I pulled my cell out of my pocket as I walked into the living room where Mom and Dad were reading.
Drake: Sorry for the late response.
Drake: Lunch was a shit show. They dragged it out until almost dinner.
Drake: Having fun? Still with Sasha?
See, I wasn’t clingy at all. He’d left those messages yesterday evening and I’d been focused on fun girl time. No guy would dictate my life.
Even if I kinda would be okay if he tried to.
I smiled to myself, and then hit the ‘reply’ icon. Before I could stop typing, Mom spoke.
“Who was that?” She glanced away from what she was reading. Dad didn’t look up, too engrossed in whatever volume he had.
“Meg next door.”
“She need anything?” Mom looked back down at her book, thumbing to the next page.
“Only what she always needs—to be nosey.” I sighed. “Honestly, it would be awesome if you could test out neighbors before deciding to live next to them.”
“We’d never buy a house then,” Dad laughed, still reading his book. “People, even ones that seem ace potatoes on the surface, usually have hidden quirks that will come out eventually.”
“Hey, sometimes it’s the opposite. Sometimes people seem terrible, but deep down he’s really good and trying so hard not to be a jerk.” I held the cell with both hands, fingers poised, ready to text Drake. Then I realized what I’d said.
“He’s really good?” Mom studied my face. Dad was watching too.
“I mean, you know. I guess even if you could test out your neighbors before committing, you’d never really know. An ornery old man could be a sweetie pie after a while and a sweet old lady could be a raging crazy person on the inside.”
“True…” It was Dad that spoke this time. “But a lot of times it’s not worth it to wait for all the bad to disappear and the good to come out. You know that, right?”
“Sure, sure I do,” I said quickly, and then smiled to reinforce my words. “Good thing I don’t know anyone like that. It’s all rainbows and roses in my friend’s department.”
Winking, I turned around and left the room. But I could feel their eyes on me. If I wasn’t careful, Dad the serious lecturer would come out, and Mom the concerned and invasive therapist would prance to life, and then I’d be faced with sitting and talking about my feelings for an hour or more.
I much preferred the lighthearted parents, super in love and super not-so-concerned with my teenage life. I didn’t want to ever go back to the way things used to be—mom prying into everything, even the way I took care of my hair, and Dad constantly defending me. Which only led to bickering and mentions of my grandmother.
So, I needed to keep Drake to myself. The way our relationship had started, the jerky manipulations, and his bad boy ways. Because that was the past. It wasn’t Drake now. He was different with me. We were different together.
And he wouldn’t treat me badly again.
I just knew it.
“Tarryn, we’re going to pop out for an early dinner later. We’ll bring you home something.” Mom’s voice yelled after me.
“Okay!”
I took the steps two at a time to my room, plopped down on the bed, and texted Drake.
Me: My turn to apologize for the late reply. **smile emoticon**
Me: Sash just left and my parents are being boring with a capital b.
Me: Want to come over?
I almost wrote a fourth message, but I stopped myself. “Give the poor boy a chance to write back,” I joked, dropping the phone to the bed and then reaching for my backpack. I had some math homework to do.
May as well sort it while I waited.
17.
D R A K E
When I woke up, I had a moment when I forgot what had happened.
A moment where I felt good, and happy, and I wanted to text Tarryn and see how her night with Sasha had gone.
But then I remembered.
Every excruciating moment with Tabs.
How it felt, to have my dick sink into her body.
How it felt and tasted, to be the bad guy yet again.
I squinted at the sunlight streaming in through the curtains. Solid, heavy, but not dark enough to block out late morning, or maybe middle of the day, sunshine. Blinking against the assault on my still-exhausted brain, I reached for my phone. The little red light was blinking. I swear to God if it was Tabitha, I’d lose my shit. Hell, if it were anyone I’d lose my shit.
Even if it was the one person I really wanted to hear from. Her.
Tarryn: Hey, are you free?
