-Worlds Apart- Ruination

by Amanda Thome

  I already had my test in the next room over. The one where the foreigners attacked me and I was in the elite few to make it to the black rock.

  I smile sweetly at Natalie, striding over to the bow and arrow. I rapidly fire and hit every target squarely. In total my dummy test takes less than an hour. I’ve done everything perfectly but that doesn’t matter. What matters is how I did inside the oval room and even Natalie said it was unique, but unique isn’t always good.

  Chapter 18

  My mind races a hundred miles an hour. I went into today’s test light hearted after my night with Garrett. Now I’m leaving confused and anxious. I don’t understand how I’m so different from the other testers? I made it to the black rock and even Natalie said only the elite made it there. But unlike the others, I sacrificed myself.

  There’s something different about me, I’m certain now. I spent my entire life virtually keeping my visions a secret because I was afraid it’d prove I wasn’t normal. Now I have proof. I remember my entire leap-test despite the serum Dr. Glidden injected. It’s clear that I’m different.

  The cool leather seats of the shuttle do nothing to absorb the nervous sweat I’ve broken into. My legs stick to the seat. My forehead flecks with salty drops. Words like ‘abnormal’ and ‘unique’ dance through my head, carrying with them a harsh undertone.

  The hour-long shuttle ride feels like an eternity. The closer I get to my sub the faster my heart pounds and my stomach spirals. I know Emma and Garrett will ask how it went today. The thought of having to answer makes me sick. The shuttle glides to a smooth halt at my sub and I slowly peel my sticky skin from the seats.

  When I step outside the colors look muted compared to when I left this morning. I force my way home, stumbling over rocks and dirt that feel thicker than ever before. I round the corner and see our blue door. I have to lie to them. I can’t bear telling them that I may have failed and even if I could, I can’t explain why.

  My hand hovers over the doorknob for minutes before I gain my composure. Painting a smile across my face I open it. The shouts of Emma, Garrett, and Papa all mingle in a splitting tone.

  “Surprise!” They all shout.

  I hadn’t expected to face them all at once and I’m actually shocked. Emma’s the first to move as she dashes across the room, folding herself around my waist.

  “Happy birthday Nessa! How was it? How does it feel to be an adult?” She beams at me.

  “What’s going on here?” I ask forcing a smile.

  “We thought you could use a little celebration. It’s not every day you become an adult.” Papa says as he pulls me into his arms.

  Garrett stands across the room smiling at me. His eyes look through me, penetrating me.

  “Before you ask a million questions, let me start by saying I don’t remember much. The parts I do remember I did really well on though.”

  “No one doubts that honey.” Papa says, clasping his hand against my shoulder.

  “Can I get a hug from the birthday girl, I mean woman?” Garrett jokes.

  Papa and Emma step clear and let my handsome man stride toward me. He wraps his strong arms around me and I instantly feel a mixture of electricity and guilt surge through my veins.

  I’ll never reveal my secrets to him. No matter what Gwen says, I don’t think he’d understand. I wouldn’t want my perfect Garrett in a position to judge me anyways.

  He whispers in my ear, “You look beautiful.”

  I automatically blush even before he releases me from his arms. I wanted him to hold me for hours and tell me everything’s fine but I let his hands fall. I don’t want Papa or Emma thinking there’s something between us. I’m not ready to reveal that yet.

  Garrets deep voice focuses me, “We got you a present.”

  He turns, walking into the sleeping quarters. I can’t even see his face when he steps back into the room; the bouquet of flowers completely eclipses him. This is a gift from him, they’re the same colors from when we were kids.

  “They’re perfect” I say.

  Emma and Papa smile. I’m nervous they can read my mind and my cheeks flush at the thought. I turn my eyes to each of them.

  “I’m so happy you all were here.” Papa nods and clasps Emma’s shoulders before he talks.

  “You could probably do with some rest. We’re heading to third line. Just make sure you come before curfew, they stop serving at dusk.” He guides Emma out the door leaving Garrett and I alone.

