Dear Diamond

by Walls, Stephie

  My heart hammered against my sternum, and it took me a minute to realize I wasn’t at home nor in any danger. At least not immediate, imminent danger. Clutching my chest, I took several ragged breaths in an attempt to calm my racing pulse.

  “Babe?” Ryker sat up next to me, clearly concerned by my sudden burst of panic. “What’s wrong?”

  The sun hadn’t begun to rise, leaving the room as dark as Egypt. I wanted nothing more than to turn on the overhead light to soothe my erratic soul, but I was being irrational. I knew that, yet I couldn’t stop the feeling of impending doom.

  His arms wrapped around my waist from behind, and he hauled me into his lap between his legs. “Talk to me.” The husky rattle of his voice should have scared me, but I relaxed into his embrace instead. The rise of his chest against my back began to soothe my trepidation.

  I shook my head and cradled his arms in mine. “Just a bad dream.” One that felt as real as his touch.

  “Want to talk about it?” His cheek moved against mine when he spoke, and the scruff on his jaw tickled my skin. “You’re shaking.” Ryker squeezed me a little tighter, reassuring me he was there.

  “No, I’m okay. This whole thing with Jesse has gotten under my skin.”

  “Mmm.” His lips vibrated as he pressed them against the vein in my neck, and then he nibbled. “It’ll all be over tonight.” His words were warm and sure. “Want me to take your mind off it?”

  I tilted my head toward his, inviting him in when it dawned on me. “How do you know it will be over tonight?”

  Ryker laid down, taking me with him, and he turned me into his chest as he went. “Jesse reached out last night after you fell asleep. I’m meeting him tonight.”

  I reared back, shocked he hadn’t woken me when he heard from the ominous drug lord. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  His chuckled almost irritated me, but the smile I could barely make out in the dark was so rare that I couldn’t bring myself to be upset. “You looked too peaceful to wake.”

  I closed my eyes when he brought up his hand to tuck my hair behind my ear. I loved that gesture, the intimacy of it. It was an illusion, but right now, I found comfort in it. “When are you meeting him?” I melted as his fingers slid from behind my ear and down my neck. And I shuddered as they continued across my shoulder.

  I wanted more…so much more.

  Ryker dipped his head and kissed me behind my ear, and I was mesmerized by his gentle touch. “At ten. At the Warehouse.” Lips like feathers teased my skin as he created a path down my arm. “So there’s nothing to worry about.” And his words left wet heat behind with each breath he took.

  My head fell against the pillow, and my back arched, pressing my front to his. His excitement became as obvious as my own. Draping my leg over his thigh, I silently invited him in. It might have made me a whore, but the fact that I wasn’t with Ryker, that he wasn’t mine, didn’t deter me from wanting him. And I had never wanted anyone. I rolled my bare pussy over his swollen shaft, begging him to take charge.

  Ryker growled next to me. The rumble started low in his chest before bubbling past his lips. It was sexy and raw and guttural, and I hoped like hell it meant he craved me as much as I did him. “You’re playing with fire, Nikki,” he warned and nipped at my neck with his teeth.

  “Maybe I want to get burned.” Being coy wasn’t my forte, but somehow, it got the job done.

  Ryker accepted my invitation without reservation. In the amount of time it took me to blink, he had me on my back and had settled himself between my thighs. The crown of his dick nudged at my entrance, but he hadn’t invaded my space. Instead, he held his weight above me, and as my eyes adjusted to the traces of morning edging through the blinds, I trembled under his heated stare. Not in fear. It was desire that caused my limbs to shake and my breath to shutter.

  Every ounce of me wanted to believe the expression on Ryker’s face was one reserved solely for me, that he’d never shared it with anyone else. I could pretend I was special, not one in a line of many. Meanwhile, as my psyche played head games, I remained naked with a sinfully hot, tattooed, alpha between my legs.

  As if he’d heard my thoughts and wanted to silence them, Ryker leaned in. His lips met mine, slowly at first, but when they parted, his tongue dove deep. My core tingled, and I became embarrassingly wet. Ryker used the lubrication to his advantage, stroking his length between my lips in tandem with the caresses of his tongue. The agony was sublime, but thankfully, he didn’t make me wait long for the prize.

