Letters to the Editor
Page 8
Dear Jack,
The discussion was beautiful. I found myself saying ‘Birth Place, Birth Place!’ I could see where your book had sprung from.
Love,
Marian
I knew that by this she referred to my book, Birth Place in which I was working out my frustrations with my life. By return of post, I dictated:
Dear Marian,
How nice to hear from you again. I am glad you enjoyed the stimulating programme. Thank you for your complimentary remark about my words. I am amused by the letter prior to the last with the anecdote about The Golden Chain.
Yours sincerely,
Jack.
Then, the following Saturday, air space was required for the political event known as the Limehouse Declaration. This was when 4 Labour MP’s broke away forming the S.D.P, so that week’s scheduled programme was taken off air. She responded quickly by postcard.
Dear Jack,
How unkind of you not to visit me on Saturday. I thought that I was sure to see you at least until Easter.
Bye,
Love,
Marian
The political documentary showed that the Limehouse Declaration came about when four Labour Members of Parliament – Shirley Williams, Roy Jenkins, William Rogers and David Owen – announced their plan to form a separate political party. Calling themselves the Social Democratic Party, they became known as the ‘gang of four’. It gave hope to those who wanted a different way from the three mainstream parties and strongly believed in one member, one vote.
Two weeks later, I had more studio guests to talk about the much discussed but little performed dream sequence of Don Juan in Hell, from Shaw’s Man and Superman. I explained how Don Juan, finding heaven just a little dull, is tempted by the devil to use his imagination. The devil suggests that the imagination is ever powerful and much more rewarding than the flesh. He says, ‘You have a mind, don’t you?’
Marian’s reaction was…
Dear Jack,
Please have a word with Don Juan for me and tell him that I would be condemned as being on the side of the devil for having such a precious secret as you.
Love to you,
Marian
PS I love to see your letter sitting on the mat.
My response was speedy.
Dear Marian,
Your note was appreciated; so nice to hear from you again. I hope all still goes well with you.
With best wishes,
Jack.
PS Good luck.
I was delighted that she was enjoying her imagination; it was a treat indeed to enjoy it with her. I instructed my secretary to change to a plain envelope in future. Not with the tell-tale BBC that was printed on the official one. I had thought of myself as playing God when writing or editing, but maybe I was playing the devil, as I moved characters around to speak the words I wanted to be heard. The devil was far more likely to be sitting on my shoulder, encouraging me out to play. He would find no shame in that.
On Valentine’s Day, it amused me to include the prize-winning painting, ‘The Love Letter.’
There had been a national competition and we offered to let ten contenders be seen on the programme. Her letters had come to mean so much to me; I wanted this to be a secret message between us. The painting showed the sender writing to her lover who was far, far away. Her simple reply arrived two days later and it pleased me.
Dear Jack,
I was glad ‘The Love Letter’ won. It is such a beautiful painting.
Love,
Marian
Then followed my interview of the men and woman who had formed a Faith group for writers. Their aim was to embrace Christian values in their work and when one of them said for a married man to even think of another woman with love in his heart was adultery, I questioned him, ‘Do you really think that?’
‘Most certainly, I do,’ he replied.
We explored how difficult that made the life of a committed Christian and that it was important to recognise that the world was made up of sinners trying to be good, not good people being bad! Various members of the group spoke of multiple relationships that they had had before finding peace within, after meeting their soulmates, and that sex without love was meaningless.
At the end of the programme, I mentioned that another interesting lady was performing at the Royal Opera House and that we would look into Lucia di Lammermoor in May. I wanted Marian to realise that this was quite deliberate. I felt that Donizetti’s opera would be a fitting acknowledgement of when we met and that love can drive both men and women mad. Looking back, I wonder whether I was trying to warn Marian, or even myself, that no good could come from the obsession that I was encouraging between us. The Times covered the production with enthusiasm under its new owner, Rupert Murdoch, of News International, who had acquired it from The Thomson Corporation. It explained that the tragic story was based on Sir Walter Scott’s historical novel, The Bride of Lammermoor, and that loyalty to family and marriage to the wrong person could indeed cause insanity. Both the beauty and the tragedy of the words and the music from the opera expressed my inner world at the time. And with the anniversary of our meeting, I wanted Marian to enjoy Lucia and Edgardo’s pain.
