by Pamela Ann
He mellowed his ruckus before tightening his hold over my body. “It’s not, but I do love teasing you. I hope you know that was the best night of my life.”
It was mine, too. That was five years ago. It had taken every ounce of my courage to fully bare myself to him. Prideful as I was back then, for me to do that proved just how much I trusted and loved him. “It was,” I murmured before cradling his cheek with my hand, seeking his gaze. “Earlier, what did you mean ‘you could start with, you know’? I honestly don’t get it.”
His dark eyes bore into mine, staring as he pondered before shaking his head. “Never mind; it’s not that important.” He shrugged the question off as immaterial.
His reluctance piqued my curiosity. It was obvious he wouldn’t have mentioned it if it was inconsequential. “What? Just say it.” Why was he being secretive? What was I doing wrong?
“Really, Cara—”
“I’m not going to stop nagging you, so you might as well just dish it out before it drives me insane.” There were some things I didn’t take lightly; this being one of them. I believed in voicing out your thoughts, no holds barred, instead of keeping it in and letting the angst build. He and I had gone through hell, and I wasn’t going to let any minor details get in the way of our renewed relationship.
“Like I said, I’m not complaining, but I’ve wondered why … you don’t give head.” He crinkled his nose, as if uncomfortable admitting to it.
Damn. I hadn’t expected that. Where did I begin? It wasn’t his curiosity that took me aback, but the fact that I didn’t comprehend it as such a big deal.
Apprehensively looking at him, I parted my lips, intending to try to explain, but I wasn’t sure how to go about it without sounding so inexperienced and ingenuous.
“Maybe it’s because I don’t know how.” It never really occurred to me. Besides, I wasn’t all that adventurous. Images of him in Vegas with that Latina chick gobbling him up like a damn feast gnawed at my heart. “Did, uh, did Hailey do it a lot?”
He remained silent before taking a deep breath as if I had tested his patience and it was now at the breaking point. “It doesn’t matter. Can we drop the subject now?”
Easy for him to say. He wasn’t at the receiving end of it. Dropping the subject wasn’t something I could do.
“Did she or didn’t she?” I pressed.
His jaw locked. I could see his muscles flexing as if he didn’t dream of answering my question. The second our eyes locked, he looked away, as if sensing the conundrum that agonized me. “She did. That being said, can we close the subject now?”
“Okay,” I stated meekly, though my brain was concluding a lot of ideas.
Was I satisfying him enough? Deep down, I knew why he kept going back to that woman. Sex with her most likely was beyond good. Well, atop of her relentless obsession of him. That must’ve massaged his ego to no end.
“Your silence speaks volumes. I can hear you thinking, Cara. Don’t do that.”
Since the subject had been breached, there was no taking it back now. The only way forwards was for us to fully discuss this. Unless, of course, if he had any inclination for this to fester, then that could prove to be disastrous.
“It just made me wonder, you know, if you’re satisfied with me?”
“You’re joking, right?” he scoffed, seeming offended.
If only.
“I’m not. I’m really asking.”
Pulling me against his chest, he gave a strangled laugh as if this were all a joke. “Do you need a demonstration just how much you please me, petal?” he whispered against my cheek before resting his against it. “I want you, I adore you, I worship the ground you walk on. You’re my light, and I know it’s unhealthy to be so dependent on your love, but fuck it, babe, you’re all I’ve ever known, so you know I’ve been all-in since the beginning. Sex, yeah, it’s great. Don’t get me wrong, I love it, but it’s not everything. You’re everything to me. Sex is just a sweet added bonus of being with you. So, if you’re ever in doubt if you’re enough, hell to the motherfucking yes, you’re more than I deserve.”
“Well, since you put it that way …” Smiling, I pressed my lips to his neck, leaving a trail of soft kisses before burying my nose in his flesh, breathing him in. “I worship you, too. In case there’s any doubt about that score.” Clearing my throat, I let out a soft yawn, feeling the effects of food coma and a fully sated heart. “I forgot to tell you. I only have one pill left, so I think the day after tomorrow we have to start dressing the sausage.” We still had four more days until we were bound to go home. Getting pregnant wasn’t part of the agenda.
