Murder, He Wrote

by R. S. Higham

  "Doesn't she have any family?"

  Red didn't say anything. James was dismal but Red was heartbroken.

  "Me and her mum don't speak much any more, telling her what happened to Kate was the hardest thing I've ever had to do." Red paused and looked at James who was staring back at him. For a moment he didn’t understand, then scales fell from his eyes.

  "You don't mean you're her..." James said, unable to finish.

  "I am."

  "She never told me, I'm so sorry, she never said anything."

  "Yeah, because she didn't know." Red's face swelled up and he quickly turned away. "I never got a chance to tell her."

  "I... I don’t under-..." James was lost for words.

  "If you have to know, I left her mother before she was born, I only found out myself a month ago, all this time she worked for me and I didn't have the slightest clue, til she phones her mother one night from the bar, was a big a shock to Margret as it was for me finding out she worked at my bar."

  "So why didn't you tell her?" James asked.

  "I don't know. I was... scared. She was so pretty, so kind, how could she be mine? It's not easy to tell someone you've only met they're your daughter."

  "Didn't you care about Manny and her... face?"

  "Course I did, it broke my heart-"

  "And you let her live with him?"

  "Well, I...-"

  "You get scared a lot, Red? Scared when you found out her mum was pregnant? Scared when you found out Kate works at the bar? When you looked into those swollen black eyes day after day you still didn't step in and be a father." James's palms were sweating like crazy, he could feel his nostrils flaring with each breath. He was usually cool and collected but here he was challenging a grieving father. Red's demeanour mirrored James's. His face blew up and sweat poured through his thinning hair. He wanted to spit and roar and ban him from the bar for good but what came out of his mouth was his deepest emotions.

  "So bravery is what, running head first into a truck? For the next fifteen minutes everyone who came in told me about it. You think your grief is so much stronger than mine because you do something stupid?"

  "It was an accident, I didn't mean to run into the road."

  "For a while I thought you really were that depressed over her, I see now you’re just an idiot."

  "If you had done something sooner..." James hissed, his patience starting to splinter.

  “What? She’ still be here? Do you think I don’t tell myself that every day? Just because my grieving isn't represented by a hospital stay don't you think for one minute it doesn't tear me to pieces inside. You come in here and challenge my duties as her father, well guess what, I failed, but how was I to know she'd die before I could make it up to her? Now get out." Red pointed to the door and James left with his tail between his legs.

  33

  James stifled a sniffle in case Red heard. He was in shock at what had just happened, it wasn't like him to lose his cool, but Red had really let him have it. “I shouldn’t have done that.” he thought, but he was still trying to get his head around Red being Kate's father. He wasn't sorry for saying he could have done more, Kate was living in fear whilst he was deciding when best to tell her, when it was best to fit her into his life. He couldn't blame him for her death, though. That was on James. Perhaps that's why he was so angry with Red, some of that anger was meant for himself.

  Bzzzzt

  Bzzzzt

  His jeans pocket started to vibrate.

  Bzzzzt

  He slipped his hand in and pulled out his mobile which he generally kept on silent. It was his mother calling which was rare these days.

  "Hello?"

  "Jimmy, its your mother." A thick Boston accent spoke on the other end.

  "Yeah, hi."

  "How've you been?" She asked.

  "Get to the point mom I doubt you've phoned for anything concerning my welfare."

  "Jee, thanks. When are we gonna start being civil with each other?"

  "When you leave that asshole and get back with dad."

  "We've been over this." She sighed, her fake cheery voice being replaced by a lower, assibilate sound. "Jerry is a good man, James and-"

  "I'm not doing this now. What do you want?"

  "Fine. You've not taken Paul out on one of your days in ages and he won't stop asking about you." That was true, James and his brother used to take trips out every week and at one point he even considered having him live with him, but their mother's affair with the town’s Mayor Jerry Anderson had caused a rift between the oldest brothers and the father and the younger brothers still living with the mother.

