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CHAPTER 12
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Jacob lifted his knuckles to the door and knocked lightly. He felt funny knocking on his own bedroom door, but he wanted to be considerate of his new bride. When he didn’t hear a response, he entered the room cautiously, relieved to see Lizzie standing at the window, unaware he’d stepped inside. As he closed the door, he cleared his throat discretely, but was unable to prevent Lizzie from being startled by his sudden presence. Immediately he noticed she was wearing his robe, even though the lamp had been turned down and he could only see her by the pale moonlight entering through the sheer curtain on the window.
He pointed to the bed. “Are you ready to turn in?”
She looked toward the bed, avoiding eye-contact with him. “Honestly, I don’t mean any disrespect, but I don’t feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed you slept in with your previous fraa. I don’t mind sleeping on the floor if you have extra quilts.”
Jacob gathered the quilts and pillows from the bed. “I understand. I didn’t have time to take care of it given the urgency of our wedding, but I will go into to town tomorrow and purchase a new bed.”
Lizzie kept her head down while she took the offered bedding. “Thank you, Jacob. Perhaps when you return we can sit down and talk a little. I am very sorry for the predicament I placed you in.”
Jacob put up a hand to stop her. “We will have plenty of time to discuss things later. I suggest we get some sleep. The sun comes up mighty early and there is much to be done.”
Jacob left the room, and she could hear him opening a door down the hall as she arranged the bedding on the floor at the foot of the bed near the bureau. Just as she rested her head on the feather pillow, Jacob entered the room with two more quilts and a pillow. He let them drop to the floor near Lizzie and knelt down to prepare a bed for himself next to her.
Lizzie popped her head up off her pillow and looked him in the eye for the first time since earlier that afternoon before he’d agreed to marry her at her daed’s insistence. “What are you doing? I agreed to sleep on the floor. You are welcome to sleep on the bed. There is no reason we should both sleep on the floor.”
Jacob finished spreading out the quilts and lay down next to her. “I can’t sleep in the bed if you are sleeping on the floor. It would not be honorable of me. You are my fraa, and I will sleep here with you until I can purchase a marriage bed that is new to both of us.”
Lizzie pursed her lips, not knowing whether to be irritated with the man, or to fall in love with him all over again for being such a gentleman. But since he had placed his quilts nearly two feet from hers, and had bundled himself in a separate quilt, she could assume with great relief that nothing was expected of her tonight. Feeling anxious over when or if they would consummate their marriage Lizzie was irritated for a whole new reason. How was she ever to get any sleep between the uncomfortable floor that already hurt her back, and the uncomfortable silence that had fallen between her and her new husband?
****
Lizzie woke to the sound of a rooster crowing, and lingered in the quilts just for a moment before opening her eyes. If she concentrated hard enough she could trick herself into believing she was a young girl again back on her daed’s farm, and the nightmare of having to marry Jacob had not taken place. She opened her eyes to reality, and her back felt the strain of sleeping on the hardwood floor. She turned over slowly, her back cracking a little. Neither Jacob, nor his quilts rested beside her any longer. Her head shot up, knowing he would expect a meal after his morning chores, and she wasn’t ready to disappoint the man so soon.
After throwing on the work dress that her aenti had given her that no longer fit the aging woman, she neatly folded the quilts and placed them on the end of the bed, and then went down the hall to wake up Abby. She feared it would be a struggle to get her dochder out of bed and into the dress she’d made for her, but she was prepared to do battle with her for the sake of keeping her vows to Jacob in being his helpmate. She would have to curtail Abby’s outspoken nature in order that she not become a bad influence on Caleb. She knew she had been too liberal with Abby, and she would not be immediately open to change.
Lizzie knocked on Abby’s door before entering, but to her surprise, she was already awake. “I’m so glad you’re up. That makes my job a little easier this morning.”
Abby yawned. “I might be awake, but I’m not ready to get up. It wasn’t such a good idea to let my kitten sleep with me. He kept me awake by pawing at my hair most of the night. And now I’m too tired to get up. Can’t you take the kitten and feed him for me and let me sleep a little longer? The sun is barely up.”
Lizzie pulled the quilt from Abby. “No ma’am. You need to feed him yourself. You’re the one that wanted the responsibility of the kitten, so you will be the one to feed him. Maybe we can make a little bed on the floor for him tonight so you can get some sleep.”
“Do I have to wear that dumb dress, or can I wear my jeans?”
Lizzie pulled the dress off the hook and handed it to Abby. “We already discussed this. I know this is a lot of change in just a few days, but you will get used to it. Hurry up and dress, I’m sure Caleb could use some help feeding the chickens.”
Abby folded her arms. “You said I had to feed Mr. Whiskers. You didn’t say anything about having to feed chickens too!”
Lizzie ran her hand down the kitten’s back. “Is that what you’ve named him?”
Abby grinned. “I think it’s a good name since he has such long white whiskers.”
Lizzie giggled at the kitten. “He does need to grow into those whiskers!”
