Desperate Chances

by A. Meredith Walters

  “I tried that this weekend. It didn’t turn out so well. He doesn’t want to hear anything I have to say.”

  Maysie squeezed my hand. I knew she wanted to ask more but she didn’t push. “Come to Garrett’s tonight. We’ll all be just hanging out, ordering pizza. The guys will no doubt be playing a million rounds of Minecraft. Vivian and I will both be there. Please come.”

  “I’m not sure—”

  “You can’t avoid your friends, G. Not now that everyone is one place again. Think about it.”

  “I will. I promise.”

  “Good. Now let’s go to the store to get something to clean these floors. They’re filthy!” Maysie exclaimed.

  And I was happy to help her. It was better than thinking about what I was going to do now that everyone was in the same place again.

  I had driven this road to Garrett’s house so many times I could do it with my eyes closed.

  I maneuvered my car around the potholes and the fence post that had been lying on the side of the road for almost three years. I turned the corner and pulled in beside Cole’s Jeep and cut the engine.

  I recognized Maysie’s car and Garrett’s van. I also noticed a half a dozen other cars, most likely people from Barton’s. It seemed I was the last person to arrive.

  I grabbed my bag from the passenger seat and slung it over my shoulder. The guys had only gotten back into town a few hours ago, but already I could see the bonfire raging behind the house and could hear the loud thump of music coming from inside. There were a few people sitting on the front porch smoking and laughing.

  It was a typical scene at Garrett’s house. I had been coming to parties here since I was a junior in college. Since before Maysie and Jordan began dating. I used to tag along with his ex, Olivia and my former sorority sisters. Back then we had been the college chicks slumming it with the townies. A place to get free booze and not much else.

  But then these townies became my friends and I still felt a sting of shame when I thought of how little I regarded them back then. How easy it was for me to look down my nose just because they didn’t go to Rinard. I had been a total snob.

  “Hey, Gracie!” someone called out. I looked over to see Paco and Fed, who had been dishwashers at Barton’s Bar and Grill for as long as I could remember.

  “Hey guys,” I called back. I opened the front door and let myself inside. It wasn’t packed the way parties used to be. In fact there was only a dozen or so people standing around talking with beers in their hands. Just the normal people that had been friends with the guys for years.

  I made my way to the kitchen where I could hear Vivian’s voice over the music. She was like my own personal beacon.

  I found Vivian and Cole arguing, which wasn’t new. Her face was flushed and Cole looked ready to spit nails. Maysie was standing against the counter looking amused.

  “What did I miss?” I asked, grabbing a bottle of water and uncapping the lid. I discreetly looked around but didn’t see any of the other guys. More importantly I didn’t see Mitch. Or Sophie.

  “I’ll tell you what you missed!” Vivian screeched, pulling away from Cole’s restraining grasp.

  “Tell her she misheard me, Mays. Get her to see fucking reason!” Cole pleaded, pulling at his hair in frustration.

  Vivian whirled around and pointed her finger into his chest. “This asshole just told me to get a boob job!” she shrieked. “A fucking boob job! As if these aren’t good enough!” She squeezed her breasts together, giving us all an eyeful.

  “I have the best boobs you’ve ever seen!” she yelled. Stan, a friend of Jordan’s from school had the misfortune of walking into the kitchen at that particular moment. Vivian grabbed his arm and pulled him over. “Stan, look at my boobs. Aren’t they nice?” She lifted her shirt and poor Stan’s face turned beet red.

  “Uh—” He cast a nervous look at Cole who seemed ready to commit murder.

  “Don’t you fucking dare look at my girlfriend’s tits or I’ll kick your ass!” Cole roared. “Put your damn shirt down, Viv! I don’t want everyone to see what’s fucking mine!”

  “Run, Stan,” I whispered and he nodded, hurrying from the kitchen.

  “These aren’t yours! They’re not good enough apparently! Not big enough! Well maybe I just need to go find someone who will appreciate them!” Vivian made to leave and Cole grabbed her from around the waist. He picked her up and set her onto the counter, his hands trapping her.

