Good.
Maybe he’d be a little less miserable if the day was shorter.
Or not.
Drunk logic wasn’t exactly good logic.
The door opened and Ellie gaped at him.
“Dear God, how drunk are you? I can smell you, you know? Give me that, before you drop it.” She grabbed the brown paper bag under his arm then guided him inside her house.
“Not drunk enough.” He planted a hand on the wall and carefully descended the two steps to the entry floor. “You got any juice?”
“There are two empty vodka bottles in here, Nate.”
“Yeah, I was thirsty.”
“Christ.” Ellie mumbled something before marching ahead of him and into the kitchen. “What are you doing here?”
“This was the only address I could remember.”
“You couldn’t remember your own address? It’s not in your phone?”
“Phone’s dead.”
Nate made it to the sofa and flopped down. He could be a lot drunker. Problem was, it took quite a good deal of alcohol to get him to this point already. There were downsides to being a big guy.
“Here.” Ellie thrust a bottle of water at him and set a bowl of some sort of pub mix on the coffee table. “Phone?”
Nate handed it over. He had fuzzy memories of singing into it last night. He dreaded looking at the log.
Ellie perched on the other end of the sofa, studying him.
“What?” he said.
“Nothing.”
“It’s always something with you.”
“I’m just...trying to figure it all out.”
“What’s there to figure out?”
Nate had lied. Cara found out. It was over. He was pathetic. End of story.
The doorbell rang, driving spikes into Nate’s skull. He twisted the cap off the water and sucked it down while Ellie went to see her next visitor.
Nate’s luck, it was probably her next friends-with-benefits buddy.
“Is he here?” a male voice said.
Nate sat up and twisted, peering at the front door. His contacts were gummy and gross after wearing them for a full twenty-four hours.
“Hey, Nate.”
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Nate watched Bryan and Ellie walk back into the living room.
“I was actually coming to talk to Ellie, since I couldn’t get a hold of you.” Bryan stopped a few feet away, hands in his pockets.
“His phone’s dead,” Ellie said.
“Well, I guess this is better this way.” Bryan straightened, pushing his shoulders back. He glanced from Nate to Ellie and back. “I owe you both an apology. It wasn’t my place to tell Cara anything.”
“Damn straight, it wasn’t.” Ellie crossed her arms over her chest.
Yeah, Bryan had zero chance with Ellie now.
“It’s whatever, man.” Nate was done blaming Bryan for his piss-poor choices. “I should have told Cara myself.”
“If there’s anything I can do to make this right, let me know?”
“I’m sure I can think of something.” Ellie’s glare said she wasn’t letting this infraction go.
Nate almost felt sorry for Bryan.
“Sorry for punching you, man. How’s the nose?”
“Hurts. Are you drunk?”
“Close enough.”
“I’m going to stay over here, then.” Bryan backed up and sat in an arm chair.
“He can barely walk a straight line. You’re safe. Want anything? I was about to make lunch.”
“Do you have any juice?” Nate asked again.
“No, I am not making you a screwdriver,” Ellie called out from the kitchen.
Bryan laughed and Nate flipped her the bird.
Just because he knew he shouldn’t drink anymore, didn’t mean he was going to give up gracefully.
Ellie put together what she called lunch and Nate called finger food. He picked at the pub mix, not as into the idea of food as he was that screwdriver.
“Have you talked to Cara?” Bryan asked, once the coffee table was between them.
“You were supposed to last night, weren’t you?” Ellie drew her legs up under her. She knew damn well that he’d talked to her.
“Things are over between us.”
“What?” Ellie screeched.
“No, man...” Bryan’s jaw dropped.
“Why?” Ellie leaned forward.
“Isn’t it obvious? You hit the nail on the head.” Nate shrugged. “I lied, I kept shit from her, she doesn’t want to be with me.”
“I am so, so sorry, dude.” Bryan cradled his head in his hands.
“Me, too.”
“Are you done having your pathetic, boozy pity party?” Ellie tossed her pita bread back on to the plate.
“Fuck you,” Nate said without feeling.
“Seriously, I know you’re hopelessly in love with her and this whole thing has got to suck, but man up. Go beat her door down. Don’t slink off like a ball-less bastard.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Nate dug out a handful of the pub mix and picked through for his favorite bits.
“Yes, I do, Nate.”
“You don’t have a heart, remember?” Nate winced, recalling all too well her heart-felt email to him.
“God damn, you’re bitter.” Ellie sighed.
“I’m sorry, Ellie.” Nate scrubbed a hand over his face.
“Can I add my two cents?” Bryan asked.
“Go ahead, but he might break your nose again,” Ellie said.
“I’m with Ellie on this. Think about it, Nate. Cara has always treated you like her fierce protector. You take care of her, she takes care of you. When we played D&D, you were the tank and she was the healer. She was always glued to your side. Now, her go-to, safe person isn’t safe anymore. What do you do? What does she do?”
“You guys are such huge nerds.” Ellie shook her head.
Nate replayed a hundred D&D campaigns in his mind.