  Before the door’s even closed I feel Garrett’s chest against my back. His arms are tender as he squeezes my shoulders, releasing all my tension. He caresses my neck in long steady strokes as I instinctively tilt my head to the side. He wastes no time, his warm tongue traces circles along my exposed skin.

  Reaching my hands behind me, I find his arms, pulling them around my waist. His hands run up and down my stomach. Our bodies grow hot as I’m pressed between Garrett and the door. I lean forward, trying to press my hips into his. My head snaps as he turns me around to face him, my backs pinned to the door as his lips find mine. He grabs my leg, lifting it effortlessly as he wraps it around his thigh and pushes himself against me. My body feels like it’s set on fire. He moves against me as my leg pulls his hips closer. We hold our positions, swaying our hips to meet each other. With each contact my breathing becomes deeper and my body burns more. He drives his hips hard against mine. I focus on his body as I let my veins rush and my head spin.

  “We should stop before we go too far.” Did I just say that? I chastise myself. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that!” I’m furious with myself.

  He pulls his hips away. “Don’t apologize, I plan on being with you for a long time. We can do things your way.” He smiles, “You’re the boss.”

  I laugh at that thought before wrapping my arms around his neck.

  Without warning a jolt grinds in my stomach. I can’t imagine living without him and it hits me that it could happen. This is why I fought my feelings for so long. Central could separate us after tomorrow, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

  He pulls me from the door, leading me across the room. I push him into the chair before folding myself in his arms.

  He whispers in my ear, “I missed you today. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” He pauses, “That’s part of the reason I came over tonight.”

  “What’s the other part?”

  “I wanted to talk to you, see if you thought the test was as big of a joke as I did.”

  He laughs as my eyes dart side-to-side like I’m waiting for a regulator to materialize out of thin air.

  He speaks again, “I mean it was just some silly target practice and a few skills. Wasn’t it the same for you?”

  I hesitate, trying to find the right answer. “Yeah. Pretty much. I don’t know how they can score on that alone.” I force a smile feeling horrible for keeping the truth from him.

  “What do you think the chances are we leave together?” He squeezes my ribs while he talks. “I’m not going anywhere without you, you should know that.” He relaxes his grip slightly, his brown eyes pierce mine. “I won’t go unless you go.”

  “Don’t worry Garrett. We’ll either go together or stay together.”

  I try convincing him of my sincerity but my conscious says otherwise. Natalie said I was unique but it didn’t sound like unique was necessarily an admirable quality. I’ve been with Garrett long enough to know he’d be in the elite few to make it to the black rock, but he wouldn’t hesitate to kill the foreigners. He’ll be offered the leap for sure.

  He lifts me off his lap. His hands run through my hair while he talks, “It’s getting late, I should head home. Plus, you need to eat.” I smile, trying to hide my anxiety.

  “I’ll see you at the banquet tomorrow” I say pulling my hair from under his hands.

  He flashes his crooked smile. “I’ll wait for you out front, we can go in together. We get to start the rest of our lives together tomorrow.”

  Wit
h his final words I let him collect my body in his electric embrace, kissing me one last time.

  I fall into the sitting room chair sinking my head against my folded arms. I don’t want to eat tonight. The thought of food makes me nauseous. I get ready for bed, falling into a deep and restless sleep.

  Chapter 19

  It’s hours before first light and I’m wide awake. I spent last night thrashing in bed. Again and again my dreams threw me back to the black rock. Over and over I sacrificed myself.

  I creep out of bed, hastily pulling on my winter greens. It’s my first day wearing them and I’m reminded that I’m an adult now. My life’s forever changed. I stand in the corner of the room pulling at the hem of my jacket. I want the fabric to tear, to turn blue, grey, or any color but green.

  Why do I have to wear this color anyway and who decides such things? Suddenly I’m furious that I’ve spent the last seventeen years being labeled, organized, and contained by a faceless place. This all-knowing, all-powerful entity called Central has dictated almost every move I’ve ever made. It seems hardly fair that today these same people will tell me where I can live, what labor role I’ll pursue, and possibly separate me and Garrett.

