Wild Heart

by Jaci J

  “What is it?” I ask, fingering the soft material.

  “A present.”

  Unfolding it, I find a big knitted blanket with a Riverside Grizzly on the front. “In case you get cold,” she explains.

  “I could warm her up,” Walker offers, laughing.

  “Wishful thinkin’, asshole,” a voice says before I have the chance to respond in kind.

  Looking up, I find Zac standing on the stairs, glaring at Walker with his arms crossed and eyes narrowed. I do a double take. What the hell? He’s wearing Nike sweats and a Riverside sweatshirt. A whistle is dangling from his neck and he’s carrying a clipboard in his hand.

  “You look like a P.E. teacher.” A laugh escapes me as he frowns at me.

  But he still looks damn good in the ridiculous getup.

  “She’s right. You do, brother,” Justin ribs him, laughing along with me.

  “Fuck you both,” Zac huffs.

  “Relivin’ your glory days, Van Wilder?” I tease him.

  “No, smart ass. I coach.”

  Oh.

  “Fancy.” Football was such a huge part of Zac’s life. It doesn’t surprise me that it carried on into adulthood.

  “Yeah, fancy,” he mimics.

  “Yeah. Now you get to do the yelling instead of being the one getting yelled at.”

  “Yep.”

  I catch Row smiling, her lips stretched across her face. I know that smile. She’s up to something.

  “What’s your deal?” I ask, giving her my full attention.

  “I’m just so happy.” She clasps her hands together and giggles.

  “Why?” Zac and I ask in unison, glancing at each before turning back to her.

  “The whole gangs back together,” she squeals.

  “We’re missin’ two people,” Justin points out. “Luke and Holly will be here in a minute.”

  “Oh, goody. The old married couple that are so much fun,” Walker grumbles sarcastically.

  “We’re all old now,” I inform him.

  “Soon-to-be married,” Holly clarifies as she takes the other seat in front of me. “Emerson! It’s so great to see you.”

  I’m pulled into another round of hugs when more friends show up, and get caught up on everything I’ve missed.

  It feels so good to be home.

  “Yeah, I’ll get the scoreboard checked out next week.” Locking up the doors, I grab my bag and head out behind Bill, the assistant coach.

  “Okay. I’ll see you later, Bill,” I say over my shoulder, letting the door swing closed so I can lock up.

  Turning to leave, I’m stopped dead in my tracks.

  Fuck.

  There sits Emerson on the tailgate of my truck, legs swinging back and forth, waiting for me.

  I told myself the last time I saw her I couldn’t do it again, spending any amount of time with her alone.

  She smiles at me when I walk up, her body wrapped up in our old school colors.

  “You remember after that game against Elma, that Mike kid from shop class fell out of the back of your truck?” She chuckles softly to herself. “So damn stupid, but so damn funny.”

  I catch myself laughing along with her because I remember it vividly. My junior year, we’d won our last game, clinching our playoff spot. I felt like a goddamn king that night. We had some celebratory beers in the locker room after we kicked ass. Everyone hopped in the truck afterwards and headed for the river bar for more celebrating. As soon as I hit the gas, the dumb shit tumbled right out of the bed and onto the gravel, beer bottle still in his hand.

  “Yeah. That was a good night.” A damn good night. “So, what are ya still doin’ here?” I ask her, tossing my bag into the bed of my truck. “Lookin’ to take a trip down memory lane with me?”

  “Nah. Row already took me on one. Just waiting for you for old time’s sake.” She grins, patting the empty space next to her. I hesitate, knowing it’s not a good idea.

  “Sit. Please,” she insists. “I won’t bite.”

  Giving in, I sit down at the edge of the tailgate next to her.

  “I’m not takin’ you to get a slurpee and nachos after the game,” I warn her, laughing. It was something we always did after a home game.

  Lifting a challenging brow, she pleads, “Come on. How about some ice cream then?” Her words are teasing, but there’s a seriousness to them too. She’d go anywhere I took her, no questions asked, and that’s dangerous for me. Seeing her here, waiting for me, makes me want to do all those things with her again.