  He pushed in deep with one thrust of his hips. My back arched, and I gasped, breaking our kiss. Ryker stilled, giving me time to adjust to his girth. Where I expected a hard pounding, I got slow seduction. His fingers wrapped around my shoulders, and he used them for leverage. My thighs fell open, and he rolled like waves. His body moved fluidly, but he didn’t just bury his face in my neck. He peppered every inch of my skin that he could reach with ministrations from his lips, sucking, nipping, teasing.

  In no time, he had me panting his name. When he lifted his head from my body, his deep-brown eyes hid behind hooded lids. I’d never wanted to turn on a lamp during sex as badly as I did in that moment. Even with the early glimpses of sun, I couldn’t see as much of Ryker as I needed. He had wrapped me in a rainbow of ink, and I couldn’t enjoy the colors. I longed to memorize the way he appeared when he moved inside me and the expression on his face when he found his release. After tonight, I doubted I would have any more chances to put those into my memory bank. And based on how long it had been since my last physical encounter, I wanted to make each one of these last. I refused to believe that had anything to do with how Ryker made my heart skip every other beat, but merely on how he felt between my thighs.

  Ryker stared into my eyes as if he were watching for the moment I fell into nirvana. He wasn’t one of those guys who needed to ask if I was near the cliff, he read my body language as if he’d been the author of the book. And as I cascaded into a waterfall of bliss, he tucked his head into the crook of my neck, bit my shoulder, and then found his own release.

  The immediate sense of loss I felt when he pulled out and rolled onto his back hit me in the gut like a power punch thrown by a professional boxer.

  I refused to let my heart get involved. After tonight, I’d go home, back to the slum of an apartment I shared with Ma. If I was lucky, I wouldn’t have to spend any more nights getting naked at Swank, but I wasn’t even assured of that. This wasn’t a fairytale, and Ryker didn’t have on armor. His trusty steed was a black Harley, but the last time I checked, tattoos didn’t repel bullets. Our worlds hadn’t changed just because we’d gotten naked.

  We’d fucked.

  Twice.

  That was it.

  Ryker wasn’t looking for a relationship, and I didn’t need to be.

  I swung my legs over the side of the bed, and when my feet hit the floor, I took off like my ass was on fire. The last thing I needed was to have an emotional breakdown after sex in Ryker’s bed. And the only place in this damn apartment to hide was the shower, which was exactly where I landed.

  In seconds, I was under the hot water, basking in the spray. With my arms wrapped around my abdomen, I hugged myself with a reminder that I’d be okay alone. I always had been. As quickly as I’d found solace in the bathroom, the curtain flew to the side, allowing a burst of cold air to permeate the stall and steal the steam.

  “What are you doing?” I shrieked as Ryker invaded the shower.

  His hands landed squarely on my hips, and he used his grasp to pull me to him. Stomach to stomach, I got the wish I’d wanted in the bedroom. We weren’t having sex, but I could see every bare inch of Ryker’s glorious body with little effort. “Showering. I’ve got to be at work in an hour.”

  It hadn’t dawned on me that he had a job or what that meant for me. “Oh.” My eyes fell to my breasts.

  “You can stay here. I’ll be home about six, and then we can get something to eat and go meet Jesse tonight.
” He acted like the two of us bathing together was as normal as breathing and reached over for the bottle of shampoo.

  I watched as he rubbed a dollop into his dark hair with one hand and gave me the shampoo with the other. I took it and continued my routine, even though I’d showered last night. “And do what, Ryker? Stare at the walls?”

  Every move he made created a kaleidoscope of color before my eyes. “Read a book on your phone or watch YouTube.” He shrugged after making two not-so-great suggestions. “Whatever you want as long as the deadbolt stays locked, and you don’t leave.”

  I stopped what I was doing and rinsed my hands in the water. The scent of lemon was overpowering under the hot stream, yet somehow, it was cleansing. “I’m not staying here all day with nothing to do. Plus, I have a shift tonight.” Or so I thought. I hadn’t talked to my supervisor since I left work Thursday, but I always worked Monday through Thursday at the restaurant. This week shouldn’t be any different.

