#SandyBottom

by Alexi Venice

  “Which was a while ago, right?”

  “Yeah,” Jen admitted, “But there was a new twist on it. Amanda made it sound like they hooked up once, but the selfie was during daylight, which led me to ask her if they hooked up more than once, and she admitted they had.”

  “Did their affair continue for quite some time?”

  “No,” Jen covered her face with her hands and muttered. “God no. It was only over two-day period on a business trip.”

  “And, that was six months ago?”

  “Yeah. Maybe I should cut her some slack,” Jen said from behind her hands.

  “Did you two discuss it at the time?”

  “That’s why she went to rehab.”

  “A healthy move—taking responsibility.”

  Jen withdrew her hands from her face and nabbed a box of tissues from a bedside table. She blew her nose and steadied her breathing.

  “Have you spoken to Amanda since you came here?” Kay asked.

  “She texted me a few times, and I briefly replied to her.”

  “Any more than that?”

  “No.”

  “And, you’re engaged to be married?”

  “Well, we were. I kind of, sort of…broke it off.”

  “Hm.” Kay regarded Jen’s equivocation. “Have I ever told you my three criteria for getting married?”

  “Um, no,” Jen said, regarding her mother. “Do tell.”

  “First, you have to respect what she says and does. It doesn’t matter if I respect her or anyone else respects her. You’re the one who has to live with her the rest of your life, so you have to be the one who respects her.”

  “Okaaaaaay,” Jen said, a myriad of Amanda’s exploits flashing before her eyes.

  Kay held up a second finger. “Second. She has to treat you like a princess.”

  Jen snorted.

  “Not like a true princess, but treat you well, you know? You’ve seen how your father treats me, right?”

  “I suppose.”

  Kay held up the third finger. “You have to love her.”

  Jen rolled her eyes. “I was waiting for that one.”

  “What?” Kay asked. “You don’t love Amanda?”

  “No,” Jen said, slapping the bed. “That’s the problem. I do love her, and damnit, I can’t live without her.”

  “You’re both smart women. I think spending time here at the lake has provided just the break you needed to figure out some things.”

  “Then, why do I feel as confused as ever?”

  “Maybe because you spent the night at Victoria’s?” Kay asked, addressing the elephant in the room.

  Jen hung her head, her cheeks turning crimson. “And, I feel guilty about that now.”

  Kay patted Jen’s shoulder but didn’t say anything.

  “Thanks, Mom. I love you.”

  Kay rose. “I’ll leave you to it then.” She kissed the top of Jen’s head and left the room.

  Jen removed her phone from her pocket and stared at it. Is it a sign of weakness if I text Amanda?

  She stared some more, her inner battle waging a war of love lost and love to be gained. She finally texted: How are you?

  Jen didn’t expect a reply right away. Hell, she didn’t know where Amanda was or what she was doing. She sat for a minute, staring at her phone, hoping for a response. When it didn’t arrive, she rose and went into her parents’ bathroom. She set her phone on the counter and splashed soap and water on her salty face. While she was drying off, her phone vibrated.

  Amanda replied, My heart aches for you and Kristin. Please give her a hug for me.

  The bottom fell out of Jen’s resolve. She closed her eyes for a minute, allowing herself to feel momentarily happy—as if everything between them were normal—and her mind instantly righted itself. She felt a torrent of warmth spring up from her belly, making her settled and happy. Even a simple text reminded her of how much she loved Amanda, and when they were on, how aligned Jen’s world could be. When they were off, her mind was an upside down pizza—all over the place.

  She replied: I will. I miss you.

  Jen regretted being so cryptic, but her fingers wouldn’t type more. She thought about typing something like, “Just give me some time,” but she didn’t know if time was the only thing she needed. Do I need time? Or promises? Or honesty? Or fidelity? Or, do I just need Amanda?

  She set her phone down again and applied some of Kay’s expensive R&F facial cream around her eyes, dabbing the dehydrated skin. Her phone vibrated again, and Amanda’s name flashed across the screen.

  When she read Amanda’s next text, she just about collapsed. Miss you too. You mean everything to me.

