“Yeah, well, I was pretty much shit faced when we decided this was a good idea.”
“We?”
“Ellie, Bryan and me.”
“How’s Bryan’s nose?”
“Broken.”
Nate turned to face Cara.
She stood at the door, hands in her pockets. There was only six feet of space between them, but there might as well have been a mile.
“What did you want to talk about?” Cara asked.
There was something just a little different about her. He liked it, wished he knew what it was, but she’d shut him out.
“Sit?” He gestured to the bed.
She crossed the room and sat on the other queen bed facing him, that yawning chasm still between them.
Nate perched on the other bed and gathered his thoughts. Where to begin? How to proceed? He’d practiced a hundred different lines during the flight, but none of them were right.
“I fucked up, Cara.” Nate sighed. “I fucked us up. I’m sorry.”
She flinched and crossed her arms across her chest. Defensive. Protecting herself.
“I didn’t tell you about Ellie because...because I never expected things between you and I to go the way they did, then I was scared that if I told you, it would be one thing too many. So...I didn’t. I kept saying that I’d tell you later, that after we were good, after I knew you’d understand, I’d come clean. I didn’t want to hurt you. And neither did Ellie.”
Cara frowned.
She opened her mouth and closed it.
Nate focused on her face, committing everything about her to memory.
This might be the last time he saw her.
“I’m not—I wasn’t mad about you and Ellie. At least, not once the shock wore off.” Cara lifted her shoulders.
“You weren’t?” Nate blinked. Was he hearing her right?
“I mean, do I wish I’d found out a different way? Yeah.”
“Then... I don’t understand...”
“We’re different people.” Cara gestured to Nate, then herself. “We fell in love with someone neither of us are anymore. We don’t really know each other now, and...I realized that while everything was happening. I went to see my friend, my old friend, except you aren’t him anymore.”
“Yes, I am, Cara.”
“No, you’re not.” She smiled a sad smile. “You’re better now. You’re happier. More comfortable as you. It’s not a bad thing.”
It was Nate’s turn to flap his lips like a fish. What did he say to that? He didn’t have an argument, nothing in his arsenal to deal with that reasoning.
“Along the way, we both grew up. You, more than me. But whenever we talk ,we go back to being those people we were. Think about all of the things in your life now you never told me about.”
“It doesn’t change the way I feel.” That much Nate knew. “Does...did it for you?”
Cara lifted her shoulders again and glanced away.
“Cara?” Nate leaned forward but didn’t touch her. “I love you. I know I love you. Have I fucked up? Yes. Yes, I have, and I’ll own it. But I know that I love you.”
“How can you know that?” She shook her head.
“Because I’ve always loved you.”
“Nate, that’s crazy.”
“Maybe, but it’s the truth.” He braced himself to ask the important question. The one he needed to know. “You said you loved me. Do you not anymore?”
“I don’t know.” She closed her eyes. “We jumped in way too fast. I’m not sure I know.”
“What do you feel right now? Don’t open your eyes, just—tell me. What do you feel?”
“Confused.”
“About?”
“Us.”
“Why?”
“I’m confused, doesn’t that imply I don’t know?”
“I think you know, you just don’t want to admit it.” Nate gripped the side of the bed. She didn’t love him and she didn’t want to hurt him.
“I’ll always love you, Nate, but...we don’t really know each other.”
“Yes, we do.” He pushed off the bed and sat next to her. “Cara...you are the most important thing to me. I love that you don’t change who you are for anyone. I love that you accept people. I love so many things about you. There is no one who knows me better than you. Not Josh. Not Bryan. Not Ellie. No one. If you don’t love me the same way, that’s...that’s okay. But I know what I feel.”
Cara glanced up, her lashes damp. He hated seeing her tears, but at least he knew she had feelings.
“What’s really going on, Cara-bear?” He wrapped his hand around hers and she let him.
“I just...”
“Is this about your dad?”
“Kind of. I’m like him. Mom and I had a talk the other night that made me realize a lot of things. I keep making the same ‘leap before I look’ mistakes my Dad did.”
“And now you’re worried that’s what you did with us?”
“Yeah.”
“I beg to differ. I think we’ve both spent a long time looking at this. Us. That it’s hard to figure out how to leap.” Nate searched her eyes, watching the way emotions played across her face. She was struggling. She hadn’t yet made-up her mind. Which meant they had a chance.
“But...”
He waited for her protest that never came.
Nate slowly lowered his face to hers. He brushed his mouth against her lips, then pulled back.
“Nothing about us is a mistake. I only regret not trying something sooner. That’s it. I want you in my life, I want to share my life with you, however that looks. It’s your call, Cara.”
The question now was, would she break his heart?
Cara bit her lip.
On one hand, she wanted everything Nate offered. On the other, this could be a crazy, rash decision they would both regret.
He was right, they’d both spent a lot of time wanting each other, but the problem with that was, could reality measure up to fantasy?
She knew what she wanted, but was it the right choice?
“I need to think about it,” she said.
Those six words hurt, but they were the smart thing to say.
