Savage: Unapologetic

by Pamela Ann

  River Ellis. What could I say? I pondered as my eyes flickered towards their faces before I took a careful sip of my wine and pasted a timid smile. “Well …” I cleared my throat and carried on. “Things aren’t really working out. We’re just too busy to make the relationship work due to our schedules clashing and what not. So, yeah, that’s that …” I used the same tiring Hollywood breakup adage.

  Antonio’s happy face shattered into a wounded one. “I’m so sorry, dear. I didn’t mean to pry. I hope I didn’t offend you.”

  “It’s fine.” I was made of stronger stuff; I never broke down with an audience. Well, apart from that incident at the park with Juan. “It’s okay. We’re on friendly terms, so it’s not that big a deal.” Friendly would be a stretch, but I couldn’t bear seeing Antonia distressed.

  “I’m so sorry. I hope you find happiness. You’re too beautiful and too sweet to be alone. The right man will soon come. You’ll see.” She gave my hand a squeeze. “I’ll pray every day that you’ll find a good man.”

  She was being kind, and kindness right now wasn’t what I needed. It’d make me teary, and I was trying mighty hard not to go there.

  “You’ve broken up?” Juana screamed, coming out of nowhere and making everyone direct their attention towards us. “Por qué? Dios! Ah, pobresita …” She hugged me, wrapping me around her slender arms as she gently brushed my hair aside before pressing her cheek against my head, soothingly speaking to me in Spanish like one would do to a distraught child.

  Juana had a flair for dramatics, yet I knew she sincerely felt for me. She was just that kind of a girl. High-spirited. Opinionated. A force to be reckoned with. She was the kind who wouldn’t put up with anyone’s bullshit. I liked that about her, and I silently prayed that she’d forever stay this way, untouched by harrowing heartbreaks, never knowing what it felt like to be lost with no one to turn to.

  “I’m really fine, you guys,” I murmured as I gently pulled away from Juana’s cooing. The girl remained by my side, softly rubbing my back.

  “Our Juan is single,” the grandma mischievously added, making everyone laugh, effectively breaking the mounting awkwardness.

  Oh no, I thought as I laughed along with them. “It isn’t like that with him.” The laughter I had trailed off and tragically died the second our eyes connected, dark eyes boring into mine.

  Then Juana’s head was close to my ear. “We’ll party tonight, and you can forget him. If a man doesn’t fight for you, he’s not worth the time. There’s a lot of fish in the sea; you can start fishing tonight.” Juana kissed my forehead before she stood up and entertained friends that obliged her to open their presents.

  The food was bountiful, yet I had no appetite. The very idea of food made me want to vomit. The wine, however, sat well in my tummy. So, I nibbled on grapes while I drank with gusto.

  There weren’t a lot of people, about fifteen or so. Juana’s friends were more or less just like her. Crazy, full of life, and had the knack to make you feel at ease. Maybe it was all the weed they were smoking? It sure as heck would put anyone in a chillax mode.

  My eyes trailed towards the Juana. The eighteen-year-old sure wouldn’t let any man treat her less than she deserved. If only I had her kind of backbone. Then again, had this happened with another man, it wouldn’t even be a question. However, this was River—leaving him never was an easy choice. Never will. Even if he had already placed me in the backburner, I owed it to him to wait … and hopefully he’d forgive me someday. For how long did I intend to remain vigilant? Until I was fed up, so that could very well vary, depending on my mood and patience.

  Seeing how Silas was so in love with Juana set my mind adrift, making me realize what I lost with River and what could never be recovered again. That pure, undying, hearts and flowers, to the moon and back, you’re the center of my universe, look of love—the kind that lets you know with absolute certainty that you were the only one for him, no one else would do.

  Universe…

  River was the earth and I was floating in space—though surrounded with beauty, nothing held meaning. So, I floated away with no harness to anchor me home, suspended from the life I knew, while I watched the world go by from a distance, gravity drifting me away into the vastness of infinite space, basked in darkness, aimlessly floating, drifting in my loneliness, biding time until I ran out of breath and death finally came and ended my agony.

