#SandyBottom

by Alexi Venice

  Victoria remained silent as she removed her hand from Jen’s skirt. Victoria didn’t stop lightly caressing Jen’s back, though, which Jen found very soothing and affectionate.

  “You’re right,” Victoria said with a lightheartedness Jen didn’t expect. “This is a first date. Even though I want more of you, it might be awkward to take it all the way tonight.”

  “Uh-huh,” Jen murmured.

  Victoria removed her hand from Jen’s tank and stroked the side of Jen’s face. “I can see that you’re torn. Relax. I’m not asking you to do anything you aren’t 100% comfortable with. No pressure. Let’s just be grateful for the time we’ve spent together.”

  Jen felt her entire body release the tension that had been building with rising anxiety. She melded back into Victoria’s body and lay atop her, not caressing or stroking; just allowing herself to take comfort in a woman’s strong arms, someone who perhaps understood what Jen was going through. The attention was worth more to Jen than the release of sex. Well, tonight anyway.

  “Thank you for understanding,” Jen said. “And, thank you for a fun date. It might not seem like it to you, but I really enjoyed myself.”

  “How long have you been cooped up in your parents’ lake cabin anyway?”

  “That’s very funny,” Jen said, her face relaxing into a smile. “We’ve been here a week now.”

  “And, who’s in your family?”

  Jen felt her insides clench briefly, anticipating that she would feel weird about saying Tommy was here, but she forged ahead, buoyed by Victoria’s open demeanor. “My parents, Kay and Roger. Two of my three brothers, Jake and Patrick; and my ex and Kristin’s father, Tommy. And, Kristin, of course.”

  “Your ex is with you,” Victoria voiced as a statement more than a question. Jen had to give Victoria credit for not sounding surprised.

  “Yes. As I said, we’re friends. He and Amanda just finished a big case, and he was wounded in the line of fire, so he’s on administrative leave. The night of the shootout, they were celebrating victory at our house, and I spontaneously invited them to Wisconsin.”

  “And, Amanda is okay with Tommy being around?”

  “Oh gosh, yes. They work together and were good friends before I came into the picture.”

  “He wasn’t angry about losing you to Amanda?” Victoria asked.

  “Initially, but he came around after Kristin was born.”

  “Huh. You’re right. Your life is complicated.”

  “I apologize for telling you all this stuff,” Jen said. “I’ve monopolized the conversation tonight. Tell me more about you. Does your family visit you here?” Tired of propping herself up, Jen lay her head on Victoria’s chest, the beat of Victoria’s heart strong and soothing.

  “I have a sister, and she and her family visit a couple times a summer, but they’re not regulars up here.” Victoria stroked the side of Jen’s head, smoothing her hair.

  “That’s nice.”

  “I also have a group of friends and coworkers who invite themselves here most every weekend. This weekend is an exception, but it gave me the opportunity to meet you, didn’t it?”

  “Yeah.” Jen waited a beat then asked, “And how did your client meeting go last night?”

  “Really well, actually. A couple from Chicago is building on the lake, and they heard about me, so I toured them through my place, then took them for a scenic boat ride, followed by drinks and dinner at Fireside.”

  “Did they retain you at the end of the night?” Jen asked.

  “They actually retained me at the beginning of the night after touring this place. We used the rest of the evening to brainstorm design concepts. They’re both quite creative, so I simply have to provide them options and combine their ideas and tastes. My only concern is them disagreeing and fighting, but I’ve dealt with that before.”

  “The husband is that interested in design and decorating?” Jen asked. “I always figured the wife made those decisions.”

  “That’s usually true, although you’d be surprised. This particular couple is two guys who both have a good eye, so they have strong opinions.”

  “Oh, I see how that could make your job harder.”

  “It will be fine. I’m experienced at this sort of thing.” Victoria paused and breathed deeply. “When do you plan to return to San Francisco?”

  “That’s sort of up in the air,” Jen said. “I didn’t realize how much I enjoy it here until this week. I’m kind of dreading going back to the ‘Amanda situation.’ Don’t get me wrong. I love my job, but returning will mean I have to confront Amanda.”