  “Fine, drop him off at mine in an hour, you’ve got my address right?”

  “It’ll be somewhere round here, he’ll be so pleased to see you.”

  “Ok mom.” This was not the time to act all happy families with his younger brother, he enjoyed going on days out with him but he’d never been good at hiding his emotions and putting on a smile and he wouldn’t want to ruin it for Paul. What he really felt like doing was having a pizza and movie night, but there’d be too much attention on him. He needed to go somewhere Paul would be too distracted to notice something was wrong. “Like the zoo!” He thought. “I’ll take him to the zoo.”

  “Great, see you Jim.”

  “Bye, mom.”

  James hopped across the road and half-jogged back to his apartment to give himself time to make packed lunches and a flask of hot chocolate. It was still icy cold out so he packed spare gloves and a hat for Paul since his mother had become lazy since moving in with Jerry and would most likely forget. James sat on his bed and thought back to when he was Paul’s age. His parents had been so happily married, he had an idyllic childhood, if only it was the same for Paul, but he was twelve now, old enough to entertain himself and besides for the first seven or eight years of his life he had been living with his mum and dad who had given him everything James had been given. But James could never forgive his mum for breaking the family apart four years ago. His dad had devoted his life to them and for what? James felt a lump in his throat, “not now.” Just when he’d finished wrapping the sandwiches in tin foil and searching for his wallet (which he soon remembered had been stolen) there was a knock on his door. He ran to open it and did so with a smile that stretched from ear to ear, Paul was waiting with the exact same one.

  “Jimmy!” He shouted as he threw his arms around his big brother and was lifted into the air. “I missed you so much.”

  “I missed you too.” James said, putting him back on the ground. He was wearing the same coat James had bought him one Christmas three years back, the sleeves were way too short, but it was a cute gesture. “Look at you! Why have you still got that old jacket? It doesn’t even fit!” James laughed.

  “It’s my favourite.” Paul said, his cheeks glowing slightly.

  “Why don’t you ask mum to knit you some cuffs to sew to the bottom of the sleeves?” He asked.

  “Maybe, she doesn’t do much anymore though.”

  “What do you mean? Actually, come in. It’s cold out here and besides I have a surprise for you.”

  “Really? What is it?” Paul asked as he walked in, throwing his coat off onto the couch.

  “Guess where we’re going today.”

  “I don’t know I can’t guess tell me!” He said bouncing up and down on the spot.

  “Fancy going to the zoo?” James asked.

  “Yes!” Paul screamed looking half his age for a moment. “I love the zoo!”

  “We best be quick or we’ll miss the bus, you ready to go? Need the toilet?”

  “Nope, I went before I left.”

  “Come on then.”

  The two brothers just made it to the bus stop in time, it was just cresting the horizon as they stopped panting and flailing their arms to signal they were getting on.

  “That’ll warm us up, eh?” James said. Paul laughed breathlessly.

  They went and sat down at the bac
k just as first drops of rain burst on the bus windows. James hoped it wouldn't last but checked his bag for the umbrella, it was in there. He let out a sigh of relief. After fifteen minutes James tried to break the silence that had started to become uncomfortable.

  "Ugh, rain." He said in a daft voice. "It won’t bother us though, right?" He put his hand through Paul's hair but he didn't look up from resting his head on the window. "Hey? Are you OK?" He asked.

  "Yeah."

  "Are you sure? You can tell me anything."

  "Well, I just-"

  "Oh! This is our stop! Quick press the buzzer." James started sidestepping down the aisle whilst Paul pressed the big, red button that alerted the driver they were getting off. Paul hurried after him grabbing the seats as he went to balance himself as the bus rocked to a halt.

  "Nearly missed it then." The driver said as they passed, James shot a smile at him and gripped Paul's hand as they stepped off and made their way over to the main entrance.

  “Hey, no queue! The perks of coming during school time. Wait, why aren’t you in school?”

