She just stares back at him, trying to calm her racing heart.
“You’re starting to give me a complex, Dev. Could you please come back to bed now?”
“You sure that’s okay?”
He isn’t sure of anything anymore, except the panic he feels. Watching her go through the night terror is something he’ll never allow himself to forget—if that’s even an option.
“You know I love you, right?”
“I’ll go to the couch and let you sleep. Dev, I’m so sorry.”
“Wait, what are you doing?”
He’s perplexed at her abrupt retreat after such a horrific experience.
“Don’t. I believed this would work, but I was wrong. I’m sorry. I understand that you’ll need time in the morning to move your things back home.”
“Hold on!”
Exasperated that she can dismiss him so easily, he runs after her, grabbing her arm.
“No! Clar, no! I won’t let you run. You can’t run.”
“Oh, Dev, I’m just thinking of you. Please understand, it’s like this almost every night. I can’t stop it, and I don’t even know when it’s happening. We can’t do this. I can’t do this to you.”
“Well, tough!” he yells. “I don’t understand. Not that I don’t understand the nightmares, but I don’t understand how you could run already? Why?”
“Why, what?”
“Forget why! Let’s talk about how. How could I let you leave? Is that what you’re asking me?”
Throwing her hands in the air, tired and no longer able to keep up the performance she’s perfected over the past few months, Clara decides to fight back.
“Are you serious? You saw. You see me now. This is how I wake up in the middle of the night. Soaked in sweat from recalling that moment. Shaking and crying, gasping coughs of gut-wrenching fear.”
Well and truly pissed now, she walks up to him, clearly not in the mood for rationale thought.
“I fuckin love you, you asshole.” She pushes against his chest. “Don’t you get it? I can’t do this to you. Look at you! And it’s just the first night, too! Do you think it’ll just get magically better from now on? Do you think I’ll all of a sudden stop screaming in the middle of the night?”
She waits for a reply, but he just listens to her tirade.
“I tried, you know. I tried the pills, the booze, the therapy. I tried it all.”
Taking a much-needed breath as her throat burns from the aftermath of her terror, she begins to gulp down the guilt of seeing the concern etched on his beautiful face.
“Clara, enough!”
This is what he’s been waiting for. This is the reality he knew was coming. It doesn’t take a PhD to know when someone is about to have an emotional meltdown, and Clara is beyond due.
“No!”
“Yes, goddammit!”
“Enough of this crap! I know you better than you think, and we will figure this out together. Now cut the crap, get some water for your parched throat, and get the fuck to bed.”
“What did you just say to me?”
“You heard me. Stop thinking about it, and just do it.”
Grabbing a water bottle from the fridge, she turns to face him again, calmer now as she begins to drink the cool liquid.
He leads her into the bedroom with his hand on the small of her back, and the contact sends bolts of electricity up between them that she feels all the way down to her toes.
“Bed.”
“But…”
“Clara, I’m serious. Bed. Now.”
He pulls back the covers for her to get in. Going around the other side of the bed, he pulls the covers back for himself and reaches for her as she buries her head in the crook of his neck.
“I love you. Now go to sleep.”
“Dev…”
“Honey, we’ll figure this out tomorrow, or the day after that, or the day after that. Just not tonight.” Tired, he yawns before pulling her against him. “Let me process all this first, okay?”
“Okay, Dev.”
Looking up at his face, Clara’s heart swells at this wonderful man that she almost tried pushing out of her life less than twenty minutes ago.
“I love you.”
“I love you too, honey. Now go to sleep.”
Chapter Six
He’s screwed, and he knows it. This is way beyond anything he’s seen before, and quite frankly, he’s scared to death about what he’s going to do next. This isn’t like him, either. He usually knows what to do in every situation. It isn’t like him be so afraid. Grabbing all the courage he can muster, Devin does something he didn’t think possible in all his adult years.
He calls his dad to get some much-needed advice.
***
I really think we can do this. At first I thought we were so screwed, but now I really think we can do this.
It’s only been a week since that first night of terror, so to speak. A week since the nightmare caused Devin to panic as he saw what I go through. But it seems like we may be able to do this thing—live together—after all. Scary as it is, I think we might actually be able to make it work.
After talking about what happened to me, the nightmares came on in full force, scaring the hell out of Devin. Then, like a fool, I tried to push him away. Now, after a week of no nightmares—that I’m aware of—I really feel like we have made a breakthrough. Every night, Devin makes sure to calm me before we go to bed, sometimes in the most delicious ways possible. He’s actually the best therapy a woman could ask for, and the best part?
He’s all mine.
My provocative thoughts are cut short as I make my way to our favorite table. Devin made it out the door this morning before me, saying he wanted to surprise me, so I’m looking forward to seeing what his plan is for the day.
We’ve been in our bubble of happiness since we moved in together, but I’ve been walking on eggshells, worried about messing things up between us. I feel like I haven’t had a real chance to enjoy our time together. So this morning feels like the first time I am finally able to expel the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding all week.