Nate pulled back, the simmering heat in his gaze dying. She hated the empty way he stared at her, as if she’d just killed a part of him.
“I should go.” She stood and crossed the room before she did something, whatever it took, to make him look at her the same way again.
“Okay,” Nate said softly.
She jerked the hotel room door open and fled out into the hall. Her mind was abuzz of possibilities, while her heart screamed at her to stop. To turn around. That this was a huge mistake.
She jabbed the elevator button and glanced over her shoulder, but Nate wasn’t coming after her this time. Because she’d said she needed to think. Did she really?
Cara bounced on the balls of her feet.
Her lungs constricted and her eyes prickled with unshed tears.
She wanted Nate, but would leaping like this be a mistake?
It wasn’t like he was saying she had to move back right now. They were simply talking about the chance, a possibility at more.
The elevator dinged.
An older gentleman shifted to one side and smiled at her.
Cara stared at the empty space in the elevator car.
She could leave. Do the responsible thing. And all the while, her heart would know it was wrong.
“Going down?” the man asked.
“No, sorry. I forgot something.”
Cara turned and walked as if in a daze down the half dozen or so doors to where she’d left Nate. She lifted her hand and knocked.
The door opened almost immediately.
Nate stood on the other side, her purse in hand.
“Forgot this?” He smiled, but again, it was sad and empty.
“I thought about it,” she blurted.
Nate shook his head.
This was right. She knew it in her bones.
Cara walked forward, straight into Nate’s chest. She wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed.
He let go of the door. It banged shut about the same time he gathered her closer, resting his chin on her head. She buried her face against him and breathed deep, the smell of him, the feel of his arms, it was all right. Like this was where she belonged.
“I love you, Nate.”
“I love you too, Cara-bear.”
“No.” She leaned back. “Like, spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you, love you.”
“Are you—that’s... Are you saying what I think you’re saying? That’s major leap before you look territory.”
“I know, and I’m kind of freaking out on the inside, but that walk to the elevator was the worst thing ever and I don’t want to do that again. Like, never. So, if I never want to do that, then, yeah, this is where I’m at. I think. Too much?”
“No, it’s perfect.” Nate’s smile turned into a grin, practically splitting his face in half.
“I basically just asked you to marry me.”
“You kind of did.”
“Oh, boy.” Cara stared at the wall, waiting for the panic to come. Something besides the building tide of rightness swelling up inside of her. He hadn’t said no, at least not a no to her. Which meant... “So...it’s a yes, then?”
Nate picked her up and planted her back against the wall, their noses bumping. His smile incited a riot of butterflies inside of her.
“Cara-bear, you’re never getting rid of me.”
Epilogue.
Two months later...
Cara kept her fingers on the keys even while Ellie twisted her hair up into some sort of torture device called an up-do.
“Can you stop working for all of five minutes for me to finish?” Ellie sighed. “Tamara, take the keyboard from her, will you?”
“Come on. Give it here.” Tamara grasped the keyboard.
“No!” Cara wailed the word. “I need to finish this.”
“Cara, it is your wedding day. Stop it.” Ellie Smacked Cara’s hand and Tamara took that moment to whisk the keyboard away.
Wedding. Day.
Oh, God. It really was.
She blinked around Nate’s apartment. Her mother was fussing over flowers. Tamara and her friends were finishing the underskirt Cara had tried to put together last minute.
It was a dream. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be.
“Having second thoughts?” Ellie asked quietly.
“I’m having is-this-real thoughts.” Cara swallowed.
“Hey, you asked him to marry you.”
“I just thought...these things take time...”
“Clearly, you didn’t realize how badly Nate wanted his hooks in you. There.” Ellie presented Cara with a mirror.
“Wow...” Cara stared at herself.
Ellie had tried out a few hairstyles, but Cara could never make up her mind about what she liked best. The end result Ellie had settled on for her was...amazing.
“I went with the light saber clips here and here, and in the back the veil will attach here.” Ellie kept talking and Cara nodded.
“Ladies, we have twenty minutes, if we’re going to hit the mark,” Cara’s mother announced.
“Oh, shit.” Ellie turned and beckoned to the other girls. “We gotta go now.”
It took a team of four people to get Cara into the poofy dress. She’d made most of it herself, and what she hadn’t been able to do, the other girls had helped with. It wasn’t traditional by any stretch of the imagination, more like straight out of Padmé Amidala’s wardrobe. Cara had come up with the concept on her own, after a day of Star Wars marathons.
“The dice!” Cara patted her pocket. She’d insisted on them for exactly this reason. “They were here a minute ago.”
“Nope.” Ellie reached into her pocket. “I got you these. Something borrowed and blue.”
“Thanks, Ellie. You’re the best.” Cara gave Ellie a squeeze.
“You’re going to be late,” her mother scolded.
“Okay, I’ll go first with the flowers,” Tamara said. “Rashae will help you up the stairs, Ellie and your mom have the train. We’re ready? Let’s go!”