  Ryker spun the two of us together in a circle so he could rinse his hair. “Call in sick if you have to. You’re not going anywhere without me, Nikki. Case closed.”

  I cocked my hip and plastered a look of indignation across my brow. “I can’t lose my job, Ryker. After Swank, I have to have an income. I’ve worked at Costa’s for a long time. Plus, there’s nothing for me to be concerned about. We’re meeting with Jesse tonight. The stuff with U21 is all going to be resolved.”

  “Surely, your boss will understand.” He sighed, and I knew I’d forfeited the battle the second I got lost in his gaze. “I don’t trust the Union, Nikki. I don’t want you leaving. You’re welcome to come to work with me, if you’d prefer.”

  A huff puffed out my cheeks before blowing past my lips. “A grimy shop? No thank you.”

  He swatted my ass and kissed my cheek. “Good, then it’s settled. You’ll wait here until I get back.” Ryker didn’t give me the chance to rebut before he moved the curtain and stepped out.

  Following him presented a problem. I still had gobs of shampoo in my hair, and I hadn’t washed away the sex from the last two escapades. By the time I had finished those tasks, Ryker had long since vacated the bathroom.

  The aroma of coffee and bacon wafted throughout the apartment once I opened the door into the hall. I’d miss having someone cook for me. There was something incredibly satisfying and comfortable about sharing a hot meal with a person who acted like they cared. Ma and I used to eat dinner together every night. I always had to cook, but she never missed a meal. Then she got mixed up with the Union, and I’d been flying solo ever since.

  “There’s a plate for you in the microwave and coffee is in the pot.” So much for sharing breakfast.

  He came around the bar and pulled me in with one arm for a hug. The kiss he planted on my temple was more intimate than the sex we’d had an hour ago. Casual intimacy. It was dangerous, and I had to be misreading it.

  “If you need me, I put my number in your phone and sent myself a text so I’d have yours.” Of course he had; that’s what I got for not having a passcode on my lock screen. “I’ll see you tonight.”

  Just like that, he was gone.

  And I was alone.

  * * *

  Ryker’s apartment brought new meaning to the word boredom. There was nothing, I mean nothing, to do. No TV, no magazines, no books. Just me and my cell phone after I cleaned up the two dishes I’d used. The man was the epitome of a minimalist, and with nothing in the apartment, being a neat freak didn’t take a lot of effort, either.

  I’d entertained myself on my phone for as long as humanly possible and started to get restless. When I glanced at the time, I groaned. It was barely eleven in the morning, and I still had seven hours to fill before Ryker came to relieve me. With nothing to do other than cook and eat, I went back to the kitchen to see what I could rustle up for lunch. I didn’t know how I’d missed them before, but there on the counter, like a glowing, neon sign, gleamed a set of shiny, silver keys. I made my way across the living room and peeked out the blinds into the parking lot, praying I didn’t see a Harley in front of the building. To my chagrin, the bike was gone, and the SUV was parked where Ryker had left it yesterday when we’d come back from his parents’ house and running errands.

  I danced a little jig and spun in a circle, clapping at my good fortune. It didn’t take me long to put on a bra, shoes, and a jacket. There was no need for drying my hair or putting on makeup. I could check on Ma and then swing by Costa’s to talk to Jerry. If I looked like hell, he’d feel sorry for me and not give me a ration of shit for cutting out on a shift. I’d never called in sick in all the years I’d worked there, but I also got to pick my schedule because of it. He’d be pissed, but hopefully, understanding.

  The leather keychain was soft between my fingers, and I pushed away the guilty thoughts regarding what I was about to do. Ryker never had to know. I could check on my mom, swing by the restaurant, and be back before he ever got off, much less home. I’d feel better if I could update Ma and know I’d still have a job at the end of the day. Swank sure as hell wasn’t a lifelong commitment for me. I didn’t care how well Jesse took care of his girls or what kind of surrogate family they created. I still planned to get the hell out of Dacon, Illinois, at some point, and being indebted to that asshole only kept that dream at arm’s length for another day.