  “Cara,” Juan greeted me as he took the empty chair next to me, appearing approachable and not the hostile man I had gotten used to in the past weeks.

  I viewed him tentatively. “So, you’ve decided to be a decent human being again?” I levelly gazed at him, incredulous.

  “I apologize for my temperament.” He licked his lips as he tried not to break into a smile. “I was in a bad mood.”

  His smile did nothing to sway my resolve. Not yet, anyway.

  “Really? Bad mood is the best you can come up with? Accusing me of leading you on, hatefully stating I’m a coward, or that I’m a fool for declining your offer—all that because of ‘bad mood’?” I scoffed. “Well, if that’s ‘bad mood,’ I wouldn’t want to know what a ‘bad day’ is like.”

  He rubbed his thigh, seeming nervous, before he leaned over and whispered in a lower octave tone, “Lo siento, forgive me for acting like an asshole.”

  “You weren’t acting like one; you were one.”

  “I’m sorry. It’s been hard … seeing you every day and wanting you like crazy. It wasn’t easy for me.” He looked away for moment before reverting his gaze on mine, pleading. “But now the movie’s done. I hope, someday, maybe, we can speak again and maybe even become friends …”

  Sure, he was a royal jackass to the highest order, but could I really blame him? We were placed in a very odd position. Two attractive young adults, filming naked scenes, stuck in an island for weeks on end. Sparks were to be expected. But what happened between us wasn’t just a spark. Fireworks exploded after that first scene.

  He was a sexually active male, and, I, was well … quite the same. Temptation made it all the more insane between us. Juan, being the passionate man that he was, felt it harder more than I did. Hence, the disaster waiting to explode on our faces.

  He was furious, and yes, it was aggravating at times—most of the time—but at the end of the day, Juan was just trying to deal with rejection. Had it not progressed as it had, maybe he wouldn’t have been so unkind. But it did, and I wasn’t inclined to hold it against him.

  We lived and learned, and we moved on eventually.

  Tension eased as I calmly collected myself. We both felt too much at the wrong time, but it was all over now. “All’s forgiven, Juan. I was partly at fault, too.” I did kiss him back as fervently as he had kissed me. So yes, I was greatly at fault for responding to his advances.

  He let out a long whistle, relief easing his furrowing brows as he beamed at me. “I knew you couldn’t leave hating me. We had good times.”

  “Lucky you.” I snickered, not sure to laugh or to be appalled his cockiness.

  Oh well, Juan was just being him—crazy playful and one who didn’t mask his emotions. How could I hold that against him? He did, after all, treat me with generosity and was somewhat of a gentleman up until that moment in the car.

  We stayed until midnight before Juana declared it was time to carry the party on to the next destination. Her real party was held in a rented villa somewhere along the coast.

  We rode in separate cars. I stuck with Juana, even though her brother offered to take me. But it didn’t feel right. Sure, we had addressed his douchie ways, but it didn’t mean we could revert back to how we were in the beginning. Besides, what the past five weeks had taught me was how Juan could get really temperamental once he didn’t get what he wanted. For both our sakes, it was best to keep him at arm’s length.

  “My brother will bring your things to your bedroom.” Juana directed me a smile as her and her friends began to get out of her BMW. I sat there for a m
oment, wondering why I couldn’t just do that myself. “Let’s go and party up, pretty girl!”

  I paused before sighing. “All right, all right.” It was her birthday, so I let her boss me around.

  The villa was quite similar to Juan’s friend’s, but a little smaller. Smaller in a grand scale of things.

  Juana dragged me into the house and into backyard where a five-tiered cake was a centerpiece, proudly standing next to two almost life-sized like ice sculpted unicorns.

  There were about over three hundred people easy. And it seemed the guests kept pouring in.

  “Juana! Tenemos un problema!” Ana Maria yelled out at Juana, beyond hysterical.