  “I love your fucking tits. I worship them! I would eat my meals off them if I could! You said you wanted a damn boob job and I said, verbatim, ‘whatever makes you happy, baby.’” Cole grabbed her face and kissed her roughly. “I’ll love you no matter what you decide to do with your body. But don’t you ever fucking think about letting someone else touch you! I’ll kill them! I swear I will!”

  Then they were kissing and there was the distinct tearing of fabric. Maysie and I looked at each other.

  “Well, that’s our cue to exit,” I said, rolling my eyes, knowing that in about thirty seconds we were going to be witness to parts of Cole and Vivian that we would be happy never seeing.

  “Yep. Let’s get out of here quickly,” Maysie agreed, taking my hand as we hurried from the room. She stopped a girl who was about to walk in. “I wouldn’t go in there right now,” she warned. Maysie and I snickered as we walked into the living room where most of the party was congregated.

  There was some shouting as a group of guys, including Jordan and Garrett, sitting on the sofa in front of the 50-inch television.

  “Gracie! There you are! These guys suck! I need someone to go against that’s an actual challenge!” Garrett called out as something exploded on the screen. Jordan yelled and threw his controller onto the floor.

  “I give up! Fuck this!” Jordan groaned, running a hand over his buzzed head. He glanced up at us as we entered the room, his eyes sparkling at the sight of his fiancée. “There’s my girl,” he murmured, grabbing her hand and pulling her onto his lap. He looked like such a tough guy with his shaved head and tattoos, but he was the biggest softie I had ever met. Particularly when it came to Maysie Ardin. I noticed how he tenderly touched her stomach as he kissed the side of her neck.

  I noted that Mitch wasn’t in the room. Neither was Sophie.

  Don’t think about it, Gracie. Don’t even go there!

  “Do you want to play?” Garrett asked, picking up Jordan’s discarded controller.

  “Does a one legged duck swim in a circle?” I asked, flopping down beside him.

  “Uh, I’m not sure. Does it?” Garrett asked, looking perplexed.

  “Don’t be a smartass and let me show you how it’s done,” I told him, focusing on the game.

  “Trash talk already. I like it,” Garrett grinned as my character blew something up.

  We were firmly entrenched in gaming warfare when I heard Jordan call out a greeting to someone that had entered the room.

  I glanced towards the doorway and my fingers fumbled on the controls, causing my character to die.

  “Dude, G, what the hell was that?” Garrett complained.

  Mitch walked in, looking freshly showered. His hair was still dripping and the collar of his button down shirt was wet. His jeans hung low on his hips and he still hadn’t shaved. He looked good with a little shag on his face.

  My mouth was suddenly dry and I was having a hard time swallowing.

  Mitch leaned against the recliner where Jordan and Maysie were cuddled up together. He crossed his arms across his broad chest and smiled at something Maysie said. Then he threw his head back and laughed.

  I felt that laugh everywhere.

  “Gracie, seriously, can you at least pretend to play?” Garrett griped and I turned my attention back to the game. But I couldn’t concentrate.

  Not with him here.

  “Hey guys,” I heard him say and I knew he was close. Too close. I could almost freaking smell him.

  “Hey, Mitch. You’re messing with our vibe her
e. Get lost,” Garrett grumbled, not taking his eyes from the television screen.

  I heard Mitch chuckle, but I wouldn’t look at him. I really wanted to. But nope, wouldn’t do it.

  “Sorry. I didn’t realize you found me so distracting,” he said.

  Garrett glanced at me from the corner of his eye. He didn’t need to say out loud that he wasn’t the one with the problem.

  “Where’s Sophie?” I heard Jordan ask.

  My jaw clenched and I blew Garrett’s PC’s head off. Garrett slapped me on the leg. “Damn, girl! Now that’s what I’m talking about!”

  “Uh, she’s at home tonight. I’ll probably see her tomorrow,” Mitch said and I finally allowed myself too look at him again. Our eyes met and then we both quickly looked elsewhere.

  “So can I jump in or what?” he asked.