  It’s funny how a bit of nostalgia can make you do shit you’d never do on a regular basis. You get caught up in the good times, the sweet memories, and the fun stories, only to question yourself later as to why you put yourself through it again when things are so different now.

  “That was a good game,” she continues, then launches into all the stats. She talks a mile a minute, telling me things I already know. But I just nod and let her go, happy to hear her voice.

  After all this time, she seems to be able to pick up right where she left off. She might be okay, but this is hard on me. I missed her for a lot of years.

  “This is weird,” I tell her in all honesty. I mean, she left me, and I had a really hard time with it for a lot of years. I never got over her, but I did move on. I thought she did too, but now she’s here, acting like nothing ever happened. How am I supposed to be okay with it? Even with her parents still living here, I honestly thought I would never see her again, and I was good with that.

  “Zac,” she sighs softly. Scooting closer, she leans her head against my shoulder, just like she used to. Instantly I tense, remembering all the times we sat just like this together. “Why?” she asks. “This is all normal to me.”

  “Because I let you go ten years ago, Emerson.”

  “You didn’t have to.” In her mind, everything is so easy.

  “I didn’t? Was I supposed to pick up shop, say fuck college and move away with you?”

  “Yes.” She says it like it’s the only obvious answer. I had obligations, a life here, and I couldn’t just go. I had made a commitment to the university to play ball that fall. I was looking forward to it. Despite what she thought, I couldn’t leave. I loved her, but my life was here. She always knew that. I lived in the land of reality, while she lived with her head in the clouds. She was a dreamer, and it seems as if that dream is what crushed her and sent her back home.

  “Was I supposed to be your roadie?” I ask her, joking. “Was I supposed to follow you around from city to city? Stand backstage and watch you live out your dream while I followed you in shadow? Share you with the world? That was never gonna happen, and I think deep down you know that shit. That’s not me. It never was.”

  “You’re right. I couldn’t imagine you as a roadie.”

  She just doesn’t get it.

  “So what did you expect? You wouldn’t stay and I couldn’t go.”

  “I would’ve figured something out.” I believe her, but we both knew how it would play out. Phone calls and texts didn’t work for me. Long distance was out of the goddamn question. I needed her all the time, not just sometimes.

  “Emerson, we can’t…” I mutter, motioning between us, at a loss for words. I don’t know what the hell is happening here, but I’ve gotta shut it down, now.

  “Be friends,” she finishes for me.

  “Yeah,” I sigh. “Despite my best efforts, this isn’t gonna work. Too much shit has happened between us. And if I’m being honest, I’m not real sure I’m ready to let you into my life again, in any way.”

  “I’m sure that’ll change, given time,” she says without hesitation, smiling confidently. “And you have a girlfriend,” she adds.

  “Yeah, and that.” Damn. I haven’t thought once about Nadia since seeing Emerson in those stands, wearing that jersey, smiling and laughing with our friends, just like old times.

  Things are what they are with Nadia, and that’s the way it needs to be.

  “S
o, you should—”

  “Go,” she finishes. Hopping down off the tailgate, she turns towards me and looks at me with those big brown eyes. “Thanks for the little jaunt down memory lane. It was fun. Maybe we can do it again?”

  “I wouldn’t count on it.” This is the last time. I can’t keep doing this shit. I won’t keep doing it.

  “Hmm,” she hums, tapping her pink lips thoughtfully as she walks away, backwards. “I don’t know if I believe that. I seem to remember you havin’ a hard time staying away from me.”

  “That was ten years ago. Things change,” I call after her.

  “And some things never do,” she calls back. “And you’re the same guy I left ten years ago.” There’s a knowing smile on her lips, one that says more than words can. Maybe I haven’t changed as much as I think I have, but I’m not that damn weak. I can stay away from her…at least I think I can. Fuck, I hope like hell I can.

  “See you around, Z.”

  She turns away from me and I watch her walk off. I almost go after her. I’m having a hard time not doing what I should have done ten years ago.

  “Wake up!” Bang. Bang. Bang. “Wake the fuck up!”

  I crack an eye open and look over at the clock.

