Lonely Pride
Page 26
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“I’m going back to Melbourne tomorrow,” Sam said at the breakfast table.
Barbara had been scrutinizing her pale cheeks and shadowed eyes without comment, but her shock was apparent at Sam’s statement.
“Well, I suppose if you have to go back so soon, then you have to.” She buttered a slice of toast with precision. “Are you sure this is what you want to do?”
Sam pressed her fingers to her throbbing temples. “I’m not really sure what I want,” she admitted sadly. “I do realize now that I’m not going to find what I want here with Mac. He told me a few home truths last night, and was right on all counts. I guess you could say whatever was between us is now well and truly dead.” Twisting the bracelet about her wrist, she sighed.
“I doubt that very much.” Barbara reached across to pat Sam’s hand. They both sipped their tea in silence. “I want you to promise me something though.”
Sam nodded. “Anything. You know you only have to ask.”
“Don’t do anything silly, will you?”
“Such as?”
Barbara frowned. “Well, like marrying this Peter.”
Sam shook her head emphatically, making a small sound of denial in her throat.
“I can promise you that—easily. I had no intention of marrying him. I only mentioned he’d asked me. I didn’t say I had ideas of accepting him.” Twisting the gold band again she asked hesitantly, “Was I an insensitive brat about Robert when you told me you intended marrying him?”
Barbara smiled pensively. “Not entirely. But you were vulnerable at the time. I have to tell you, 1 was too. Your father was a loving and passionate man and I doubt a lifetime will ease the ache of his loss. My world revolved around him; he was so confident. I swore no man would take his place.” For a moment she stared at her hands as they gripped her cup. “And in truth no man did take his place in my heart.”
She pushed her chair back and went to look out of the window. “I’m ashamed to admit I cheated poor Robert. I married him under false pretenses, hoping to ease the agony of my need. He came a poor second to Tom, but never once showed his resentment to my indifference to his lovemaking.” She turned to give Sam a brief smile. “I could never discuss all this with you then. You were too young. I think Rob drew a small measure of consolation from the free rein I allowed him in the business.”
“I’m sorry,” Sam muttered. She was, truly sorry.
“When it became clear he was a failure there as well, his self-esteem suffered badly. So, you see, I have much more to feel guilty about than you. You were just a child, after all.”
“Oh, Mum—if only I’d been more sensible, you might have been able to tell me all this years ago.” Sam went to hug her mother.
“It’s all water under the bridge now. What you have to do is try and make up your mind what you really want out of life.”
Easier said than done. What she wanted and what she could have were two different things. Only last night she’d been on the verge of getting her heart’s desire. Damn Clare for coming between her and her dreams—yet again.