  Jen’s heart sent an adrenaline surge to her fingertips and toes, reminding them that they were still alive. All of a sudden, every nerve ending was on fire, and Jen felt like skipping into the kitchen to declare to her family that she meant everything to Amanda.

  Her thumbs hovered over her phone, wondering what to type. She was caught between telling Amanda to come to Wisconsin immediately or that they could get together when Jen and Kristin returned to the city. Her indecision was interrupted by Jake and Kristin.

  Twenty-Seven

  “Are you coming already?” Jake asked from the hallway.

  “Mommy!” Kristin exclaimed, running to her.

  “Skiing? Now?” Jen picked up Kristin and balanced her on her hip.

  “Uh…yeah,” Jake said. “Sort of like we’ve been doing every day for the last week.”

  “I’m not sure… I’m a little slow today,” she moved from the bathroom into the hallway toward the bedroom. “You might have to go without us.”

  “That’s ridiculous,” Jake said, following her. “Look, I don’t know what happened last night, and I don’t need to know. I’ve been there myself. But, the best way to get over it is to get out there and do something. Change into your suit, and let’s go skiing.”

  Kristin’s corkscrew curls bounced as she watched Jake over Jen’s shoulder. She seemed especially fascinated by the base notes of Jake’s voice as he pressed Jen. Kristin had studied him all week, and like the others, she fed off his energy.

  “Okay,” Jen said, entering the guest bedroom. “You’re right. I should do something to take my mind off…off…women.”

  “Sports always worked for me,” he said from the doorway.

  She sighed. “Just let me change clothes. Kristin and I will be out in a minute.”

  She closed the door and retooled her brain, grateful to Jake for distracting her from hopeless romantic cogitations. She quickly changed into nylon shorts, a bikini top and a loose tank.

  When she and Kristin joined the boys in the living room, they were talking sports, a topic to which they had devoted hundreds of hours and would no doubt devote hundreds more.

  “What do you think of the 49ers’ draft pics?” Jake asked Tommy.

  “I don’t follow football as close as baseball,” Tommy said.

  “I take it you don’t follow the Packers?” Jake asked.

  “Not really,” Tommy said, “but Aaron Rogers seems to be a good fit for them.”

  Jen piped up. “You have to admit that we follow football more closely than most families since Duncan plays for them.”

  “If you can call it playing when he’s second string and riding the pine every weekend,” Jake said.

  “He’ll get his chance,” Roger said.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet him this weekend,” Tommy said.

  “You just missed him,” Kay said. “He was up here playing beer pong in the lake before he reported to camp.”

  “The team doctor told him he was grossly overweight and had to lose 20 pounds,” Jake said, laughing.

  “I’m not surprised after spending a week up here myself,” Jen said, patting her belly. “Twenty pounds on Duncan, though, is hardly ‘grossly overweight’ when he weighs 240. He’ll sweat off 20 pounds the first week of camp.”

  “He can only hope,�
�� Patrick chimed in. “Sorry to change the subject, but does anyone want to play Dungeons & Dragons?”

  Everyone groaned, but quickly converted to coughs for fear of offending Patrick.

  “In all fairness, I’m not even sure what D&D is,” Jen said. “Is it a card game?”

  Jake slit his throat with a hand gesture, signaling to Jen to kill the subject. “You’re skiing, remember?”

  Patrick cut him off, stepping around him. “It’s more like imaginative storytelling with an element of chance through a roll of the dice. You’d love it.”

  “Well, maybe tonight during cocktails,” she said, even though Jake and Roger were vehemently shaking their heads behind Patrick’s back.

  “Before you go off and running on the lake, Jake,” Kay said from the kitchen, “Would you please replace the solar light at the end of the sidewalk?”

  “Awe, Mom,” he groaned. “Do I have to today?”

  “Yes,” Kay said. “You’ve been promising all summer.”

  “That was Duncan,” Jake said. “He gets out of everything because he’s an athlete.”

  “How did it break?” Jen asked, accustomed to hearing Jake’s cries of unfair treatment when it came to Duncan. Deal with it already.

  “The snowplow pushed a pile of snow into it,” Kay said. “I’ve been asking the boys to fix it all summer.”