Abby pulled the quilt back over her. “Just five more minutes to play with Mr. Whiskers, please? Then I’ll help Caleb with whatever you want.”
Lizzie couldn’t deny her dochder another few minutes of play-time with her new kitten. Especially after she’d agreed to help her new bruder as soon as she got up. Lizzie had already put her through so much in the last two days, she was happy Abby was being as agreeable as she was—but she was certain her mood was up only because of the kitten. And Lizzie was prepared to use it as long as it would last.
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CHAPTER 13
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Jacob yawned and stretched his aching back from sleeping on the floor. After getting very little sleep, he decided to get up and get an early start to his day so he could make time to go into town and purchase a new mattress for his bed so he and Lizzie would be able to sleep comfortably. But it wasn’t just the hardwood floor against his back that had kept him awake. He’d wanted to pull Lizzie into his arms and hold her. Sleeping so close to her had stirred feelings in him that he thought to be long-since gone along with his youth. He’d watched her sleep for most of the night; he was in awe of her beauty, and felt disbelief that she was his fraa.
When he finished with the animals, he went for the long-handled razor out of habit, but decided to shave anyway. He knew that he was married now, and would be expected to grow the beard. But he and Lizzie had not had a proper courting period, and he wanted to remain clean shaven until they consummated the marriage. The very thought of it brought heat to his face, and caused his heart to pound heavily in his chest.
He allowed the razor to glide down his chiseled jawline. Not paying any attention to what he was doing, he nicked his jaw. Too distracted to care that he was bleeding, he let his thoughts drift back to Lizzie as he continued to shave. Another nick to the other side didn’t bring him from his stupor. He hadn’t thought about how he was going to feel with her in his house. Wasn’t this what he’d wanted since his youth? He’d let his thoughts be consumed with her to the point of confession to the Bishop just after his Nellie had passed. Though he hadn’t confessed the entire truth, the guilt that he felt for not giving himself fully to the woman he’d married was his disgrace—the disgrace that would cause him to grieve for his fraa well beyond the normal mournin
g period. It’s what had closed him off from the idea of marrying again. But here he was, married to the one woman who had claimed his heart so many years ago, and it frightened him beyond anything he could imagine.
****
Lizzie set aside the blueberry muffins she’d baked from dried blueberries she’d found in the pantry. While they cooled, she drained the last of the bacon from the pan and scooped the scrambled eggs from the larger skillet. She was grateful that Jacob had installed a gas stove in his home, making food preparation easier for her. She would have struggled to prepare food on a wood-burning stove like she’d grown up using. As a young girl, she’d burned a lot of things before getting the hang of it, and she knew each stove was different, and she’d have had a tough time making a gut first impression on her new husband if she’d burned his first meal.
Her heart quickened at the thought of Jacob as her husband, and wondered if she would ever be able to fully look him in the eye. One thing was certain; she would beg his forgiveness and confess everything to him when they spoke later today as he’d promised. Amish did not divorce but in very rare occasions, but she didn’t fear that. She feared a lifetime with a man who would not be able to forgive her for forcing him into a marriage that he didn’t ask for. But she was determined to spend her lifetime making it up to him, and doing her best to prevent him from regretting his decision to go along with the marriage.
Distracted by her own thoughts of the man she’d yearned for since her youth, she burned the back of her hand on the edge of the stove as she pulled the second batch of muffins from the oven. She immediately dropped the pan on the stove and let out a whine.
Jacob entered in through the kitchen door and spotted Lizzie’s clumsiness with the pan and went to her aid when he realized she’d burned her hand.
He drew her hand into his, examining the redness that was already forming a small white blister. He steered her over toward the sink and turned on the cold faucet, pushing her hand under the water. She continued to whine a little, but hadn’t looked up at him. When she did, she gasped at the sight of blood dripping down both sides of his chin.
“What on earth happened to you? You’re bleeding!”
He shook off her worry. “I cut myself shaving.”
Lizzie’s heart did a flip-flop in her chest. If he’d shaved, did that mean he hadn’t taken their marriage seriously? As a married Amish man, he was to grow out his baard. Had he changed his mind overnight, and had intentions to go to the Bishop and have the marriage annulled? Lizzie’s heart ached as he held her hand under the stream of water from the kitchen faucet. His nearness made her desire him even more, but she quickly hardened her heart against the fearful thought that she might not be married to him much longer. Pulling her hand away, she ushered him to the table and wrapped her hand in a water-drenched tea-towel.
****
Jacob noticed the sudden stiffness in Lizzie’s body-language, and her sudden urgency for him to let go of her hand. Had he pushed her too far by taking her hand into his? He wondered why she suddenly pulled her hand away. Did she think it too forward even for them as a married couple? He’d enjoyed the softness of her skin, but he feared she may not want him to be a husband to her in every way. Was she with the Englisch so long that her heart had forgotten the gentleness of Amish love? He feared the meal she’d made for him was only a gesture to appease him and go through the motions of her wifely duties. As he searched her averting gaze, he wondered if she regretted marrying him, and had intent to confess the entire truth to the Bishop, and then ask for an annulment.