  “I assume you live together,” Victoria said.

  “Actually, we don’t,” Jen said with some satisfaction. “Kristin and I have our own apartment. Amanda remodeled a house nearby and wanted us to move in with her, but I was taking my time doing that, and now I’m glad I did. I still have most of my stuff in my apartment.”

  “Gives you more independence to figure out what you want.” Victoria drew circles on Jen’s back.

  “So right,” Jen said. “And, last night, a friend of my parents who’s a physician in Eau Claire invited me to visit his clinic. He said they need primary care physicians, and he’d love to show me around. Can you imagine?”

  “That’s exciting, and yes, I can imagine. You’re a rock star, and I’m sure they’d love to have you. Which clinic?”

  “Summerfield.”

  “Oh, the big system. That’s where I go,” Victoria said. “They have a very modern facility. My firm is the supplier for their artwork.”

  “Of course you are,” Jen said. “I should’ve known. So, you like the clinic?”

  “Yes. It has a great reputation. You should go see it for yourself.” Victoria patted Jen on the butt for encouragement.

  “I’m seriously considering it.”

  “I’d be happy to drive you down to Eau Claire,” Victoria said. “I usually leave early Monday morning from my cabin.”

  “Really? You’d do that?”

  “Sure. You could stay overnight at my house in town if you want.”

  Jen raised her head in surprise and looked at Victoria. “That’s an extremely generous offer. Thank you.”

  “My pleasure. I enjoy helping, especially when I’m attracted to you.” Victoria kissed Jen lightly on her forehead.

  “We could call it a second date.” Jen ran her index finger over the exposed skin on Victoria’s shoulder.

  “Well, the clinic might want to wine and dine you, but I’d be home at the end of the evening for you,” Victoria said.

  “I’d like that. You just made Dr. Olson’s invitation sound a whole lot more fun.”

  “Give it some thought and text me,” Victoria said.

  Jen lay her head back down. “I will. You’re too kind.”

  They lay in silence for a few minutes while Victoria caressed Jen’s back. “You have a lot to figure out. How about we take things nice and slow while you do that?”

  “Thank you.”

  They lay together while the minutes stretched on. Jen liked the way her head, resting on Victoria’s chest, rose and fell in rhythm with Victoria’s breathing. She was impressed at how mature Victoria was about beginning, or not beginning, their relationship. She could use a little slow and steady instead of hot and unpredictable.

  “I’m getting pretty sleepy,” Jen said. “I should leave while I can still keep my eyes open to drive.”

  “If you insist.” Victoria struck the right combination of disappointed but not whining.

  Jen reluctantly pushed up from Victoria, the break in contact leaving her feeling colder than she expected. She ran her hand down Victoria’s leg as Victoria sat up too.

  “That feels nice.” Victoria leaned over and hugged Jen. “I feel a little naked without you on top of me.”

  “Me too.” Jen again valued Victoria’s honesty without any accompanying demand.

  “I liked our first date a lot,” Victoria said, hugging Jen. “You�
��re easy to be around, Jen Dawson.”

  “Thanks. No one has ever said that to me.”

  “Well, I’m saying it now,” Victoria said. “I’d like to spend more time with you. Come down to Eau Claire.”

  “I might do that.” Jen broke from their hug, hooked her white blouse from the floor with her finger, and stood.

  Victoria grabbed a soft throw from the back of the sofa and wrapped it around herself. She smiled and twined her fingers through Jen’s, as they walked to the front door. Jen saw her bag on a nearby chair and grabbed it, then they lingered in the foyer.

  “Goodbye.” Victoria rose on her toes and kissed Jen softly on the lips without attempting to deepen it. Jen again was struck by what a good kisser Victoria was with so little contact. Victoria’s lips, now plump from making out, felt sensual and confident, triggering Jen to second-guess her decision to leave.

  “Thank you for a wonderful time.” Jen said when they broke. “See you soon.”

