by Blue Saffire
I break the kiss to watch her face as I rock my hips into her in time with the song. She holds my gaze; her arms are locked around my shoulders. Her lips part drawing my attention back to them.
I shake my head, but it won’t clear. Cupping her face, I dip my head back in for her addictive taste. She shivers. Fuck, she’s going to be the death of me. She’s coming as easily as she did this morning.
“Mo, are you coming again,” I ask huskily, as I look into her face.
She bites her swollen lip and nods. I growl and take her mouth in a passionate kiss that threatens to send us both up in flames. I start to grind my erection into her harder. I’m fucking dry humping like a teenager, at thirty-seven.
I break the kiss to suck on her neck. She smells so delicious and tastes even better. She whimpers and threads her fingers in my hair. Her legs tighten around my waist and I know we’re both coming this time.
I should be embarrassed, but I’m not. Her hot pussy is driving me insane and I haven’t even been inside it. Her nails claw at my neck and I shiver.
“I’m coming,” she cries and it’s my undoing.
“Come for me,” I hiss in her ear. “Only for me.”
I pound my hips into her twice more until I’ve emptied myself in my pants. When I look in her eyes, they’re bright and wild. I plant my sweaty forehead to hers.
“I’m so wrong for you,” I say brokenly. “I’m already ruining you.”
She pushes at my chest softly and slides down my body. I reach for her arm and wrap my hand around it. I don’t want her to go. Mo slips right through my fingertips. I hold on until the last second as she walks away, squeezing her fingers.
I press my head to the wall and pound my fist to it. Once, twice, three times, before I break down in sobs. The music is still playing, ripping at my soul. I don’t know if she can mend what’s broken in me. I don’t know if anyone can. I turn and slide to the floor, sitting on my ass, pressing my back to the wall.
I draw my knees into my chest. My head falls back against the wall. How the fuck did I get here? I remember a time when I was a cocky, young bastard with the world at my fingertips. Now, I feel like it all keeps slipping away.
I sit there lost for so long, I don’t know how much time passes. I don’t even notice when the music stops. It is a snort that pulls me out of my own self-loathing and pity.
“I told you she was more than pussy,” Misha’s voice greets my ears. He clicks his tongue. “Make her wife, LaSalle or I will.”
He turns and disappears somewhere in my home. That Russian motherfucker has one more time to threaten taking my woman. Fuck, she’s not mine.
~B~
Monique
I don’t know what just happened. I wipe my hand under my nose. This morning had been a mistake. LaSalle was asleep. He thought I was his wife. Tonight, he was aware of who I was.
I never should have let things get carried away. Everyone’s talk of LaSalle and me got to my head. I’m in way over my head. I need to get myself together.
LaSalle is hurting. He’s not ready for a relationship. That’s what I need from him. I may be mad at my father for all of his scattered children, but what’s been drilled in my head is still there. There is nothing I can do about it now.
I don’t just want to be used and thrown away. To be used and thrown away by LaSalle would be more than I could bear. My shoulders shake. The chemistry between us is explosive, but I heard his sobs as I ran from him.
I need to leave that man alone. No matter what Ellen thought she saw for our future. I close my eyes against my tears as I think of Ellen’s written words. She said this would be the fight of my life.
I shake my head, I don’t think this is a battle I want. Have I become that desperate that I’m here in this man’s home, trying to be a what? A replacement wife. That’s some bullshit.
I start to feel dirty. I peel my clothes from my body and climb into the shower. No, I don’t think I can do this. Misha was right. I’m in love with LaSalle. I think it’s time I leave.
chapter Twenty-Four
Meddling
Thomas Briggs
“So, you’re thinking of meddling again,” I chuckle into the phone.
“I don’t think of it as meddling,” James croons back. “The boy just left here looking miserable. Not the I lost my wife miserable either. Our promise was that all the kids would be happy. Sam is not happy.”
