Disturbed

by Ashley Beale

  "I'm the only one you can trust. You have to trust me, Liv. You have to."

  Roman runs his fingers along my jaw line until it reaches my ear. Tucking a strand of hair behind it, he lets his hand slowly caress down my neck and arm. When his hand reaches mine, he holds onto it. For some strange reason, I let him. He brings it up to his chest and lays it over his heart. Its odd but... endearing.

  "I'm saving you."

  "I don't understand," I whisper.

  He leans in closer. "I don't want you to ever understand. I don't want you to ever find out. You're innocent and you need to stay that way."

  My defensive side kicks back in. "I'm far from innocent and I don't need your protection."

  "My sweet, sweet little Liv, how very wrong you are right now."

  Fear washes through me all over again.

  "Roman," I tremble. "You're scaring me."

  His lips turn into a broad smile. He likes me fearing him. "Good."

  My other hand reaches for his chest and I use both to push him away. "Stop." Tears resurface. "Just stop. What is going on?"

  "I said you can't handle them, Liv."

  "Stop saying that!" The tears spill over and my body starts shaking. "Stop acting like you know what is best for me. Just stop! I want to know what is going on."

  "You'll walk away. From here, from Blaise, from... me. I can't let you. You're safe here."

  "The more you warn me I'm safe the more fucking terrified I become."

  "Liv," he yells. His chest heaves and I know I've crossed a line with him. My mouth snaps closed. When he speaks again, it’s in calmer tone, making peace with me. "You'll find out... soon. I promise. Just not today. And when you do... don't run. Please, don't run."

  I make an empty promise to Roman by nodding my head. I'm just ready for this conversation to be done, and even more anxious to be out of this enclosed space with him.

  "Are we done?" I ask, looking away from him.

  Roman's thumb runs under my eye, taking away the tears that are still falling. His hand slowly adjusts my face to look at his once more. I see an entirely new Roman in front of me. I'm not sure if I've been blind to it all along, or if he is just showing me for the first time, but it’s obvious that I'm not the only one frightened about something.

  What does someone like Roman Pelletier have to be scared of?

  Maybe... maybe I should listen to him better.

  His eyes continue to speak words to me I am yet to understand. I want to so bad.

  I want to know everything. Now.

  That is when I realize that if I want to know the truth, I have to find it. He mentioned Blaise, this company, him. I'm about to play my own version of Nancy Drew. I will find out what everyone is hiding from me.

  Roman's hand finally drops but he doesn't stop staring at me. I speak up again, since he didn't answer me the last time. "Are we done?" This time my voice is even. I'll put on an act that none of this bothers me, and that I'm no longer curious, if it means that I can get things done.

  He looks away from me to pull the button on the panel, allowing the elevator to resume. The door opens and I push through to get out before he has a chance to trap me once more. We're still on the second floor, which I haven't entered yet. When I pictured it, I assumed a boat load of cubicles and a few office doors. Instead it’s a long, narrow hallway with doors on either side, extending to the end of the building, where two more hallways extend from off this one.

  It’s not noisy or busy like I assumed either. Maybe everyone is at the meeting upstairs after all.

  Roman walks past me. "Follow me," he orders.

  "I thought we were done talking."

  He looks down at his watch. "Ten minutes and you can get to work. I'll adjust your time sheet later so you don't lose the time that you've been here."

  A sigh leaves my mouth instead of a response as I follow him down the hallway, almost to the end. We walk through a door on the right and he latches it closed behind me. There is a long wooden table in the center of the room with chairs surrounding it. This looks more like a room to hold a meeting in than any room I've seen upstairs.

  "What are we doing in this room?" I ask, walking around the table to look outside. The view from this room is astonishing. It's not very high up, but you have a clear view of the city around us. Much better than a dirty brick wall.

  I can sense Roman's body closer to mine. He doesn't answer me and I don't push for him to. I watch as people hustle around the streets, hurrying to get from one location to the next. The city is busy, even on the outskirts where we are.

