Night at the Museum

by Michael Anthony Steele

  Laaa looked up at Larry, his eyes full of remorse and fear. Larry shook his head and sighed.

  CHAPTER 9

  BAM!

  Larry threw himself at the locked break-room door. It didn’t even budge and all he had to show for it was a sore shoulder. Tilly had locked them inside. Laaa had chewed through his wrist restraints and was passing the time, sitting in a chair and beating his head against the table. All the while, the caveman moaned in shame.

  “Don’t beat yourself up, Laaa,” consoled Larry. “It’s not your fault.”

  Larry moved to the sink and picked up an old dishtowel. He wrapped it around his right fist and headed back to the door. They had to break out of there somehow. Larry reared back and punched the door’s reinforced window. Nothing. Not even a crack.

  “Argh!” Larry yelled in both frustration and pain.

  This broke Laaa out of his head-banging trance. He moved to the door and punched it just as Larry did. “Aaaa!” Laaa yelled. He looked to Larry for approval.

  “Laaa, if you see me do something dumb, don’t imitate me, okay?” asked Larry.

  The Neanderthal nodded.

  Larry rubbed his aching hand. “That’s basically what I keep telling Nick.”

  Laaa nodded again.

  “It’s a lot simpler for you, Laaa,” said Larry. He moved throughout the room, searching through drawers and cabinets. Laaa followed him, listening intently. “All you have to do is worry about fire ... no fire.” Larry continued. “Shelter ... no shelter.” Larry found an old butter knife and marched back to the door. “The whole evolution thing? It just makes things more complicated.”

  Laaa followed Larry to the door, still listening and nodding.

  “Look, I get it,” said Larry. He pried at the lock with the tip of the butter knife. “I know where Nick is coming from. I’m just trying to help the kid skip twenty years of my mistakes.”

  Laaa pointed to the door and then to his head.

  Larry frowned, trying to understand. “Door ... head. Okay ...”

  Laaa reached out and opened an imaginary door. Then he pointed to his head again.

  “Open your head?” asked Larry. Then his eyes widened. “Open your mind! Yeah, well, that’s parenting right there, Laaa.” Larry nodded. “That’s the challenge.”

  Laaa shook his head and gently moved Larry aside. He took a step back, lowered his head, and charged the door. His head rammed through the reinforced window, shattering the glass. Laaa pulled his head out and then reached through the break in the window. He unlatched the door from the other side and swung the door open.

  “Oh! Open the door with your head,” said Larry. He patted the caveman on the back. “Good job.”

  Larry and Laaa ran out of the break room and into the freight room. He had to stop Tilly from calling the police. Lucky for him, it looked as if someone beat him to it. He found the rest of his group waiting for him outside. The guard shack door was closed with a stool jammed underneath the handle. Larry could hear Tilly pounding on the door.

  “You won’t get away with this,” said her muffled voice. “I’m doing sketches of you in my mind!”

  Larry ran up to his friends. “Everybody okay?”

  “Yes, Lawrence,” replied Teddy. “We’ve secured the lady guard in her booth. But I don’t know how long that’ll hold her.”

  “All right.” Larry clasped his hands together. “We need to find Lancelot, but somebody has to keep that guard locked up.”

  Laaa stepped solemnly forward.

  Larry nodded. “Laaa. You know what to do.”

  The caveman held up both hands, palms out, as if he were holding up an invisible door.

  Larry smiled. “Make sure she stays in there.”

  Laaa nodded vigorously. “STAAAY!”

  Larry pat him on the back. “Good.” Laaa ran toward the guardhouse.

  “Lawrence, I can’t move my arms,” said Teddy. Both of his arms were now frozen stiff. His hands jutted out from the elbows as if he were trying to shake two hands at once. “I fear we are becoming less useful by the minute.”

  Larry looked at the others. Sacajawea was almost expressionless. She was reverting back to her original plastic form. Ahkmenrah’s face was even more aged and cracked. As Larry looked at Attila, the Hun warrior swayed and then dropped to his knees.

  Larry rushed to help him to his feet. “Come on, big guy.” Once the Hun was upright, Larry noticed that one of Attila’s eyes had turned back to glass. It stared up and to the left. “Wow, you’re looking all crazy-eyed there, man,” said Larry. “Like, way more than normal.”