  When I got outside, I glanced around to see if anyone watched me. While this was the type of place people stole from each other, it was also the type of place where people ratted as well. If one of Ryker’s neighbors saw me leaving in his SUV and called him—or worse, the police—my day would get infinitely worse, and boredom would be the least of my problems. With no one in sight, not even peeping eyes that I could spot through blinds, I got behind the wheel.

  The vehicle was massive and powerful. I walked just about everywhere I went. Ma didn’t have a car, and neither did I, but when I was in high school, she had managed to borrow a friend’s long enough for me to learn and get my license. I’d never cared before, but now, I was grateful. I’d hate to add driving illegally to my list of current issues. I loved the car. The heated, leather seats, the size, the power, the way I felt maneuvering it. Unfortunately, the ride didn’t last long enough. My neighborhood was only about ten minutes from Ryker’s apartment, and even catching every light and obeying every speed limit, it had taken just shy of fifteen.

  I sat in front of my building, dreading ever coming back to live here. Ryker’s place wasn’t any better than mine, it just wasn’t here. It wasn’t on this street. It wasn’t in the U21 territory. Technically, all of Dacon was U21, but my complex was the heart of their domain. Their pulse was dictated by the beat of Glendale Heights. And even with as little as Ryker had, it was peaceful. Not once had I heard a gunshot while I’d been there, or tenants fighting next door, or loud TVs well into the night. Now that I thought about it, I hadn’t seen or heard anyone at all. That solitude appealed to me. Not because I liked being by myself, but simply because I didn’t like being scared.

  I put the SUV in park and climbed out. Once I’d shut the door, I clicked the locks behind me and stared up at my apartment. The curtains were drawn, and I couldn’t see anything beyond them. I hoped Ma was home, but I wasn’t optimistic. She’d fallen down the rabbit hole, and it was going to take something dark and sinister to pull her out. If seeing her daughter work off her debt didn’t do it, I doubted there was much that would.

  Each step I took felt like another down the green mile. My shoes were heavy, and the crunch of leaves under their weight rattled like firecrackers. There were always people outside, but today, the streets were desolate. The hairs on the back of my neck rose as did the pimples of gooseflesh on my arms, but rather than turning around with my tail tucked between my legs, I kept going. The stairs were like a mountain, and when I reached the top, my thighs burned. My door was closed…and locked. Both were good signs.

  I pulled my key from my pocket and stuck it in the deadbolt. The turn wa
s ominous, and I expected something dramatic on the other side. But when it opened, the place had been picked up and restored to as much normalcy as one could expect after the hurricane that had blown through here two days ago. I had a difficult time wrapping my head around the fact that I’d only been in Ryker’s care since Friday.

  The door shut behind me with a click, the weight of the metal closing it on its own. “Ma?” I called out, although I could tell she wasn’t here. The television wasn’t on, the lights were all dark, and the place was still. “Ma?” I tried again as I moved through the living room and then down the hall.

  Everything had been put back in its place, which surprised me. Ma wasn’t the greatest of housekeepers. That and the cooking always fell to me. She tried, but when she worked more than one job, she was tired when she came home. I didn’t mind helping out then. She’d even picked up my room and made the beds. Both bedrooms were unoccupied, as was the single bathroom. I went back to the kitchen to see if she’d left a note on the fridge. Nada.

  With nothing better to do than wait, I plopped down on the sofa and turned on the TV. I had time to kill, and I’d rather do it with the boob tube than staring at the white walls in Ryker’s apartment. The man seriously needed to invest in some furniture and electronics.

  I flipped through the channels, knowing there’d be nothing on other than soap operas and talk shows at this time of day. I settled on one and dragged a blanket over my legs. This was my favorite place to relax in the house. The couch had a spot formed in it from years of me lying on it, and it molded around my hip and the curve of my side. Although, without the worn, orange-velvet cushion that I liked to put my head on, it wouldn’t be complete. I found it under the coffee table and slid it behind my neck. I hadn’t been tired when I got here, but my lids were heavy now that I was home.

  I hadn’t realized I’d fallen asleep until the front door moving woke me. Yawning, I stretched my arms above my head and didn’t look back. “Ma? Is that you?” When I didn’t get a response, I craned my neck to peer over my shoulder. It sure as hell wasn’t my mother looming over me.