In the meantime, we continued to play the game of ping-pong, Marian with her letters, me with the programme. Just imagine if we had had Facebook or Twitter to communicate through; we made the best of the medium that we had, though. And maybe our obsession with each other would never have taken off had it been that easy. If there had not been a sense of secrecy and the unobtainability that we enjoyed. I have to be honest and admit that I wouldn’t have been attracted in the first instance had I not been able to use my creative work in our communication. I would not have pursued her and maybe I’d never have known such a creative force within. I had believed that God gave Art as a way to express the soul, but once again I acknowledged the devil in me as I took pleasure in deceiving everyone on the production team. I always used what would interest the growing audience, but twisted and turned the end product, before recording to go on air, no matter what the subject.
I felt excited as we filmed the cast at the Royal Opera House and I took delight in the cutting room as I edited the shots, highlighting the parts of the plot that I wanted Marian to grasp. The recording sat on the shelf for several months, just waiting for our, on air, anniversary celebration.
In the meantime, the beginning of March saw a different tone appear in Marian’s letters.
Dear Jack,
How brave you are as a writer to be so honest about yourself. Even though you hide behind two or three different characters in each book, pieced together they make you.
My favourite Ibsen play is on TV this week, Hedda Gabler, I look forward to that. She is such a strong woman and in total contrast to the real-life fairy tale of our Prince Charles just getting engaged to Lady Diana. Also, I am glad that the film Tess is to be shown in this country after all the controversy regarding the director, Roman Polanski; it looks very beautiful. I hope that Diana has a happier life than either of those women, though.
Now that the children have returned to school, I’m going to try to take advantage of the peace and quiet and get down to some serious reading. I have never read anything about the mind, apart from the practice of yoga. I am reading The Ego and the Id at the moment – wish me luck. When I want to see you I tell myself how lucky I am and not to be greedy.
Please drop me a line when you can.
Love to you,
Marian
PS Have you started your next book?
I replied promptly.
Dear Marian,
Thanks very much for your note. It is so nice of you to keep encouraging me about my writing. Actually I am working hard on a textbook on the history of Ireland, so it might be a while until I can get round to my next nove
l. I was saddened by the bombing recently of a Liverpool-registered coal ship in Lough Foyle, when the IRA hijacked a pilot boat to carry out the crime, on the border with Northern Ireland. Your father will be concerned, like me, regarding the anti-Irish anger this brings with it. I am trying to explain the reason behind the continued fight and how the partitioning of a country causes such hatred amongst people.
I certainly wish you luck with The Ego and the Id!
With best wishes,
Jack
Marian was discovering Freud and it intrigued me to see what she would come up with next. It was but a few days before I found out.
Dear Jack,
What an amazing influence you have had on me; by reading your books and listening very carefully to your programmes, I was led to The Ego and the Id. When I found it in the library, I had no idea what it was about. It has helped me to understand that the child IS the father of the man. What a frightening thing this machine inside our head is. I have so much to thank you for.
Talking of machines, I was reading about Sinclair Research pioneering the launch of a home computer, the ZX81. Robert has been used to an office system at the hospital for a long time and is urging me to take an interest, because he says if I do want to get back into the workplace I will need to know how to use one. I checked with the adult education centre, but they say they don’t run computer courses for mature students.
Seeing Virginia at the Haymarket this week was a memorable experience. Was her mind in a disturbed state or was she just oversensitive because of her art? I would like to see such a play in forty years’ time concerning Edna O’Brien who dramatised it. She seemed to understand Virginia well. It’s strange to think that I am middle-aged and yet I am only beginning to know myself. Thank you for not deserting me.
Thank you for the anonymous envelope.
Bye,
Love,
Marian
She had noticed that I had instructed my secretary not to use the BBC envelopes any more when replying to her. Looking back I am surprised that I showed myself so openly by wanting to disguise my correspondence. She was starting to want to know herself, as you can tell. Self-awareness would help her, but of course it would take her away from me one day too.
A sad little note arrived a week later.
Dear Jack,
Please let me say hallo, I am feeling sorry for myself today. Sitting here in my lovely home surrounded by love, a horrible sadness makes me reach out to you. Why? This last week I have reread Anna Karenina and the beauty of it saddened me so.
Love,
Marian
PS No programme tomorrow – you have let me down again! And Tom Baker leaves Doctor Who tonight, after playing the role for seven years. I wonder what Peter Davison will be like – very different types all together? M.
I replied by return of post.
Dear Marian,
Thanks for writing such encouraging comments. It pleases me that you are enlightening yourself by reading so much. I know that it will help you in life. Keep up the good work.
Best wishes,
Yours sincerely,
Jack Kelly
I wanted to encourage her but I must have felt a little uneasy because I signed using my surname, not just Jack. I tried to be good. I did want to think that my work was guiding her to an individuation, despite me wanting to keep her just for myself.
Our letters crossed.