Feeling discouraged, he sat down at the head of the table and waited for her to sit beside him. When she did, he bowed his head for the silent prayer.
Dear Gott, denki for this wonderful bounty of food my new fraa has prepared for my familye. I ask you to bless our marriage even though we did not enter into it with pure hearts. I will honor her as I said in my vows, and will love her as you intended. Please do not put doubt in our minds for this marriage, but give us the strength to endure whatever trials you put before us as atonement for our sinful actions.
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CHAPTER 14
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Abby felt jealousy rise up in her at the sight of Jacob walking into the barn with Caleb hoisted on his shoulder. She stood up from playing with the kittens and walked toward Caleb’s horse. She reached up and caressed his soft nose, her back to her dad and brother. Anger finally claimed her as she listened to them converse and joke with each other.
Abby whirled around to meet her dad’s eye. “When can I have my own horse? Caleb said you would buy me one.”
Jacob tried not to let her tone alert him, but spoke calmly in response. “We can go to the auction on Saturday if you’d like, and you can pick one out then. But you must spend the week learning from Caleb how to care for a horse. If you’re ready by Saturday, then we will go in search of a gentle horse that I will teach you how to break.”
Abby scrunched up her face. “What do ya mean “break”? Will I have to hurt it? Cuz my mom says we should always be kind to animals.”
Jacob chuckled at Abby’s naïve approach to farm life, and wondered if a week would be enough time to teach her all there was to know about caring for a horse.
“To break a horse means to train it. And no, it won’t hurt the horse. It is not the Amish way to hurt any animal, so your mamm was correct in her instruction.”
“How long do I have to wait for my new cell phone? My friends are probably worried about me by now since they haven’t heard from me for three days.”
Jacob feared a conversation with his new dochder about the use of phones and television, and other Englisch devices. “The Amish don’t use phones except in emergency situations. Some members of the community have phones in their barns, but I don’t. I thought your mamm explained to you about that.”
Abby crossed her arms. “When my phone got shut off cuz she wouldn’t pay the bill, she said I could get a new phone once we settled in Indiana. Are you telling me you aren’t gonna let me have one?”
Jacob tried to choose his words carefully, so as not to alienate Abby. “When you enter your rumspringa you may choose to get a phone. But for now, we will have no more talk of it.”
“I thought having a father was going to be fun. You could at least try to spoil me!” Abby stormed off, tears spilling from her porcelain cheeks.
If this is one my trials, Gott, then I accept it with a willing spirit. But please bless me with the strength to endure the kind’s wrath, and bless me with the words to break her like the wild horse that the Englisch ways have implanted themselves in her spirit.
****
Lizzie set herself to making beds after doing the noon dishes. Jacob had excused himself after the noon meal to go into town, and she hoped he still intended to fulfill his promise to purchase a new bed even though he hadn’t mentioned it specifically. Caleb stayed behind to work with Abby in the barn—something about teaching her how to care for the horse. Lizzie was too preoccupied to pay any attention, and wasn’t concerned unless they were getting into trouble, which she didn’t think they would do since Caleb seemed to be a well-behaved child.
Noting the house could use a good sweeping with the broom, and the rugs looked like they desperately needed to be hung on the clothesline so she could smack the dirt off of them, Lizzie made use of the time that Jacob was gone to surprise him with a clean home when he returned. A small part of her felt a little strange cleaning another woman’s home, but it was her home now and she would take pride in keeping it clean. It was the way of the Amish that she automatically took over the duties as the new fraa, but it didn’t keep the little butterflies from fluttering in her stomach for fear that she may move something that was sacred memorabilia of Nellie’s.
She and Nellie had been friends before she left the community, so why did she feel jealousy over the woman even though she was deceased? Perhaps because the woman had been the first to lo
ve Jacob, while she’d lost her virtue after Eddie had spiked her drink, and had no recollection of the act. The thought of it made her shutter. And even though she’d never had relations again with any man, she hoped Jacob wouldn’t view her as damaged goods.
Her daed assumed Jacob had been the one to compromise her virtue and that was how Abby had come into the world—she’d been violated, but it was a hazy memory at best. She couldn’t help but wonder what Jacob must think about her to accuse him of being the one doing the violating—but that sort of thing was not in his nature, even if she’d been the type of girl to provoke such an action from him. He was a good man, and she felt fortunate that he’d taken the blame for her mistake.
If only she knew the real reason why…
****
Jacob was happy that he’d been able to convince the manager of the mattress store to deliver the new bed this afternoon. He wasn’t happy it had cost him an extra fifty dollars to convince the man, but he didn’t think he could endure sleeping on the floor another night. And he wasn’t about to begin his marriage on a sour note by sleeping in the bed he’d shared with Nellie in order to preserve his own sleep and aching back. It was better this way. So why did he feel so funny about his purchase?
Jacob's Daughter: Book One Page 5