  “Er, my school hasn’t gone back yet…” Said Paul. “And what do you mean? There is a queue!”

  “Yeah but it’s nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. Did you have a nice Christmas?” James asked.

  “Yeah, it was OK.”

  “Only OK? What did you get?”

  “Just a few toys and things.”

  “Did you get my present?”

  “Oh, yeah it was great, thanks.” Paul bared his teeth at James but he couldn’t hide his miserable face. “Can we go and see the lions first?”

  “I’m not sure if they’re first on the map. – Hi, one adult and one child please.” James placed two twenty dollar notes on the ticket desk as the man pulled a receipt out of the machine.

  “Can I interest you in an information booklet? Only five dollars.”

  “No thanks. – ” James handed Paul the ticket. “Here you go Paul, give it to the man when we walk through the gate.”

  The atrium was filled with Café’s, gift shops and toilets with huge palm trees and fake rocks and even the ground was made to look like reddish-yellow sand. There was a zebra printed jeep hidden among the bushes and the speakers on top of the palm trees played monkey sounds and jungle music. There were a lot more people in here than queuing up but most people tried to get here early, some people were already leaving. Paul had to go relieve himself so James sat down on a bear shaped bench and pulled out the lunches just to remember what he’d packed, two ham and two cheese. Paul emerged from the shaded toilet looking about him for a sign of James.

  “You all done?” James asked handing him a chocolate biscuit.

  “What time’s lunch?”

  “Lunch? We haven’t even started yet! Come one, we’ll have lunch in a bit but let’s go look at some animals first.” They started with the elephants who despite the cold were still entertaining the guest by washing in the small pool and having dust baths. James and Paul watched them for a while before moving on to the meerkat’s. This enclosure was interactive where children could climb inside and poke their heads out through plastic domes and see the meerkat’s from first person. James motioned Paul to have a go but he just shook his head.

  “Go on, it will be fun.” He said, but Paul didn’t budge, now James knew something wasn’t right, what little boy didn’t want to poke his head through a plastic dome? Even James wanted to. He put his arm around him and squeezed him tightly, they made their way over to the spectacled bear.

  “Are you sure you’re alright? Please tell me what’s wrong. I might be able to help.”

  “I don’t know if I should tell you.”

  “You can tell me anything and no matter what it is I promise to keep it secret.” As James said that he regretted it. What if Jerry had done something to him, how could he keep that secret? He’d kill him. “Don’t think like that, Jerry’s a prick but he’s no kiddie fiddler.” He stopped Paul and crouched down to his height resting his hands on his shoulders. “Tell me what happened.”

  “I saw Jerry hit mum.”

  James felt a surge of relief flood over him, but it was replaced by anger. He swallowed the curse words away.

  “Are you sure? You actually saw that?”

  “It was a couple of days ago, he seemed really upset though like he didn’t mean it.”

  “That doesn’t matter Paul what he did was very wrong. Does mum know you saw?”

  “No.”

  “Does Jerry?”

  “No.”

  “Well if it happens again you phone me straight away, you understand?”

  “Yes.”

  James didn’t want to think about that, he loved his mum, deep down, but already one woman in his life was a victim of domestic abuse and that was depressing him enough as it is. “Come on let’s forget about that and enjoy our day.” But that was easier said than done. James was already planning his phone call to their mother later telling her what Paul had told him, but, he didn’t know how to go about it. On one side it wasn’t his problem and maybe his mum would realise he’s a jerk and leave him but on the other side James didn’t want Paul being in the same house as Jerry. Even if he wouldn’t hurt him now what about five years down the line when Paul is older and more opinionated? He just wanted to do right by Paul.

  The spectacled bear was nowhere to be seen and so they moved on to the gazelles, they were all lying in the grass with only their little heads visible over it.

  “Aw they’re so cute.” Paul said looking more cheerful than he did earlier.

  “Do you have any pets at home?”

  “Jerry has an Alsatian called Janice, she’s old.”

