His heart quickened at the thought of sleeping so near Lizzie, and wondered if she would expect him to fulfill his husbandly duties to her right away. Normally, time spent directly after a wedding in the community was spent visiting familye, but given the abruptness of their wedding, and the fact they had two kinner to think about, visiting was not going to be a part of their initial acquaintance with one another as a couple. He was grateful for that much, as he wasn’t looking forward to the dinner with Lizzie’s familye on Saturday. He was also happy this upcoming Sunday was an off-Sunday for the community, and he would not have to face the Bishop or the Elders of the church for another ten days when the next church service would take place.
At least the time at home with his new familye would afford him a chance to try to make amends with Lizzie and Abby, who seemed to have a rebellious streak most likely from spending so much time with the Englisch. He wondered how the kind would be during a Sunday service, and if it would be a struggle to get Abby to accept the faith of the community. He prayed that things would go smoothly and the natural course of getting to know each other would fall into place as though they’d always been a familye. Though he knew his reasons for the marriage were to preserve both of their honors in the community, he still couldn’t help but feel anxious over his hasty decision to marry Lizzie, and wondered if it would last.
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CHAPTER 15
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By the time Jacob returned home that evening, it was dusk, and Lizzie had been keeping the evening meal warm and the kinner occupied—especially Abby, who didn’t understand why they had to wait for Jacob so she could eat. Abby wasn’t used to being on a schedule or having to wait for family to sit and have a meal together. In a lot of ways, Lizzie regretted not being a little more strict with her dochder. It would have made the transition into the Amish community and lifestyle more pleasant. She knew it was her own fault the kind was whining, and hoped it wasn’t too late to train her to the strict ways she would now have to live by.
Lizzie looked out the kitchen window at her husband as he greeted a delivery truck in the driveway. Two young men exited the plain white truck and began to unload a mattress and box-spring from the back. Lizzie’s heart skipped a beat. Jacob had done as he’d promised, and they could begin their marriage with a bed of their own. She was delighted when the delivery men took away the old bed, but she hoped Jacob, who’d remained expressionless when they removed them, was not experiencing it as a loss. His lack of beard had been an outward sign that his mourning period had ended even though very few widowed Amish men shaved, but she still felt unsure of his feelings, and knew that only time would tell how he was dealing with it.
When all the excitement had passed, and the delivery men had left, Lizzie pulled the evening meal back out of the oven where it had been warming for nearly an hour and set it on the table. It was getting late, and though she was very tired, she was suddenly very wary of bedtime.
****
Lizzie made the new bed with the linens and quilt that her aenti had given her for her wedding dowry. And since the bedding store had thrown in two new pillows with the purchase, they would have a fresh new start to their life together. Most traces of Nellie had been removed from the house many years ago as far as Lizzie could see, or maybe it was possible that since they had only been married for ten months before she passed that she hadn’t had enough time to make her mark on the home in the way that years of marriage would have done. Either way, Lizzie intended to make her mark on the home starting with the linens; she intended to make the bedroom a place they could eventually connect—at least she hoped so.
Jacob walked in the room and grabbed the other side of the sheet and tucked it into the corner. “I put the kinner to bed, but your dochder asked if you would tuck her in.”
Lizzie looked at him as he grabbed the other side of the quilt and helped, then fitted a pillow case to the other pillow and set it on the bed. It was the first time she’d really looked him over since they’d married the day before. His eyes were kind, but held a hint of apprehension in their reflection. He smiled, and then pushed down his suspenders and pulled his blue dress shirt over his head exposing his muscular flesh. His abs were so defined, Lizzie wondered if he spent his days working out at a gym. She felt heat rising up her neck until it reached her cheeks. Her gaze fell a little wondering if he intended to undress fully in front of her. The smirk on his face showed that he did if she didn’t vacate the room or turn around.
She cleared her throat. “I think I’ll go tuck Abby in and read her a story. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
She quickly exited the room before she was tempted to stare at Jacob any longer. She knew he was her husband, and she was allowed to see him without his clothing, but she wasn’t sure she was ready for that yet. Her one-time, short-lived experience with the opposite sex had not prepared her for what would certainly be an inevitable part of their marriage. Jacob had been married long enough to gain some experience, and she worried she would be clumsy and inadequately prepared. There was also the possibility of becoming pregnant again since her first and only experience had brought Abby into her life. Was she prepared for another child? Did she even want anymore? Did Jacob? Amish didn’t use birth-control, so she would have to discuss the possibility of children with him—perhaps before they decided to consummate the marriage.
Perhaps some prayer would be in order as well.
