All for Maddie

by Jettie Woodruff

  I replied with a grunt. Sure he did. I didn’t even try to protest the elaborate hotel. I walked in front of him as he held the door for me and led me to the fifth floor. I should have known. I should have known we wouldn’t be ordering pizza and staying in.

  “Get ready. We have an eight o’clock dinner reservation.”

  “I’m a little confused here, Alex,” I admitted, looking at the black evening gown carefully laid out on the king size bed for me.

  “About?”

  “You didn’t just decide to do this today, did you?” It didn’t make sense. I had some sort of mental or drug induced breakdown not even twenty-four hours ago. He surely wouldn’t have planned this on the spur of the moment after that. Would he?

  “No, I’ve had it planned for a couple weeks now.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I wanted to take you out and show you a good time. Is there something wrong with that?”

  “I’m not having a good time.”

  He smiled and took a step toward me. “How about you try to have a good time. I’m not such a bad guy. Really, I’m not.”

  I snorted. I wasn’t even going there. I bit my tongue trying not to remind him of our first meeting or any of the other stuff that he had done over the past few months.

  “Can I drink?”

  He laughed. “You can have a couple drinks. You can’t get drunk.”

  “What’s the point in drinking if you don’t get drunk?”

  “Go take a shower and get ready,” he demanded.

  I did as I was told and showered against my will. I had no makeup, no curling iron, and no perfume. All I had was a beautiful gown that I didn’t want to wear.

  Alex wasn’t in the room when I emerged wearing the hotel robe and griping about not wanting to go to some fancy restaurant. Two young ladies had a whole table setup with everything needed to make a girl pretty. I should have been shocked, but I really wasn’t. This was just like Alex. I wasn’t surprised a bit.

  I sat in the chair and let the two women make me over. I didn’t want to wear my hair down. I liked it up but I wasn’t given a choice. They never asked me about anything, not even the dark eye liner with the smoke gray shades on my eyelids. I was starving I hadn’t had anything all day except for Alex’s spaghetti. They were taking forever. I didn’t even argue when my robe was untied and I was handed the sexiest set of under garments that I had ever worn. What the hell was he up to? He was never going to see me in them.

  Oh my God, I thought as I looked in the mirror. I couldn’t go out looking like this. It didn’t even look like me. I loved my hair. I loved the dress. I loved the heels and even the expensive perfume. It just wasn’t me. I wasn’t comfortable showing this much skin. The back had a circle cut out and dipped low. The slit running up my leg ran all the way up. I wasn’t about to leave the room looking like that. My phone beeped. I read the text message.

  THE CAR IS READY. MEET ME IN THE LOBY.

  ALEX!!! NO!!! I CAN’T.

  Of course he didn’t reply. Why would he. That wasn’t Alex.

  I took one more glance in the mirror. I wanted something over my bare shoulders. I wondered what Alex would say if I came down in my jean jacket. I laughed a nervous laugh thinking about it and took the matching handbag from one of the ladies, leaving the jean jacket behind.

  Alex was standing just outside the elevator when I stepped out. His eyes scanned my body as I walked toward him. Where the hell did he get a suit and tie? Better question: where did he get dressed? I kept my eyes on his, trying not to scan his body too. I didn’t want to come off like that, but damnit all the way to hell, did he ever look good.

  “Don’t even look at me like that, Alex. What the hell are you doing?”

  “I would tell you to stop cussing like that, because you look too pretty to be angry, but FUCK, Whitley, you’re breathtaking.”

  “That’s because I’m hungry,” I replied. I couldn’t think of anything else to say. He smelled as good as he looked. I was distracted. I couldn’t think clear.

  I jerked my arm away when he tried to loop his through mine, giving him a stern glare, looking up as he smirked with that half grin amused at me. Ah hell, I was doomed. I couldn’t drink. That’s all there was to it. I had to stay away from alcohol. I was sure I’d be taking my clothes off for him if I didn’t.

  “You’re bipolar or something,” I accused, sliding into the limousine. Really…a limousine?