“Hey, beautiful.”
“Hey yourself, handsome. Wanna tell me what’s going on?”
Without breaking eye contact, I sit at our favorite table outside the bakery, thanking him once again for remembering to put the cream cheese on the side. I really hate when they smother my bagel with it. Rationally, I know that I just want to add my own amount before I take a bite, so as not to get my fingers dirty as I break the bagel apart. Point is, I’m always impressed that he does this for me.
“Today, we’re going to my parent’s place,” he says, taking my hand into his.
“You’re serious?” I ask, spurting out bagel chunks.
He just laughs and uses the napkins around us to clean up the mess I’ve made.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be serious?”
“Devin, are you crazy!”
“What? We live together. I want them to meet you.”
“That’s my surprise? Your parents?”
“Yes, my parents.”
He looks at me with mock horror as I try to calm my thoughts.
These people must think I’m some sort of troll up to just go moving in with a man after only a few months together. Hell, they probably think I’m the worst possible kind of harlot. I know my parents would think that of someone who overlooks common sense to live with a man they hardly know.
Fuck! Did I even tell my parents about us moving in together? Will I have to now, since he’s introducing me to his parents? Oh, God, Dad is going to freak out when he finds out we’ve only been together a few months before we decided to move in. And Mom… Christ, I think she may kill me before I have a chance to get the words out.
“Are there refunds that accompany this surprise? Because I think I’d like to return it, please.”
“Are you done freaking out yet?” he asks, chuckling.
I want to clobber him.
/> “Keep mumbling. I love watching how nervous you are, and to answer your questions, no, my parents do not think you’re a harlot. They are looking forward to meeting the woman I love, so relax, will you? Oh, and yes, you’re going to have to tell your parents very soon, because they definitely need to know I’m around.”
Taking a bite of his donut, one leg crossed over the other, Devin raises a brow as though this is the most normal conversation two people could have.
“Nervous, baby?” he asks as he sips his coffee.
Am I nervous? Duh. Hell, yes, I’m nervous!
I must have vocalized those last parts, because Mr. In Control just smirks, saying, “Relax, they’re gonna love you. Just like I do.”
“Devin, you can’t be sure of that. How do you know? Seriously, prepare a girl for these things next time. You don’t just spring this on a person you love. Don’t say, ‘Hey, you’re going to meet my family’ while we’re having breakfast… on the street… first thing in the morning… while a girl is just trying to enjoy her latte and bagel. What were you thinking?”
In my haze of fury I miss him shift his position enough so that he can kiss the panic right out of me. Not realizing how desperately I needed this man, I try to deepen the kiss, except he’s not allowing me full access to his delectable mouth.
Pulling back my head, which is cradled between his hands, he stares into my eyes and mouths public place at me.
I narrow my eyes at him.
“Better?”
It’s more of a statement than a question.
Taking a few extra moments to settle myself, I stare back, thinking of all the ways this could possibly go wrong. In the end, I decide to placate him.
“Yes, thank you. Sorry.”
“It’s all good, honey.”
Taking a deep breath along with another bite of my bagel, murderous thoughts race across my mind. I find myself mentally debating the best way to bury the body.
I finally regain my senses and muster up the courage to ask, “When?”
“Well, I was hoping after we eat we could make the drive and enjoy the day there.”
“Okay.”
What else can I possibly say?
“Okay?”
His eyes narrow as he continues to scrutinize my expression.
“Yep, okay.”
It’s all I can say.
He watches me as he enjoys his donut, savoring his last few bites.
“We could take that to go, you know.”
“You serious? In your precious car?”
“Funny,” he says, chuckling. “Let’s go.”
I breathe in so deep the cool air burns my lungs.
“Okay, we’re going now.”
And that’s all I get out before he grabs my hand and we head toward the garage of the condo complex. We’re walking at a pace I’m not entirely comfortable with. I try to slow him down, pulling on his hand to release me, but he abruptly stops and faces me.
“Come on, it won’t be that bad.”
“Okay.”
He tilts his head and turns slightly so he can see me out of the corner of his eye.
“I will carry you, you know.”
“You wouldn’t.” My voice is so small and shocked that he just regards me. Not wanting this to be a challenge, I take a small step back and regard him with narrow eyes. “Don’t even think about it.”
“You sure? We could get to the car much faster that way. Plus, I think you’d enjoy the ride.”
I mouth pervert to him and he chuckles some more this time, tilting his head back as it becomes a proper full-blown laugh.
“Probably,” he says, after he collects himself. “Ready now?”
“Yes!”
My reply comes out a little too harsh, even for myself.
“Clara, seriously, take a breath. I don’t want you panicking all the way there. It’s an hour’s drive.”
“In that case, I need to pee.”
“We’ll stop along the way.”
“I’d like to bring some water. You know I get thirsty after my latte.”
“We’ll stop along the way.”
“Maybe I should get my to-go bag that has my toothbrush in it.”
“We’ll stop along the way.”
“I need to use the bathroom?”