  Attila’s lower lip jutted out. He seemed about to cry.

  Larry grabbed his arm. “Just hang tough,” Larry told him. “Listen to me. When does a Hun give up?”

  Attila took a breath and summoned a brave smile. “Nagor.”

  “That’s right. Nagor,” said Larry. “He just keeps ... pillaging and looting until the very last village is burned.”

  Larry turned to gaze at the London skyline. “Lancelot’s out there somewhere.”

  “Dad, there’s like eight million people in this city,” said Nick. “The guy could be anywhere.”

  “We’ll find him,” said Larry. “We have to.”

  “Always the optimist, Leonard,” said Teddy.

  “Larry,” corrected Larry.

  Teddy nodded. “Right.”

  Larry led the way as they trekked into the heart of the city. As the strange group moved down the busy sidewalks, Larry tried to ignore the curious looks they received from passersby. He had to stay focused on tracking down the rogue knight. Surprisingly, they didn’t get as many stares as he had expected. Then again, London was a big city. And if it were anything like living in New York, then the people were used to seeing all kinds of strange things every day.

  When they came to a small park, Sacajawea knelt and examined the ground. “He came this way,” she said through her tightening lips. “Traveling half an acre per hour. The horse ... its left flank is weak.”

  They followed the trail for two blocks until it went cold. Then someone screamed from around a corner. That scream told Larry that they were still on the right trail.

  “Come on,” Larry said as they dashed down the sidewalk.

  They turned the corner and saw Trafalgar Square spread out before them. The huge open space was surrounded by ornate granite buildings and had a large fountain near the center. Larry recognized the London landmark at once. It was named after a British naval victory during the Napoleonic Wars. It featured a two-hundred-foot column displaying a statue of the hero of that battle, Admiral Nelson. Surrounding the column were four bronze lion statues, each one the size of an SUV. Normally, the lions surrounded the column. Since Lancelot had come through with the magic tablet, awakening the statues, the lions now terrorized the square’s many tourists.

  As soon as Larry and the others entered the square, one of the lions turned its attention to them. It bared a mouthful of sharp bronze teeth.

  ROOOOAR!

  The other three lions noticed the first one’s cry. They ceased their prowling and bounded over to join the first. Now all four lions snarled as they stalked the small group from New York. Ears back and teeth bared, they crept closer, ready to pounce.

  “Lawrence? Ideas?” asked Teddy.

  Jed and Octavius peeked out from a pocket in Nick’s vest. “Use your flashlight, Gigantor,” yelled Jed. “These cats want to play!”

  Larry whipped out his flashlight and switched it on. He aimed the beam at the ground in front of the first lion. Its ears shot forward and its head darted down as it began tracking the lit circle. Larry wiggled the flashlight a bit, making the circle dance about. The lion reached out a paw, trying to catch the circle of light. When it couldn’t stop the light from moving, it grabbed at it with both paws. Soon, the other lions joined the first. They all chased the light beam like kittens chasing the red dot of a laser pointer—just like one of Jed and Octavius’ favorite
Internet videos.

  “Gigantor, get your phone out!” said Jed. “We gotta video this!”

  “We don’t have time for that,” said Larry.

  “By the barnacled brow of Neptune,” said Octavius, shaking his head. “We’d have millions of hits.”

  Larry switched off the flashlight and slid it back onto his belt. He smiled at the romping lions. “This would be huge.”

  The lions continued to play like giant kittens. They pounced on each other and wrestled around the square. The tourists who hadn’t run for their lives were busy taking pictures of the frisky felines.

  They had solved that problem, but they were still no closer to catching Lancelot. Larry scanned the large square and saw no sign of the knight on horseback.

  Teddy glanced around. “Where the devil did he go?”

  Larry’s eyes landed on a bus shelter. A large advertisement had been installed on one side. Larry smiled. He read the colorful poster and knew exactly where Lancelot was going.