  He laughed and sat across from me. I didn’t want him in front of me. I wanted him on the same side, clear against the door. I didn’t want to be forced to stare at him. He was causing something that I didn’t want. What the hell is wrong with me? The man took my child. I hated him. He wouldn’t be touching me tonight or any night. I turned my eyes out the dark tinted window and then right back to him when the soft piano music started.

  “What are you up to, Alex?” I asked in some sort of soft seductive tone. Where the hell did that come from? I’m not sure where or who’s voice it even was, but I heard it loud and clear in my own mind. You’ve got his attention…Use it. What did that even mean? Use it?

  “I’m just trying to show you how things could be if you would let your guard down.”

  “And you think expensive attire, fine dining, and limousines are what I want?”

  “I don’t know what you want, but I’m dying to find out.”

  I want to get drunk and straddle you in the back seat of this car. “It’s not you,” I assured him. He didn’t falter. He only smiled with that sexy ass grin that was going to be the death of me tonight.

  We were seated at a table overlooking the Missouri River in a very romantic atmosphere restaurant called Fresh Jazz. It was dark with red walls, black table coverings, and crystal candles. Alex ordered us both a glass of wine and I sat across from him in disbelief. This was crazy. He was acting like we were a couple. We were far from being a couple.

  “You do look amazing,” Alex smiled over at me.

  I grunted. Why did I keep doing that? Why was I nervous? I picked up my wineglass and chugged about half of it. He took it from my hand and moved it away from me.

  “Easy, my little lush,” he teased.

  “I’m not a lush. I hardly ever drink,” I defensively responded. “Besides, I’m going to need that and a few more,” I admitted.

  “You don’t drink often, but when you do, you think you have to get drunk. Why are you going to need it?”

  “Because you’re scaring the hell out of me. You’re up to something.”

  “You’re not getting drunk tonight.”

  I made the same grumble noise.

  Alex snickered and stood, coming to my side with his hand out for me to take it.

  “What?” I asked, looking up. I wasn’t taking his hand. I knew what he was suggesting.

  “Dance with me and stop making that noise.”

  I placed my hand in his right after I grunted again. What the hell?

  He held me close with his hand on the small of my back. This wasn’t good. I didn’t want him to feel like this. He couldn’t feel like this. I couldn’t feel like this. He planned this whole night. What did he think I was going to do? I couldn’t forgive him. No way could I do that.

  “Relax, I’m not hurting you, am I?”

  I tried to loosen my stiff posture, right after that annoying grumble that kept surfacing from somewhere. “Alex,” I tried to protest before he stopped me with his lips on mine.

  “Shhh, just be with me. I’m not asking you for anything more.”

  “I don’t know what this is all about,” I opposed.

  “It’s not about anything. Stop making it out to be.”

  “You just kissed me, Alex,” I reminded him. It was about something. He knew it as well as I did.

  “I want to kiss you for the rest of my life.”

  “Jesus Christ,” I spat out, dropping my arms from around his neck. I had to get away from him. He was the one that needed medication. I walked back to o
ur table and chugged my wine, held it up to our waiter and sat with my arms crossed.

  “Why is this so hard for you, Whit?” Alex asked once our waiter filled our glasses.

  I chugged mine. I needed to be drunk to deal with this insane asshole. “Do you really want me to answer that? Why don’t I start with our first meeting?” I angrily said.

  “You’re not doing this, Whitley. Stop. We’re not fighting tonight.”

  “We’re not?”

  “No, let’s talk.”

  “Talk?”

  “Stop doing that. Yes, let’s talk. Tell me something that I don’t know about you.”

  “You’re joking.”

  “Nope, tell me what life was like growing up on a campground by the river.”

  “Ha, it was great,” I replied with nothing more. I’m not sure how we made it through that night. He was trying his best to be romantic and break the barrier between us. I wasn’t having it.

  Chapter 15

  That night was the end of me. That night might not have broken the barrier but it left a hell of a crack. I wanted to stay downstairs at the hotel and drink. He wouldn’t hear of it. We went up to the room with no alcohol. How the hell was I supposed to make it through the night with him being sober?