Tarryn: Sash just left and my parents are being boring with a capital b.
Tarryn: Want to come over?
I wanted to write her back and act like everything was fine, but I couldn’t. My hands literally wouldn’t let me. My fingers felt numb, and they didn’t want to respond to my brain which was screaming at them to fucking move.
And I worried if I did get them to cooperate, then they’d write the truth.
They’d tell Tarryn that I’d slept with Tabitha.
Even if it was for the right reasons, it was still so goddamn wrong that I wanted to hurt myself. I laid back against the pillows of the pool house guest room. The phone rested against my chest, hand pressing it down to leave an impression in my skin. It got warm after a while, hot even, and I didn’t move it. Let it burn me if it wanted to. Maybe the phone had a sentience of its own, maybe it knew what I’d done, maybe it had tasked itself with the job of giving me my comeuppance.
An hour or so later, my phone buzzed again.
Tarryn: Sorry I didn’t answer you yesterday. Are you mad at me?
I needed to respond. It wasn’t her fault I was a bastard.
“Cooperate, goddammit,” I cursed at my hands that still didn’t want to listen to orders. Finally, I depressed the microphone and recorded a short message. Talk to type.
Me: Hey. All good. Why would I be mad?
Tarryn: I don’t know. Just got worried.
Me: You’ve done nothing wrong, Tarryn.
The unwritten truth being that I had done something wrong. Something that wasn’t forgivable. We’d never said we were exclusive, but I knew what type of girl Tarryn was… I couldn’t put a lampshade on my bad actions by saying we hadn’t committed to only seeing each other. Because in my heart, it would be yet another lie.
From the minute I saw Tarryn, I wanted her to be mine. But what’s more, I wanted to be hers. Only hers.
Tarryn: Okay…
Tarryn: So lunch / dinner at your grandmother’s was bad, huh?
Me: Incredibly bad. But good too I guess.
Tarryn: Good?
Me: Yeah. Good. I’ll tell you about it next time we’re together. Not really a phone convo.
Tarryn: How about now?
I stared at her last message. God, I did want to see her, but when I did, would I be able to hide the truth from her? I couldn’t seem to be myself with her, couldn’t seem to keep my walls up.
Me: I can’t today. See you in school though?
Tarryn: Sure. **smile emoticon**
I had no intention of going to school tomorrow. I didn’t want to see Tabitha, not yet. Not until I knew for sure I’d protected Tarryn.
Standing up from the bed, I grabbed my car keys from the bedside table and jolted out of the pool house. This was my battle, but I needed a general who knew how to strategize. Someone to solve things without their dick doing the driving.
I hated the idea of going back to my grandmother so soon, but what choice did I really have? I knew Tabitha couldn’t be trusted.
##
I drove like a bat out of hell until I got to her mansion. Nelly answered the door.
“Grandmother in? I need to speak with her.” I swiped hair back from my face, trying to run hands over my shirt to knock out some of the wrinkles. I’d slept in them, and they smelled like Tabitha’s room.
“I’m sorry, Master Drake. Mrs. Castlet
on left late last night. Grayson took her a few counties over for her monthly treatments.”
‘Monthly treatments’ was code for botox, scrubs, seaweed wraps, and any other thing that might help Grandmother Birdie fight back a few years of age. It never helped, she always looked the same. She got eyebrow tattoos a while back. Instead of going a light gray or something that made sense with her platinum hair, she had them tattooed dark. They were harsh, always-surprised lines crowning her bloodshot, watery eyes now.
“Fuck,” I breathed out, running a hand through my hair.
“Do you need me to call her, Master Drake?” Nelly looked concerned, taking a step out of the house and onto the half-circle stoop.
I shook my head quickly. “No, no. Don’t bother her. When’s she back?”
“Tomorrow night. It’s a short trip.”
“Okay, sure. I’ll bother her then.”
“All right then, Master Drake. If you change your mind…” Her voice trailed off, perhaps knowing my personality and knowing that I wouldn’t change my mind.
