by Amanda Thome
After my video we’re subjected to Aria’s. Even as a child she was perfect. At the end her lineage score flashes, it’s 590. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to make it to Central. There’s virtually no way I’ll make-up that deficit. My forehead breaks into a sweat. It’s dumb but I feel sorry for Garrett. I feel bad that I couldn’t be good enough to beat Aria. It’s really annoying that I feel worse about letting him down than I do for me.
Garrett’s video plays next and I fall for him all over again. I see the brown haired boy that befriended me when I had no one else and I get to watch him grow up on-screen in front of me. At the end of his video I see his impressive lineage score of 605.
The entire audience falls silent for Tyler’s video. It seems like he intrigues everyone. The video flashes to him as a child sitting across his father’s lap. One of the first things I notice is the mining equipment scattered throughout the room. As the video progresses it becomes obvious that Tyler’s not from the Inner. He’s an Outer.
Videos of him fishing as a child and sailing as a young teenager tell the story of a boy who already made the leap at age fifteen from the Outer into our sector. Somehow he managed at seventeen to potentially make the leap into Central. It’s unprecedented. The audience gasps when his lineage score flashes, it’s 380. He doesn’t stand a chance against Garrett. I do the calculations in my head figuring Aria’s lineage score beats mine by 80 points and Garrett’s beats Tyler’s by 225. The videos power down and the banquet-master resumes his duties.
“And now for the results of the application portion of the leap-test. Remember, the highest possible score is 1,100.” Nobody in the history of the leap has ever tested above an 850. He pauses, building the anticipation. “Aria, please step forward.” She does with shaking legs. “You scored a magnificent 800! Congratulations.” The crowd goes wild as she collapses to the ground. “Your total is 1,390!” She shakes with joy. “Vanessa, please step forward.”
I can hardly move. He looks at me, “Please step forward.” I take my step. “You scored…” he hesitates, “An 882! Miss Hollins, you broke the record!” Both Aria and I furiously do the calculations. “That’s a total of 1,392.” My eyes lock with the banquet-master, “You’re top girl by two points!”
I nearly collapse and Aria simultaneously turns grey. Garrett and I are going to leap together. Everything we worked for is coming true. Papa claps furiously with tears rolling down his aged cheeks. I’ve done it, we’ve done it.
“And for the gentlemen.” The crowd goes quiet. “Garrett, please step forward.” He strides proudly into the spotlight cast from above. “Added to the 605 points from your lineage score is your application score of 821 for a total of 1,426!” My heart beats furiously. The banquet-master signals for the crowd to silence.
“Tyler, please step forward.” He does with his chin touching his chest. “To your 380 points from your lineage score you’ve scored an additional 1,090 points!” Everyone gasps, that beats any record. “It’s a total of 1,470. You’re top boy!” The audience begins clapping as I stand in shock. Garrett isn’t top boy. I’ve only got seconds to decide my fate. Do I stay here and be with him or do I make the leap. Garrett grabs my shoulders staring into my vacant eyes.
“You have to leap Nessa, you have to.” His shaking re-focuses me.
“I won’t leave you!” I cry, shaking my head.
“You have to, it’s the best thing for you.” He stares into my vacant eyes as he pleas.
The banquet-master interrupts our exchange. He raises the microphone back to his mouth. “As is customary, the right to refuse goes to the women first. Miss Hollins, do you accept the leap?” He jams the microphone into my trembling hands.
I scan the hundreds all nodding yes. I picture myself in white, living in the big homes shown on screen. But then I picture myself alone, no Papa, no Emma and most of all, no Garrett. I raise the microphone to my mouth and pause… Finally I say the word I never imagined I’d say. My gut twists as I say it, “No.”
Papa drops to his chair and Garrett runs across the stage for the second time tonight. He grabs me by the shoulders, “Nessa! You have to!” He screams but I push him aside.
“No, I don’t accept the leap. I refuse!” I shout into the microphone.
