The Essence of Perfection

by Nita Brooks

  “Maybe it would come if you didn’t act like you didn’t care. I know you care.”

  “I don’t. I’ll figure something out. Maybe I can even change Desiree’s mind again.” She crossed the room and put her hands on his still crossed arms. “But that’s not why I came here. I’m sorry about the other day. Can I get a do over from Monday night?”

  He stepped to the side. Away from her touch. “No.”

  “No? So, you’re serious about breaking up with me?” Her chest contracted. She’d known one day things would end with her and Damien. She’d thought she’d be ready for that. But this was too soon and hurt a lot more than she’d expected. Her attachment to him was more than she’d realized.

  Damien met her gaze. “I’m serious about not signing up for what I had before. You’re either all in this or you’re not. I’m not signing up to be a distraction when you’re mad or stressed out. I won’t wait around for you to be ready only to realize you never will be.”

  “We just had a fight. That’s all. Isn’t that part of a relationship?”

  Couldn’t he see that she was trying? She wasn’t good at this, but she wanted to be with him. She’d never begged for anything in her life, but for a split second the idea of pleading with him to give her another chance popped into her mind. Until he spoke.

  “Relationships are more than making up after a fight. If you weren’t so intent on pretending as if you don’t need anyone in your life, maybe you’d realize that.”

  Chapter 33

  Nicola was buried under the covers in her bed. She was settled in for a day of watching movies on Lifetime and wallowing in self-pity. When her grandfather called and interrupted her Saturday plans, she groaned and considered sending him to voice mail. Yet another person who didn’t need her.

  She’d been doing that all morning. Going over the people who’d pushed her aside. Her mom. Her sister. Damien.

  She’d lost a new boyfriend and an important client all in one week. This was why she didn’t open herself up to other people. She just needed a day. One day to feel sorry for herself and then she’d get back up and tackle the world.

  No one needed to know how much her feelings hurt. They didn’t want to see or hear about her hurt feelings. One day, and then she’d be better and could face the world.

  She didn’t send her grandad to voice mail and answered. “Hey Grandpa.”

  “Nicola, good, you’re coming tonight right? I need you to come.”

  “Tonight?” Her brain took a millisecond to catch up. The talent show at the senior center. She’d completely forgotten about that with everything else going on. Her mom and Quinn hadn’t mentioned it either which meant the show had probably slipped their minds as well.

  “You can’t tell me you forgot about the show?” Jeremiah asked, sounding stricken.

  “No, of course not. I’ve just had a really rough week at work.” She didn’t want to see her grandad and his wonderful assistant who’d replaced her. She put on a brave front, but she doubted she would be able to be that brave.

  “I know. Your mom told me. Bombed the perfume presentation. That sucks.” The closest she’d get to words of comfort from her grandfather.

  “It does suck.”

  “Yeah, well, figure out how to fix it. I know you. You’ll bounce back. But that doesn’t mean you can’t come. I need you.”

  “You don’t need me, Grandpa. You’ve got Valeria, and I think Uncle Carl is still coming. I’m sure you’ll be great. Send me pictures or get one of your friends to record it and send me the video.”

  “Valeria has shingles. Probably from the stress of working with those damn kids all day,” he grumbled as if the kids had gotten Valeria sick just to interfere with him. “I need you to come and help me.”

  Nicola sat up in bed and pushed the covers aside. “Are you serious? Grandpa, I can’t help. I don’t know the routine. I don’t have a costume.”

  “None of that matters. I need my granddaughter here to help me. You’re part of the reason I’m doing this in the first place. Don’t leave me hanging.”

  She looked at her clock. “But . . . I haven’t even showered.”

  “Please, Nicola.”

  The words squeezed her heart. She’d never heard her grandfather say please when asking for anything in her life. He always demanded. Always expected. Never showed he needed anyone.

  “I’m leaving in twenty minutes.”

  * * *

  Nicola arrived in just enough time for her grandfather to rush out the door, sparkling purple bundle in hand, and rush to her car.