“Thanks, Nell.” I winked at her, trying to act casual, and I left.
I didn’t want to go home again, and I couldn’t see Tarryn.
And there was no one else I actually wanted to see.
I drove slowly, aimlessly. Eventually realized I was low on gas and, like it or not, I had to stop to fill the convertible. I pulled into the nearest gas station, planning to make quick work of it. Pay, fill, drive the hell away—drive away to the nowhere and no one that I deserved.
That was before Stevie and the fucking gang came falling out of the convenience store, laughing and punching at each other. There was no way to avoid them.
Steve.
Bradley.
Dax.
All of them obviously half-drunk and cruising for trouble.
“Drakeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” Steve yelled out, and Bradley yelled and fist pumped the air. “Hey, boi!”
“Fuck,” I mumbled as the trio stumbled towards me. “Hey, guys.”
“Hey, guys, he says,” Dax rolls his eyes, “falls hard for a new piece of tail, drops us like a bad drug hit, and then he has the nerve to act like nothing’s changed.”
“Hey, guysssssssssssss,” Steve repeated in a ridiculous voice, dragging out the words annoyingly.
“Shut the fuck up.” I pulled out the gas nozzle and slammed it back into the pump slot. “Like always, you guys are being hardcore idiots.”
“How would you know? We barely fucking see you,” Dax slapped me on the back. “Come on. We’ve got the rest of the day ahead of us, a full docket of bad behavior, drinking, and tom-fucking-foolery.”
“Nah. I’ve got more important shit to do.” I clicked the gas cap in place and shut the steel hatch. Crossing my arms, I leaned against my car.
“Like what?” Bradley pressured, walking over and taking me by the shoulders. He shook me gently. “Need to go see your new girl? She’s just a piece of pussy, Drake. What happened to you?”
I stood up from the car and shoved Bradley as hard as I could. He stumbled backwards, a look of surprise widening his eyes. “What the fuck, man?”
“Don’t talk about her that way,” I seethed. The rage inside, that seemed to soak into every square inch of my body, was boiling. It would take the tiniest push to send me over the edge.
And I wanted to hurt someone.
Wanted to hit something.
Needed to get the fury out of my soul before I fucking melted from it.
“Goddammit, Castleton. That bitch’s really damaged your brain.” It was Dax this time. His amber eyes bore into me. He was the smartest of the trio, though that wasn’t saying fucking much.
“I’m warning you guys, stop it. Leave Tarryn alone. I’m fucking done with you. All of you. You’re never going to grow up, never going to leave this fucking town.” I turned away from them, opening my car door.
Someone touched me on the shoulder.
I didn’t know which one of them.
But blinding rage rocketed through me, searing white and hot and blanking out every other thing in the damn world. My hands balled into fists, and my brain only had one purpose.
Hit.
Hurt.
Maybe feel a tiny fucking bit better.
My fist contacted with someone’s face. A sharp, cracking sound followed. Then a howl of pain.
“He fucking hit me. Fuck. I think my nose is broken.”
I couldn’t see who it was, couldn’t focus enough on the voice to discern which of the trio had caught the bad end of my anger.
Someone else got closer to me. The person was a shadow, nearly sinking into the scenery. I hit out again, trying to find another target. The person rocked back from me.
“Drake, snap out of it. We’re sorry, man. We shouldn’t have talked about Tarryn that way.”
“Look, we’re leaving, bro. Chill out.”
“He broke my fucking nose, man.”
All three spoke, three different voices, I didn’t know which was which.
Even when I got in the car and started driving, I still couldn’t focus. My heart was pounding so hard and fast, and my fist ached from slamming one of my best friends in the face. God, I hated myself. I hated everything.
I don’t know how I didn’t get into a car wreck in seconds.
But somehow I didn’t.
When I came back to reality, I realized I was driving near Tarryn’s block.
It was later in the day now.
Early evening.