“What do I do? How do I...win her back? She won’t talk to me.”
“Go to her, duh.”
“Fly to Nebraska and show up on her doorstep? Yeah, that’s a great way to freeze to death.”
“She can’t really run away from you, if you do that.” Bryan shrugged.
“If it were me, I’d be too surprised to not listen,” Ellie said.
Nate wanted to be near Cara. To be with her. There was no denying that, but it couldn’t be that simple.
What if Nate showed up and she didn’t answer? What if she wouldn’t speak to him? What if that pushed her to really break up with him?
“You could be on the twelve-thirty flight.” Ellie scrolled her phone.
“No...” Could he?”
“You’d need a shower,” Bryan said.
“Right? Can you smell that? You still have some clothes here, so you can at least shower.” Ellie hadn’t looked up from her phone.
“Is this a good idea?” Nate wasn’t sober enough to trust himself.
“Yes.”
“Sure.”
“I’ll get the ticket and clothes, you get him in the shower.” Ellie leapt to her feet.
Bryan dared get close enough to grasp Nate by the wrist and haul him up.
He was going to Omaha.
He was going to Cara.
He was going to hurl.
Cara kept her focus on work at least through the morning. She hadn’t seen the guy from the cubicle two down again, at least not paying attention to her. Most everyone else was ignoring her, per usual, which normally was fine. But today it bugged her.
Maybe she needed to stop by the local game shop. There were always people hanging around there. She wouldn’t make friends like Josh, Bryan and Nate again, but she couldn’t keep relying on people so far removed from her life for company or friendship.
If she was going to get out of this rut, and she was, she needed to do things differently.
She pulled out her notebook to lo
ok at the list she’d made for herself last night. It was mostly things out of her storage shed, but she’d jotted down a few action items.
Her joy in creating things was back. It might not do anything for her in the long run, but it brought her joy. If she was going to make a change, it had to start with her. Being happier. From there, she could make other changes, and for once, her mother was on board.
Cara checked the time.
Did she dare power on her phone?
She’d left it off since last night and the disaster of a call with Nate. She hadn’t said anything she needed to, and what she had said wasn’t done well. God, she wanted to go back and do it over again.
There was still a half hour left of lunch. Even if she went back to work, it wouldn’t mean getting off earlier.
Might as well check it.
Cara powered her phone on.
Nine new voicemails.
She winced at the prospect of what might be on them.
One new text message, from Ellie.
Hey, I’m sending you a little something. Hope you like it!
Cara frowned at the text. What the hell was Ellie sending her? And how did she know Cara’s address? Should Cara be worried?
The voicemails were from last night, judging by the time stamps. More than likely, they were from Nate, and the kinds of things she needed to listen to in private. Hearing Nate’s voice made her cry, laugh and want something she didn’t know if she could have.
There were so many years of pent-up yearning, dreams, hopes, all of them pinned on Nate. Reality was different. What she’d imagined was not how things went. Yes, they were the same people. Nate and Cara. But they were different. Being home, looking back on her week spent in la-la-land was enlightening.
She’d fallen in love with her fantasy of Nate, but did she love the reality of him?
Love wasn’t the right word.
She would always love Nate, there was no question of that in her mind. They were too close, their lives intertwined in ways that she would always cherish.
The question was, did she hearts, roses and forever kind of love Nate?
She’d never considered what she wanted, besides him, and she’d never allowed for him to be anything other than the ultimate partner in her mind. Perfect for her. The truth was, he was human. Just like her. With secrets and all sorts of stuff that wasn’t the same as when she’d first met him.
In the end, she didn’t know what she wanted, but she’d figure it out.
It was all part of the New Cara Plan.
Not that there was a real plan. It was more like a couple sticky notes she’d shoved in her tote, but it was more than before. It was motivation to change. To shift out of this rut. To find her way. And she wouldn’t have gotten here without Nate. Or Ellie. Or the others.
Cara’s timer went off, signaling her cue to get the hell back to work.
She sighed, powered her phone off and got back to the data, but her heart wasn’t in it.
Nate was right about one thing, she used to be creative. She missed that. And getting to feed that part of herself for a week had reawakened more than just her need to sew.
Tonight, she’d see what was left of her art supplies. She’d sprung for a climate-controlled unit, but didn’t expect that to have protected anything. Between work, she crunched numbers and considered her options for new supplies. Nothing fancy, she was still paying off all that lovely debt her father had gifted her with, but she could do a lot with a little.
By the time her work day was over, Cara was more than ready to find out what had survived the fall and winter. She went straight to her storage unit and spent nearly an hour poking around, reorganizing boxes and carefully selecting what she would take home with her. She didn’t want to trample her mother’s newfound good will by bringing home boxes of stuff.
It was a quick drive home from the storage facility, which she was grateful for. There were so many ideas in her head. It was like...before California she’d been living in black and white, and now all the colors were back. The only thing missing...was Nate.
Tonight, she’d have to talk to him. To figure something out. She didn’t want a future that didn’t include him, but they could very well not want the same thing. She still didn’t know what that was, but she’d never find out if they didn’t talk. It was the adulty thing to do, when all she wanted was to hide.
