Lives Collide (Collide #1)

by Kristina Beck

  “Yes, Tina,” I confirm as I sit up in the hospital bed. “Dad and Beth asked me to stay with them until the baby is born. It’s the most logical option. They have the office and a bathroom with a walk-in shower on the first floor. Beth will move her office upstairs into one of the bedrooms.

  “Beth works from home, so she’ll be there to help me. Dad or Beth can drive me to my doctor appointments at St. Vincent’s hospital nearby. It’ll save me money, because I won’t be able to afford rent.”

  “What about your apartment and all of your personal things?” She leans against the bed.

  “I broke the lease. I called the landlord and explained the situation. He has a waiting list for people to rent the apartments. He didn’t seem to care if I break the lease and move out.”

  “At least something was easy for you.” Tina walks over to a pile of my dirty clothes and puts them in a bag. I can’t stand wearing hospital gowns.

  “I requested sick leave from my residency. Thankfully I will still have insurance for the next couple of months. I have no idea what I’ll do once the baby is born. The worst part is I won’t have an income. Dad keeps reassuring me they will help me. My health and the baby’s are top priority right now. Nothing else.” I stare outside, watching the pouring rain splash against the window, wishing I could say James is still one of my priorities.

  I haven’t heard from him since I was admitted to the hospital two weeks ago. I was told I would only be in here for one week, but the doctor wanted to perform a few more tests to ensure it’s safe for me to have bedrest at home. If all goes well, once I hit six months, I’ll be admitted to St. Vincent’s for twenty-four-hour monitoring. I’ll be at a higher risk the further I’m along in the pregnancy.

  Bedrest is horrible. I can only get up to go to the bathroom or take a shower. My back hurts from constantly sitting or lying. Even though I hate being stuck in bed, I would do anything to protect my baby. I need to focus on the baby because if I don’t, I’ll start analyzing every moment I spent with James. I miss him more than I can breathe. I refuse to talk about him. I asked Tina once if she has heard from him or even his family, and she said no. It made the boulder on my chest even heavier. I can’t believe even his family hasn’t visited or called. I feel abandoned by them.

  Lisa drops the bag of dirty laundry on the floor by the door. “I’ll take care of your apartment since I had a feeling it would come to this. I spoke to Emily the other day. She will help me pack your things. Her boyfriend will help us move out the furniture. You need to figure out what you want us to do with all of your stuff. Dad’s house doesn’t have room to store all your furniture.”

  “Let me think about it and call some people I know at the hospital. Maybe they need some furniture.” I groan. “I’m sorry any of you have to deal with this. You know how independent I always am. It’s hard to rely on you, Emily, Dad, Beth, and whoever else! If I’m this frustrated already, I can’t imagine what I’ll be like after being bedridden for the next months.”

  The bed squeaks as Tina sits at my side. “Well, get used to it. This is the one time you will need us more than ever. I’m excited you’re moving closer to me. We can see each other more often. I can watch you grow nice and fat. I guess I’ll also get fat because I’ll be eating a lot of ice cream with you. That’s what pregnant women eat, right? Or is it pickles?” She laughs at her own joke.

  “This is when I miss Mom the most, Tina. She should be here with me. Holding my hand, telling me everything will be fine and dandy. She would be a grandmother soon.”

  Tina leans over and squeezes me against her. “I know. I miss her too. Beth and I will hold your hand instead. We’ll get you through this. I know it’s hard for you, especially since you haven’t heard from James. He’ll be back. I have a feeling this is what he needed to get his shit together. Focus on your health and that baby of yours. God didn’t put you and James together so many times to let this rip you apart. It will work out in the end.”

  She puts on her coat and picks up her handbag from the chair.

  “When you go to my apartment to get some of my clothes, can you please bring me James’s leather jacket?”

  “Are you sure? You don’t want me to burn it or shred it with a knife?”

  “Believe me—I’ve already thought about doing that once I get my hands on it again.” I smirk.

  She stands there with her hands in her pockets, jiggling her car keys. “It won’t upset you to wear it?”