  Eleven.

  Rolling over, I hide under my pillow. Letting my tired eyes close, I ignore the noise and pray that whoever it is goes away.

  Bang! Bang!

  “Get up, you lazy bitch!”

  Getting out of bed, I damn near crawl to the door, my tired limbs trailing behind me. I slept like shit last night. “Somebody better be dead, or somethin’ better be on fire,” I grumble as I wrench the door open.

  Heat wafts in, instantly assaulting me. I debate a second too long about shutting the door because Row’s foot stops my attempt.

  “Lake day!” Row announces at an ungodly decibel. Grinning at me around her shades, she lifts a brow, daring me to challenge her when I start to frown.

  “Lake what?”

  “Lake day! Grab your suit and towel, and we’ll pick up the beer on the way.” Her words come out quick. My mushy brain can hardly keep up.

  “Row,” I moan, shoving my tangled hair out of my face. I feel like ass, and I’m sure I look it too.

  “Suit, bitch!” she orders, pushing her way in, shoving me towards my dresser. “Get it or swim naked, I don’t care. But either way, you’re comin’ with me. It’s a fucking lake day!”

  “I hate you.”

  Rummaging through my dresser, she stops to grin at me. “I love you too, sunshine,” she says as she slingshots my bikini at me. “Let’s go.”

  ~~~~~~

  We cruise down the single lane backroad, evergreens as far as the eye can see. Green blurs past the windows as we make our way to the lake doing fifty.

  Row’s feet are hanging out the side of my jeep. The essentials are packed to the roof in the back—towels, beer, wood, booze, firewood, more beer, and a change of clothes.

  “My turn,” Row says, smacking my hand away from the radio when I go to change it. I groan but give in, knowing she’s going to do it anyways.

  “Ohhh!” Row squeals when Tim McGraw’s smooth twang comes through the speakers. We both turn and look at each other and immediately crack up. The song brings a slew of memories with it, both of us remembering them.

  “The tampon,” we say in unison, falling into a fit of laughter.

  “Fuck, that was so embarrassing,” she moans through a hysterical laugh.

  I shoot her a look. “For me, maybe.” She survived it just fine.

  “You saved my ass, and all over that dick-wiener Alex.”

  “You’re welcome,” I smirk, watching the road and thinking about that afternoon thirteen years ago…

  Booze cruisin’, hanging out the windows, drinking and causing hell. A sober driver at the wheel gives the rest of us carte blanche to act like damn fools, and fools we were.

  Zac shoots me a bemused smirk through the rearview mirror when Row and me hit the high notes of some ridiculous country song playing on the radio, singing in the back seat like we’re in a concert hall with air guitars and hairbrush mics. I’m caught for a minute looking back at his handsome face. I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

  Row grabs my hand and grins like an idiot as Zac rounds the corner to the lake. “Alex is here,” she hollers over the roar of engine and the beat of the music.

  “I can see that.” I can’t stop the smile that forms for my love drunk friend. Alex, her new crush, is here with the rest of our friends. Wearing her sexiest summer dress, Row went all out, doing her hair just right and applying the most alluring shade of gloss she owns. She looks damn pretty, even though I have no clue how she’s gonna swim or sweat dressed like that.

  Wearing my cutoffs and tank over my bathing suit, I hop out of the truck as soon as Zac throws it into park, Row following me and damn near falling out on her face.

  It all happens in slow motion.

  Alex raises a hand and waves, but it’s not at Row like she assumes. Waving back she smiles, until two very horrible things happen simultaneously. First, she raises her arm and the tampon she stuffed into her bra comes tumbling out and onto the ground. Second, she realizes Alex isn’t waving at her, but at the guys behind her.

  Both of us look down at the offensive little nuisance; a bright pink wrapper covered in purple flowers. Row’s cheeks start to erupt into a red tint saved for only the most embarrassing moments. The wave can be overlooked, but the tampon will stick.

  I do the only thing a friend can do. I dive on it like a fucking grenade, hoping to save her from some of the embarrassment.

  “Fuck,” I mutter, scooping up the tampon. Everyone is watching me. Row’s mortified, the guys are amused and ready to give me shit, and Zac—Zac looks happy.

  Stuffing the plastic tube into my pocket, I shrug. “I’m a bloody mess.” Everyone laughs, Row included, but her laugh is filled with grateful relief.

  “Thank you!” she mouths. Smiling, I shrug again. What are friends for?

  Zac walks up behind me and throws an arm around my shoulders. “Not worried I’ll make fun of you for the tampon?” he teases, pulling me into his side.

  “Do you even want to see me naked again?” I ask him. His face sobers immediately.

  “Got it.”

  Walking towards the lake, Row following after Alex and Zac wrapped around me, he leans down and kisses my temple. “You’re a damn good friend, babe, and that shit makes me love your wild heart even more.”