  “Do you want my t-shirt? I just put it on,” he offered, knowing I didn’t come prepared for this.

  “Sure,” I replied, watching him unbutton his white dress shirt. I grabbed it out of his hands and walked to the bathroom. I couldn’t stand the sight of him shirtless.

  “Nice,” I said out loud, slipping the thin white t-shirt over my head, eyeing my perky nipples through the mirror. I shook my head, pulled down on the bottom, walked out, and practically jumped under the covers.

  I switched off the lamp on my side and turned away from him, ignoring the sound that I knew was him sliding out of his slacks and into the king size bed. Thank God, the bed was big enough to keep us from touching.

  I froze in panic when he moved over to me and ran his hand up my hip and to my ribs. I couldn’t even speak long enough to protest. What was he doing? Was I going to let him do it? The instant pulsating between my legs said I was.

  “Roll over, baby,” he whispered to my hair. I did. Fuck I did.

  “What are you doing, Alex,” I rasped.

  “I’m going to make love to you.”

  “No, you’re not,” I replied in a soft, hoarse tone.

  “Yes, Whitley, I am. I should have done this months ago. I’m done waiting for you.”

  “Alex, you can’t control me,” I tried as I felt his lips on mine.

  “I know. I’m working on it. Let me do this, Whitley. I need to do this,” he spoke warm words to my lips. “Please,” he begged.

  “Okay,” I replied, giving in. Just because I needed sex didn’t mean it meant anything else, right?

  Wrong….

  Alex slid my panties over my hips while I rose, helping him. He moved his shirt over my head, and I caught a whiff of his cologne as it brushed across my face, landing on the floor. He ran his hand up the inside of my thigh and straight to my already wet sex. I moaned and closed my eyes.

  “Look at me,” he whispered as his fingers did amazing things to me. I opened my eyes and tried to look at him. I couldn’t, I turned away.

  “Whit,” he coaxed, wanting me to look at him.

  I turned toward him. “I can’t, Alex. I can’t look at you while you do this to me. I can’t.” What the hell? I wasn’t thinking about crying. I was thinking about getting laid. Where the hell did all this emotion come from?

  He moved between my legs and kissed my eyelids. “I’m sorry, Whitley,” he whispered. I knew that he was apologizing for more things than one as he moved into me. I closed my eyes again, I had to. I couldn’t look at him while he did this, while he made love to me. Alex was making love to me and I was letting him, feeling my barrier that kept him at a distance being cracked even more.

  I didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t make love. I hadn’t been able to do that since, well, ever. I’d never made love. This was more emotion than I could take, and I cried while Alex took me, trying to tell me how sorry he was. At least that’s how it felt anyway. Alex could turn on a dime. I didn’t know where we would be the next morning.

  I’m not sure what happened, but when the two of us released together, I felt like the world had been lifted from my shoulders. Years of betrayal, hurt, and anger exuded from my heart and soul. Was I in love with Alex? Could I love him or was this all part of his game?

  We talked that night, really talked, laying naked in each other’s arms. Alex confessed his cancer and I listened, pretending not to already know. He acknowledged Karma for his sickness; he felt that he deserved it for what he did to me at that party. He told me how when he saw me on the sidewalk at Kylie’s bachelorette party, how something happened and he knew he had to make it right. He showed up at the resort wanting to talk to me. His then girlfriend was the one to plan the weekend couple thing. He had wanted to come alone. He confessed how it made him feel when he saw Maddie after she’d ran smack into his car. He knew she belonged to him the moment he saw her.

  He told me how angry he was that I hid her from him and didn’t tell him, but had recently understood that he had no right. He admitted to me that he had no right to come into my life and take my daughter the way that he had. He did it out of anger and control. He wanted to show me that I was nothing, up against him. I heard him apologize at least twenty times that night. He traced my stomach, my fingers, kissed me a million times as he confessed his deep dark secrets to me. Could I forgive this man? Did I even want to? It all seemed so surreal, just the night before I was drunk, looking at an apartment, and trying to be jaded with another man.

