Relapse: A Novel

by Nikki Turner

  “Really?” Beijing said. Then she looked over at Lootchee, who wasn’t even listening. His eyes were glued to the scenery outside the window by their first-class seats.

  “Have a wonderful trip,” the Latin man said.

  And it was wonderful. They spent days lolling around on Ipanema Beach or watching soccer matches that Lootchee just had to bet on, nights dancing in the clubs, and mornings having sex in the king-sized bed of the luxury suite at the finest resort in the city.

  One afternoon Lootchee had to meet with somebody on some business. He wouldn’t say what it was, and Beijing was pretty sure it wasn’t legit. It didn’t matter what he did, she thought. A lot of men earned their money in underhanded ways and then went on to turn their cash into legitimate businesses. Her own daddy had done that, turning his ill-gotten gains into a prosperous towing and transport business. Lootchee could do the same thing when he was ready.

  In the meantime he gave her a wad of cash and told her to go shopping in Rio, and she wasn’t about to say no. In fact, she found it was damn near impossible to say no to anything Lootchee wanted.

  So that night when he looked into her eyes over a dinner of tender Brazilian steak in a restaurant overlooking jungle waterfalls and said, “Baby, I want you to move to Dallas,” she was at a loss for words. Her job was her world; everything that she had been busting her butt for.

  “You want me to quit my job?” she asked. What a choice, she thought. She loved her work. It defined her. Would she give it up for Lootchee? She might finally have to say no to him after all.

  “Did you forget they just opened a brand-new Tabby Hotel in downtown Dallas?” Lootchee asked. “I wouldn’t tell you to give up your yoke. I know how much that means to you. Shit. I just want you to be nearby so I can take care of you when you ain’t taking care of others.”

  Beijing melted.

  “I’ll call Thaddius as soon as we get back,” she said with a smile.

  Thaddius was glad to reassign Beijing.

  “It’s a new property and we could use your expertise,” he said. “Maybe even take on an understudy. No one can be as good as you, but if you could train a mini you, of course I would be most appreciative.”

  It took her a week to get things packed up and get the Charlotte staff set. April said she was sad to see her go, but happy to get a chance to do some of Beijing’s work. Greta even said she’d help her get moved and maybe she’d stay in Dallas for a while to keep her company. Rayna sulked.

  “Girl, you can’t just up and leave us,” Rayna said over drinks at Scorpio, the hot new gay club where even straight girls loved to go and dance.

  “Rayna, I have so many frequent flier miles I can come back anytime I want. And you can come down to Dallas. Hell, this ain’t the horse-and-buggy era. Lootchee will be happy to fly his boo’s best friend down once in a while. Plus I’ll have to come up this way to check on Chyna and make sure her drug-addict momma isn’t trying to peddle her pussy for crack,” Beijing added.

  “Paris isn’t that bad,” Rayna said.

  “I hope not. As long as Willabee takes her medication, Chyna should be okay, but believe me, I’ll be back on the regular to check on my family. We can hang out then.”

  Beijing got along great with the new staff. There were plenty of oil barons and dirty politicians who needed her discreet help in so many different ways. There was a famous preacher who liked to invite homosexual prostitutes to his room and do crystal meth with them, never mind that he was spearheading a campaign to prevent gay people from having the same rights as everyone else. Then there were private meetings between politicians so high up that Beijing had to scurry around making sure Secret Service agents didn’t shoot someone. It was an exciting place to be, but her job was no longer her whole life.

  Thaddius gave Beijing a suite at the new hotel, but she hardly ever slept there. She stayed with Lootchee when she was off duty in a place he got for the two of them nearby. Even though she loved her job, as the weeks turned into months, she found that she spent less time worrying about her clients and more time taking care of Lootchee’s needs. It was overwhelming, but she loved to take care of her man.