Cara gathered her things and headed into the house. If she were lucky, she’d be in time for dinner. For once, she wasn’t trying to miss sitting down as a family.
She pushed the front door open and paused.
Laughter reverberated through the house.
That in and of itself was unusual enough, but there were more notes. Lower ones. Bass tones she was familiar with.
A familiar sound that wasn’t quite right here.
“Cara!” Her mother popped around the corner from the living room. “We were wondering if you’d ever show up. What happened to your phone?”
Mom hurried forward, pushing the door shut and taking the box from her hands.
Had Cara hit something? Bumped her head? Slipped on some ice?
That voice, the one in the living room, did not belong here.
“Mom...” Cara stared at her mother.
“Go on,” Mom whispered.
Cara wanted to hit reverse. This couldn’t be real. She wasn’t ready for this. And yet, Mom gave her a shove forward. Cara stumbled a couple of steps, clutching her tote to her chest.
She hesitated at the end of the entry, staring into the living room.
Holy shit
Ellie’s surprise had legs and a face.
He was sitting on her parent’s sofa.
“Hi, Cara.” Nate unfolded himself and rose to his feet.
She gulped.
For some reason, he seemed to dwarf the whole room.
“I was holding dinner so we could all eat together,” her mother said from the kitchen. “It’ll be ready in just a couple of minutes. Denis, will you help me?”
Cara’s step-father squeezed past her, leaving Cara and Nate somewhat alone in the living room.
Nate pushed his hands into his pockets and kept staring at her.
She should have listened to the voicemails.
Why was he here?
What was going on?
She wasn’t ready for this.
She’d never be ready for this.
“Can we...talk?” Nate nodded toward the hall.
No, Cara didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want things to change. But she was here and she didn’t have the luxury of pretending things were all right.
“Okay,” she said, after a pregnant pause.
“In private?”
Cara didn’t want an audience for what Nate might say, that was for sure. She ducked down the hall toward her bedroom, Nate following her, blocking out the light from the living room.
She pushed the door to her room open and glanced around. It was neat-ish, though the face down photographs were rather conspicuous. She deposited her tote under her desk and retreated across the room.
Nate closed the bedroom door and turned to face her.
For a moment, neither of them spoke. They just stared.
Cara shifted her weight from foot to foot.
Nate dragged his hand across his jaw.
“Ellie said she was sending me something. I didn’t...” Cara’s mind stuttered to a halt. What if this wasn’t what Ellie was talking about?
“Yeah, this was her idea.” Nate chuckled and sat on the foot of her bed.
Cara blew out a breath and shrugged out of her coat. Okay, then, so this was Ellie’s doing. It seemed like her. All ripping Band-Aids off and stuff.
“About last night...” Nate stared at the floor. “I’m sorry for all the voicemails. I’m...fuck, I have no idea what I said...”
“I haven’t listened to them. I was going to. Tonight.”
“Well, that’s a relief.” Nate glanced up at her. His glasse
s were on, thick, black rims that were so out of place with his football star body. Yet, it worked. Because it was Nate.
She had the silliest urge to curl up on his lap and be held.
But they weren’t those people. Maybe they never had been.
“Cara...” Nate twisted to face her, his face scrunched up.
“Dinner!” Mom knocked on the door.
“One minute, Mom.”
“We’re hungry.” Mom tapped on the door.
“Eat without us.” Cara wished she could will her Mom away. Didn’t she know this was important?
“Why don’t we eat then talk?”
“That’s a great idea, Nate.” Mom pushed the bedroom door open.
Cara swallowed her groan.
Great. She was going to have to sit through family dinner, across from Nate, and not know which version of him had come to call.
Nate wrapped the throw blanket tighter around his shoulders and tried to not think about the lack of feeling in his toes. Cara’s beat up old car hit every bump and pothole on the road.
“Denis is nice,” he said to fill the silence. Neither had spoken since Cara had offered to give him a ride to his hotel right after dinner.
“He is.”
“Your mom seemed happy tonight. Things getting better?”
“Yeah.”
One-word answers.
Cara wouldn’t hardly look at him.
The depressing reality that he’d fucked things up irreparably was sitting a few feet away. She didn’t want to acknowledge his presence, much less talk to him.
This whole trip was a wreck.
“Here we are.” Cara pulled into the hotel parking lot and instead of pulling under the covered walk, parked her car.
“You want to come in?” He didn’t know if he should hope for a yes or a no at this point.
“Isn’t this why you’re here? To talk to me?”
“I was hoping we could talk.”
“So, we’ll talk.”
“Inside.” He was going to freeze to death in this car.
He sprinted for the doors, Cara following at a slower pace in her boots and winter coat. By the time she was inside he was getting the room key. They didn’t speak on their way to the second floor, and the first thing he did once they were inside the room was to crank up the heater.
“I can’t believe you’re wearing flip-flops and didn’t bring a jacket.” Cara chuckled.
The Adorkable Girl and the Geek (Gone Geek 5) Page 16