They proceeded single file up the narrow staircase to the roof of the building. Nate had finally shown her the owner’s gem of a retreat, after she’d moved in proper like. A container garden lined the edges of the roof and strings of lights wound over the top, held up by a wooden pergola. The cardboard cutout of the Millennium Flacon shielded her from view of the rest of their guests. The sun was just beginning to dip, bathing the sky in brilliant saffron and orange tones.
Cara took a deep breath, her wedding party slipping away to their seats until she was alone. She gripped the flowers someone had handed her in one hand and the dice in the other. A part of her wished her father were here, but he’d chosen to leave them, just as she’d chosen Nate. This was her future. Where she wanted to be.
This was it.
She was getting married, and she didn’t regret a single thing.
The low, thrumming of drums began.
She swallowed her laugh and took a step forward, out of the shadow of the Falcon and into view as the Star Wars theme song blast through the loudspeakers.
Half the attendees had opted to dress in robes or armor. It was a Star Wars wedding after all, because who could expect them to do anything else?
Cara and Nate locked eyes and she froze.
This was right.
It was perfect.
And as crazy as it might be, she was glad they weren’t waiting.
She blew out a breath and walked forward to her future.
Ellie slid into her seat next to Bryan.
“She got it?” Bryan whispered.
“Yes. Did Nate?”
Bryan jerked his head in a nod.
They both sat up a little straighter.
“Will the couple now please roll for initiative?” Somehow the officiate, dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi, got that line out without laughing.
Ellie grasped Bryan’s hand and held her breath.
First Cara, then Nate gasped.
“Natural twenties,” Obi-Wan announced.
Ellie slumped back in her chair.
Thank goodness.
She’d rolled the weighted dice enough she had a good feeling they’d land on a decently high number, but she still had nightmares of one or the other rolling a one or something crazy. And that couldn’t happen. Nate and Cara’s wedding had to be perfect.
Ellie let go of Bryan’s hand and finally allowed herself to enjoy the spectacle of her best friend’s wedding. She’d never had people in her life like Nate, Cara and the others, and Ellie meant to do everything in her power to keep them, and that meant getting a handle on her life.
“What are you doing later?” Bryan whispered.
“Going home. Alone.” Top of Ellie’s list, no more friends with benefits.
Nate waved goodbye to the last of their guests and turned to climb the stairs. Since Cara had scored a good job off the bat, they’d opted to wait a while for a honeymoon. Which was fine with him. They had time.
He let himself into the apartment and stopped.
“Wow...”
“I know. I know!” Cara scurried around, still wearing a silvery gray tutu. “Stuff is everywhere.”
Nate hadn’t seen the inside of his apartment since yesterday, when the girls descended to tackle the last-minute dress stuff. Judging by the netting, ribbons and stuff everywhere, they’d also constructed several portable buildings. Or something. With that group, who knew?
He caught Cara around the waist as she tried to dart past and whisked her off her feet.
“Nate!” She squirmed, but he wasn’t letting her go.
“Worry about it later.” He carried her to the sofa and sank down, cradling her against him.
“We got the Falcon inside. Mom and Dad were able to pull down the decorations. Your Dad wants to do lunch tomorrow—
”
“Cara.” Nate tugged on her hair.
“What?”
“Relax. Everything’s fine.”
“Is it? Is it done?”
“It is.”
“Thank God. Nate, I never want to do that again.” Cara buried her face against his chest. Wedding planning, moving and working had taken its toll on her, but the benefit was that she had been too busy to worry if they were doing the right thing.
“Well, don’t ask me to marry you again and we won’t have to.”
“Not funny.” Cara chuckled and snuggled closer. “What about those rolls? I’ve never seen dice roll that many twenties. It was weird, right?”
“Mm.”
“What?” She peered up at him. “You know something.”
“I’m pretty sure those dice are weighted.”
“No.” Cara gasped and sat up. “But that means...”
“It means our friends care a lot about us and wanted to make everything perfect.” Nate tugged her back to his chest, close to his heart where she belonged, before she could decide cheating dice nullified their vows.
“I didn’t think of that. Who did it?”
“My guess?”
“Yeah?”
“Ellie.”
“Oh. Huh. I could see that.” Cara threaded her fingers together with his. “I saw her and Bryan talking.”
“Yeah, he still thinks he has a chance with her.”
“And you don’t?”
“Ellie’s...Ellie.” Nate shook his head.
“I don’t know.” Cara hummed a moment. “I think...opposites attract.”
Nate chuckled. There was a truth. He stood and Cara clung to his shoulders.
“I’m done talking about our friends, Cara-bear Vaughn.”
“I like the sound of that name.” She twined her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. “I got you a surprise.”
“Oh? Is it a naughty one that’ll make you blush?”
“Yes.”
Nate grinned. Fantasies had nothing on his reality. A lifetime with Cara, was just the start.
You can stay up to date on the whole Gone Geek crew in Beauty and the Geek, Mr. Purr-fect and the Geek, The Jock and the Geek, and The Gamer and the Geek, and The Adorkable Girl and the Geek.
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The Adorkable Girl and the Geek (Gone Geek 5) Page 17