  One morning Beijing lay in the big mahogany bed watching Lootchee sleep and realized how much she missed him when they were apart. She ached for him. What was the word that Latin man had said to her on the airplane: saudade. That was it. She was filled with an unbearable longing. She sat up and looked at herself in the mirror over the dresser. Damn, she was hooked just like Teflon the Don had been on his drug of choice. She lay back on the fluffy down pillows. Now she understood what it felt like to be under the complete control of something—or someone!—else. She was jonesing for a man: Lootchee.

  CHAPTER 19

  She Loves Me … She Loves Me Not

  Then Lootchee stretched and turned his head toward Beijing.

  “Good morning, my love,” she said.

  “Is it love?” he asked, staring into her eyes and waiting for the answer.

  “Of course it is.” She paused and then asked him, “Don’t you think so?”

  Beijing never mentioned love because she knew that the discussion was like a double-edged sword. Beijing’s father had put her up on this game, and she took heed. If she spoke on it too soon, it could run a man away or give him the wrong idea. On the other hand, some men used the L-word loosely to get whatever an emotional needy woman was willing and able to give.

  “This may sound crazy to you but all of this is new to me. Before now, I simply didn’t love women,” Lootchee admitted.

  “What? Huh?” Beijing was confused. How could he go through thirty years of life without romantic love? “Please don’t tell me that you did men?”

  “Do I look like a switch-hitter to you?” Not waiting on an answer, “Between my mother’s bullshit and me seeing so much in the streets, I decided a long time ago that in this business, I don’t have time for any distractions.

  “Sure, I thoroughly enjoy the company of beautiful women, but I always remembered that line Robert DeNiro used in that movie Heat: Never get too close to anything that you’re not willing to part with in thirty seconds. I didn’t have time to engage in deep relationships. They were too time-consuming, and in my mind women were trouble, only good for three things: helping me get to the next level, busting a nut, and as an arm piece, in that order. Plus, a lot of women are nags and want to keep tabs on me.”

  “Wow!” Beijing was stunned. “Are you kidding?”

  “I’m coming clean with you because I can. For the first time in many years, things feel different. Having you in my life was something that I genuinely wanted and needed. Do you love me?” he asked her.

  “I have very strong feelings for you,” she answered slowly.

  “I think I love you too,” he admitted.

  “You think?” Beijing shot back.

  “I do,” he corrected. “I never thought I’d be here feeling this way, but I do and here I am.”

  Beijing took Lootchee into her arms. “I love you, baby, and I hope the feelings I have for you will never go away.”

  “Then what should we do about these feelings?”

  With her eyebrows raised, she asked, “What do you suggest?”

  “How about marriage?” He took her hand. “Will you marry me, Beijing Lee?”

  Beijing’s mouth dropped wide open. She began to feel lightheaded and disoriented, unable to speak.

  Hoping her reaction didn’t equate to a rejection, he said, “A simple yes or no will do.”

  The next four words rolled over him like hot butter on an ear of corn. “I’ll be glad to.” Then she smiled the most beautiful smile Lootchee had ever seen.

  “Then it’s official,” he said, showing all thirty-two teeth. “When do you want to make it happen?”

  “I’m ready when you are,” she said.

  “How about tomorrow?” Lootchee had no reservations or doubt about what he was asking her to do. And he always got what he wanted … whe
n he wanted.

  He got up, went into the other room, and returned with a red velvet box and handed it to her. She couldn’t contain her smile as she opened the box.

  “OH MY GOD!” she screamed, covering her mouth when she saw what was inside: a seven-carat flawless solitaire engagement ring, surrounded by seven carats of smaller diamonds. “This ring is gorgeous,” she said.

  “Seven carats for the seven months we’ve been together.”

  They made love for the rest of the morning, and they both dozed off until Lootchee woke Beijing up. “Baby, get up. We need to go get everything together for tomorrow,” he whispered.

  “Tomorrow?” she asked. “What’s going on tomorrow?” She was scheduled to work in Charlotte the day after tomorrow for a big conference.

  “Our big day. Me and you. You becoming Mrs. Cazelle.”