  “You’re late,” he said after tossing his bag and the purple sequins in the back seat.

  “I told you I had to shower.”

  He got in the passenger seat and slammed the door. “Did you have to make your own soap, too?”

  “You know I could just go home.”

  “You won’t. Hurry, it’ll take us twenty minutes to get to the senior center.”

  On the way there her grandfather gave her the gist of his routine. Starting with a simple card trick and ending with his big flourish of making her disappear. Whenever she expressed her skepticism about being able to help him pull it off, he assured her that practice wasn’t necessary.

  They arrived at the center, and after that there wasn’t much time to talk. They were hurried into one of the classrooms converted into a dressing area. Other seniors practiced singing, tossing a baton, and there was even a ventriloquist. Her grandad was the only magician.

  She put on the costume designed for Valeria. The purple sequin was a size too big for Nicola, but she grabbed spare safety pins from one of the other participants and made the outfit work. The show was taking place in the large ballroom of the facility. She and her grandad huddled up backstage where he tried to instill several weeks of practice he’d had with Valeria into a few minutes with her. Just as Nicola prayed they would be the last act, the host called their name.

  Her grandfather gave her a shoulder squeeze and a nervous smile. Seeing the mixture of nerves and excitement in his eye made her give him a quick hug. They might bomb, and she wasn’t sure about exactly where she needed to go during the disappearing act, but she was glad she’d come.

  “You’ve got this, Grandpa,” she said and kissed his cheek.

  The tension around his mouth melted away. He nodded and they went onstage. Nicola scanned the crowd. Her eyes widened after seeing her mom and dad there, along with Uncle Carl and Aunt Kim. Her cousins hadn’t shown, but Quinn was in the audience, too. When her grandfather spotted them, his chest puffed out.

  To say the show went off without a hitch would be an exaggeration, but they made it through. She, as his lovely assistant, guiding the audience’s attention where it needed to be. Her grandad was great at playing to the crowd. He drew laughs, applause, and even a few amazed gasps. At the end, just as he promised, he made her “disappear,” thanks to mirrors and a trap door in the closet.

  There was a standing ovation when their bit was complete. Their family cheered and called out their names. Nicola’s cheeks hurt she smiled so hard. She was so proud of her grandfather, and so happy for him.

  Backstage, they were greeted with claps and hugs. At the end of the show they won second place. The ventriloquist beat them out, but considering she was a stand-in, she wasn’t going to complain. She laughed right along with everyone else, and beamed as she watched her grandfather soak up the praise. Their family all came back to congratulate them after the show. Hugs and kisses were passed around.

  Her dad gave her the tightest hug. “You did a great job.”

  When her mom kissed her cheek and said, “Thank you for making him smile again.” They both wiped away tears. Nicola may have messed up the Desiree account, but her mom still loved her.

  Quinn didn’t come backstage. According to Adele, Quinn had to get back for another engagement. Nicola recognized an excuse when she heard one. Quinn was still avoiding being around her.

  On the ride
home all her grandfather talked about was how he still had it. Ways he could get even better with his next show. Ideas for more dazzling tricks.

  She followed him inside and sat at his kitchen table while he made coffee. The rest of the family had headed back to Atlanta. “It’s good to see you like this, Grandad. Grandma would be proud.”

  His smile softened as he scooped coffee grounds into a filter. No fancy coffee maker for him, even though she knew her mom had given him a Nespresso last Christmas. “No, she wouldn’t be. She’d say I was being a damn fool for wanting to do magic again.” He chuckled. “Then she’d roll her eyes and shake her head the way she used to before kissing my forehead and telling me she doesn’t know why she loves my fool ass.”

  “Grandma didn’t curse at you like that. Did she?”

  He laughed. “All the time. Just never in front of the kids.” He sighed, put the filter in the machine and pressed the button. “I miss her.”

  It was the first time he’d said as much. Nicola’s heart twisted. “I know you do.”

  “She thought magic was silly, but she also understood. I liked doing magic because it was a way I could test theories. To see if I could do something people said was impossible. I just couldn’t make a living out of it.”