  “I can do it,” Jen said. “I love lake projects.”

  “Sure, trying to make me look bad,” Jake said.

  “You do that fine all by yourself,” Jen said, “but you can stay on mom’s good side by helping me.”

  “You mean, ‘showing you,’” he said.

  “I’m pretty sure I can figure out how to install a solar light by myself,” she said.

  “Bet I could do it faster,” he said.

  “What is this, sixth grade?” Jen asked.

  “Mom, do you have two that need to be replaced?” Jake asked.

  “No. Just the one—unless you’ve noticed others.”

  “Let’s go look, then do them at the same time to see who finishes first,” Jake said.

  “I’m not competing with you,” Jen turned and muttered. “So immature.”

  She and Jake passed through the breezeway together and into the small supply closet, Kristin on their heels, where they stared at the shelves of tools, paint supplies, and a box of solar lights.

  “Have you installed one of these before?” Jake asked, sliding the battery pack onto the drill.

  “Nope,” she said.

  “I’ll time you.”

  She rolled her eyes. “And, you’ll be faster on the second one because you’ll learn from my trial run.”

  “How am I supposed to time you if I can’t watch you?”

  “I’ll set my iPhone stopwatch.” She grabbed the box of solar lights and the bag of tools. Jake dropped a bit in the drill and followed.

  They went to the front door and Jen called to Kay, “We’re going out to fix the lights now.”

  Kay appeared around the corner. “Kristin, do you want grandma to read you a story?”

  “Yes!” Kristin exclaimed, returning to Kay.

  Jen winked at Kay, as she and Jake walked out the door.

  They located the busted solar light on one of the six posts that lined the driveway and opened the box and laid out the materials. Jen set the stopwatch on her phone.

  “Turn around.” Jake did as she commanded. She set the stopwatch and quickly removed the old solar light and placed the base of the new light on the top of the square post. Only 90 seconds passed. She drilled holes for the base and set it carefully on top. Two minutes passed. Just as she was using the Phillips screwdriver on the last screw for the base, the dogs barked at the crunch of wheels on the gravel driveway. Four minutes invested thus far.

  A black Suburban came into view through the woods as it rounded the corner, approaching the lake cabin. The truck bore Wisconsin license plates, and two people were in the front seat.

  “I wonder who that is?” Jake asked.

  “I can’t look up,” Jen said, still screwing. “I’m on a roll.”

  “They’re probably lost,” he said.

  He left Jen’s side and walked into the driveway where the truck came to a stop about twenty feet from Jen. The dogs barked at full volume, sounding the alarm for everyone in the county.

  Jake went to the driver’s side, and Jen heard him talking in muffled tones over the sound of the engine. She still didn’t look up, assuming the visitors were lost and needed directions. She was at the six-minute mark, the finish line in sight.

  When a truck door opened and the engine turned off, however, Jen looked up from attaching the solar reflective box to the base. She blinked twice, her eyes sending an incomprehensible message to her brain—Amanda was walking from the passenger side, crossing in front of the truck, on a direct course toward Jen. It can’t be. I’m dreaming.

  Jen was so taken aback that her brain momentarily stopped working. She dropped the screwdriver, barely missing her pinky toe, then fumbled with the remaining pieces of the solar light, bobbling them. Her fingers chased the pieces, thrusting them into the air. She didn’t bother watching them fall to the ground, her eyes instead remaining on the woman who so vexed her. Who was coming at her with determination. Whose eyes were intense with life. With energy. With wattage. With perception. With love. Those all-knowing eyes.

  Amanda looked as natural in the Northwoods as an alien from outer space. Clad in urban-camo pants, a white, gauzy shirt over a tight tank, and TOMS, she looked sophisticated, polished and gorgeous. Her hair and scant makeup were perfectly done, and an expensive bag hung over her shoulder.

  Jen’s heart suddenly stopped. Started. Lurched. Then jumped out of her chest. The mere sight of Amanda threw Jen’s world out of orbit. The first 10 seconds of seeing her claimed an inordinate number of Jen’s heartbeats.