  “Like within twenty-four hours tomorrow?”

  “Yes, my dear.” He planted a kiss on her forehead.

  “That’s too soon, baby. Can we push it to next month?”

  “Why next month? You said whenever I was ready. I’m ready today, but I will settle for tomorrow.”

  “I want to plan a real wedding, a wedding where everybody can make a big to-do about me; the flowers, the guests, the ruffles, the invites. I know a fabulous wedding planner that can pull it all together.” She went on and on, excited.

  “If that’s what you really want,” he relented.

  “Just give me a month or so and though I am all yours now, then I will be all yours legally.”

  “You got forty-five days.” He sealed the deal with a kiss on the lips.

  The next day he dropped her off at the airport to head to Charlotte. As usual, she called him once she got to her departure gate and talked to him while boarding her flight and up to the time that the FAA required her to shut off her phone. Once Beijing landed, she called Lootchee back. He answered immediately, “Hey you made it safe?”

  “Yup, and I miss you already.” She was filled with joy.

  “I miss you too,” he said. “Can I call you back, though? I got a few important matters that I’m trying to take care of. I’ll hit you later when you get home.”

  “Of course, hon. I’m going to stop by the CVS and grab some bridal magazines so I can get a few ideas.”

  On her ride home, Beijing begin to make calls to touch base with a few of her clients, promising that she would have all of their requests taken care of over the next couple of days.

  As soon as she walked in the door to her beautiful condo in the ritzy Ballantyne neighborhood of Charlotte, she kicked off her shoes and called Lootchee. He answered on the first ring. “Yeah.”

  “Hey, babe, I just wanted you to know that your blushing bride-to-be is home.”

  “Okay, baby. But still I’m trying to get this shit over here under control. Today is hectic, I’ll call you back.”

  “I’ll be waiting.”

  While she waited for Lootchee’s call, she browsed through several bridal magazines and a couple of different wedding websites. The more ideas she ran across, the more ecstatic she became about her own wedding plans. She got so caught up she hadn’t realized that it was almost midnight and Lootchee hadn’t called her back.

  This is odd, she thought. When she called him and he didn’t answer, she was sure that he would return her call, but he didn’t. As the night got later and later and sleep eluded her, she began to think the worst: Had something happened? Was he okay? Had he been hurt somehow? Gone to jail? She called several more times and still got his voice mail. She began to look up all the local hospitals and the jails in his area and gave them a call. Part of her was hoping to find him at one of the places and another part was hoping that she wouldn’t.

  After two days, she didn’t know what to do, so she took it way back to high school: She called Seville and told her to call Lootchee on a three-way call. He answered on the second ring. “Yeah.”

  “Baby, are you okay?” She was so worried.

  “Yeah, I am cool.”

  Then why hadn’t he returned or answered her calls? she thought. “I’ve been so worried about you.”

  “I’m good, could never be better, but I’m in the middle of something. I’ll call you back as soon as I’m done.”

  “Okay, I am here. Try not to keep me waiting too long.”

  “Yup,” he said before hanging up.

  Beijing couldn’t focus on the call with Seville, because she was too busy replaying the conversation over in her head with Lootchee. It didn’t sound right to her.

  “Is that right?” Beijing said. She was staring out the window at the Charlotte skyline.

  “What the hell do you mean, is that right? Are you listening to me or are you looking at porn on your Internet?” she joked.

  “I’m sorry, Seville. I’m thinking ’bout this conversation I had with Lootchee. Something isn’t right, and I can’t figure out exactly what it is.”

  “He’s just busy, that’s all,” Seville assured her. “You know his nose is wide open for you.”

  “That’s just it, girl,” she said. “I don’t know that. I don’t know anything!”

  After she hung up, she tried to call Lootchee again to get to the bottom of things.

  “Hey, there, leave a message and I’ll get back to you when I get around to it,” the voice mail answered.

  She didn’t even bother leaving a message. What the hell was so important he couldn’t answer his dang phone? What was going on?