  CHAPTER 10

  The bus pulled to a stop in front of the Palladium Theatre. Larry and the others filed off the vehicle amid the stares and occasional picture snaps of the other bus patrons. He had to admit that they must have been a strange sight. After all, how often did one see a Native American woman, Hun warlord, former U.S. president, Egyptian pharaoh, two living miniature figurines, and a monkey riding public transportation? And it wasn’t even Halloween.

  As the bus pulled away, Larry stared up at the grand theater. Ironically, its tall marble columns and wide steps looked quite similar to the Museum of Natural History back in New York. Larry felt a pang of homesickness.

  Three things let them know that they had come to the right place. The first thing was a colorful banner that hung over the entrance. It announced the production currently going on inside. It was Camelot, the musical. The popular play featured all the mythical characters from ancient lore. King Arthur, Queen Guinevere, and Sir Lancelot himself. The second thing was the armored horse milling about in front of the theater. That was a clue. But the thing that really let Larry know that they were in the right place was on the theater steps themselves. The steps were covered with a steady stream of panicked audience members. They screamed and shouted as they exited the theater.

  Larry sighed. “I think we found him.”

  Like fish swimming upstream, Larry and his friends wove their way through the departing crowd. They made their way into the lobby and up the ramp to the theater itself. When they entered, Larry was taken aback by the huge space. Two rows of balconies encircled the seating on the main floor. Enormous velvet curtains decorated the theater and framed the large stage ahead.

  Larry and his friends pushed through the crowded aisle toward the main stage. As he moved past the frightened people, he could just make out three figures on the stage. They stood near a set piece depicting the front of a regal castle. Torches affixed to the castle wall flickered light over the scene. The woman wore a flowing medieval gown while a man was dressed in a sparkling tunic and a golden crown. They were obviously actors playing King Arthur and Queen Guinevere. The third figure wasn’t acting at all. Larry recognized the armored figure of Lancelot at once. Thanks to the acoustics of the theater, Larry could hear every word the knight said.

  “I am Lancelot!” announced the knight. “I’ve fulfilled my quest, Arthur. I carry the treasure you sought but never could find.” He pulled the tablet from a pouch and held it high. “The key to life everlasting!”

  The actress moved closer to the man playing King Arthur. She pointed to her head, making small circles with her finger. “His cream’s gone lumpy.”

  Lancelot pointed to the castle set. “And look what you’ve done! Camelot used to inspire the hearts of men.” The knight slid the tablet back into his pouch and drew his sword. “You’ve turned it into a gaudy puppet show!” Lancelot hacked at a nearby bush. The flat wooden set piece was sliced in half.

  Larry and the others pushed closer to the stage.

  “Do you know how long I’ve dreamed of coming home?” asked Lancelot. “And for what? Some tawdry deception?”

  In one blow, he cut down a two dimensional tree. He slammed the butt of his sword into the trunk, hurling it into the audience. The few theatergoers who were left in their seats scattered as the set piece flew their way. They fled up the aisle, slowing Larry and the others’ progress further.

  “You don’t deserve your crown, Arthur,” said Lancelot. He aimed his sword at the actor. “And you don’t deserve your queen!”

  “I’m not a queen,” said the woman playing Guinevere.

  “That’s right,” agreed the man playing Arthur. “She’s an actor. So am I.” He held out his hands to the set around them. “This is all just pretend, mate.”

  “It’s not real,” added the woman.

  “Lancelot!” shouted Larry. He and the others ran up to the edge of the stage. “Leave them out of this. It’s not their fight.”

  The actor playing Arthur jutted a thumb toward the knight. “You know this guy?”

  Larry sighed and nodded. “Yeah.”

  Lancelot looked from Larry and his friends to the actors and the set of Camelot. His face fell and he turned and ran. The knight snatched a torch from the fake castle wall and disappeared backstage.

  Larry led the way as he and his friends ran up the stairs and atop the stage. They ran past the two actors and into the wings. Once backstage, Larry found a spiral staircase. He heard footsteps above.

  Larry and the others climbed the stairs until they reached a landing and a door leading to the roof. Larry opened the door and dashed outside. He spotted Lancelot standing near the edge of the roof, his back to them. It had begun to snow and large flakes drifted down over the knight.

  “Hey, give me the tablet!” ordered Larry.