  Before she could change her mind, she opened the door, said hello to Reggie and Augie lying on the doormat, and walked down the sidewalk to Kay’s grandmother-mobile. Curiosity provoked her into looking in the driveway for Victoria’s car—of course, an expensive-looking SUV. Jen turned back to see Victoria still standing in the door frame, backlit in her warm throw.

  “You know this car is my mother’s, right?” Jen said.

  Victoria smiled. “I didn’t know that, but I do now. Why are you telling me?”

  “So you don’t think I drive something as boring as this.”

  “Ah. Well, the last thing I’d think about you is that you’re boring.”

  Satisfied, Jen opened the driver’s door. “Good. I’ll try to live up to my exciting reputation.” She got in and closed the door.

  As soon as Jen turned the key in the ignition, Victoria called her dogs inside and closed the front door.

  When Jen turned onto the back country road toward her parents’ lake, she thought about what a nice, relaxing evening it had been. When was the last time I felt that at ease with Amanda? Never. She always has something crazy going on. Either we’re deep into passionate sex, or she’s preparing for—or recovering from—some high-stakes work issue. My clinic days can be stressful, sure, but they pale in comparison to her life-or-death investigations and shootouts. No wonder she’s fucked up.

  The problem is that everything is always about her. When she looks into my eyes, she’s fascinated by her own reflection. I suppose I’m her touchstone to reality and a normal world, but is that what I want for myself? To play second fiddle? To be a supporter rather than an equal partner? I mean, it’s true, I love her, but is love worth the dysfunction? What kind of stress is that bringing into Kristin’s world? Wouldn’t it be a whole lot easier to raise Kristin without all that drama and danger?

  Victoria said she wants children. She seems really…adult…mature…sweet… Is she too good to be true? Am I considering moving back to Wisconsin?

  Twelve

  Stinson Beach

  Amanda was surprised that Margot hadn’t joined her in the shower. She briefly wondered if she was losing her sex appeal, but dismissed the thought as silly, instead attributing Margot’s hesitancy to a Margot-problem. On a subconscious level, Amanda was grateful for Margot’s modesty in the absence of her own.

  The hot spray of the shower hit her squarely in the face, pounding away the black tracks of tears and smudged makeup. She gave herself over to the warmth, shivering from the sudden switch of cool Pacific to hot stream, stripping away what was left of her courageous veneer.

  She mindlessly scanned the shelf of products and squirted some shampoo onto her hand, working it through her thick mass of curls—above and below—grateful for the rejuvenation of rosemary mint. As she rinsed out the suds, she gave herself a pep talk that she could, and would, make it through the remainder of the weekend without crying over Jen. After shampooing, she squirted a generous blob of rosemary mint conditioner into her palm and worked it through her mass of hair on her head as well as the small patch covering her coochie, in the event Margot wanted to play.

  She left me, but I’m not the only one to have lost the love of my life. Margot’s wife died of cancer. Which is worse? At least Margot isn’t wondering who her lover might fuck in the future. Can’t think about that now. Can’t picture Jen having fun at her lake cabin—possibly flirting with a new woman. Last time we broke up, she dated some muscle-builder from the CrossFit box. Who would she find at the lake in Wisconsin? Someone really butch in a cutoff flannel?

  That image actually made Amanda smile, reminding her that no one in Wisconsin could compete with her. She turned off the faucet, shook out her hair, and decided to make the best of the weekend, enjoying the company of others. Instead of seeking solitude, she would join the group, taking comfort in their easy banter and light moods.

  She dried off and opened the bathroom door, glancing down the hall toward Margot’s room. No Margot. Amanda slipped into her own room and quickly changed into some thick black leggings and a tank. She pulled a heavy grey sweater over—something that would fight off the chill of the Pacific as the disappeared into the ocean.

  When she exited her room, she noticed the bathroom door was closed so assumed Margot was showering.

  Margot. There was no denying she was attractive—perhaps a bit too granola for Amanda but kind and sweet. Amanda had never been drawn to sweet before, preferring women with less wag and more bite to their personalities. She had never liked the idea of being responsible for someone else’s happiness. Jen’s independence had initially attracted Amanda, but maybe she needed some sweetness in her life. Someone more pliant. More controllable.