  Emma’s small body tosses in bed forcing me to run from the room. I don’t want her seeing me broken and weak. I hit our walkway, the winds cut straight to my chest. My tears are like ice traveling down my cool cheeks as I run.

  I make my way through sub-three crossing into sub-two. I cross Grove Street and leap across the fallen log. Even in total darkness my body knows every turn, rock, and tree along the route.

  Bouncing from rock to rock I clear the tree line. Daylight’s nearly breaking as I rush to the oak tree. My shaking hands grasp at the winding branches as I hoist myself higher and higher toward the sky.

  I keep reaching and pulling skyward until I’m at the highest peak. The sky breaks with pink and orange rays reaching their threads in all directions. I sit at the highest peak and cry. I cry because I’m angry, I cry because I’m scared, and I cry because it’s so beautiful.

  How is it that I’m considered an adult yet this is the first sunrise I’ve ever been allowed to see outside my own home? It isn’t fair.

  I sit in the branches for hours. I can’t pinpoint one exact thing that consumes my mind. My head is bounding too fast with memories being played in a circular reel.

  The sun’s breaking the peaks of the hills to my east when I resolve to go home. I’ve got the banquet tonight and hours of preparation ahead of me.

  I lower myself from branch to branch until my feet touch the frosted ground. Collecting myself on the run back, I enter our empty house.

  I draw a bath, lowering myself into the water to soak. I let the water wrap itself around my body; filling all my spaces with a gentle warmth. It’s comforting and pure as I lay with my eyes closed, letting myself drift away.

  Deeper and deeper I drift until suddenly my head’s thrust under water. Hands grip around my throat. I thrash, clawing the assailants arms.

  My vision is blurred by several inches of water but through them I see a white uniform and Natalie’s beautifully wicked face. My legs twist and turn until at last I kick the base of the tub. My head crashes, knocking me unconscious. Her hands release from my collapsing throat and I awake. The bath’s long turned cold and my head’s draped over the side.

  It felt so real but I immediately orient myself, realizing it was just a nightmare, or maybe a warning. With my heart pounding I scrub myself from head to toe, rinsing the foaming soap from my waterlogged skin.

  My hands shake as I reach for my towel. I hardly manage wrapping my fingers around the rough fabric as I draw it over the length of my body.

  In the pre-divide women wore make-up on their faces to accentuate their features and clothing of all styles. In the post-divide such clothing and grooming is permitted for leap night only. I’ve got thirty minutes to dress and make it to the pavilion for preparation.

  All leap participants from my sub will meet at the pavilion by twelve to be transformed. I pile my soaking hair on top of my head and sprint towards the pavilion.

  I immediately recognize some of the other leap testers from my grade as I round the corner to the pavilion. There’s already a line forming like a snake winding through the grass.

  Dozens of girls wait for their time with one of the two beauticians. I fall in line behind waist length flowing blonde hair belonging to Aria. She’s the most stunning girl in our year. She’s almost as tall as me but her body’s more feminine and full of curves that I just barely have. Aria’s smart, probably the top in our class academically. She has a fierce way about her during skills training but I’ve always out performed her there.

  She shifts her weight slightly, her perfect figure sways in a seductive way. My heart constricts with an instant pang of jealousy. I always thought Garrett would end up with someone like her, someone that could match his good looks. I hear a shout from behind me, her raspy voice is nearly a shrill.

  “Nessa!” I instantly know who it is from her tones.

  She runs to me, sliding to a stop just inches away. She wraps me in her warm arms. All I can hear is her heavy breathing.

  “Gwen!”

  “How was your training time?” She asks, smiling her devious smile.

  “It was good. Helpful.” I pause. “It was great having Garrett to train with.”

  “How is Garrett?” She asks.

  For years she’s insisted that Garrett and I were ‘destined for each other.’ I used to laugh, but not anymore.