  The knight spun and brandished the torch. “Back off!”

  Larry held up his hands in defense but he stepped closer. “It’s over.”

  “Back!” ordered the knight. He stepped forward, jabbing the torch at Larry.

  Larry’s eyes widened. “Whoa!” The torch had melted the knight’s nose. Its tip dangled from the knight’s face like a floppy little elephant’s trunk. “What’s up with your nose?” asked Larry.

  “What? What’s wrong with my nose?” Lancelot dropped the torch into an empty flower pot and his hands shot to his face. His fingers felt the drooping piece of wax. “Is it bad?”

  “Yeah ... no ... it’s all right,” Larry replied. “I mean ... it’s not great.”

  Lancelot drew his sword. Larry braced himself, but the knight merely stared at his reflection in the gleaming blade. “But ... I’m Lancelot.”

  Larry stepped forward. “Look, there never was a Lancelot. It’s just a legend. You’re a museum exhibit. The tablet brought you to life, too ... just like all the others you saw tonight.”

  The knight looked up from the sword. “I don’t understand.”

  “I’m sorry man. I know that’s hard to hear. But right now, you really have to give me the tablet. Please.”

  “And what then?” asked the knight, his eyes full of sadness. “Back to the museum? To stand there as little children ogle ... and point?”

  “And learn,” Teddy added. “And get inspired to do great things of their own.” Teddy smiled. “There are less noble fates, my friend.”

  “Not for me.” The knight shook his head. “If there is no Camelot ... if there is no Guinevere ... and no Lancelot. Then I’m nothing. Just a sad lump of wax.” His eyes flashed as he glared at Larry. “And stop looking at my nose!”

  Larry held up his hands. “I wasn’t.”

  “You were! I saw you,” said Lancelot. He leaned forward, making his nose flop even more. “You were like this ... uhhh ... staring.”

  Larry shrugged. “Well, what do you want me to do?” He pointed at the knight’s face. “It’s all ...”

  “Don’t say it,” barked Lancelot. “Don’t mention it and don’t look
at it.”

  Larry looked up at the sky. “I’ll try not to look at it.” His eyes found their way back to Lancelot’s nose.

  “Look at some other part of me,” ordered the knight. He held up his hands. “No one look at or mention my nose from this moment forward!”

  Larry looked away. Nick, Teddy, and Sacajawea looked away. Attila’s crazy eye was already looking away.

  “Now,” said Lancelot. His brow furrowed. “I forgot what we were talking about.”

  Attila grunted as he fell to his knees. Teddy went stiff and fell flat on his face. Sacajawea tried to say something, but her mouth was completely sealed. She put Dexter down and moved toward Teddy.

  “Larry,” said Ahkmenrah. The young pharoah’s face cracked and began to crumble. “We’ve run out of time.”

  Larry spotted the miniatures in Nick’s pocket. Jed and Octavius could hardly move.

  “Lancelot. Come on, man.” Larry stepped toward the confused knight. “Listen to me. The tablet needs moonlight now. Otherwise my friends will die. And so will you.”

  Lancelot closed his eyes. “A world without Camelot is not a world worth living in.”

  “Dad!” shouted Nick.

  Larry spun around to see Dexter wheezing and grabbing at his little furry chest. The monkey took two steps forward and collapsed at Larry’s feet.

  “Dex!” shouted Larry. He knelt beside the capuchin. “Come on, buddy! It’s gonna be okay!”

  Dexter’s eyes dulled and his wheezing slowed. Larry was desperate. He slapped the little monkey’s face. “Slap me back!” He moved his cheek closer to the monkey. “It’s me! Larry! Come on, slap me!”

  Dexter raised a feeble, tiny monkey hand toward Larry’s face but then froze.

  Larry put two fingers on Dexter’s chest and began giving chest compressions. “One, two, three, four, five!” He leaned over and gave the monkey mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. It wasn’t working.

  Larry pounded on Dexter’s chest. “Come on, Dex! Don’t you quit on me, monkey! Fight, monkey! Fight!”

  Tears welled up in Larry’s eyes. Dexter couldn’t be gone. The little monkey couldn’t be dead.