  I’m not sure what time it was when we finally dozed off. I’m sure it was near daylight. Alex was asleep first, and I laid silent, thinking unbelievable, crazy thoughts. We woke to the sound of a lady calling, “Housekeeping,” over and over.

  Alex was making sure things weren’t awkward between us when we finally stirred and crawled out of bed. He talked on and on about Maddie’s zoo and how he couldn’t wait to see her face. He talked about eating his mother’s ham the following day and yes, he kissed me multiple times. I laughed at his chattering all the way home. He never shut up, nor did he let go of my hand.

  <><><>

  “What happened?” Regan asked, as she handed me a drink while the two of us cleaned up the dining room table, carrying dirty plates to the kitchen where Connie and Dana cleaned up the kitchen.

  “What do you mean?” I feigned ignorance. I knew what she was talking about. Alex hadn’t taken his eyes off me the entire day. I would have never guessed there was so much power behind a look.

  “Don’t play dumb with me. You look… I don’t know, happy, I guess,” she assumed, collecting silverware from around the table.

  “I don’t know. I guess I am. We’ll see.”

  “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

  I smiled. I was in love with him. When did that happen? Had I always been in love with him?

  “We need to celebrate. That makes me extremely happy,” she taunted.

  I laughed. “You always want to celebrate. I’m not getting drunk, it’s Easter Sunday.”

  “So? You don’t have to get up and go to work and neither do I.”

  “Mommy, I spilled this,” Maddie said, showing me the red stain down her brand new dress. Crap, I wanted her to be able to wear the too expensive dress one more time at her birthday party.

  “Come on, we’ll change, Mommy will see if we can get it out,” I coaxed leading her to the bathroom.

  I slipped the dress over her head, leaving her standing in her shiny black shoes, pink lace socks, and white panties with a ruffled butt. I smiled, looking down at her as I read the tag. She looked just as cute like that as she had in her dress.

  “Come here, Munchkin,” Alex said, picking her up and standing her on the sink. I
was a little taken aback that he took it up on himself to get her clothes and came to help. He slid her shirt over her head and leaned over to kiss me while I was staring at him.

  “No, I not wear a shoes,” she ordered when he slipped off the dress shoes, trying to replace them with sneakers.

  “I not wear a shoes?” he asked, giving her a silly look.

  “I don’t want to wear shoes,” she rephrased.

  He kissed her little lips. “That’s better. Go get Trenton and skate down the hall. I bet it’s really slippery with your socks,” he suggested, lifting her to the floor.

  “Put her pants on,” I ordered as she ran off, yelling for Trenton to slide down the hall with her.

  “Uh-uh,” I love her little butt in those things, besides she’s going to grow up too fast anyways. I’m not going to be letting her run around in shorts before you know it, let alone her panties.”

  I smiled as he took Maddie’s dress from my hands. “I’ll drop it off to have it dry cleaned. What about you? You wearing panties,” he teased, moving me backwards to the counter.

  “Alex stop, we’re in your parent’s house,” I demanded, knowing the look in his eyes. He reached around me and locked the door.

  “Alex, no, what are you doing?” I asked as his hands slid my dress up.

  “I’ve been watching you in this sexy ass dress all day. I can’t take it anymore. I need you,” he whispered, landing soft kisses on my neck and lifting me to the sink.

  “I am not having sex with you in your mother’s bathroom.”

  “Good, I don’t want you to,” he admitted, moving his fingers between my legs. “I just want to make you come,” he said, kissing my lips. I was doomed. I was doomed as soon as he slid my panties to the side and abruptly moved his middle finger inside me. Damnit if I didn’t moan.

  “I hate you,” I pouted, giving into him. I had to. I was past the point of return. He giggled to my lips. I swear the man already knew everything about my body. I think it took all of maybe two minutes before my head was dropping. He pulled me back to him, covering my mouth with his as I moaned an unbelievable, satisfying moan.