at my uncle Daniel. His eyes were black like Gramps and mine. And his hair was also shiny and black. My mom had said Daniel looked a lot like Gramps. Even though Gramp’s hair was snow-white now, I could see it. Daniel was tall and standing straight as could be. “He looks proud, Gramps.”

  “He loved wearing his uniform.”

  We looked at other pictures of Daniel. Gramps called it a journey back in time. Sitting on the front steps of my house were Daniel, my mo
m, and Aunt Florence. Daniel was in the middle. Another picture showed the three kids standing by the river. Daniel was pointing at a paddlewheeler on the river.

  “That was his favorite boat,” Gramps said.

  There were pictures of Daniel with Grandma Rose and Gramps. Another picture showed an older man holding Daniel up while he pulled down the fizzer to make a phosphate.

  “Is that Grandpa Paddy?”

  “Yes. Paddy worked at the soda fountain whenever Rose’s parents came to Red Wing. He loved having Daniel with him.”

  Gramps handed me his wedding picture. “Wasn’t she beautiful?” Gramps said. Grandma Rose wore a long white dress, white gloves that covered her hands, arms, and elbows, and a veil over her thick, reddish-brown hair. Gramps wore a suit, a vest, and a hat with a brim.

  “She was.” We looked at other pictures from Gramp’s wedding day. He pointed out Paddy and Marie, Grandma Rose’s brothers, Liam and Sean, Cousin Beto, and Angella, the woman whom Gramps had rented a room from.

  “Whatever happened to all the people from Chicago?” I asked.

  “Angella and Beto died right after Daniel’s funeral. Beto had been sick for a long time so he couldn’t make it to the funeral. Angella came with Paddy and Marie. She was so old and frail. I heard about a month after the funeral that both she and Beto had died.”

  “Did you go to their funerals?”

  “No. I was feeling as sorry for myself as Grandma Rose was. And we were planning your mother’s wedding. I should’ve gone, I suppose. But people seemed to understand.”

  “And Grandpa Paddy and Grandma Marie?”

  “Their hearts were broken when Daniel died. They came to Red Wing for your mother’s wedding and then when Rose was sick. After Rose died, they didn’t want to come to Red Wing anymore. The town had too many memories. I didn’t want to go to Chicago for the same reason. We wrote and called once in awhile but it wasn’t the same. I spent all my time at the store after Rose died so I told myself I couldn’t leave the business for even a few days. Whenever we wrote, we said that we should get together. It just never quite happened. They died before you were born.”