I sigh. “Have you ever thought that might be for other reasons. He has a lot on his plate. He flies out for Italy soon, doesn’t he?”
James gives a sigh of his own. “Yes, yes, he does. That is another story. You know, I still think I picked the right son. It couldn’t have been Bobby, and Marcus, no he would have been wrong as well.”
“I don’t disagree. I just think we should have taken your father’s advice when Sam decided to live out a split personality,” I muse. “It’s tearing him in two. It’s been happening for a long time.”
“Which is why I like the girl. The Senator knows little about his little girl. She is just right for my son,” James says with a smile in his voice.
“Are you sure about this. He has been through a lot.”
“There is a look the men in my family get when they meet the one. Sam cared deeply for Ellen, but I’ve known for a long time she wasn’t the one. He didn’t have the look. I promised myself I would let him be his own man,” James says with a hint of sorrow.
“Because he didn’t get a choice in the rest of his life,” I say with understanding. “Have we done right by our boys?”
“They are better men than we are. Our hard heads made soft behinds,” James chuckles.
“This is true,” I laugh back.
“I don’t know, James. I think the Russian is playing Sam, more than Sam is playing him,” I say thoughtfully. “I’ve known Misha for a long time. He has a soft spot for Sam. The kid saved his life. I think Misha is older and wiser. At forty-one, he isn’t as hell bent as he was in his twenties. Don’t underestimate him or his love for Sam.”
“I don’t try to understand crazy,” James scoffs. “What do you say for now we keep an eye on the situation?”
“Fair enough, although I think things are about to get interesting over here. Guess who just pulled up?”
“Ah, that’s my boy. I see Cam has done the favor I asked for,” James chuckles.
“She is with him,” I laugh. “You my friend will never learn.”
I disconnect, as Sam and Cam get out of his truck. I shake my head. This should be interesting.
chapter Twenty-five
Enough
Sam
I’ve been in a shit mood since I woke up to find Mo left my home. I slept on the couch that night, not able to face Mo yet, and feeling like I betrayed the right to sleep in the bed I once shared with my wife.
Once again, I had too much to drink. I sat drinking my sorrows away until I passed out. It was the only way Mo was able to leave with Czar to make her way to the Briggs’ compound, where she’s been hiding out.
At first, I was too conflicted to go after her. I know I don’t deserve her. I know that she can never be normal if she’s with me, but I want her.
For the first time in my life, I have considered finding a way out of the life. Giving it all up, taking my kids and Mo and disappearing somewhere where we can start over.
Those thoughts didn’t take me far. They made me sick to my stomach. I’ve never been a coward. Or have I?
Now here is where I’ve been contemplating deeply. I think I have been a coward. I even made myself believe that I live a double life because it was smart. When the truth is, I’ve always feared the man I’d become when I let LaSalle take over.
I sigh and spill my guts to the woman who has become like a sister to me. Cam has been like my therapist for months now. Checking in and being a sounding board when I need.
“When I’m LaSalle, my thoughts are different, I move differently, and I certainly react to things different
ly. Sam stood back and watched when my brothers’ children were kidnapped. It was easy to let Nate handle it like Bobby and Marcus would do by nature,” I say through the car speaker.
I have this call on my secure line. This is Cam. We can talk about anything and I knew I would need to talk about my real shit when I called her.
When Camille text me to ask me if everything was okay, with a picture of Mo and Misha working out together attached, I nearly smashed my phone. I called her needing to talk before I get to the Briggs compound so I don’t explode when I arrive. Cam is good at just listening.
“LaSalle would have tracked Whitney down and had her dipped in acid for that shit. Sam played the background when Uri’s uncle started that shit a few years back. I played my part at the table as Uri and Luca were stepping up. What LaSalle wanted to do, was find that motherfucker and string him up by the balls,” I grunt.
“I remember that drama,” Cam’s voice fills the truck. “Some good did come from it. Nico met Reese.”