  A younger guy that looks to be twelve walks around a corner. He catches my attention for a few reasons, mostly because he shouldn't be walking around by himself, but also because you can tell he is sketched out by something. Possibly someone. I know that feeling, being worried about the people around you. I've felt that since I walked into this building.

  An older male, possibly in his late thirties or early forties, walks cautiously behind him. My first thought is it’s his father just checking on him, but when he reaches into his pocket and looks around, I notice that he is the someone the young boy should be afraid of. I watch as he pulls something out of his pocket and I want to scream for the young boy to run, but I know he couldn't hear me.

  The young boy stops and turns around, pushing himself against the wall. My body shakes, I'm scared for him.

  He reaches into his own pocket and looks around. The older man steps closer to the young one. I feel sick to my stomach. I don't think I'm going to like what happens. The two exchange a handshake quickly, nodding their heads while they say a few quick words. Everything in my body cools off immediately. They didn't harm one another, they're friends.

  Then what are they so sketched out about?

  It hits me. They just exchanged something. Drugs possibly.

  My blood boils all over again.

  I turn to face Roman. He is watching the same two as I am, but he has a small smirk on his face. "Does Blaise deal drugs?" I blurt out.

  The smirk on Roman's face disappears. He doesn't turn towards me but I can tell he is nervous when he rubs the back of his neck with his hand. He continues to stare out the window, not answering me, but he isn't facing where the two guys exchanged drugs or whatever it was.

  "Roman," my voice becomes sterner. "I need to know."

  Without looking at me, he cautiously asks, "What have you heard?"

  "I'll take that as a yes." I'm not going to rat out my best friend, even if I haven't talked to her in weeks.

  "I need to know what you've heard."

  "I've heard he deals drugs," I snap.

  Roman sighs before he finally faces me. "What Blaise does is his business, not mine nor yours. Leave it at that."

  "So he does."

  His hands grab each of my shoulders, locking me in place. I watch as his eyes watch me closely. Once again, he is debating what he wants to tell me. "Blaise has done some fucked up things and he isn't a good man. You bring this up to him, and you'll see that side. I don't want you to. You'll get hurt, Liv. You need to pretend you don't know anything about him."

  I hate that he can't straight out tell me exactly what I've gotten myself into. Everything is vague and comes with a warning. How scared should I be? What should I believe? Why can't I get a simple yes or no for my questions?

  It's all becoming more frustrating. I should have stuck with my plan of sleuthing behind everyone's backs without asking anything, but when I saw that young boy purchasing drugs by an older man, it made me curious if Blaise does that too. Does he sell heroin or cocaine to children that aren't even old enough for high school? Selling drugs is bad enough, but selling to children is crossing a line that I simply will not handle.

  "What do I do?" I softly ask Roman, trusting his judgment probably more than I should.

  "Nothing," he tells me sternly.

  "I thought you said you were protecting me."

  My heart pounds uncontrollably.
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  Roman's jaw ticks back and forth as he leans in a little closer. Too close. "I am."

  I couldn't sleep last night, which made classes drag this morning. I barely made it through English Lit. My eyes kept closing during Mr. Franco's lecture, which means our quiz on Friday is going to be rough. When I realized that I strictly needed sleep, I called out of work for the very first time.

  Stephanie was livid with me, I could instantly tell. Her snobbish tone over the phone wasn't hidden and without asking for an explanation, she simply hung up.

  Instead of heading back to the dorm room, where it’s loud and overly bright, I decide to drive to Dad's house for a nap. Possibly the night. He isn't home when I arrive though, which doesn't surprise me. He said he has been working late the last two weeks.

  I head straight to my bedroom, strip from my jean shorts, replacing them with a pair of yoga pants I still have stashed here. Needing the dark and peacefulness, I slide my curtains closed and put my phone on silent before placing it next to my nightstand.