  He came and sat at the table while the coffee brewed. “Your grandmother was always pushing me to do better. Be realistic. Get my head out of the clouds.”

  Nicola leaned back and raised a brow. “Your head? I don’t believe it. You’re the most pragmatic person I know.”

  “I am. Because I had to be. I was the oldest of six children. When my mom died and my dad was left alone, I had to help raise my brothers and sisters. I had to be the strong one. It was hard, but I did it, and I’d do it again, but I gave up being young and having fun. So, I found other ways to express myself. I started simple magic tricks just to entertain my brothers and sisters. When I figured out an illusion, I wanted to know more. It became my one hobby. My one creative outlet.”

  Nicola had heard her grandfather’s story before, but she’d never heard him talk about using magic as his outlet. He’d talked about stepping up and helping his dad, doing what was right, and carrying his weight. She’d never imagined he’d felt burdened by the responsibility.

  Nicola ran her fingertips over the smooth, wooden table. “Kind of like me and the perfume?”

  “I wouldn’t say that. I enjoy magic. You, I don’t think you enjoy making perfume.”

  “I do. It’s what’s made me successful.” The response was automatic. Defensive. Perfume had given her everything she’d wanted.

  “Your creation made your mom’s company successful. You and Quinn agreed to help out, but neither you or your mom thought anything you made would be what it became. You made something great, and then you were burdened with the responsibility of doing it again and again. Not because you love it, but because it was expected.”

  Nicola couldn’t meet her grandfather’s eyes. She watched her fingertips run across the tabletop as the rich scent of coffee filled the kitchen. She’d just been playing around. She’d been trying to fit into her mom’s world and use some of her knowledge of chemistry in her mom’s world of beauty. She wasn’t supposed to be Queen Couture’s top perfumer, but she was. And she loved it.

  “I wouldn’t change anything,” she admitted.

  Jeremiah placed his hand over hers, getting her attention. “I’m not saying you would, but I saw the same look on your face when you gave up going to graduate school and doing that medical research you always talked to your grandmother about to make perfume for your mom. I had that same look when I dropped out of high school to help my dad raise five other kids. You wouldn’t change a thing, but the pressure to live up to expectations is hard.”

  Very true. For so long she’d felt bad for not living the dream she’d imagined for herself. Not applying her education to some noble cause. Her mom was right, there were no guarantees she would have made a breakthrough that would have saved her grandmother’s life. She’d found her way in an industry she’d known nothing about. The loss of Desiree’s account sucked, but it also made Nicola want to try harder. It made her want to prove the last few years hadn’t been a fluke.

  “I didn’t want anyone to see that. I’m supposed to be the strong one.”

  “Being strong means also knowing your weakness.” He reached over and placed a hand over hers. “I don’t know what happened with that perfume for that singer, but we both know if you really wanted this you could do it.”

  “I do really want this. I wanted Desiree to love what I created. I just couldn’t figure out what she wants. What the hell is sexy as a red thong but as comfortable as flannel pajamas?”

  He shook his head. “The hell if I know. But that doesn’t mean you can’t ask for help. Ask her what it means. You’ve got a bunch of other perfumers working under you. Ask them too. Don’t think just because you were asked the question that you have to find the answer alone.”

  “That’s the only way I know how to work. The only way I’ve ever worked.” She never wanted to appear unsure. She could offer advice, but asking for advice always felt like admitting some sort of failing.

  “That doesn’t mean it’s right. You’ll burn yourself out if you never open yourself up and accept help when you need it. And when you’re burned out and good for no one else, you know what happens?”

  “What?”

  “The world keeps spinning and everyone else’s lives keep going on. Don’t ever forget the Earth has been here a million years and will be here a million more. Your life is a finger snap in that time. Make room for others so you can enjoy every second.”

  * * *

  Nicola went to Quinn’s house the next morning. There was something she needed to do that was long overdue. After her talk with her grandfather she knew she couldn’t put things off much longer.