  “No.” I recline my bed so I can lie flat. “It has comforted me for years. I need it now more than ever.”

  She shrugs. “If you say so.” She walks to the door and leans on the frame. “Dad and Beth should be here in an hour to pick you up. I’ll go over to your place now and get your things. Don’t forget the bag of laundry here on the floor. See you tonight.”

  “Thanks, Tina. I hope I can help you one day the way you always help me. I love you.” She blows me a kiss and walks out the door.

  Only one hour left in this stuffy hospital room. I’m alone, and the quiet makes me think too much. If I could take a run right now, I would. I need that feeling of being completely breathless. The desperate need to see James won’t fade away though. I miss his face, his dazzling eyes, and his soft lips. I want to feel his hand on my swollen belly, hear him tell me how happy he is. I’m so furious with him, but I would take him back in a heartbeat.

  However, I don’t miss competing with Jessica for his attention.

  I need to keep telling myself I made the right decision to tell him to leave. And even if he did come back, what would I expect from him? How would I know if he is speaking the truth?

  I sigh. I need to get these fantasies out of my head. If he ever comes back, it will likely only be out of obligation. Not because he loves me.

  Chapter 50

  Lisa

  “Lisa, everything appears great for twenty weeks. The baby is developing perfectly, and the placenta hasn’t changed,” Dr. Stuart says as she prints out pictures of the baby. “Have you changed your mind about finding out the gender?”

  “No. I still want it to be a surprise. I have a feeling I know, but I’m not telling anyone.” I smile as I look at the pictures.

  “You look great. I know it’s hard lying in a bed for so long. It would drive me nuts.”

  I support myself on the bed to pull my leggings up. It’s not easy. “I feel like I walk like a penguin. I’m sure my thighs are spreading from sitting all the time. I have never been this heavy. Is there anything I can do to relieve the stiffness of my back?”

  “Try lying in a warm bath. Not too warm and not too long. It’ll relax your muscles. I can also give you contact information for a good physical therapist who focuses on pregnant women and makes house visits.”

  “A massage, now that sounds good to me.” I smile as I rub my back.

  “Promise me you’ll alert me at any time if you are spotting or cramping. It’s very crucial you come to the hospital immediately when that happens. Understand?”

  “Yes, Dr. Stuart.” I stand like a soldier and salute her.

  She chuckles. “It’s nice to see you still have a sense of humor. Keep it. You’ll need it when the baby is crying all night.”

  “The baby can cry all night as long as she or he is healthy.”

  She sits down on her roll chair. “We want to make sure the baby stays in your belly for at least another four weeks. Any time after that, the baby has a better chance of survival if you have an emergency. Please take care of yourself at home. It’s a lot nicer to stay at home than to be here in the hospital. Be thankful. You only have one month left at home. Then you will be stuck here until the baby wants to make an appearance.”

  She tries to be funny, but it’s not helping. It will suck to live in a smelly hospital for several weeks again. I didn’t enjoy it so much when I worked in one every day. I should be used to the smell.

  I’m definitely thankful for plenty of things, except one. I still haven’t hea
rd from James. I want to call Alexa, but I don’t have enough nerve. I’m floored and hurt neither she nor her parents have contacted me. I miss all of them. We became so close so quickly. I have never experienced that kind of love before. I clench my jaw. I need to stop thinking about them. It only makes me want to eat more ice cream and peanut butter.

  “See you next week, Dr. Stuart.” I waddle out the door and spot Beth waiting patiently.

  “I’m here.” She walks over with a wheelchair.

  “Everything is on schedule and looking good,” I say brightly.

  “That’s terrific, honey. Want to go get some ice cream? It’s a bit cold, but who cares! I can get it to go so we can enjoy it at home.”

  “Sounds like a good plan to me! I’m lucky to have you, Beth.”

  She rubs my arm. “Thank you for letting me in, Lisa. I have said this so many times, but…I know I’m not your mother, but I can be something close to it. I have no children of my own. To me, you and Tina will always be my daughters.”

  Oh no, the floodgates might open for both of us. “Let’s get out of here before we start crying in front of all the other pregnant women. It will cause a chain reaction of crying women.”