The banquet-master hesitates, not knowing what to say. He clears his throat and scans the crowd. “Well ladies and gentlemen, tonight’s definitely a first for many things. Aria Goodall will be making the leap. Congratulations Aria.” Aria looks confused and simultaneously ecstatic as the audience cheers while she’s whisked off stage. The banquet-master makes his way to Tyler.
“Now to the gentlemen… Mr. Tyler Jackson, do you accept the leap?” The banquet-master hands him the microphone as Garrett steps back to me.
“Nessa, why?” He asks.
“You stay, I stay. Remember?” He slides his hand in mine, squeezing it tight.
Tyler raises the microphone, “No. I don’t accept the leap.” The audience goes mad as frantic conversations break out. Garrett’s hand drops from mine. The banquet-master turns to us.
Garrett screams, “I won’t go!” My heart constricts as the regulators step toward us. “I won’t go! Not without Nessa!” He shouts.
The banquet-master retrieves the microphone from Tyler and marches toward us. Covering his microphone the banquet-master steps between us. “You have no choice. You are making the leap.” He raises the microphone back to his mouth, “How about a round of applause for Miss Aria Goodall and Mr. Garrett Blaine!” The crowd obeys, breaking into a hesitant applause.
I wrap around Garrett’s shoulders and cry. This can’t be happening. The regulators step closer as tears collect in Garrett’s brown eyes.
“I’m sorry, I don’t want to leave you,” he says as they pull him away.
“I should’ve gone, I’m so sorry.” My voice cracks.
“I’ll always love you Nessa.” With his last words he’s pried from my arms.
I’ll always love you, in my broken state I wrap around one word. Always. A word that stands for more than today or tomorrow. It’s supposed to be forever, endless, timeless. How can this be endless when he’s already being pulled away from me? Endless will be our separation, always will be my pain.
Chapter 20
What’s happening? I can’t process it. Breathe, I have to breathe. I pinch my eyes together and focus. Why am I screaming? Who are these men and why am I being dragged? Focus, breathe.
Finally it hits me, they’re regulators and Nessa’s gone. I scream again and thrash. I’m just strong enough to break free. I stumble knocking a regulator off balance.
I’ll sprint straight to her and take her away. We’ll run away together. She’s onstage probably fighting to get back to me.
Another scream comes out of me as a bone cracks. It’s an agonizing scream. I fall to the black floor instinctively grabbing my leg. It’s probably broken. The second baton falls, cracking my forearm. I scream again, I scream in pain and I scream for her. Crack after crack lands until I black out.
The air’s cold and my body thumps as they drag me by my arms. My head rolls limp and loose like my fox did after it died. I’m leaving a trail of blood. It looks strange and unnatural. My head rolls back and I see the regulators white uniforms splashed with my blood.
The thumping stops, they’re dragging me across a ramp. Up and up I go until I’m inside the craft. My hands slam against the steel floor.
“Good luck in Central.”
I shout as a boot lands against my ribs. Just like that they’re gone. The engines hum as the craft lifts-off. I slip in and out of consciousness, imagining I’d made it to Nessa. She’s what keeps me alive. She is life.
Chapter 21
The gasps and whispers fall silent as the spectators watch my body lying on the enormous stage. The spotlight illuminates my broken figure.
Garrett’s shouts are growing fainter as the representatives’ force him down the hallway that’ll divide us forever. He’s
fighting to get back to me but I know it’s futile, they’ll win. They always win.
My body rocks, attempting to self-soothe my broken heart. I always knew this could happen, knew he could be taken from me. I imagined it would be painful but now I see I was distant from the truth. I now comprehend that pain is superficial, this is more than that. This is a torturing bind that’s been laid across my soul.
Papa’s arms wrap around me, lifting my limp body. The banquet-master steps up, “Sir you can’t leave, we aren’t finished with the banq-”
Papa cuts him off, “This is my daughter, she needs her home and I’ll be damned if you or anyone is going to stop me.” I lift my head seeing the banquet-master stare coldly into Papa’s eyes. Papa holds his stare, “Step aside,” Papa commands and finally the banquet-master concedes.