  “Good. Really good,” I say it with as much mischief as my voice can handle. I can’t help noticing that Aria’s perked up. I’ve always maintained she had a thing for him and she’s confirming my suspicions now. “Actually, technically, we’re really good.”

  “Oh my God! Are you serious? I totally called it!” Gwen pushes me backwards.

  “Let’s not talk about that now. How’ve you been, how’s limbo?” I ask.

  Gwen was born in February so she’s been shadowing the different jobs in our sector for ten months now.

  “Unbearably boring. The shadowing was awful.” She rolls her eyes. “Not all of it of course, but most of the jobs were totally miserable.” She laughs like she’s recalling particulars.

  “Did you have any favorites?”

  “Well, naturally I liked the planner position. You know me. It just fit with my personality. Organizing the layout of the homes and businesses and things like that.”

  I nod, she would be perfect for that position.

  “I’m a little jealous you were in limbo. I feel like I’m going into this whole leap cold.” I say just before a hand squeezes my shoulder.

  “You’re next.” The man from Central looks perturbed as he speaks.

  “Yes sir, sorry.” I stare at the ground, walking to the beautician’s chair.

  My beautician is one of the prettiest men I’ve ever seen. His brown hair falls in perfect lines just above his eyes. His teeth are bleached white and everything about him is immaculate. His nails are trimmed and shining and I instantly recoil my hands into my lap, embarrassed he’ll compare his to mine. His voice is smooth and warm.

  “Hello Miss…”

  “Miss Hollins. Vanessa Hollins. You can call me Nessa.”

  “Hello, Nessa. I’m Uri. I’ll be transforming you into a more beautiful version of yourself tonight. Are you ready?”

  I hesitate, am I ready?

  “Yes,” I finally answer.

  Uri guides me into the silver chair, draping me in a long plastic cloth. He hums to himself as he brushes through my knotted hair. He gets his comb mired in my tangled mane twice.

  “May I make a braid Miss Nessa?” He asks and I instantly nod yes.

  I’d hoped he’d braid it. For some reason a braid makes me comfortable. Uri expertly twists and threads my strands into a weaved pattern unlike anything I’ve ever tried. I’m good at styling Emma’s hair but that’s nothing compared t
o this. Uri’s an artist.

  My chair rotates ninety degrees so my backs to the mirror. My eyes travel to meet Uri’s. He stands with one arm across his abdomen and the other hand cradling his chin. He’s in deep thought as his eyes travel the features of my face. His bottom jaw sways side to side. He’s devising his next plan of attack and I sit awkwardly under his scrutinizing eyes.

  “Fear not Miss Nessa. I’ve got a plan for you.” Uri snaps his fingers, reaching for a massive pallet of colors. He bends down, grabbing a large brush and begins winding it between several shades. I automatically withdraw as he comes at me with the black bristles. “This won’t hurt. I promise.”

  I relax and hesitantly let him proceed. The brush is soft and actually feels good against my skin. He winds his brush, gathering more colors as he expertly sweeps my face. He changes brushes several times and ends with the small one over my eyelids. My face is tingling from the bristles. Just when I think he’s done I see him pumping one last wand in and out of a black tube.

  “Look up to the sky and keep looking up.” I do as I’m told. The black wand comes dangerously close to my eyeball, I clamp my eyes closed. “Keep looking up please.”

  I try again. With all the effort I can manage I keep my eyes looking upward. Stroke after uncomfortable stroke brushes my eyelashes. Uri steps back with a beaming smile.

  “You are a masterpiece, if I may say so myself.” He rotates the chair to reveal the new me. I gasp, I can’t believe what he’s done. I don’t even look like the same person. I launch myself out of the chair and stand so close to the mirror that it fogs from my breath.

  My hair’s weaved and knotted in the most ornate and intricate way and my face glows in a golden hue that compliments my pink and gold cheeks. My eyes are dark, like smoke charred them and my lips are crimson red.