  The boys found their way to an eating area where a couple of other families were tucking into their lunch.

  The soggy, flat sandwiches didn't look appealing and the buttery smell mixed with the meaty ham made the brother's noses wrinkle.

  "Just try and stomach it." James said. "We'll grab a pizza later."

  They ate the two cheese which were much nicer than the ham looked to be and headed off to see the other animals. Paul was too frightened to go into the bat cave and the cheetah was just about visible as it lay in the undergrowth but despite the general lack of performance from the animals he seemed to be enjoying himself. As the sun dropped low in the sky and their feet ached they made their way to the exit. The gift shop was way too expensive and apart from cuddly toys there was nothing but overpriced ornaments and tat.

  “Thank you for taking me James.” Said Paul.

  “It was no problem, I wanted to.” James squeezed his shoulder as they walked back to the bus stop.

  “You’re not taking me back yet are you?” He asked.

  “Nope. Why, you don’t want to go back yet do you?”

  “No I want to stay with you!” Paul sounded like he was choking up, James felt awkward, he didn’t really know what to say.

  “Come on Paul, let’s go back to mine and I’ll get the pizza in.”

  “Can I sleep over? Please?”

  “I don’t know about that.” That was the last thing he wanted.

  The ride home was longer than the ride there and if it wasn’t then it certainly seemed that way. The bus was silent. Paul had sunk back into being miserable and James wasn’t far behind him. Misery loves company. James had wanted the zoo to cheer Paul up and take his mind off things but it only succeeded in taking James’s mind of Kate, which was fine by him. He found himself about to ask Paul if he would like to come with him to the funeral but he realised he hadn’t even told him who she was, and besides that was a terrible idea, he just didn’t want to feel alone. Who would he talk to when he was there? The only person he knew was Red and he had a feeling he wouldn’t be up for chatting, especially to James. In truth, he would rather give it a miss.

  He squeezed his fists tights.

  “Don’t say that, Kate would want you there.”

  “What’s wrong?” A squeaky v
oice asked, it cut through James and his eyelids wrinkled shut. He composed himself.

  “Nothing, just… adult problems. Don’t let it bother you.” James looked down at Paul’s legs. They were swinging to and fro in his seat. His tiny Red shoes, they must have only been a size two or three. His thin, dirty blonde hair and perfectly formed ears. He was the spit of James at that age, but despite all that had happened in the last couple of years; his sagging career and of course everything this month, he wouldn’t swap places for anything. “This is our stop.” Paul was sat on the inside of the bus and so slipped off the seat first, James followed ready to catch him if the bus rocked too hard. He was starting to sweat under his layers but he knew it wouldn’t last. Winter seemed to have been here forever even though it was still January, but February wouldn’t be any warmer. The bus stop was only a short walk from the apartment and soon they were inside toasting their fingers on mugs of hot cocoa and coaxing the blood back into their frozen toes. “Next time we’ll go when it’s warmer.” James said throwing a blanket to Paul who had curled up on the sofa and was flicking through the T.V channels. “Should we order the pizza yet?”

  “Yes please I’m starving, no offense Jimmy but those sandwiches were –“ Paul stuck his tongue out and mimicked stuffing his fingers down his throat and made a gagging noise. James laughed until his eyes watered. There was nothing on the television so James dug out a DVD. The selection was King Kong, Jaws or Toy Story, Paul picked King Kong since he watched Toy Story the other week and although he didn’t admit it Jaws frightened him. After James put the disc in, selected English and pressed play he went over to the kitchen, rooted around in the draws for his takeaway leaflets and got to ringing the number for ‘Mo’s Pizzeria’. He ordered a chicken and pepper for himself and a pepperoni for Paul making sure he ordered extra garlic and herb dip. Paul had always raved about the garlic and herb dip from Mo’s and not until last time had James actually tried some after Pauls persistent pestering and low and behold his taste buds died and went to heaven. Now he ordered four portions.

  “They said they’ll be half an hour.”