I should be thankful for what Papa’s doing for me. No one’s ever talked to a Central citizen like this without being severely punished.
My body rocks as Papa carries me down the stairs. The only audible noise is the grinding of chairs sliding against the cold and polished concrete floor as their occupants attempt to clear our path. The walk seems like an eternity. Papa’s arms shake with fatigue.
“I’ll walk,” I whisper.
He lowers my trembling legs to the floor. I automatically kick off my stilted shoes leaving them across the grey floor. Hand in hand we walk out of the hall into the night.
The shuttle ride home is completely empty. Riding in silence I hold my arms around my chest, stroking my shoulders where Garrett last touched. I can almost feel the heat from his skin still sitting against me. I wish I could recreate the sensation his electric touch brings but with each passing second I realize I’m further from him than ever before. My heart breaks and I sob tearless cries. He’s the one person I need to survive, the only one I’d sacrifice everything for.
Emotions ebb and flow through me like tides breaking harshly over jagged rocks. I’m fluctuating between pure fury and absolute sadness. I’m furious with myself for not accepting the offer, furious that Central took him away, and furious with Tyler for forcing Garrett to go.
My mind points blame at each source just long enough for the peak of fury to hit before sadness fractures my rage. Papa sits silently beside me with his hands wringing his green jacket.
As the shuttle approaches our stop Papa reaches down, cradling me in his arms. He carries me to the front door squeezing my shoulders before entering the house.
“Let me go talk to Emma. I’ll be right back,” he says leaving me in the winter night.
The wind whips around my silhouette and for once I welcome the cold. It comforts me, like my soul wants to feel the pain and misery. Seconds turn to minutes in the silent night before Papa opens the door.
“Ok Nessa, you can come in.”
I’ve planted myself, not wanting to leave the cold. I want to stay here in the darkness and let my body fall asleep and never wake up.
Emma’s small hand reaches around the doorframe pulling it wide. She’s standing in her blue nightgown with tears rimming her eyes. She slinks to me wrapping me in her arms.
“Nessa, I’m so sorry,” she says. I let her guide me into the house, leading me to our bed. She surrounds me with our blanket and leaves the room.
My head’s beginning to ache behind my eyes. I inch myself to the edge of the bed, slowly reaching my hand to find the dried bouquet. I collect the dried flowers I’ve held for over a decade and my new ones that are still fragrant and delicate. My fingers trace the stems and I imagine watching Garrett break and arrange each one.
I can see his deep eyes staring into mine as a child and then he’s morphed into the man I love. Love, why couldn’t I bring myself to tell him that? It must be what I feel, it’s the only thing that could cut me to my knees like this.
How strong can love be? Is it possible that I’ll forever be torn, loving him until my last breath yet simultaneously be crushed by loving someone I must live without. All I have is the moments we’ve already shared. I can’t comprehend that my time with him is over, that I’ll never see him again. We won’t grow old together or spend another summer day by our river.
Again and again I replay our moments and with each time through the images become more and more distant. I’m losing him already.
Eventually sleep conquers my body and I wake in total darkness. It’s well before first light but I know it’ll be impossible for me to fall asleep again. Slowly rising I assess myself. I slept in my banquet dress and my eyes feel glued shut from the black liquid Uri smeared across my lashes. I make my way into the bathroom to prepare a bath. I turn the hot water on full force.
Clouds of steam spiral from the tub and I methodically stop the faucet and lower myself into the scalding bath. The heat’s so intense my body stings like I’m surrounded by pins and needles. The hurt’s welcome; it reminds me I’m alive. I stay rooted to the tub long enough for the curls of steam to long pass and turn to cool water that shrivels my skin like a grape in heat.