“You used that one already. Like I said, we’ll stop along the way.”
“Can’t make this not happen, huh?”
“Nope.”
“How about we reschedule this for next weekend?”
“It’s Wednesday. That’s over a week away. Besides that, I don’t want you worrying over a week about it, let alone making me worry over a week about you worrying about it. The answer is still no.”
“But…”
“Clara, no.”
He’s so calm it makes me wonder what the rush is. Then I realize something: His calm is pissing me off, and he knows it, the bastard.
“Fine.”
“Fine,” he answers back enthusiastically.
I’m now keeping pace with him as we head to the garage for the car. It looks as if we really are going to do this. I’m really going to be meeting his parents today.
Fantastic.
The sarcasm is apparent in my head, even if I don’t vocalize my remarks out loud.
Devin just regards me, chuckling and shaking his head.
It’s eerie the way he understands me. I just hope that someday I can do the same with him, but right now I just don’t know what he’s thinking, and the lack of knowledge cripples me.
Realizing that someone knows you so well that they just have to look at you to know what you’re thinking can be overwhelming. And I have no idea what could possibly be going on inside his head. He’s constantly surprising me. Most of the time I fly by the seat of my pants when anticipating his responses.
It makes me wonder: Will I ever be able to know him as well as he knows me?
***
Our journey takes well over an hour. Finally, we pull into the drive. Ornate stone pillars stand proudly as we make our way through them to continue toward the house. The prestige of this place is something rather intimidating to a girl from the Midwest, where subdivisions are more likely than mansions, but the steady breaths I’m taking to relieve my nerves seem to be doing the trick.
“Breathe, baby.”
Taking my hand into his, I feel the calm wash over me instantly.
How he does that, I have no idea.
To say this place is grand is an understatement. Devin regards my reaction out of the corner of his eye as he parks and gets out of the vehicle. Then he comes around and opens my door.
“Too much?” Devin asks as he takes my hand and pulls me out of the car.
More like yanks me out, as the thought of entering his parents’ home is becoming similar to the thought of getting a root canal.
“It really won’t be as bad as you’re making it out to be.”
I pull at this hand anyway, protesting moving forward.
“How could it not be as bad?”
“There is a lot you don’t know about my family. I know I didn’t prepare you for all this.” His hand waves in the air around us as tries to explain the magnitude of what this could possibly mean. “I… I didn’t want…”
“It’s okay, we’ll take our time.”
My hand softly caresses his cheek as he stumbles over the words he’s seeking to comfort me. The love I see in his eyes gives me the courage I need to find out what’s beyond the entrance.
“Sure, right. Let’s take our time.”
I don’t believe he’s dragged me all the way here just so I can take my time getting to the front door.
Why is he doing this? Why are we here? Why can’t we just go back to the bakery and start this day over again?
I look toward the sky to find some solace, but the calm I find there grates at my nerves too.
Ugh, men.
“Come on, enough sulking.”
He takes my hand
as we head for the door of his family’s home.
“You’re right, the firing squad on the other side of the door shouldn’t be that bad.”
I look in dismay as someone peers out the window at us.
“What happened to ‘I get to take my time’? ‘No rushing’? You just told me I could take my time!”
“That ended when you made that face of contrite indignation.”
Unable to help myself, I grab his butt.
Shock and awe appear on his face as he jumps awkwardly, shimmying back about a foot.
Ha. That got his attention.
“Behave.”
He says the word without malice or threat, just as a statement of fact.
“You’re no fun.”
“I’ll show you fun later. For now, let’s go inside, scaredy-cat. You’ve stalled long enough. Besides, my parents are great. You’ll see.”
I place my hand in his offered larger one. His warmth automatically envelops me.
“Okay, I’m ready.”
“About time.”
When we head into the grand foyer, Mr. and Mrs. Robinson greet us with warm hugs. Not uncomfortable in the slightest, they seem genuinely happy to see us, which makes me wonder when they found out we were coming.
“Darling, it’s so good to see you. Let’s make our way to the veranda for some refreshments.”
Devin mouths the deck to me, and I stick my tongue out at him.
I know what a veranda is!
“Mr. and Mrs. Robinson, you have a lovely home.”
“Thank you, my dear. It’s too big, but we still enjoy it.”
“I take it from your welcome that you knew we were coming here today?” I ask, putting Devin on the spot.
Being railroaded into coming is not something I’m comfortable with. The fact that this visit has been planned ahead of time is rather pissing me off.
“I have to apologize, Clara. We talked about you both coming to visit for a few weeks now, but Devin wanted to wait for you two to settle in after the move before we got to meet you.”
Looking rather flushed, Mr. Robinson offers this explanation as a means of bridging the gap that’s formed since we sat down.
“I’m sorry, too,” I say, without thinking. “It’s just that coming here today was so unexpected, and I haven’t had the chance to process it all. I take it Devin has filled you in on us moving in together?”
Heart's Desire (Game of Hearts Series Book 2) Page 6