  Garrett handed him his controller. “Take my place. I’ve gotta piss.” Garrett stood up and Mitch hesitated for a moment, but then sank down onto the couch beside me.

  I gave him a sideways smile that was a little on the uneasy side. “Hey,” I said.

  “Hey,” Mitch said back. He cleared his throat and hit the restart button.

  I held the controller limply between my hands, not in the mood to blow stuff up anymore.

  The couch was on the small side and there was less than five inches separating us. I suddenly couldn’t get comfortable. I stretched out my legs, accidentally bumping his knee with mine.

  “Oh, sorry,” I muttered, my skin tingling underneath my jeans.

  “No problem,” Mitch replied shortly, his voice hollow. He started tapping away at the controller and I tried to focus on the game. People were talking around us, but I didn’t hear anything anyone was saying. Mitch and I sat, side by side, not talking, pushing buttons like crazy and trying to pretend we weren’t completely weirded out by the whole thing.

  After a few minutes I blew up the convoy his PC player was in and I let out a whoop.

  Mitch rolled his eyes. “I’ll get you back, G, you just wait.”

  He called me G.

  He hadn’t done that in a long time.

  It hinted at a familiarity we didn’t have anymore. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy.

  “Oh, you’re going down, you just wait,” I threatened, baring my teeth in a wide grin.

  Mitch’s lips twitched. “You always were overconfident.”

  “Not overconfident. I’m just confident enough,” I threw back at him.

  And this time when his knee hit mine neither of us moved right away. His leg against mine. It was something so little but it felt right.

  Then his phone rang. “No phone calls during the epic shoot out,” I warned teasingly.

  Mitch snorted but pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Hey, Garrett, take over for me, would ya?” he said, handing the controller over and getting to his feet. He put the phone to his ear. “Hey, Soph. Yeah, I’m home…” I tried not to stare after him as he left the room.

  I forced a smile on my face as Garrett rejoined me on the couch. “Ready for more?” I asked, wishing my heart didn’t feel so heavy.

  The flickering glow of the bonfire cast shadows around the yard. I sat on the wooden bench and pulled my legs up underneath me. I could hear the laughter filtering out of the house and smiled. Even with things so up in the air, they were all in good spirits.

  It was close to midnight and I knew it was almost that point in the evening when people would start to go home. And I would be leaving. Alone.

  Mitch hadn’t come back to the living room. I had heard him moving around upstairs in his room, his steps pacing back and forth. I wondered if something was wrong. I knew that pacing usually indicated he was upset about something. Or pissed off. But there was no way I’d go up to his room to find out.

  Once upon a time I’d go crawl under the covers with Mitch and we’d cuddle and watch movies until we passed out.

  “Is this seat taken?”

  I startled and looked up in shock to find Mitch standing just behind me. His hands were shoved into his pockets. He looked hesitant, shifting uneasily on his feet.

  “Uh. No,” I said, moving over so he could sit down.

  Mitch came around and sat down beside me, our arms brushed against each other then separated. Pulled apart.

  “You found my hiding spot,” I laughed. I sounded so incredibly fake.

  “Sorry. I can go if you want to be alone,” Mitch offered, starting to stand up.

  “No,” I said quickly, grabbing his wrist. He tensed under my grip and I hastily dropped my hand. “You don’t have to go. It was getting a little lonely out here,” I added.

  Mitch sat back down, though he didn’t relax his posture. He seemed as though he were waiting to run away.

  If he didn’t want to be out here, why was he staying?

  “You missed out on some serious COD action earlier,” I piped up. Anything to get rid of this horrible silence.

  “Oh yeah? Well damn. Maybe next time,” he commented, sounding a little distracted.

  “Sure,” I said and then the damn quiet descended again.

  All I could hear was the crackling of embers and the ragged sound of my breathing. Or was it Mitch? Perhaps it was both of us struggling to breathe through all the tension.

  “Do you feel the déjà vu too?” he asked softly, looking into the fire. The flames leapt upwards, towards the sky, the smoke heavy and thick in the air.

  “Yeah, it does feel a lot like old times,” I agreed just as softly.