  Dry heat crawled up Jen’s throat, her eyes drilling into Amanda’s, and she was reassured that Amanda was alive and very real. As only lovers can, they exchanged vital information in the first few seconds of laying eyes on each other.

  Jen was surprised. Amanda’s usual supreme sense of confidence was replaced with a vulnerable demeanor. Dark circles camped below her almond-shaped eyes, accentuating their deep brown color. She hasn’t been sleeping .

  When Jen’s gaze fell to Amanda’s mouth, she saw an insecure, tentative smile that broke her heart. All of Amanda’s nervousness made Jen feel more guilty—if that was possible—about being with Victoria. She didn’t want that type of control over Amanda’s happiness. It was too much power, something Jen had always shunned.

  The sickening taste of betrayal stung the back of Jen’s throat, so she quickly averted her eyes from Amanda’s inquisitive gaze. “You’re here.”

  Amanda stopped a few feet from Jen. “I hope it’s okay. I missed you and Kristin so much that I had to see you.”

  “Come here,” Jen’s voice said without prompting.

  Amanda didn’t waste any time, springing toward Jen and throwing her arms around her neck. “I love you so much,” Amanda whispered, her eyes misting over.

  God, she smells like a field of lavender, Jen thought. The fiery cocktail of guilt and shame mixed in Jen’s stomach, choking off her ability to say, I love you too.

  Amanda showered kisses along Jen’s neck in such a flurry that Jen couldn’t think straight . “I missed you. I missed you. I missed you.”

  Jen’s knees buckled.

  “I can’t live without you,” Amanda whispered frantically.

  Finding the right words proved difficult, but Jen managed, “I missed you too.” The simple admission liberated her heavy heart.

  “I’m sorry for everything.” Amanda kissed Jen’s lower lip, then quickly retreated to look at her.

  “Me too,” Jen said earnestly, knowing that Amanda had no clue that she was sorry for not only running to Wisconsin but also sleeping with Victoria.

  Amanda kissed Jen again
, her soft lips delivering high voltage shocks that converted Jen’s heart into a faster rhythm .

  Jen pressed her mouth to Amanda’s, kissing her tenderly at first. Then eagerly. Then deeply, submersing herself in the velvety warmth that welcomed her home. Home to Amanda.

  The universe snapped to attention and realigned Jen’s existence. She dropped any feelings she might have had for Victoria in the freezer.

  A coarse throat-clearing, however, reminded Jen that they weren’t alone. She reluctantly broke from the kiss to see Jake walking toward them.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” Jen said against Amanda’s lips.

  “I’m so relieved,” Amanda breathed, nervously smoothing her hair.

  Jake impolitely tapped Jen on the shoulder, ignoring any sense of intimacy between the two women. “Are you going to introduce me?”

  “Good God, Jake. You have absolutely no manners.” Jen broke away from Amanda but kept her arm around Amanda’s waist.

  “Welcome,” he said. “I’m Jake.” He thrust his hand at Amanda.

  While extending her hand, Amanda attempted a cool smile, but Jen noticed her lips shillyshally.

  Good, I kissed her off balance. “Jake, this is my…Amanda.” Jen was so messed up that she just couldn’t even say fiancée. “Amanda, this is my younger brother, Jake, a real pain in the ass.” Jen’s thumb nervously snaked across her empty ring finger.

  “Pleased to meet you,” Amanda said stiffly. When nervous, she always defaulted to formal manners.

  The driver of the black Suburban joined their circle. Jen extended her hand. “Welcome. I’m Jen.”

  “I’m Dave Monroe, one of the Hawthorne family pilots.”

  “Dave was kind enough to drive me up here,” Amanda said.

  “Where did you fly into?” Jake asked.

  “Eau Claire,” Dave said. “They have a nice airport there, and they can refuel the same day.”

  “Good to know,” Jake said, impressed.

  Amanda suddenly twisted sideways and slapped her arm, then flicked a flattened mosquito from her skin. “Christ! That mosquito was huge!”

  With tremendous effort, Jake and Jen suppressed smiles.

  “Welcome to the Northwoods,” Jen said. “I think they like your hair product.” They all looked up to see a swarm of gargantuan mosquitos and gnats above Amanda’s head.