“What? But why?” He was so appalled it was somewhat laughable.
I couldn’t help smiling at this handsome dolt. “Don’t look so horrified. You’ve used them like a whore in a crack house.” It was a joke, obviously, but the man didn’t seem too keen on it. His dry laugh was a major indicator.
“Oh, you’re so going to be punished,” he promised before he spanked the side of my thigh, as if to give me a preview of what’s to come.
My body perked up, knowing full well where this ministration was heading. I abruptly stood up and ran indoors as if Satan himself were hounding me.
“River!” I screeched as he closed in on me. Just as I was about to jump off the bed, he swiftly lunged after me, sliding my body on the mattress and stopping at the edge, legs parted as he shifted himself between my limbs while hungrily gazing down on me.
“My sweet, sweet precious kitty, where do you think you’re going, hmm?” he rasped out, sliding the pink accessory off my hair and roughly tying my hands with it behind my back, executing it with exact precision. When River got to this playful mode, God knew what would happen next.
I shivered at the sight of him dropping his clothes on the floor. The sheer magnificence of him rendered me forever his.
The mere sight of him aroused immediately commanded. My body pliable to his needs, it instantly readied itself without needing his touch. If he took me without foreplay, he wouldn’t be disappointed. He affected me so much that he controlled my arousal with one rousing look.
Back arched, lips parted, I anticipated him as he caressed the inside of my thigh before those mischievous fingers hooked on my thong and roughly tugged it, breaking the seams apart, fully exposing me to his unsuppressed hunger.
“Kiss me,” I begged as I tilted my chin.
His guttural growl sent quakes down my spine before I felt him thrust so deeply into me that it knocked all air out of my lungs. His lovemaking would take time getting used to. Though, rough as he might be, I endured his powerful onslaught, giving in to him because he wouldn’t have it any other way. When his cock sought refuge within my walls, it commanded, it demanded my soul, my heart, my surrender. He wouldn’t stop until he knew I was irrevocably his. It was earth-shattering, soul-dismantling, an absolute unparalleled beauty that he alone could bestow on me.
After fucking me to the center of the earth and back, we were both beyond spent, heaving our lungs out, in dire need of air.
“I’m not going to wear any,” he vehemently stated before kissing me intensely, thoroughly, resuming our conversation ages ago. “It’s one of the best things being with you. I don’t need any barriers, babe. I’ll pull out if I have to. End of story.”
Letting my body fall back on the mattress, I stared up at the ceiling, sweaty and out of my mind exhausted.
“If you have to?” I heaved out, fighting not to sleep just yet.
He chuckled before falling down right next to me. “Don’t you want a little River bossing you around?” he asked, glancing sideways at me.
“You’re kidding …” He had to be. That wasn’t the kind of joke I wanted to hear after seconds from coming off an orgasmic high, thank you very much. His sense of humor was skewed.
River rolled onto his stomach, his face a few inches from mine while sporting a playful smile. “I am, but why not?”
But why not?
&n
bsp; Because! What the hell? We barely just got back together a few days ago, and here we were, discussing babies as if the past couple years hadn’t affected us. Besides, we still had a lot to live for. I didn’t want us to rob ourselves of that opportunity before starting a family.
“Because we’re still so young, and we bicker like old people. When the time is right, it’ll happen. For now, we keep on as is. Maybe in five years’ time, we can negotiate.”
“Is that right?” He sounded amused. “Well, I’m ready to start discussing the details now.”
“You discuss it with yourself. I don’t know about you, but I’m crazy tired.” I yawned again, my lids ready to surrender for the night.
He leaned over to kiss my forehead. “You go to sleep. I have an album to finish.”
“Sucks to be you.” I blew him a kiss before murmuring, “Night.”