Dear Jack,
At last I think I understand. I could not rest; I had to read about the mind – I knew that my feeling for you was much more than a silly infatuation. Am I on the right wavelength by reading Psychoanalysis and the Unconscious, by D. H. Lawrence? I am not trying to be clever. I am just trying to understand. I could not put his book down. I felt that it had the answer.
Love,
Marian
PS I feel sad reading what Lawrence has to say, in case you think of me as a mere experiment. I know that you would not be so cruel. I do not want to be clinical and probe into why – let me just enjoy this romance in my mind. M
I was truly surprised by her discovery. It was as if she was following a syllabus that I had set for her. I kept quiet and waited.
Within a couple of days arrived…
Dear Jack,
Now that I have had time to digest what I read, I am pleased that the vital flux between us has enabled my mind to grow and develop. No wonder I went searching through the library for the answer. It is sad to be so near and yet so far. I suppose this is the last time that I can reach you this month, as you are not doing the programme over Easter. (What did you say, ‘Peace, perfect peace’?)
Bye,
Love,
Marian
So, she had found psychoanalysis. I was surprised. I decided never to reply on this subject, to let my work do that, as indeed it obviously had.
JACK
During March, we featured a variety of artists and their work, from choreography on stage and screen to modern art and even stand-up comics. If the subject matter didn’t contain content that applied to Marian, it never really stopped me, because I always ended the individual interviews by editing a few words of hidden meaning to her alone. A whispered message that was said aloud just as the image on the screen vanished. Unnoticed by all except the one person waiting, listening attentively. Always a good protégé, she remembered I had taught her that in her imagination she could hear or see whatever it was that she wanted it to be. She was, at times, like a sleeper waiting to be turned, expectantly watching and listening for the secret intellectual code that bound us.
After the Easter break, I returned to find a letter waiting for me.
Dear Jack,
Just in case you are in residence at the studio, ‘Hallo.’ I went to see Chariots of Fire last night. I loved the scene where they run along the beach with the beautiful music leading the way. I am still enjoying broadening my horizons. I have just read about André Gide in the encyclopaedia, but as yet have not found any of his work. You mentioned him in the The Golden Chain and again in Birth Place. I remember you said, ‘Think on that!’ Please believe me when I say that I am not allowing all this reading to harm my life within my family. I would never allow anything to hurt them. It is a shame that I am not completely open about writing to you, but I do mention it from time to time. I do so love writing to you and I keep you a secret in my head. I only want to continue if it’s also what you want. I would like to think that in some small way I also make you happy.
Have a pleasant Easter.
Love to you,
Marian
PS It was amusing to see Margaret Thatcher flirting with President Ronald Reagan on her visit to the White House. She is human, after all!
Dear Marian,
How very kind of you to write again. We have many artists coming up on the programme that I hope you will enjoy, particularly the great composers and their lives. I hope you keep reading and find it rewarding.
Keep well and best wishes,
Yours sincerely,
Jack
I wanted her to know that she did make me happy by writing to me and that she ought to keep up the reading. By mentioning forthcoming artists, I wanted to keep her close to the programme. I had to encourage her for fear she may disappear. She was gaining intellectual stimulation and wouldn’t always need me. She mentioned Margaret Thatcher’s visit to the US and how well she’d got on with the ex-movie actor, the President of the United States of America. However, within a couple of days, Maggie was having to deal with the terrible sad state of the Brixton riots, where the recession had hit the African-Caribbean community the hardest and some 5,000 people clashed with the police. There were nearly 300 injuries to the police and about 65 members of the public. Over 100 vehicles were burned, including 56 police vehicles, and almost 150 buildings were damaged, with 30 of them
also burned; 82 arrests were made. Despite all this, my world and that of Marian’s remained untouched.
Dear Jack,
Many thanks for your nice letter. I can’t help asking why I should be so vain as to think that you should wish to hear from me? Thank you for reassuring me. I really did enjoy the programme about our great composers – what lovely men. I fell in love with some of their beautiful lifestyles – what an inspiration. Have you ever wondered what your work would sound like if, instead of being a word man you wrote music? I can hear it translated as follows. It would start gentle, tender, romantic, becoming sad and lonely, then bold and sensual, but still sad and fatalistic – always sensitive. Please do not stunt its growth and do start the next novel.
Love,
Marian
It flattered me to think that she could hear my music; she was unnervingly close to my unconscious. One interview had been given to a member of the team who flew out to Italy, where a particular composer lived with his devoted Spanish wife. He talked about the early influences on his life and how the death of his first wife had stayed with him. I edited the programme to include a few of his great works before the programme ended. My first wife had been South American and her leaving me had haunted me. Our relationship, too, had been as volatile and painful to us both.