  Then nothing. We had become very bad at this whole small talk thing.

  “Are you glad to be back?” I asked him. It seemed a safe enough topic.

  Mitch shrugged. “I’m not sure yet,” he answered truthfully, glancing at me from the corner of his eyes.

  “Well, maybe we could just sit awhile and figure it out,” I suggested lightly, all the while my stomach churned.

  This had the earmarks of normal. But it was anything but. Once we would have been laughing. Talking about all kinds of things. Mitch would have slung an arm around my shoulders and I would have leaned into him. Natural. Perfect.

  But now we sat rigid, unsure how to be in each other’s company when so much between us had changed. All I knew was that I wanted—no, I needed—to find some way to exist with him.

  I missed him.

  More than I thought it possible to miss anyone or anything.

  Being here, at Garrett’s house, with him reinforced for me how truly difficult it was going to be having him back in Bakersville and not having him in my life.

  I wasn’t thinking about Sophie or the fact that he was with someone else. I wasn’t thinking about how uncomfortable it was to be around him and not be with him. We had sat on the couch and played video games together and I just missed him.

  I missed Gracie and Mitch.

  Mitch and Gracie.

  The two people who had been friends first and lovers later.

  We hadn’t always been healthy or functional, but we were us.

  And that mattered more than anything else.

  I knew we could never go back to what we were. That ship had sailed.

  But I needed him badly. I needed anything he was willing to give me.

  Did that make me pathetic? Perhaps. But I really didn’t care.

  “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea,” Mitch finally agreed, giving me a smile that was a little less pained. I felt some relief in that.

  He leaned back against the bench and appeared to relax marginally.

  Find a neutral topic. Something to talk about. Keep him here. Keep him talking. Just for tonight.

  “Have you been out to see your parents yet?” I asked.

  Rebuild the connection. One brick at a time.

  Mitch shook his head. “Not yet. My sister is coming down tomorrow with my niece. I’ll be expected to be there of course. Though honestly, I wouldn’t miss it.” He was grinning and that felt good.

  “I didn’t realize your si
ster had a baby. So you’re an uncle now. That’s an awesome responsibility. You up for the task?” I teased. Yes, I was actually teasing him. And he wasn’t scowling or telling me to take a hike. Progress!

  “Oh, I plan on being the uncle who lets her watch rated R movies when she’s thirteen and sneaks her sugar after bedtime. I’ll be the cool uncle,” he said, puffing his chest out with pride.

  I laughed. “Oh I can see it now. You’ll be taking her to get her first tattoo in no time.”

  “Hey, I’ve never even gotten a tattoo,” he pointed out.

  “Oh, I know. No matter how much I tried to talk you into getting that rose on your butt cheek.”

  Mitch let out a sharp bark of laughter that took me by surprise. It seemed to take him by surprise too. He scratched the back of his neck and gave me a wry look. “There were some things even you, Gracie Cook, couldn’t talk me into. No matter how persuasive you were. Or how much I wanted to give you whatever you asked for.”

  And we took a detour back into awkward.

  I cleared my throat and struggled to get us back to less uneasy territory. “So with all this free time, what will you be doing? Maybe you could take up shuffleboard. Hey how about archery?” I suggested with an insane little giggle. My voice sounded overly bright. I really needed to tone it down a bit. I came across as mildly manic.

  Mitch cocked an eyebrow. “Uh, no I think I’ll pass on the shuffleboard.”

  “Yeah, who likes shuffleboard? I mean except for my grandma. She’s a shuffleboard freak.”

  Shut up, Gracie! Just shut the hell up!

  “Huh. I’ll make sure not to challenge your grandma to a shuffleboard competition anytime soon. Is this the same grandma that pinched my butt while your parents grilled me about my lack of gainful employment?” he asked and I snorted.

  “Crap, I forgot about that!” I exclaimed, covering my eyes with my hand in mortification.

  Mitch had come by my parents’ house to pick me up from dinner once. I had sent him a frantic SOS asking him to save me from the horror that was my parents and extended family.