****
Jacob couldn’t help but smile when Lizzie exited the room so hastily. He knew it wasn’t right to infuriate his new bride, but he reveled in the blush that had claimed her cheeks. He didn’t intend to torture her with teasing, but he didn’t mind making her squirm a little for forcing him into marrying her. But he had to admit, he could have done worse if he’d picked his own fraa. He’d already noticed she didn’t appear to have cut her hair the way most Amish girls do when they go out to live among the Englisch, and Abby had the same long, light brown hair and blue eyes as her mudder. It would be tough to keep to himself physically since he was very attracted to Lizzie, but he needed to be sure she was committed to the marriage for the right reasons before he would consider consummating.
****
Lizzie took her time with Abby, talking to her about school. She wasn’t happy about the school being so small, but she was happy to hear she wouldn’t be expected to go until the harvest was brought in which would amount to at least another month. Until then, Caleb would work with their father, and Abby would work alongside her at the B&B making beds and doing dishes. Abby groaned at the thought of doing chores, but she also knew it would be another opportunity to sample more of the cookies, pies and pastries Aunt Bess kept on hand for her guests. Abby was intrigued with the baked goods, and wanted to learn to make them herself.
When Lizzie returned to the room she now shared with Jacob, she was happy that the lamps had been turned down, and he seemed to be sleeping. She sank to the corner of the room and dressed in her nightie as discretely as she could, and then slipped carefully under the quilt.
Jacob turned to her. “I purchased some fabric when I was in town so you could sew some dresses and night clothes for you and Abby. I also got you a treadle sewing machine and placed it in the front room just before I came up here for the evening.”
Well there it was—open confirmation of his disapproval. Lizzie’s heart slammed against her ribcage.
“Denki,” she said quietly before rolling over and closing her eyes against the tears that were pushing a lump into her throat.
It probably would have been more obvious if he’d just come right out and said he’s ashamed of the way I dress! But at least he got me a sewing machine!
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CHAPTER 16
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Lizzie woke with a stiff neck from sleeping rigidly to avoid accidentally bumping Jacob during the night. When she turned over in the bed, he was already gone and the sheet wa
s cold, indicating he’d been up for some time. She lay there for a minute, wondering if there would ever be a time when he would linger under the quilt and hold her before getting up for the day. She pushed the silly, romantic notion aside, feeling defeated by their present living situation. They were going through the motions of marriage, but had no closeness or intimacy as would be the norm for a newly married couple.
She forced herself out from under the warm quilt and set her foot on the chilly wood floor. The rain she’d heard several hours ago had no-doubt cooled the temperature, but she hoped it would warm soon. Her daed had promised that he would give her the contents of her things they’d stored away in the barn after she’d left, and she hoped her cloak and aprons would still fit her. She didn’t expect her dresses to still fit since she’d been a scrawny teenager, and her figure had grown womanly curves at her hips and bust when she had Abby.
As she dressed for the day in the work dress her aenti had given her, she made mental note of the chores she would have to complete before leaving for the B&B at one o’clock. Check-out time was at noon, and Aunt Bess served a noon meal before the guests left, so Lizzie could begin cleaning the rooms, and then wash the noon dishes. She was happy that Jacob hadn’t objected to her obligation to her aenti, but she was happier she’d have money to contribute for the household expenses, especially since Jacob had married her and was now responsible for her as her provider. Knowing that she could help eased some of the guilt over pushing him into the responsibility.
Another silent breakfast ensued between Lizzie and Jacob, while the children filled the air with chatter over the ducks in the pond and the changing leaves on the trees. Lizzie was grateful for the innocent conversation of the kinner, because it allowed her to study her husband’s reaction to her dochder. His responses to their questions were gentle and attentive, and he smiled often. Lizzie’s heart beat rapidly in her chest thinking about what a kind and loving man he was. It was those very same traits that made her fall in love with him when they were young.
****
Jacob didn’t like the silence between him and Lizzie, but he was grateful for the kinner to fill the gap between them. He’d caught her watching him several times throughout the morning meal, but didn’t know how to incorporate her in the conversation. They’d conversed through the kinner, and he admired the gentleness in her tone when she spoke to them. Her smile was genuine when she addressed their constant questions, and he liked the way her dimples lit up her face. He’d fallen in love with that dimpled smile when they were young, so why was he having so much trouble connecting her to that girl now? Was his heart still so reserved from the heartache of her leaving him then? He tried reasoning with himself that the thought was unsubstantiated, but maybe he needed to address the subject of forgiveness a little more closely during his prayer time.
****
The sun rested high above their heads as Lizzie and Abby walked the mile from their new home to the B&B. The last of the season’s blackbirds flitted in the colorful trees overhead, which provided a canopy of shade for part of the journey. Jacob and Caleb had long-since traveled to neighboring farms to help bring in the harvest. Being at the Hockstetler farm, Jacob had boasted about the large pumpkin crop, and promised to bring a few home with him for pies. Lizzie hoped there would be enough for her to can some so they would have use of the pumpkin for Christmas pies in addition to the apples she planned on canning from the two apple trees she’d noticed on the other side of the barn. She hoped her skills as a homemaker would prove to Jacob she was capable of being a good Amish fraa.