I snort. “Yeah, but I had a gut feeling from the beginning that that bastard was behind things. Only, my Uncle had given me something else to do, giving me a more passive role at the time. I accepted it graciously, because it was safe. The monster within could stay hidden,” I clamp my mouth shut.
I still harbor anger for the role I allowed myself to take during that time. I should have done more. I could have done more, if I would have put in the request, but I hadn’t.
“So what do you plan to do about it, Sam,” Cam says softly. “When you and Logan are together, I see that you are a different man. I think you have to decide what you want.”
“Which leads me to my wife. I know I never really knew Ellen. She had secrets and so did I. We lied to each other and ourselves to live a façade. She knew it and now, I’ll admit that I knew it,” I reveal.
I’ve spent the last three days reading and re-reading her letters. It is clear that I didn’t truly read them the first time. I was in my feelings and didn’t take in her words.
However, this time I’ve let every word sink in. Ellen did know how much I loved her. She made that clear. That was something that jumped out at me this time around.
You will hurt so much less with her.
“You know, I think I know what makes me so angry when I’m with Mo. I do hurt less and I don’t feel I have a right to. Or at least I didn’t,” I blow out.
“What changed your mind?” Cam asks.
I think on that question. The words come back to me. I know exactly what has changed.
I’ve always known you two belonged together. Her heart beats for yours. She denies a part of herself because it isn’t whole without you. It is time, Sam. Be whole. Love the one who has had your heart.
“Her letters. Everything is in her letters. I’ve just been reading them wrong,” I shake my head and tighten my hold on the steering wheel.
I’m almost at the compound. Cam said she went to Bobby and Paige’s next door to have privacy to talk to me. It seems like everyone is at the compound today.
It was Ellen’s words that struck me. That forced me to see the coward I’ve been. I let Tasha walk away the night I met her because of one thing. I saw in her eyes that she would understand LaSalle.
I knew it. I knew it before my lips touched hers. I knew it because that night, it was LaSalle that grabbed her and kissed her, not Sam. Tasha walked away with LaSalle’s heart.
“Cam,” I say almost in a whisper as if the words I’m about to say are forbidden and will be heard by more than just Camille. “I wonder now if Ellen truly betrayed me or did she set me free.”
Cam is silent. Allowing my thoughts to roam. I remember Ellen’s grandmother once called me out of the blue to say only a few words.
“The Universe will always set itself right,” she said nothing more before hanging up.
I had been confused and later brushed it off. My chest tightens now as I think of her words and of all of Ellen’s letter. It’s starting to make more sense.
“Sam, you may not like what I’m about to say, but Ellen knew. She told me and begged me to keep her secret. For that I am sorry,” Cam says softly.
“I know. I figured out that’s what you two were fighting about all the time. You’re a true friend, Cam. I know my secrets are always safe with you. I know Ellen felt the same way,” I nod as if she can see me.
I figured out that Cam knew a long time ago. I was angry at first, but like I said, Cam is the kind of friend you can tell secrets and know they will never be repeated.
“Sam,” Cam calls again. “You might not like this either, but you and Ellen knew you were hiding things from each other. So on some level you both knew you were wrong for each other. No matter how much you both loved each other.”
Her words hit their mark. My heart aches as the truth sets in. It’s not pretty, it’s the truth. I’m not mad at her for it. It’s what I talk to Cam for. The truth.
I chuckle. “No harm done, Cam.”
Sam will always love Ellen, but in my soul, I know Sam is no more. He will not rise from the ashes. My phoenix has not come for him, she has come for me alone, LaSalle.
“Are you alright?”
“I will be. I’m pulling up, come out and I’ll take you over to the compound,” I say and cut the call.
I pick up my phone to text Bobby. I want to know what I’m about to walk into since Cam is no longer my eyes. I shoot him a quick text.
Me: Are they still at it?
Bobby: Yeah, he’s pushing her hard. I think they’re about to take a break. They’re talking.
