“It’s not the same.”
“Fake it,” she said throatily as her fingers moved to the button of my pants. “Make me believe it and this is over. I swear. That’s all I want.”
I stood there, not knowing what to do, a rarity for me.
She pulled down the zipper slowly and snaked her hand beneath the dark blue denim. Her fingers grazed against the slot opening of my boxers.
Tarryn’s face raced through my mind.
A betrayal.
To protect her.
I didn’t want to take this to Birdie. I could only imagine what her man had said to the Lordes to get the video taken care of. I could handle this, protect my own reputation and Tarryn’s.
Tab’s hands began to slip into the opening. I reached down and stopped her.
“You know I do things my way.”
Her eyes lit up, a fresh shock of pink creeping into her face.
“That’s a yes?” She pulled her hands away from my fly and gripped my hips.
I didn’t answer her. Instead, I leaned down and wrapped my right hand around her throat. I wasn’t gentle about it. “A yes. But my way.”
“Fine. Your way. But not quick, Drake. Your mine. Until the sun comes up. And that’s not negotiable.” She shifted on the bed, rising to her knees so that we were almost eye level to each other. She angled her body, face hovering closer to mine, and then her lips pressed against my mouth.
Though I’d made my decision, and pulling off my shirt and tossing it onto Tabitha’s floor meant there was no turning back, all I could think was one thing as I watched Tabitha turn around and crawl towards the head of her bed—
I’m sorry.
But you’ll never know about this.
I’m doing it for you.
15.
D R A K E
Betrayal.
Tasted a lot like cherry chapstick.
I kissed up her body, biting gently every few inches. When I reached her hips, I gripped her, thumbs pressing so had I could feel bone beneath her pale skin. She whimpered, trying to wriggle, but I didn’t let her. Tabs was such a small thing, easily held down. And I was giving her what she wanted. There was no reason for her to move, no need to escape me.
I hated myself, even as I enjoyed myself.
She was trimmed neatly, a small strip of pale hair running between her legs. I parted her with two fingers and pushed my tongue inside. I licked, slowly at first, then faster and deeper. I continued to hold her down against the bed, keep her in place. She wanted me, and this is what she got.
A reminder that she wasn’t in control, despite her best efforts.
Tabitha moaned quietly and her back arched. I gazed up her body, lifting my face and letting my fingers take control. I’d left angry red marks on her hips, but I didn’t care. It was a small repayment for the shit she’d pulled and was still trying to pull.
“Enjoy every second, Tabs. Because this is it.”
She nodded, yet there was a flash of denial in her eyes.
I continued to massage her, two fingers circling over her clit. It throbbed and grew firm. I could make her come right now, but I didn’t want to give her gratification yet. I wanted her hungry for it, desperate for it. Satisfied in the end, though leaving behind scars she couldn’t shake. She’d never have me again, but she’d remember.
I needed to make her understand that I was serious, that there’d be no more booty calls, no more hotel rooms. I owed her nothing, and she owed me less than nothing.
Lifting to my knees between her legs, I held my hands out to her. She reached for me, desire pushing away the thoughts of refusal passing through her eyes. I think I knew in my gut that fucking Tabitha wasn’t going to make this go away.
And I did it anyways.
And I wondered why that was…
Drake. Fucking. Castleton.
Drake Castleton.
Drake.
Untrustworthy. Unable to be good. Unworthy.
“Come here,” I growled, yanking her up to her knees to join me. I kissed her fiercely, mouth pressing hard against hers. She kissed me back, tongue darting between my lips as her fingers pushed through my hair and gripped so hard that my eyes watered.
I wrapped my hands around her tits, squeezing and kneading. Pulling away from her, I snaked my hands under her arms and lifted her body up off the bed until she was high enough for me to suck a nipple into my mouth. I worked at her breast, sucking and licking and then biting her so hard that she gasped and clawed my back.
At some point, Tabs had wrapped her legs around my body. I turned us around so that I could fall back against the bed with her on top. My dick pressed against my boxers, my pants still around my hips despite being undone and loose.