  I stare down at the wheelchair. “Do I really need to be pushed in that thing again? I’m not an invalid.”

  “You know what the doctor ordered. Now sit down.” I ease into the chair and cover my face. This is so embarrassing.

  Chapter 51

  Lisa

  I can’t hold off anymore. “You haven’t spoken to him at all, Tina? He hasn’t contacted you?” I ask, trying hard not to throw my book across the room.

  She frowns. “I’m sorry. He hasn’t. I don’t know what to tell you. You need to calm down. Dr. Stuart says stress isn’t good for either of you.”

  I know she feels bad and is frustrated. I can tell by the way she is aggressively sterilizing and straightening the room while I sit like a tub of lard on the bed.

  “Why don’t you take a shower? You have been in those pajamas for three days now. It smells in this room. Your hair looks like a bird is building a mansion in it.”

  “Thanks for the compliments, sis.” I lift one arm up to smell myself as my other hand tries to mat down my hair. I crinkle my nose. “I don’t smell that bad.” Yes, you do.

  She laughs and buzzes around the room. “The sun is finally shining today and it’s above average temperatures for March.” She neatly stacks my magazines on the nightstand.

  “When you’re done, I’ll make you breakfast in bed. And when you’re finished eating, I can French braid your hair like Mom always did. Would you like that? A nice warm shower will cheer you up.” She definitely has something up her sleeve. She’s way too happy.

  “Do you have a hot new boyfriend or something? You’re acting weird today. Like you have a secret.”

  She waves her hand but doesn’t look me in the eye. “I wish. Sadly, no hot new boyfriend begging me for attention. I just want to cheer you up. I can’t imagine being stuck here day in and day out. Someone has to be cheerful.”

  “Please make something really fattening and sweet for breakfast.” My cravings have been out of control. As long as it is sweet, I’m happy.

  “No problem. You know how I love to make any kind of fattening food.”

  “It must be nice to eat whatever you want and not gain weight. You don’t even exercise.”

  “Yell when you get out of the shower so I know when to bring your food.” She walks off, humming away.

  I carefully rise from the bed and waddle to the bathroom. My butt following me from behind. Can my thighs get any bigger?

  I let the warm water run down my body. I look at my belly and put my hands on it. It isn’t too big yet. I’m only five and a half months along. “Please stay in there as long as you can, little peanut. You need to stay healthy. I’m going a little batty right now since I’m stuck in this house. You are worth it though.

  “I haven’t heard from your daddy yet. I guess it’s time to give up. He’s made up his mind and has left us. We’ll be fine, I promise. You’re a dream come true.” I feel a tap on my hand. I start to laugh for the first time in days, which turns into tears. “Are you listening to me in there? Are you agreeing with me we’ll be okay?” I feel another tap. Right then I know in my heart, everything will work out just fine. I wash my belly with soap and rinse off.

  Some days I only talk to my baby bump. I lie in this room and avoid human contact. I don’t want to talk to anyone or to see their sympathetic faces anymore. Moving to the hospital will be easier for everyone. No one deserves my bad attitude. I’ll be different once the baby is born. I hope postpartum won’t make an appearance.

  I turn off the shower and grab the extra-large, luxurious powder-blue Egyptian cotton towel Beth bought me. I’m spoiled in this house. I look at myself in the mirror and see a chubby, depressed woman. I’m pale, like I haven’t seen the sun in a year. My cheeks bulge like a chipmunk’s. When I gain weight, it always goes to my cheeks first. My eyes look tired and puffy. Probably from all the crying. I should ask Tina for some cucumber slices to put on my eyes.

  My boobs have never been this big. I guess that’s an advantage. However, I refuse to weigh myself. When Dr. Stuart weighs me, I don’t look at the number. I don’t want to know how much I’ve gained.

  A little makeup wouldn’t hurt today, and some fresh clothes. I wrap the large towel around me and open the bathroom door. The smell of pancakes is overpowering. Tina’s the best for making me pancakes. It makes my stomach growl, but it also makes me sad, since it was James’s and my favorite breakfast. I walk across the hall to my room and close the door behind me.