  ~~~~~~

  “Where are the guys?” I ask Row, flipping over to my back. It’s safe to assume there are guys coming. Where Row goes, they all go.

  On the dock, the boat is moored and the ice chest is full of cold drinks. Soaking in the sun, I let myself relax, feeling the warm rays heat me to the bone.

  “They’re workin’,” she mumbles from under a baseball hat. “But they’ll be here.”

  “So, you and Justin, huh?” I tease. I noticed the little sideways glances and soft smiles she was giving him at the football game. There was always something there, and it only seems to be getting stronger.

  Removing the hat, she snorts and flops over on her stomach. Crossing her arms, she tucks them under her chin. “Me and Justin are nothin’.”

  “Then why are we here?” We could be soaking up just as much sun at her parents’ backyard pool as we are here. We didn’t have to make the thirty-minute trip into the woods and up to the dam to catch the rays. I learned on the way here that Justin owns the little cabin a few hundred feet away. Coincidence? I think not.

  “Because it’s hot as hell.” She’s deflecting.

  “Suuuure.”

  Rolling over, Row sits up and gets to her feet while glaring at me. “I’m goin’ to get a hotdog,” she says over her shoulder, walking off.

  “I bet you are,” I shout at her back, laughing. “You hotdog lovin’ whore.”

  “Fuck you, Emerson.” I can hear the laughter in her voice
as she flips me the bird.

  “That’s what the hotdog’s for, sister.”

  “Oh, Jesus,” she laughs as she disappears from my sight.

  I collapse back onto my lounger in a fit of laughter, tears and all.

  Lake days are always good days.

  “See you around, Z”, she had said. I knew she meant it, but I didn’t think it’d be this soon.

  Hanging back, I watch Emerson as I sit with Nadia not more than five feet away from me. Em’s bent over the tailgate of my brother’s truck, her ass is in the air, and I try like hell not to stare. But it’s not easy. It’s an ass I remember vividly.

  Every fucking part of me wants her.

  Every. Single. Part.

  Emerson looks so goddamn good today. I have a half chub that’s leaning more towards a full-blown hard-on that’s been hanging around since I first saw her lying on that dock when I drove up.

  I didn’t know for sure if she would be here or not, but I knew it could be a possibility. We run in the same damn circle. She’s gonna be unavoidable.

  Sitting on the dock, I pull Nadia closer to me, her ass pressed against my thigh while I watch Emerson. I spent my night trying to fuck Nadia into Emerson. Spent the rest of the time pretending she was Emerson too, but it didn’t work.

  Leaning in I breathe Nadia’s scent, trying like fuck to keep my mind on her and only her. She smells like coconut and suntan lotion.

  “You look hot in that bikini,” I whisper against Nadia’s neck, my hand on her thigh, but my eyes are still on Emerson as the words leave my mouth. They’re meant for Nadia, but they belong to Em.

  I have no control over what I’m feeling anymore.

  “I do? It doesn’t make my sides pudge out?” she asks, picking at the nonexistent flab at her side. She’s fishing for compliments, which drives me fucking crazy. She knows exactly what she looks like, yet she digs for them constantly. It’s exhausting trying to feed her ego all the time.

  Emerson knows she’s beautiful, and she’s never looked for compliments. She’s the girl who’s always comfortable in her own skin. That’s one of the sexiest things about her.