Abby picked up a rock in the dirt road and tossed it ahead of them for the third time. “Do I have to start calling you mamm like Caleb does?”
The question caught Lizzie off guard, but she was glad Abby brought up the subject. “I would like it if you could learn the language of the Amish people. I feel bad that I never taught you before now. It was wrong of me to keep your heritage from you; I should have been teaching you from the beginning.”
“Why did you run away from my father? Did you hate him?”
Lizzie’s heart nearly fell to her shoes. “No, Abby. I loved him very much, but I didn’t think he loved me back. I acted in haste and didn’t think things through. I’m grateful for the time I spent away from the Amish community because it taught me a valuable lesson.”
Abby picked up the rock again when they came upon it in the road. After tossing it again, she looked up at Lizzie and squinted her eyes against the sun. “Am I supposed to be learning a lesson by giving up my life in Ohio to stay here?”
Lizzie swallowed hard, choosing her words carefully. “Remember a few days ago how afraid you were to get on the bus to come here? I told you that you would learn to love it here. I’m hoping that’s what you’ll learn by being here. The Amish are a gentle people—not at all like the troublesome people we’ve encountered in the past few months.”
“You mean that Eddie guy? Who was he anyway, and why did I hear him say he was going to take me away from you?”
Lizzie felt her knees buckle at the question, and she slowed her pace to keep her balance. “He was a bad man that thought he could force me to give him money to pay for his mistakes. I met him just after I left home. I was a stupid kid back then, and I didn’t make good decisions about who I made friends with. I’m glad that part of my life is over, and I’m glad to be back with people who really love me.”
“Like Jacob—my dad?”
Lizzie smiled nervously at Abby’s question, but she was too young to understand the circumstances of her mother’s marriage. Lizzie hoped in time Jacob would forgive her and learn to love her, but she knew that despite her relationship with him, he would be a gut vadder to Abby, and that was all that mattered to her at the moment.
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CHAPTER 17
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Though Lizzie missed her work as a pharmacy technician, she discovered that she enjoyed working alongside Abby at the B&B even more. Lizzie was proud of her for being so much help with very little complaining. Her day would have dragged by if her dochder would have rebelled against the work that needed to be done. She discovered after the first guest room that Abby preferred to do the dusting and sweeping with the broom over the making of the beds. In her defense, she did not have long enough arms to spread the linens across the mattresses.
Lizzie giggled at her first attempt, and wondered if it was too late in life to begin training Abby in the Amish ways in order to make them stay with her into her adulthood. Visions of her rumspringa made Lizzie shudder at the thought of her little Abby running off the way she had. It made her think of her daed, and she wondered if he would ever feel he could trust her again.
After three steady hours of work making certain each room was prepared for new guests that would arrive shortly, and for those that had stayed on at the B&B, Lizzie took pride in the ache that had crept into the small of her back, knowing she’d earned it for the hard work that made her feel at home.
When they returned to the farm, Abby ran down to the pond where Caleb was chasing the ducks. It made Lizzie giggle to watch him running after them, their feathers flying and squawking so loudly she wondered if they were enjoying the game or in fear for their lives. With the children occupied, she thought she might take a few minutes before she needed to prepare the evening meal to try to talk to her new husband. As she entered the double doors that hung open, she heard whistling from the other side of the horse stalls and followed the sound of the familiar hymn.
Lizzie stopped in her tracks when she spotted Jacob leaning over a wash stand on a table. His back turned away from her, she stood and watched him shave, admiring the muscles that chiseled out his bare back. She crept a little closer, hoping she wouldn’t startle him for fear he would cut his chin the way he had the day before. Curious as to why he continued to shave, she felt irritation rise up in her. As a married man, he should not be shaving. But would she complain, knowing she lik
ed his clean-shaven look? But what would the community think if he should continue to shave instead of growing a beard? Would they question the legitimacy of their marriage?
Before she could reason with her questions, Jacob turned to face her. “You don’t have to sneak up on me. If you want to watch me shave, you’re more than welcome to.”
Lizzie’s face turned a deep shade of red. Was he trying to provoke her? “I wasn’t trying to sneak up on you; I just didn’t want to startle you. I didn’t want you cutting your throat open.”
He set the towel down and turned around, his suspenders dangling at his sides, and his well-muscled chest and abdomen enticed her. She wondered if he was intentionally teasing her, and the smirk on his face indicated he probably was. She could feel the heat rising up to her cheeks, and her voice was shaky when she tried to speak. “I was hoping we could spend a minute talking before I went in and cooked the evening meal. I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”
His smile deepened, exposing the tiny lines that had formed on his manly face. She studied him for a moment, realizing how handsome he’d become in the past ten years. He took a step toward her, his eyes fixed on hers, and stood close enough that she could smell the flecks of shaving soap that clung to his face. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she didn’t want to break the spell that lingered between them.
Jacob's Daughter: Book One Page 6