Tabitha crawled down my body, her eyes locked with mine, and she tugged at the waist. I lifted my hips, letting her yank them down my legs and over my feet. She tossed them and they fell with a dull thud against the floor.
When she went for my boxers, I flinched. It was automatic, unwittingly done.
“You promised,” Tabitha said angrily, a scowl contorting her fairy-like face.
Lifting my hips again, I let her expose me.
The boxers hitting the floor next to the pants made no sound.
That’s how bad choices go in the beginning. How most betrayals go. Quietly. Soundlessly. Softly enough that you can trick yourself into thinking that you’re doing the right thing. Until everything crumbles.
And you’ve made a bigger mess than you started with.
Tabitha lowered her head and lips slid over my cock, which had gone soft again. Because I couldn’t stop thinking, couldn’t stop worrying. Sex was my escape. It had been my savior for so long.
I wasn’t just betraying Tarryn. I was fucking betraying myself.
And my body was trying to rebel.
Even as Tabitha’s wet, warm mouth moved up and down my dick.
I forced myself to focus. To enjoy the sensation and do what I had to do.
To make her happy.
I believed this would work. It had to work.
Or you could do the goddamn smart thing and leave. Leave and call Grandmother and let her piles of money fix this problem.
God, I wanted to hand over the responsibility.
I grew hard again under Tab’s determined touch. Her lips moved up and down my shaft a few more times, before licking the tip of my cock and sitting up.
Though I’d told her it had to be my way, and though I wanted to show her who was always in control, I did nothing as she moved to sit atop me, knees on either side of my body. She lifted, hand gripping my dick to position, and then she lowered herself down against me.
“Condom,” I said sharply, entering her body unsheathed shocking me out of my catatonic state.
“In a second.” She shook her head, riding me, her hands pressed against my pecs.
“Not in a goddamn second,” I grabbed her waist and lifted her off of me, tossing her to one side.
She bounced against the bed, tits jiggling, mouth frowning.
“It feels better.”
“It’s fucking stupid.” I got up and grabbed my pants, getting my wallet and unfolding it to yank out the metallic square. I ripped it open and pulled the end of the rubber out a little before pushing it onto my dick and rolling it down.
When I looked back at Tabs, I found her seated on the edge of her bed, feet propped up on the wood siderail. She was supporting herself with one hand behind her, the other hand rubbing at her clit. She pulled her fingers away when she saw me watching, and she pushed them into her mouth, licking them slowly to taste herself.
I dropped the pants and rushed forward, shoving her against the bed and hooking hands behind her knees to pull her ass up off the bed. I lifted her legs high, resting her ankles on my shoulders, and I shoved into her. Deep and hard, filling her with my cock.
“Make it last,” she breathed out heavily, hand half covering her face. “God.”
I pumped into her,
steady and rhythmic, until she changed her tune and started begging for me to go faster. And I did.
I watched my dick move in and out of her pussy Over and over again. She was so wet, dripping down to soak my balls and puddle on the sheets beneath us.
Tabs desperately grabbed a pillow and slammed it over her face as I fucked her. And soon she was screaming into the material, body shaking. Even muffled, the sound was loud, and I wondered if it would carry to her parents’ room. But if we got caught, who gave a shit. At this point, I couldn’t feel worse.
I kept fucking her, not stopping, mindlessly watching her move.
Sensation built in my cock, a warm pressure that wanted to spill out. I fought the feeling, fought the inevitable. Maybe I thought if I didn’t come, then this wasn’t so bad. I didn’t have to feel so guilty.
My eyes closed and I tilted my head back as the orgasm hit. It was a bittersweet release.
And I felt like crying.
##
I wondered if this was how the girls felt when I was done with them.
Wondered if they sat in their rooms feeling empty and hollow.
I’d driven back my house in a daze, on autopilot, scenery passing by in a haze.