  “Un segundo, Ana Maria!” she hollered back before giving me a reassuring look. “There seems to be a problem; she needs me. Why don’t you go around, dance, meet new people. Most guys here are in their twenties; maybe flirting with someone younger will be the cure you need tonight!” She waved me away as she strode away towards her impatient looking friend. Apparently, there was a problem with alcohol shortage.

  I was twenty-one years old, yet the thought of hooking up with eighteen, nineteen year-olds didn’t appeal to me. Instead, I strolled around the pool area and towards the backyard just to look around.

  The massive makeshift wooden dance floor was already filled with people dancing and a string of men ogling the girls who were letting loose. There was a section filled with candies and pastries. And upon seeing it, my stomach growled.

  I regarded them as I plucked a napkin and grabbed a brownie and a few of the rainbow colored caramelized yummy looking pastries. It tasted good. Well, except for the brownie. It was borderline disgusting. I shivered as I washed down the aftertaste with a glass of white wine.

  “Dance with me?” Juan came up next to me, holding out a hand as he mischievously grinned at me.

  “I don’t think that’s wise.” We would most likely end up wanting to choke each other like always.

  He threw me one of his signature smoldering looks. “One dance, for the last time? You’re leaving; what’s the harm in dancing?”

  I rolled my eyes before giving in. “All right.”

  Juan led the way to the packed dance floor. “You should be dancing with these girls. I’m sure they’d appreciate your star power more than I will,” I said as I arched my brow, wondering why he was giving me attention at all.

  “Juana made sure to put it in her invitation that anyone who would try to flirt with her brother would be banned from her parties in the future.” He snickered, amused at his little sister. “So, whenever her friends see me, they immediately leave.”

  Ah, that explained it. I was beginning to wonder if he was popular at all because no one seemed to request an autograph or a photo op with him. Juana covered her bases. Props for her.

  “You’re sister’s smart. It’d be weird for Juana if her friends dated you.”

  He laughed. “I’m not too keen on giggling girls.”

  “Yeah, right.” I snorted as he held my hip and we began swaying to the rhythm.

  “I like women, not girls. I also like them sassy and sensual. When I take a lover, I need her to know how to please me, too. That’s why these girls will never do it for me.”

  A waitress came around, interrupting us as she handed Juan a bottle of champagne. Juan apparently partied like that. He just drank straight from the bottle and intends to get hammered, as he planned to achieve tonight.

  “I don’t think brownies are Spain’s specialty. Weirdest tasting thing ever.” I made a contorted face as I shivered from the aftertaste that still lingered on my tongue.

  “What brownie?”

  I pointed across the lawn to where he had found me. The sweet display was situated before the pool area, in a little nook that had a six-foot waterfall with water dyed in hot pink.

  He frowned, eyes boring into mine as he gave me that ‘how could you not know look’. “They’re concentrated with marijuana and some other crazy things these kids like to get high off of.”

  Horrified, I let out a sharp gasp as I licked my lips. “You mean, I just ate a magic brownie and several of whatever that was …” Why hadn’t that entered my head? “Oh, fuck!” Juana and her friends seemed the kind to be serving such treats. Since I had barely eaten anything all day, when I saw dessert, I thought of nothing else but the sugary sweet kick it would give me. I was appalled at my naivety and the fact that everyone knew except me. And I took not one but four! “What will happen to me?”

  Juan cupped my cheek; trying to reassure my panicked state. “Don’t worry; just have fun with it, and whatever you do, don’t panic! I’m right here. I won’t leave your side. I’ll take care of you.” He kissed my forehead before seeking my eyes again. “I’ve seen a few who started crying, screaming, hallucinating that a dragon’s chasing them, and they have to run and hide. If that happens, I’ll make sure to give you a sword to fight it off.”

  “That’s not funny,” I said as I became agitated at the thought of hallucinating some crazy stuff. Juan was obviously teasing me a little.

  “It’s a true story.”

  I blanched. “What kind of party would serve drug-induced sweets and pastries?” Mixed drugs; how bad could it get?

  “The crazy kind. I told you my sister was a crazy one. You wouldn’t believe me then.”