  Everything that invaded my thoughts last night are now obsolete. I close my eyes and instantly feel my body warming as it drifts into an elated state of mind.

  My arm itching wakes me suddenly from my sleep. I sit up quickly and gasp for my breath. Something doesn't feel right. Sweat pours from my face and neck, leaving me with a feeling of hysteria. I look around my dark room. There is a small glow from around my curtains, letting me know it’s still sometime in the late evening.

  I reach for my phone but it’s not there. "Dad?" I yell out.

  I look around my room once more, this time even on the floor next to my bed. I haven't believed in monsters under my bed since I was ten, but I'm rethinking that strategy right now. As quick as I can, I crawl to the end of the bed, jump out of it and run towards the door, flicking the light on faster than I thought humanly possible.

  The room is empty.

  Even with vomit threatening to come up, I manage kneel down to look under my bed. Empty.

  Closing my eyes, I sigh relief. Maybe it’s still in my purse and I only imagined placing it next to my bed. I walk over to my dresser where I had placed my purse down.

  A squeak from behind me instantly grabs my attention. How did I not think of the closet?

  My body tenses right up. I'm scared to look over my shoulder to see who just opened the closet door. I don't want to know what my fate is going to be in about ten seconds.

  "Liv."

  I recognize that voice. A voice that torments me daily. A voice of a monster.

  A monster named Roman.

  I reach down into my purse. My phone isn't here. I can't even call for help.

  He broke into my home, watched me while I slept, stole my phone, and hid in my closet. This all coming from the one man I thought I was somewhat able to trust. My first intuition was right. He is the one I should fear, not the one I should befriend.

  I can't turn to face him even though I can sense him sneaking up on me.

  "Liv," he repeats. "It’s Roman."

  Closing my eyes, I softly reply. "I know."

  "You called out of work today."

  "I know."

  "I was worried about you."

  Goosebumps spread across my arms and chest. My body softly shakes. Fear has eliminated every other emotion in my body. I can't control the tears threatening behind the closed lids. I just want him to leave. I need him gone... now.

  If only I were able to speak enough to tell him to go.

  "I thought you confronted Blaise. I thought you were hurt."

  His voice sounds meaningful but it doesn't erase the fact that he snuck into my home while I was asleep.

  "Then you didn't answer your phone. I couldn't bare the thought of something tragic happening to you. I had to make sure you were okay."

  It doesn't matter what he says. What he did is inexcusable. He keeps going on about protecting me, about Blaise being dangerous, about all this other bullshit, yet he is the one that terrifies the shit out of me the absolute most.

  "Will you speak to me?"

  Each time he speaks his voice comes out softer than the last time. He is nearly whispering now.

  My fear slowly escapes.

  I still feel defensive about him being in here, but I'm at the point where I can finally face Roman. I can finally speak to him. Although the first thing I want to tell him is to leave and never come back, I can't seem to say those words.

  "How did you get in my house?" I barely breathe the words out.

  He steps towards me once more but I put my arms up, stopping him where he is. He throws his hands up in defense, letting me know he isn't going to touch me or come any closer.

  After a minute of silence, he finally answers my question. "The window in the kitchen."

  "It’s always locked."

  "It was locked."

  I start to push past him. "Shit, did you break it?" Dad will absolutely kill me. Probably will press charges on Roman.

  Before I get too far, Roman pulls on my arm, bringing my attention back to him and not the broken window in the kitchen.

  "I didn't break it. It's not hard to unlock those kinds of windows."

  Relief washes over me, relaxing me a little more. I can't relax completely though, not with Roman in my bedroom, still holding onto my arm.

  "Are you okay?" he asks.

  "I'd be better if you didn't still have my arm in your hold," I answer honestly. He lets go as I continue. "I'd also feel a whole lot better if you weren't in my house."

  "You need to answer when I call."

  "How did you even know where I live?" I throw out.