  Quinn answered the door this time. Her eyes widened and one brow rose when she saw Nicola.

  “Good, you can help me pack.” Quinn turned and went back into the house.

  Nicola hurried inside and closed the door behind her. “Pack? Where are you going?”

  She looked into the rooms downstairs and listened for signs of Omar somewhere in the house. After seeing him the last time she was there she wasn’t in the mood to put up with his smug attitude again. If Quinn chose to stay with him, that was her business, but Nicola wasn’t going to pretend as if she liked him.

  “I don’t know,” Quinn said over her shoulder. She headed up the staircase to the second floor.

  Nicola waited until they were in Quinn’s bedroom to respond. Quinn’s luggage was open on the bed and the floor. Clothes, toiletries, and shoes were strewn across the room.

  “How do you not know where you’re going when half of your closet is out here?”

  Quinn chuckled and folded a shirt that she put in one of the suitcases. “This is far from half of my closet.”

  “Quinn, seriously, what’s going on?”

  Quinn stopped folding clothes on her bed and crossed her arms. “I’m leaving Omar.”

  Nicola crossed the room and sat on the bed. “Seriously?”

  One of Quinn’s shoulders lifted. “At least for a little while. I need to figure out what to do with my life. My life without him in it.”

  “What changed your mind?” Nicola asked. Inside she jumped for joy, but she knew if she displayed any sort of I knew it attitude her sister would clam up.

  “Okay, don’t laugh or anything, but it was you and Grandpa on stage last night.” Quinn darted a glance at Nicola. Her body was stiff, as if she were waiting for Nicola to laugh. Nicola just nodded. Quinn released a breath and kept going. “You weren’t afraid to be up there in that god-awful suit. Then Grandpa was up there so excited and . . . alive. I’ve never seen him like that.”

  “Me neither. It’s why I couldn’t say no when he asked me to help.”

  “Well, it made me realize I’m not happy. I haven’t been happy for a
while. It’s time for me to find out what makes me happy.”

  Nicola bumped Quinn’s leg with her knee to get Quinn to look at her. “I think that’s a good idea. If that’s what you want to do, then know that I’m here to support you.” She looked around the room. “Where’s Omar?”

  “He stormed out last night when I told him I was leaving. He said he’d give me time to come to my senses. I’m pretty sure he’s with his mistress.” Quinn said the words without any bitterness. “I want to be gone by the time he comes back. I just have to figure out where to go.”

  “There is no figuring it out. You’re coming to my place.” Nicola didn’t have to think about it. If Quinn wanted to step out on her own, then she was going to help her.

  “What? No. You do realize we’ll kill each other after a few days.”

  Nicola shook her head. “No, we won’t. Okay, maybe we’ll attempt murder, but we’ll work through it. Besides, I need your help.”

  “My help? With what?”

  “I don’t know what I’m doing with Desiree’s perfume. I don’t think I ever knew what I was doing. Your suggestion is the reason Triumph worked out. Take a look at Desiree’s briefing document and help me put together a blend. We can still try to see if she’ll go with Queen Couture.”

  Quinn held up a hand. “Wait, you can’t be serious. Look, I know I was drunk and pissed and said things I shouldn’t have said in Cancun, but let’s be real. Triumph was a fluke. How can I possibly make it better?”

  “Because you actually live the kind of life Desiree wants to inspire. I don’t. Just look at my list, the things I don’t do. Let’s face it, I’m not the person in the family that people are drawn to for my sparkling personality. I couldn’t figure it out, which means maybe you can, like you did before.”

  Quinn pushed the suitcase aside and sat next to Nicola. She turned to her side so she faced her fully. “You’re not a fake and your work isn’t a fluke. I may have helped with Triumph, but you’re the one who made every other successful perfume since then. You’re brilliant and you always have been. I rely on you to keep me straight, Mom knows you’re the one who keeps the company in balance, even Grandad knew if he needed help, that he could rely on you. Stop thinking you’re not supposed to be where you are and accept that you got yourself there.”