God, I’d been driving for fucking ever. Hours. Aimlessly.
I parked on the street opposite Tarryn’s house, and I just stared at it. Even with no one standing in the windows, no sign of movement within, the home looked warm and inviting. I wondered what she was doing right now.
Hanging with her family.
Prepping dinner or setting the table.
Doing homework.
I grabbed my phone.
Me: Busy?
Me: Might not be in school tomorrow after all. Got something to do. Family stuff.
Little gray dots appeared a few minutes later.
Tarryn: Homework. Like a nerd.
Me: I like nerds.
Tarryn: That’s not what I heard. **wink emoticon**
Me: Don’t listen to everything you hear, Tarryn. Delete. Delete. People don’t know me as well as they think. Delete. Delete. Don’t listen to gossip. I’m a nerd magnetic. Can’t get enough.
Tarryn: Lol. Shut up. Whatcha doing?
I hesitated. I could tell her I was right outside her house. But I still didn’t think I could face her. If I saw her, I’d want to tell her. No, I’d need to tell her.
Me: Driving around. About to head home though.
Tarryn: Close by?
Me: Kind of.
I opened the can of worms.
Tarryn: Really? Well, get your butt over here.
Tarryn: I mean, if you’re playing hooky tomorrow, I need to see that totally not handsome face of yours.
I smiled, though my chest ached.
Me: I’m parked outside.
Tarryn: That was… fast.
Me: Call me Flash.
Tarryn: Be right out!
I set the cell on the seat between my legs and fidgeted. My pulse was racing again, and I almost shifted into drive and peeled out. But then I’d have to explain running away.
I didn’t know which was worse.
To drive away now, explain later.
Or wait for Tarryn to come out of the house and see if I could act casual, see if I could keep the truth from spilling out of my mouth.
I felt like a dead man walking, though it was Tarryn’s body moving towards me and not the other way around.
Instead of making her cross the street to get to the car, I shut off the engine and walked over. The keys felt too heavy in my pocket. And I couldn’t stop nervously shifting them around, jangling them. The sound was loud, and jarring, at least it was to my guilt-riddled conscience.<
br />
I didn’t walk up the path to her front stairs.
Standing here, waiting for her, brought back memories of Homecoming. Her in her ocean blue dress, eyes doe-like in surprise. I shook my head, trying not to sink into what used to be. There was only ‘now’. The ‘after’ of giving Tabitha what she wanted. The after of falling hard for Tarryn. The after of trying to be a better person. God, I’d screwed a lot of things up in my life. This was the worst though. The thing that finally made me want to avoid mirrors.
This ‘after’ was a terminus.
An ending place.
18.
T A R R Y N
Quicksand.
I’d thought was steady ground.
Now I wasn’t sure.
Of anything.
Except that I needed to see Drake.
It was strange, the feeling brewing in my stomach.
Again, like the truth of something was teasing my senses.
Drake had seemed a little off earlier, it almost reminded me of how Aiden used to act when we messaged each other. I mean, when I thought it was Aiden, but it was really Drake. Christ, when did things become so complicated? He’d said not to worry, though, that I’d done nothing wrong.
So why was I still sort of… concerned? I could barely focus on my homework. And I loved homework.
But all the worry dissolved when Drake texted back and said he was outside the house.
Dropping my textbooks carelessly, I hopped up and shoved my feet into sandals before racing down the stairs like a love-sick child. Love-sick. I guess I sort of was, despite my better judgement.
Opening the door, I found Drake standing on the sidewalk near the street. He looked a little frazzled, his shirt wrinkled and his hair dark gold chaos atop his head. Despite that, he looked gorgeous. The sun was setting, and light sprayed around him. His smile was shy almost, tentative. Very unlike the braggadocios boy I’d met not so long ago.
If you’d told me at Homecoming that I’d come to really, really like Drake Castleton? I’d have laughed in your face.
Brawl: A Bully Romance (King of Castleton Book 3) Page 11