  "Paperwork," is his simple reply.

  A flash of anger roars through me. "What if I were at the dorm?"

  Roman groans loudly. "You are the most frustrating person I have ever met."

  "And you're the most terrifying person I've ever met."

  With the look on his face you would think I just told him his dog died. His expression goes blank. I didn't say anything I haven't said before, so I don't understand what would make him change into a look of shock.

  "I'm sorry I broke into your house," he whispers.

  After reaching into his pocket, he pulls my phone out and hands it to me. Without another word, he turns and heads for the door.

  I can't seem to let him go. "Wait," I order him.

  He stops but doesn't look at me. "Why are you really here?"

  "I already told you. I thought you confronted Blaise and something bad happened to you. You've never called out of work before, and you always answer your phone. I was... scared."

  "Scared I was in trouble?"

  Roman's body quickly turns to face me. "You're already in trouble, Liv. I was scared you were hurt. Possibly... dead."

  His jaw tightens and I know he means what he says. By his expression alone I can see that he is terrified. I just can't justify why someone like Roman is terrified of Blaise.

  "Do you really think Blaise is capable of killing me?"

  "Liv." He looks at me more sternly. "We are all capable of killing one another. The more trusting of a person you become, the easier it ends up being for them. You need to be leery of everybody."

  My voice cracks when I speak. "Even... you?"

  "I want to tell you no, but I can't."

  His honesty leaves me frazzled. "Do you think he will kill me?"

  I don't personally see Blaise as the murderous type, but apparently there are things about him I don't know. He told me about his dad being abusive and the things he went through as a child. He seemed so honest when he said he wanted to be nothing like that. In the last month, he has been nothing like that.

  He has been perfect. Loving. Caring. Trusting.

  Shit.

  Maybe Roman is right.

  "I don't know what he will do, Liv. What I do know is, if he ever lays a fucking hand on you..." Roman walks to me and places his hand on my cheek softly. His thumb runs softly against my skin, giving me t
he illusion that he is exactly what I need to feel safe. "I'll murder him."

  I shake my head slowly. His hand follows it. "I can handle myself."

  "Liv." The way his voice says my name is... different. The tone has changed. I swallow hard as I feel a magnetic charge push through us, enclosing the space between him and I. "Let me take care of you."

  His lips come down and softly land on mine. My head spins. I can't think straight. I can't absorb what is going on between the two of us. All I know is that this is wrong. I shouldn't be doing this, not with Roman. I just... I can't stop. I don't want to stop.

  My lips press harder against his. They crave more of Roman. My entire body craves more of his.

  His hands wrap around me, as if they knew exactly what I needed from him. Instinctively my arms going around his shoulders, making sure his lips can't escape mine.

  When he adds his tongue, tasting the inside of my mouth, my body reacts in a way I never expected. His body backs towards the bed, making sure to stay connected to me. He falls back, bringing me with him. My legs go on either side of his. We grind with each other as our kiss continues. His hands explore my body, paying extra attention to my hair, as he grips and pulls now and again.

  Before I have the chance to pull off him, he turns our bodies so I'm now underneath the man I still fear. "I want you, Liv."

  Words can't leave my mouth as I pant. I feel like I've already gotten off just from making out with Roman. Now he is suggesting more.

  My body is screaming yes. It wants everything Roman has to offer and more. My mind, however, is throwing punches. I know its wrong, and once I have sex with Roman, there is no taking it back. This is a moment when I wish I had Clarissa back in my life. I could ask her for some clarity in this moment.

  Although, I already know she wants me to jump his bones, so she wouldn't exactly be any help.

  I just can't do it though.

  My body screams in protest as I tell Roman, "I'm sorry, I can't."

  I push against his chest. He doesn't object as he pulls off of me, standing up from the bed. An obvious erection pushing at the seam in his pants. I curse myself for telling him no, but only for a minute. Deep down, I know I'm doing the right thing.