“Love you, Cara,” I heard him say as he scuffled out of bed.
Eyes tightly shut, a soft smile formed on my lips. “Love you, too, butthead.”
We were young and very much in love. We were on the right path, following our dreams. Everything was finally as it should be. Hopefully the stars weren’t aligned to royally screw this up because, basing off the past, it hadn’t been that kind to us. This time, I prayed, it would be different.
Chapter Two
“You go be a good girl now.” He beamed as I grappled the door handle, not ready to part with him just yet, but work awaited me. My time was up.
We were right outside the departures terminal at LAX, and my heart wasn’t ready to let go of him. How could I when the past week reminded me how it was to come alive again?
“I’m going to miss you badly.” Tears made me feel weak, but somehow, I had to fight the urge. It was pathetic. It wasn’t the end of the world or anything, yet it felt as if I were being pulled apart from something that made me feel whole. Ridiculous didn’t begin to cover how I was feeling. I loved him too damn much, and it was becoming a hindrance to my life, because all I ever wanted to do these days was to be with him, next to him.
Making sure the car was in park, he shut off the engine then shifted to gaze at my sad face. “Don’t look so miserable. I’ll see you soon, babe.” With his hand secured behind my head, he brought his lips to mine, kissing me senseless. “I’ll fly out to see you, I promise.”
We both knew that wasn’t true, so I took no comfort from his reassurance. But I wasn’t going to pout and act all childish about it. We would figure this out soon enough. We always did.
“All right, my sexy man. I gotta go.” He pulled me back. Dark, soulful eyes lulling me in. “You forgot something.” His dangerous, sexy smile appeared out of nowhere, rendering me speechless for a moment.
I licked my lips, transfixed at the man who made me feel tizzy by a mere smile. “What?” I asked breathlessly, letting go of the door handle, feeling weak all of a sudden.
With his powerful hand, he pulled me toward him before he thoroughly kissed me with those lethal lips.
“This … and I love you.”
If only I could freeze this moment and keep it with me always.
Slowly, I began to open my eyes, feeling heady and inappropriately aroused at the taste of him. I wanted more, but I knew I must catch my flight or I might never make it out of Los Angeles. I was a full-pledged River Ellis addict.
“Damn, I’m all hot and bothered now. Fuck, I love you, too.”
His laughter sent warm fuzzies into my tummy before I reluctantly climbed out of his Range and waved a final goodbye.
Feeling all sorts of depleted, I traipsed about the airport in a daze, checking in, going through security, before resting at the airline lounge while I waited for my boarding call.
Slumped on my seat, I tried to rehash the golden moments we had together. Most of all, I wondered what took me so long to finally give in to my heart’s demands and freely fall back into loving the man I was meant to be with for the rest of my life.
One week wasn’t enough. I was having serious River Ellis withdrawals, and I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. Being separated from him for two months would be beyond trying. And seeing how busy he’d be with finishing his album, he’d have no time to spare to fly out and visit me. Since being back with him, the old Cara was back full throttle—living, breathing, and obsessing River Ellis. Hopefully, this second time around, I’d know how to curb my desperate need for him. It wasn’t healthy to be so emotionally invested in someone. The past had viciously taught me that. Everyone needed boundaries. Even if he was the love of my life, I had to learn to apply it in that aspect as well. Maybe this reprieve would do us good. We both needed to gather our bearings and set our priorities straight. We weren’t teenagers any more without contracts and commitments. It was different from our relationship before, but I supposed this time was more exciting. Our sex life had definitely shifted from sensual to full-on explicit.
Upon arriving in Vancouver, I had a driver take me to the same hotel where everyone else was staying for the next two months. Jamie Singer, the main character and my brother in the show, was actually in the lounge area when I entered the hotel. He immediately came towards me, greeting me with a hug.
“Cara, glad you’re back. It’s good to see you again.” With his boyish good looks and brilliant acting, it was no wonder we was chosen the lead role. Besides, Jamie had the camera presence; the man lit up and commanded the audience effortlessly.