The signs of first light break through the window. Within moments of the first ray I hear the buzz of a Central hovercraft approaching. I launch out of the tub wiping the cold droplets from my shriveled skin. I wonder why they’re here.
Maybe they’re here to punish Papa for the way he talked to the banquet-master. If so, they’ve missed him. He’s already at work. Or maybe they are here to punish me for last night, is that possible? Endless speculations bound in my head as I hastily pull my greens on and knot my hair to the nape of my neck. I’m barely exiting the bathroom when the first knock sounds. Even Emma’s woken by the unexpected craft and she stands in our doorframe with her eyes wide and full of fear.
“Go in the room Emma and don’t come out unless I ask.” She stares vacantly. I grab her slight frame, squeezing her shoulders. The second knock sounds. “Do you understand?” I say urgently. Emma nods, retreating into our room. I exhale, releasing all my tension and walk boldly to the door.
My rage grows as I walk. I want to open the door and put an end to these Central dogs. These wicked people that took him from me but I can’t, I don’t have any weapons or combat training, it’d be useless.
I swing the door open seeing three representatives. Natalie’s standing in the lead looking as flawless as she did the day of my leap. Flanking her are two regulators with their eyes and faces shielded by their black helmets.
Natalie beams as she invites herself inside. She walks through the doorway and past me like I’m a shadow.
“Miss Hollins, what a pleasure.” She pauses briefly before continuing, “I’m sure this visit comes as a surprise.” She looks to me for a response I won’t grant. Her abrasive attitude shines through, “I know it must be since it surprised me to be sent here on business.” She’s made her way around our entire sitting room to position herself near the table. “Sit,” she directs with her sweeping arm, her eyes narrowing to mine commanding me.
Keeping my eyes defiantly locked with hers, I walk around, taking my seat. “You must understand that what happened last night comes as a shock to everyone. Nobody could’ve guessed fates would work the way they did Miss Hollins.”
She places her hands on my shoulders making my skin crawl. “Word traveled fast, faster than we can see possible. Not just citizens here but citizens in all the sectors are talking. You’re the first citizen to deny acceptance into a leap and to have that other boy Tyler deny passage too. It’s simply unfathomable.”
She stares out our window at the neighbors’ barren yard. “The leap was designed to give citizens hope, something to work for… a reason to maintain order. Without the leap, people would revert to the barbaric ways of the pre-divide.” She drops her hands from my shoulders, walking around to stare at me. “I’m not saying it was your intention to cause such a thing. But that’s the path we currently find ourselves on.”
I can’t follow what Natalie’s insinuating. It sounds like I’ve unintentionally made our society doubt itself. My mind tr
ies piecing together what it means as my hands fist.
“If the citizens believe there’s more to their purpose than making the leap, that’s when an outbreak begins. By denying the leap you two made them start to doubt the worth of it.” My eyes meets hers. “We need to remind them that the leap’s the only thing that matters. The leap and all the preparation and order surrounding it is a necessary means to prevent absolute chaos.”
Finally, I prepare myself to address her, “So why are you here? What am I supposed to do?”
She flashes her evil grin, “You do speak? I was beginning to worry.”
I fold my arms across my chest, “Why are you here?” I demand.
“Miss Hollins, I’m here so we can discuss how we’re going to snuff this ember you and that boy Tyler lit. We must extinguish this before it turns into wildfire. Central decided we won’t punish your family for your actions. That wouldn’t be fair.” Natalie strikes a chord immediately.
“Why would you punish them? They didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t do anything wrong either. It was my right to refuse.”
She sneers at me. “You really think it was your right to refuse?” Her head sways side to side, “Miss Hollins, I’m afraid you weren’t listening. Our nation was constructed on the premise that the leap is the ultimate mission in life; you and that boy temporarily diffused that belief. Without it, order cannot be maintained. Now as I was saying…” She trails off, placing her fists squarely on the table in front of me. “Your family won’t be punished for your actions last night. You however, will have consequences. Central’s decided the best action will be to separate you from the other citizens.”