  She decided to get caught up on some paperwork for Thaddius. She needed to fill out expense reports for the past three weeks or she’d get so behind, she’d never get caught up. But all the while her stomach churned. Two hours and two weeks of reports had passed and she finally picked up the phone again. This time she would outsmart him. She blocked her number.

  “Yo, wassup?” Lootchee said after the first ring.

  “Wassup? You really want to know what’s up,” Beijing huffed. “I want to know what’s up, too, Lootchee. How come you only pick up the phone if you think it’s not me?”

  “Ah, baby, you’re just imagining things. I’ve just been really busy,” he said. “I’ll call you later. Promise.”

  “Okay,” Beijing said, disappointed. She didn’t believe him but it seemed there was nothing she could do. He held all the cards.

  It was like her father always said: The truth of the matter was the person who loved the least controlled the relationship, and right now Lootchee was in the driver’s seat.

  CHAPTER 20

  Joke’s on You

  The following morning Beijing was charged and ready to get to work. The day was filled with lots of small requests, causing the hours to fly by and her not to focus on the call that never came from Lootchee. Before she could get out the door of the hotel to head home, she got a call from her niece.

  “Hey Chyna doll,” she answered. Her only niece always brightened up her day whenever she spoke to her.

  “Hi, Auntie. I need you to get over here quick. It’s Gram. She’s out of control. Hurry up. She’s having a real bad day, and I’m worried that it might get worse and there’s no telling what she might do.”

  “Did she take her meds?”

  “She hasn’t taken them in a few days.”

  “Ah hell.” Beijing knew it was serious. “Why didn’t you tell me when she first stopped taking them?”

  “Because she promised she would take them the next day and then promised again the next day, but she didn’t and now I think there are going to be big problems.”

  “Okay, I’m on the way. Now, it’ll take me a couple of hours to get there, but don’t worry, I’ll be there.”

  “Just hurry, I really need you.”

  Her niece’s cry for help made her forget about everything else. In no time flat, she was out of the door and headed to her pride and joy’s side.

  Once she got in the car Beijing called Greta and said, “Ma, I need you.”

  “What’s going on,
baby? Are you back home?” Greta could hear the panic in Beijing’s voice.

  “Yes, I got in two days ago and I’ve been meaning to call you but I got a little caught up.”

  “You’ve been caught up with that new boyfriend, huh?”

  “Not hardly. That’s a whole other story; I will have to tell you about that later.” She sighed, then got back to the reason she called. “Chyna just called me sounding really scared and she says that Willabee is off her meds again. I’m headed over there now.”

  “I can meet you over there,” Greta offered.

  That’s the kind of person Greta was. Without any hesitation she always had Beijing’s back and genuinely wanted to help anybody in need. People in the church, the neighborhood, it didn’t matter to her; she just wanted to be a blessing to folks.

  “That would be wonderful.”

  Greta was always happy to help wherever her stepdaughter needed her, even if it meant dealing with Willabee. She’d once despised Willabee, because Willabee could have children and Greta couldn’t. She knew it wasn’t her place to ask God why, but she couldn’t understand why God would give a person like Willabee chance after chance to have baby after baby but not give her one. Through the years, her feelings transformed from hate to more or less pity. She knew Willabee, so she only prayed for her to get better and be a positive person for Beijing and especially Chyna.

  When Beijing pulled up, she couldn’t believe her eyes. Her fifty-four-year-old mother was outside in a black Wonderbra and a pair of big black bloomers, hollering and screaming, “Where the fuuuccckkk is my goddamn eggs? You said you were going to give me my damn eggs back on the first of the month and today’s the twenty-fifth and a whole new month is about to come in this bitch and you ain’t gave me shit, not a goddamn thing.” Willabee was screaming at the top of her lungs at Marsha, her next-door neighbor of seven years.

  “Willabee, I’ll give them to you next month, on the first,” Marsha tried to explain. Marsha was a big, burly, light-skinned lady who looked to be scared for her life.