“It’s good to see you. Love the new hair.” I reached out to playfully mess with it. He was a few years older than me, but his playful demeanor made him act like a teenager on most days.
Filming was set to start in two days, and I had to begin reading through my scenes for the first episode. There were ten in total.
As much as I missed my man, it was lovely to see the crew again.
On the fifth day, we had to stay a few hours more due to actor conflict. So, by the time I got back to the hotel, I was beyond tired. Jamie had dinner reservations at one of Vancouver’s fancy restaurant, but I couldn’t be around anyone. As much as I enjoyed my peers’ company, I needed a break from the chaos and from being all smiley and polite all the time.
The past few days hadn’t been smooth sailing. It was a tiresome ordeal, and I badly needed to recoup, to recharge my batteries for tomorrow’s scenes.
I ordered room service before I got into the shower to feel somehow refreshed. Conflict between actors was draining, most especially when they liked to screech and demean each other without taking account that everyone could see and hear their spiteful exchange. Jamie shouldn’t have had an affair with one of the actors. Dinah was one of our supporting cast, and a married one at that. And for it to escalate the way it had, with directors, producers, and the show runners scampering to smoothen out the situation was bad. They tried to dampen it down, making sure it didn’t get leaked to the media. Major damage control.
I didn’t care much about their personal lives. What I did care about was the energy in the room. That bad juju was beyond draining.
After the long, hot shower, I was just dressing into my bathrobe when I heard a loud rap at the door.
“One sec!” I called out as I rushed, tying a knot to secure the sheath before I hastily went to open the door. “Sorry, it took a bit—”
The words got stuck in my mouth as I stared at the person wheeling the cart of room service.
“Good evening, love of my life.” River lazily beamed at me before rushing towards me and giving me one heck of a kiss.
“You have no idea how good it is to see you,” I groaned before kissing him again, my dripping wet hair all but forgotten as I clung to him.
He broke the kiss before he let his eyes lovingly roam over my face. “I had to convince the waiter that I was who I said I am. And I also had to promise to fly him out for TVM’s movie premiere.”
“Why the heck would you go through all that when you could’ve just easily knocked on the door?”
“Where’s the fun i
n that? Besides, seeing your face made it worth my while.” He chuckled, cupping my bottom with both hands, gripping each cheek with appreciation as he let out an animalistic sound. “I’ve missed all this …”
I was overjoyed to see him, but I was famished, so I begrudgingly tapped his hands away and planted a swift kiss on his lips before diverting my attention towards the food.
“I know you’re hungry for sex, but can I satiate a different kind of primal hunger?” Arching my brow, I saw his eyes flash before me. The one that foretold what kind of night he had in mind.
“I’ll feed you, if you like,” he offered, eyes sparking mischievously.
But I knew very well that his innocent question would turn into something sexual. Anything that included him never failed to transpire into a feast of desires. It was how he was wired. Most especially when he was with me.
“Hah, I see what you’re doing there, babe. Take it easy. No need to be hasty,” I murmured as I plucked one dish after the other, placing them on the table before looking over to where he stood, still simmering, eyeing me like he was about to devour me on the spot. “Why don’t you take the seat across me and let’s have a decent conversation without sex, you know, like normal human beings do.” Joking with him seemed to lighten his mood as he cracked out of those beautiful smiles I adored so much.
There was no denying how he intended to spend the night, but for the time being, I wanted to enjoy having him here. I wanted to have a conversation, though I was too exhausted to properly converse.
“So, how’s it going on your end?” I asked the moment he seated his sexy ass across me while I watched him intently watch me. “Will you pour the wine, please? It’s closer to you.”
“Of course.” He hid back a smile as he took the wine before pouring us a glass of Malbec. “So far so good. I have about twelve songs ready, but Ari and the label insist on having about eighteen altogether for the deluxe version, twelve for the regular one. They also want to start promoting right around the premier of TVM’s movie trailer, which is in two months.”