After arriving, walking like a zombie into the pool house because I didn’t feel like facing my father if he happened to be up at this ridiculous hour, I debated ringing my grandmother to tell her what was going on—I didn’t trust Tabs to follow through.
But I decided against it.
I’d handled the problem.
That’s what I told myself before I fell asleep, guilt exhausting my brain.
16.
T A R R Y N
When you think the ground is steady
and you feel like things are going right—finally right—
Be sure to check for quicksand.
“Erhmergerdddddddddd,” Sash sat up, stretched, and sniffed the air. “Sunday morning and I smell bacon. Can you guys just adopt me?”
I laughed, watching her as she sat up, dark hair a tangled mess. I was so used to seeing it sleek and perfect, that seeing it mussed was funny. “Well, I’ve always wanted a sister,” I leaned down over the bed and poked her in the side. She’d slept on the floor on a blow-up mattress. “But I think your parents would have a hissy.”
Sasha groaned, plopping back down against the mattress. “Mom would one hundred percent drive over and drag me out by my ears. Stupid woman and her love for me. If only she loved me enough to not put so many dietary restrictions on Sunday.”
“Come on, if we get down fast enough, we’ll get the tester pancakes and the burnt bacon ends. Dad’s the one cooking, at least cross your fingers and hope. With mom, we’ll get flat pancakes and limp noodle bacon.” I grabbed my phone and headed to the door. As I moved, I checked for new messages. There were some. From Drake. I smiled, but I didn’t check them yet. Don’t be that girl who can’t delay gratification. He’s just a boy.
Of course, as I thought that, the rest of me was seriously desperate to read what he’d written.
Sasha hopped up to follow me. I looked back and laughed to see her crossing her fingers, closing her eyes, and whispering over and over ‘Tarryn’s Dad is cooking. Tarryn’s Dad is cooking’.
We plodded downstairs, tired and yawning. Despite having stayed up too late and eating too much junk food, I felt light and airy. As if a weight I hadn’t know I’d been holding had been lifted off my shoulders.
“Morning, girls.” Dad smiled over a steaming frying pan, then flinched as bacon grease splattered his wrist. “Can’t get through a bacon breakfast without a little burn I guess.” He shifted the pan off the hot burner and padded over to the sink to run his wrist under a stream of cold water.
“It’s worth it,” I said happily, sneaking two pieces of crispy bacon off a plate covered in paper towels. I handed one to Sasha and she grinned like the grinch after seeing himself in the Santa get-up.
“My pain is worth it. Good to know.” Dad quirked an eyebrow at me as if to say ‘really? That’s how much you love me?’
I waltzed over and threw my arms around his neck. “I love you. I love that you’re down here cooking breakfast and you’re smiling and you’re joking.”
“I’ve always cooked breakfast. Your mother’s awful at it.” He smiled, as if loving the fact that mom’s cooking was subpar.
“Yeah, but before we moved here, you were so… I dunno. Stoic.” I let go of him and shrugged.
He frowned, between his brows crinkling. “Guess I haven’t been the most fun and spontaneous Dad.”
“No, but you’ve always been a great one. It’s better though, right? Not fighting all the time and laughing more.” I pinched his cheeks gently and lifted his lips into a curv. “Smiling’s good for the heart.”
“My mom says that,” Sasha mumbled around a second piece of bacon, little brown bits falling on her tank top. “I tell you what, if you can change and be all happy-go-lucky, maybe my mom will wake up and say pork belongs on the holy day.”
“Pork belongs on every day.” Dad laughed, going back to the frying pan and shifting it so he could cook again. “Pancakes are in the microwave,” he commented, flipping over the bacon in the pan. “Buttermilk, chocolate chips, bit of nutmeg.”
“Tarryn,” Sasha nodded, “it’s decided. Your house is heaven. Absolute heaven.” She rushed over to the microwave, opened the door and pulled out a mile-high plate of pancakes. “Heavennnnnnnnnnn,” she groaned, taking the whole stack over to the counter and bar stools.