  How can I even be thinking about another woman? Jen has been out of my life for a week, and I’m already thinking about what Margot could do for me? Stop! Control your fucking libido, girl. Remember what Susan said.

  She found a can of lime Bubly in the fridge and skipped down the steps to the party on the beach. Chance and Kip had started a monster fire, and the group was tucked in a tight circle around it, some on beach chairs, others on low benches or on towels in the sand.

  “Amanda, over here.” Chance patted a thick blanket next to him on a bench.

  She smiled sheepishly at the people in the circle and scooted in next to Chance.

  “Everything all right, hun?” he asked in a low whisper.

  She smiled and nodded, afraid to say too much for fear of tearing up again.

  “I saw Margot catch up to you on your beach walk. She’s kind, isn’t she?”

  “Very. And sweet too.”

  “Good. I’m glad you’re getting to know her.” He patted her knee.

  She was grateful that he left his statement at that. She didn’t need a matchmaker or innuendo. She also didn’t need a lover or a girlfriend or a complication right now. How long have I ever gone between girlfriends, anyway?

  Speaking of temptation, her hair in a ponytail and still dry, Margot joined the periphery of the group. She held a large plastic glass of something clear and bubbly with lime wedges in it. Amanda assumed it was another G&T.

  Margot surveyed the seating arrangement and walked around the outside of the circle until she was at Amanda’s side. She tapped Amanda on the shoulder and tipped up her chin.

  Amanda turned to Chance. “Can we scoot down a little, so Margot can sit next to me?”

  They scooted and Margot squeezed in next to Amanda, as if she had executed that move for years. Flattered by the attention, Amanda told herself Margot was just looking out for her. Being a friend when she needed one, even though Margot had hinted at something more. A sprig of shame hit her in the chest over flaunting her nudity in the bathroom. Why do I always feel the need to make it sexual?

  They sat hip-to-hip, thigh-to-thigh, the warmth palpable from more than just the fire. Margot stretched out her slim legs, her tanned feet—trimmed toenails clear without polish—resting close to the stones guarding the flame. “This feels
nice.”

  Amanda had to admit that she liked her current view a helluva lot better than being alone in her house for the last week. She shivered from the warmth, tucked between two friends in front of a hot fire. She felt cradled, both physically and emotionally. “A lovely end to the day.”

  “And, the night is just beginning,” Chance said in a movie trailer voice.

  Amanda laughed despite her heartbreak, or perhaps because of it.

  On a lawn chair to their left, Kip removed a one-hitter pipe from his pocket and packed a bowl. He lit it, inhaled, then passed it to Chance, who, appearing very practiced in the ritual, inhaled a giant hit, filling his lungs. He removed his thumb from the carburetor hole and passed the pipe to Amanda.

  Rusty at the ritual and impetuously casting sobriety to the wind, Amanda took the pipe from Chance, placed her thumb over the hole and inhaled deeply. The buds glowed red as the smoke tickled the back of her throat, snaking down to the base of her lungs, filling them with raw heat.

  She held her breath—the smoke penetrating deep—as she passed the pipe to Margot, who did the same.

  Chance released his breath, the smoke filling the air.

  Amanda released her breath and coughed a little, less smoke filling the air.

  Margot released her breath, a ton of smoke filling the air, then sipped her G&T.

  The pipe made its way around the circle back to Kip, who tapped out the ash and restoked it.

  Amanda sipped her Bubly and cleared her throat before the pipe returned to her. To hell with pain, she thought, I deserve this. When Chance handed her the pipe, she focused on filling her lungs—bigger, wider and taller—as if she were in the yoga studio, linking breath to motion and motion to breath. Feeling less shocked and violated this time—the initial high acting as a sedative—her throat relaxed, and her lungs embraced the smoke.

  As she passed the pipe to Margot, Amanda was rewarded with a beautiful floating feeling that flickered in her nerve endings, flowing from her brain to the tips of her toes. Nirvana. Bliss. Calm.