Me: Thanks
Bobby: Get your ass here
Me: On my way
No sooner than the words are typed, Cam bounces out the front door of Bobby and Paige’s house, dressed in workout clothes. She gets in the truck and throws an arm around me in a hug.
“Thanks, Cam,” I return the embrace.
“It’s what she wanted. I’m just doing my part,” Cam says, with emotions laced in her words.
I nod and head next door. All of these things have been on my mind. They’re the thoughts that have led me to needing to talk to Mo. After dropping the children at my parents’, I started for the compound.
Cam’s text was not my first time hearing that Misha has been spending time with Mo there. I’m so tired of him. He knows he gets a pass not many will because of his role in the Alliance. I have to make sure my plan works. To rock the boat now would damage it all. The name Krupin is gold in Russia.
I don’t have time to change my footing. However, push comes to shove, I will, Misha can be sure of that. I’ve fought to keep the peace because I know my resources will be needed elsewhere.
Also, deep down, Misha has always been a friend. We only bump heads when it comes to two people, Mo and Czar. It is this friendship that allows us to go at each other’s throats, but respect each other when the dust settles.
Although, as we near the driveway of the compound my jaw is still tight. Everyone knows that Mo and I have a situation with Misha. I don’t know what Mo is thinking spending so much time with him.
I had already planned to fix things with Mo, but now, I need to fix things with her before things get out of hand. Mo is not a silly woman, so I don’t get what she’s thinking. I don’t run my shit like this. I have to lay down some rules from here. Enough is enough.
I slam my truck into park as I pull into the compound. The first person I see is Thomas Briggs. He is in a t-shirt and gym shorts, looking as young as his son and the rest of us, if not for the grey at his temples.
His sharp eyes meet mine as he ends a call on his phone. Cam and I step out and I stroll towards him. Thomas has been like a second father to me all my life. He helped me through a lot as a teenager.
Thomas pulls me into a bear hug. “Good to see you, Son,” he greets me.
“Always good to see you. Dad says you’ll be heading to Italy with me,” I lift a brow.
“This has been a long time coming,�
� Thomas gives a smile. “With all that’s going on, our worlds will collide at some point. Nate and I will be following you. It’s time.”
I nod, but my jaw tightens. As hard as I’ve tried to keep my worlds separate, they were never meant to be that way. I understand that now.
“I guess it is,” I say, as we all start into the Briggs training gym.
~B~
Monique
I haven’t seen LaSalle in a week. I’ve been hiding out here at the Briggs compound. I haven’t heard a word from LaSalle.
I see the children when they come by for play dates. Sammy and Megan cling to me the entire time they’re around. Misha brings Milanie along with him daily.
Go figure. I haven’t seen LaSalle in a week, but I haven’t gone a single day without seeing Misha. He wasn’t playing about my remembering the killer he built. Misha has been kicking my ass.
Val and Rita have joined in on the not so pleasant fun. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to survive the three of them. They’re all crazy.
“We’re not done,” Misha orders.
“I’m done,” I snap and I wipe my sweaty forehead. “I’m not doing another lap, sit up, or shooting another gun. My body has had it.”
“Little black girl is now little cry baby,” Misha lifts a brow at me.
I glare at him and bare my teeth. “Fine, you want to keep going. Why don’t we step in the ring? I’ve noticed that’s the one place you’ve ignored,” I say in challenge.
Misha may be much bigger than me, but he and Czar taught me well and we both know I’ll kick his ass. I’m itching to get at him. It may relieve some of this tension.
Misha looks at my shoulder and presses his lips. “How is shoulder? You drag, I don’t think you’re ready,” he shakes his head.
“You let me worry about my shoulder,” I shrug and roll both my shoulders back. “I’ve got this.”
“You sound so sure. You do know it has been years since I allow you kick my ass,” Misha smirks.
“Oh, really, so you would be up for a friendly wager then,” I smirk back.