  Bright sunshine beams through the window. I stand in front of it to enjoy the warm sun on my face. I’m in desperate need of vitamin D. It has rained for a week straight. The amount of tears I’ve shed reflects the pouring rain.

  Tina is right. This room is stuffy and needs fresh air. I open the window and enjoy the breeze that sweeps in. I close it after a few seconds though because it’s still too cold for me. But it felt good. Taking a shower, putting on clean clothes, and a dose of fresh air works wonders. I might crack a smile today. If it doesn’t hurt my face.

  I apply some makeup and brush my hair. James’s jacket hangs over the desk chair next to me. I pick it up. One time when I was at his apartment, I sprayed it with his cologne. It still faintly smells like him as I lift it to my nose. How can something like this bring me so much comfort even though I want to strangle him? I toss it back over the chair.

  I peek my head out of the door and yell, “Tina, I’m ready for breakfast and for you to braid my hair.”

  “Breakfast is almost finished. Give me five more minutes.” I hear dishes clatter and hushed voices in the kitchen, probably Tina and Beth fighting over the stove again.

  I close the door again. If they want to fight over who’s making breakfast, I don’t care. I need to lie down, since I shouldn’t be on my feet this long. I wish Tina would hurry up though, because I’m dying of hunger.

  Tina opens the door but comes in without breakfast.

  “What was all the ruckus out there? Did you burn the pancakes? If you did, I don’t care. I’ll eat them anyway. I’m a ravenous pregnant woman.” I sit up straight.

  “No, I didn’t burn the pancakes. I wanted to surprise you with something else in addition to pancakes.”

  I lift one eyebrow. “What’s up with you? I smell the pancakes, so where are they?” She steps to the side.

  “I have your pancakes.” Standing in the doorway is handsome James with a tray full of food. My heart rate shoots through the roof. My makeup is useless because I’m sure I’m the shade of scarlet right now. I look at Tina, but she’s already sneaking out of the room. She turns around, and as she closes the door, she gives me a thumbs-up.

  “Hi, Lisa.”

  Just the sound of his voice makes me warm. He’s finally here, but I have no idea what to say or do. I stare at hi
m because it’s all I can do. Tears are already surfacing. Damn him and my hormones.

  “Are you hungry?” He walks toward me with the tray.

  I raise my chin without breaking eye contact. He’s more beautiful than the last time I saw him. Jerk. Almost more mature or confident in a sexy way. I have missed every detail about him. I want to jump into his arms and kiss him until we can’t breathe anymore. But I can’t, and I won’t. It won’t be easy for him. He has a lot of explaining to do. He might be here just to see how the pregnancy is progressing and nothing else. I start to quiver and am suddenly not hungry anymore.

  “I’ve lost my appetite.” I point to the dresser. “You can leave the tray there.”

  He doesn’t listen. “You should try to eat. You love pancakes.”

  “Your visit is quite unexpected.” My stomach is in knots now. I place my hands on my belly. I watch his eyes travel to where my hands are.

  “James, I don’t care about the pancakes. What do you want? I haven’t seen or heard from you, or your family, in almost two months.” Shit, the tears are ready to break loose. I want to be strong, but I can’t when he’s in the same room. I don’t have the strength.

  He finally puts the tray on my dresser.

  “I am extremely disappointed your parents haven’t even contacted me. I’m carrying their grandchild. Don’t they care? What about Alexa? She was like a sister to me. I feel abandoned by you and your family.”

  “Can I sit down?” He turns around and takes hold of the desk chair, noticing his jacket is hanging on it. I see a hint of a smile as well as his dimples. Damn him!

  “I guess so, since you seem to be making yourself comfortable already.”

  Chapter 52

  James

  I sit down and suck in every inch of her. I have missed her beauty, her smile, her big blue eyes, her kissable neck. That should be my hand rubbing her belly.

  I have come to beg her for forgiveness and to take me back. Where do I start to explain my disappearance these past several weeks? I may have been gone, but I haven’t been sitting around dwelling in my own misery.