  “I believe you now.” It was no wonder her peers didn’t want to get uninvited; she catered to all the crazies. “I don’t feel anything …” I murmured against his cheek when I realized my senses were the same and nothing had been altered.

  “Just you wait. Don’t look so happy yet.”

  I rolled my eyes, feeling as though he was making a big deal out of it.

  How strong could it be?

  I didn’t have to wait long to get my answer. It came ten minutes later. It wasn’t subtle. I had expected it to be like a slow build-up, making you aware the changes in your senses, but no, I was dead wrong. Once the effect hit you, it seized you instantaneously. Unforgivingly.

  I was wired. Body electrified. Senses modified.

  Holy fuck. I swallowed nervously as I tried to adjust my sight, wondering if I had just stepped into another dimension. It was like being drunk and being trapped in a circus fun house. Everything was wonky. And the noise … God, it was like a kingdom full of bees buzzing in my ear. Then there was my heart. It was as if it’s lodged in my eardrums. The loud thudding sound was deafening.

  My eyes adjusted to blurry effect before it became so vividly clear. Everything was in high definition. I swear I could see the tiny atoms floating in the air. My eyes expanded, widening as I took in the ambiance, then ever so slowly, I began to turn, full of wonderment while taking in the vividness of my surroundings. Bright, vibrant fluorescent colors, echoed in neon and gold. Everything came alive, dancing and spinning before my eyes. Everything was so beautiful. I swear I could almost taste it on my tongue.

  I want to touch it …

  I was just about to take a step to touch the rainbow colors when I felt a hand around my waist, stopping me.

  “Cara?” Juan held me down. “It’s not real. It’ll pass.”

  My eyes gravitated to the dancing rainbows, swirling like a lava lamp, but a hundred times more intense. It was quite the psychedelic experience.

  Hypnotized, I felt my throat close up as if I hadn’t had anything to drink all day.

  “I’m so thirsty …” I grumbled. “I want something … This will do!” I hijacked the champagne bottle from his grasp, taking a few lengthy gulps and sighed happily. Thirst moderately quenched. “Thanks, Juan—two—three,” I laughed at my own joke as I handed him his bottle back. I was high as a fucking kite, and I had just ridden the psychedelic flow. I was comforted that Juan would take care of me if my hallucinations became too much to bear.

  “Let’s get you somewhere to sit and ride this out. You need to hydrate, cariña.”

  “Sure, Juan, two, three.” My cackling kept on as he led me away from the ma
dness of the dance floor.

  The backyard opened to a wide sprawling garden. Rose bushes lined the huge perimeter. Several nooks lined the sides with a few intricately designed grottos. He took me to one that was designed like a garden fairy nook. There were a few people there, but the moment they saw Juan, they scampered away and wished him a good evening.

  Everywhere I looked, the neon swirls followed. It left a trail of gold dust. If I stayed put for too long, the colors got bigger and larger, as if they would consume me.

  “Are you okay?” Juan asked as he led me to the left side where a cove was located with a large circular lounge section. It was surrounded by candles and heady number of roses. This was a perfect place to curl up and read a good book.

  It took a good amount of time until I could fully focus on Juan’s face. He didn’t look too pleased as he led me to the lounge area and sat me down.

  “Stay here. I’m getting you water. No more alcohol.”

  “You’re no fun.” I pouted as I watched him walk away. And in no time, my throat began to close up again from severe dehydration.

  When I saw a passing waiter through the rose bushes, I skittered towards him and took two shots of tequila. I downed one, immediately feeling much better before deciding to save the other. I placed the shot glass on the flattened boulder that was used as a table.

  Juan came back, and when he saw what I’d been doing, he threw me a cutting glare. “You’re going to regret that.” He sighed before joining me on the lounge. “Drink.” He handed me a huge bottle of water.

  I drastically drank it, spilling water on my dress, and on the last sip, some escaped my lips before it trickled down the valley of my cleavage. Mindlessly, I used my middle finger to scoop the water from my chest before bringing it to my lips and sucked on it.

  Juan’s eyes darkened as he stared at me, aroused.