“Hey, save me some.”
“Maybe I will, maybe I wont.”
Feeling like I was about to lose my breakfast, I snagged two plates from the cupboard and bounded over to sit next to Sash. I pushed the leaning tower of pancakes away from her and placed the empty plate in front of her instead.
“Don’t be a greedy goose,” I chided.
“Come over to my house for a weekend and see if your tune changes. I’ve taken to hiding candy bars in my closet to get me through.” She forked three pancakes, popped them on her plate, and then pulled the ramekin of butter towards her. “Butter, butter, butterrrrrrrr,” she sing-songed and slathered a ton on each layer of bready goodness.
“She really is deprived.” I looked at dad, and we both laughed as we watched Sasha pour a waterfall of maple syrup over her pancakes. “I feel like we should Weasley-up and save her from prison.”
“I’ll drive the flying getaway car.” Dad shifted cooked bacon onto the paper towel plate.
“Your dad knows Harry Potter?” Sash gaped, mouth hanging open to reveal half-chewed pancakes.
“Yeah, we used to read them together when I was little.” I cut my pancakes, preferring them that way instead of whole so that the syrup could soak in properly.
Sasha closed her mouth and sighed. “Can you seriously adopt me? I’m not kidding.”
“Shush,” I elbowed her, and we laughed again. And my dad looked at us curiously, but then he went back to cooking.
##
“See you tomorrow morning,” I called after Sasha as she pulled out of our driveway, window open. She waved like a crazy person and made me laugh for the millionth time.
Before I could reenter the house and close the door, someone called my name. At first, I hoped it was Drake, but quickly realized it was a girl’s voice. It was dumb to think it was him, given that it sounded so feminine, but I wanted to see him and the mind likes to play tricks on you sometimes.
It was gossipy neighbor girl. Meg.
She ran over to me from her own house, pushing through the line of bushes that separated the properties.
“Hey,” she smiled, but there was something in her eyes that seemed weird. But, I mean, I didn’t really know her that well. One conversations, a few waves here and there.
“Hey,” I said back, leaning against the doorframe into my house, hoping she’d get the signal that I wanted to go back inside.
“Hung out with Sasha all night, huh? She’s al
ways seemed cool.”
“Yeah, she’s cool.” I smiled. “Probably my best friend here.” I added, so she’d also get the signal that if she wanted to talk crap about Sasha, then I wasn’t the person to do that with.
“Anyways,” she shuffled her feet, “I saw you and Drake yesterday morning. I was out walking. I like to do that sometimes, when the neighborhood’s pretty quiet. And I saw you guys talking and then you got into his car. Where’d you guys go?”
I frowned, wondering if Meg made a habit of spying on me. Though I shouldn’t be surprised if she did, since she had very little to keep her entertained being stuck at home all the time. Gossiper by necessity, I supposed.
“Just for a drive,” I shrugged, not wanting to give her any fuel.
“Oh, oh cool.” She crossed her arms and continued to look a little odd and nervous.
“Why?” I stood up away from the doorframe. Something was nudging at me, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. That always seemed to be the case. Like thoughts teased and alluded me until the last possible minute. Dad called it space cadet brain, that I just have more important things to think about so little bits of information—that I might absolutely need—dance around the corners of my brain just out of sight. It’s frustrating, but some brains can recall data instantly, and other brains can only sort through so much at a time. I had the latter brain, which didn’t mean I wasn’t super smart, it just meant that I was super smart about certain things, and other things were off-and-on mysteries.
“No reason, I was just curious. You know me, homeschooled and desperate for entertainment.” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Anyways, I’ve got a project for science due on Tuesday. Better get back to it. Mom and Dad are gone for the weekend, but they’ll still expect it to be finished.”
“Okay,” I said slowly, watching her carefully as she turned around and raced back to her house. “Such a strange person,” I breathed, thankful to be able to go inside the air conditioning and close the door.
Brawl: A Bully Romance (King of Castleton Book 3) Page 10