Flights of Rage
Page 2
be marrying George. There would be no way to stop it."
"We could stop it. I could attend your wedding to object, or we could wait until you graduate," he replied. I could tell that he was serious and determined.
"I'll think about it, Carlisle." It was the only thing I knew to tell him. I was too bewildered, too scared of George, and of the disgrace that our families would take. I was too ambitious; I wanted to finish the career I pursued. I thought that Carlisle could wait.
"I would wait for you, Ross," he finally said, taking me in his arms. I felt safe that night. In Carlisle's presence I only felt secured. I knew I never felt that way when I am with George, but I still married him.
Our wedding day came. Carlisle was not there. After three days, George and I came back from our vacation. I wanted to see my Carlisle. All I had seen was a letter from him:
My dearest Ross,
How have you been? I am longing for you. I want to see you, to lie beside you under the stars. How I wanted to be in your wedding! I wanted to stop it from happening, but I cannot. I am suffering from consumption, my darling. I am afraid that my life will not last that long.
My Ross, I want you to know that I love you. I am really thankful that I met you. You have changed my life, and just before my life will be taken, I would like to see you. Dying in your presence will be the most wonderful moment for me. I know how sad it sounds, but I cannot help but think about death. Doctors say that I have a half of a chance to live. I am living for you, Ross, I want to see you before I go. I will be waiting for you tonight near that riverbank. I love you, darling.
Carlisle
My tears fell after reading his letter. I went to the park and waited for him there. Carlisle came, and he was delighted to see me. He looked weak, his was thin and his eyes were sullen. He tried to look like he felt well. We sat on the bench and I embraced him. I sobbed in his arms and he comforted me.
"I am sorry, Carlisle," I spoke, "I was not there for you when you needed me. I should not have married George."
"Don't be, my darling," he answered, "I understand that you had to marry him, because you do not want your families be provoked. I am not going to live that long anyway, my dear. George will be there to take care of you. I know he loves you, darling," he added.
"I don't care, Carlisle! I want to be with you forever, and I will be filling a divorce tomorrow."
Carlisle was shocked and he did not like my thoughts, "No, darling, no. Don't you do it. It is worse than eloping with me."
I thought of another way. I felt that I have to do anything to prolong his life. I thought about George.
"George is a doctor, my dear. He can help you," I said, gazing into his blue eyes. I wanted to cry for him, for us; for what could have been if we went to another place. We would be very happy.
"If that is what makes you happy, Ross," he reluctantly agreed as he smiled at me. He held me tight that night, and we kissed each other goodbye.
Morning came and George was already in our house. He was waiting in the living room. He looked angrily at me. I knew he was aware that I was seeing somebody but he never talked about it.
"Where were you?" he asked, turning away from me.
"I was at a friend's house," I answered.
"Of whom? Carlisle?" he said as he stood and walked to me.
"Yes. He is suffering from consumption, you see, so I went to check up on him."
"Oh, well, you should take a bath now, Ross. You don't want to have the sickness and the virus around here."
"May I ask you a favor, George?"
"Certainly."
George became interested, "What is it?" he asked back.
"I want to help Carlisle. Could you check up on him?"
He smiled at me and then said, "Yes, I'd like to help."
There was something behind his smile. I did not know what that was. I was too desperate to help Carlisle.
Days had passed and Carlisle was getting better. I kept on thanking George, and it delighted him. I was always by Carlisle's side. Everything was alright until the day Carlisle did not open his eyes anymore.
He had been asleep for four days. I touched his face and it was cold. I could not hear him breathe. I called George, and he rushed into Carlisle's room. He tried to revive the latter's life. He looked at me sadly, and we went out of Carlisle's room.
Carlisle's funeral was attended by a few people. George's father was there. He gazed sadly at the coffin and he shouldered the funeral services.
After Carlisle's death, I taught myself to love George. I did, but I could not forget Carlisle's love. He was my everything. I almost imagined that it was him who slept by my side instead of George. My heart longed for him for forty years. I could see him behind me everytime I am alone. I still loved him all these years.
What hurt me the most was when George came across talking about Carlisle. It was a cloudy Saturday afternoon when he confided to me about it. We were in his office when we talked.
"It has been thirty-nine years, isn't it, Ross?" he uttered, looking at me.
"Yes," I said without any trace of emotion.
"Do you ever wonder why Carlisle died?"
His question roused my interest. "Yes, all of these years, George."
"I know that he was your lover, Ross."
I did not dare to speak. I waited for him to go on. "I know about your little rendezvous every midnight, my darling, and I know how much you loved him."
"Then why didn't you let me go?" I asked.
"Because I wanted to keep you, Ross. You see, I love you very much, and I do not want to lose you to a composer," he replied as his face went nearer to mine.
"That is unreasonable," I smirked, shooting him a dirty look.
"You want something reasonable, my dear?" he asked, "I also want to inherit all of my father's properties and money. It is really sad that I did not come to know my half-brother, Carlisle," he added as he smiled.
"Why didn't you --"
He interrupted my question, "That is why he deserved to die. My darling, my half-brother Carlisle was my father's illegitimate son. That was why he was in my brother's funeral, and before Carlisle died, our father entitled him the seventy-five per cent of his properties and money. I do not want that to happen, so when you told me about your lover's condition, I came up with the idea of killing him.
"I did not really kill him. Would you want him to suffer from his sickness? He did get better and he constantly thanked me. Of course he knew nothing about me nor about my father. He used to talk about you, darling. I still remember his words, 'Your wife is an amazing woman, doctor. You are lucky to have her.' He thought that I do not know. I think he struggled to feel better because of you, Ross. I think he really loved you very much. I could have let him live and let him take you away from me, but I do not want to. I kept you not because I love you, but because I want the two of you pay for the betrayal that both of you did to me.
"You must be thankful, darling, that I've let him say his last words to you. That I still treated you special. You are special, my dear Ross, you are the trophy that I won from a race with my brother Carlisle."
I was still in my seat. I wanted to lose my patience and yet I remained composed, "How and when did you know that Carlisle was your half-brother?"
"Oh, what a good question, Ross. Before you met him, I knew that he was my father's son. Our father told me about it, that he sired a son to a former governess. My mother also knew about it, and she loathed Carlisle, because she thought that my half-brother was the sign of her incompetence," he answered as he breathed deeply, "Do you want to know how I took your lover's life?" he asked with excitement in his eyes. He wanted to disclose stories badly. He was not the George I knew anymore. To me, the man I am facing now was a beast. He was now a greedy beast ready to take lives to get whatever he wanted. Anger raced all over my body. I wanted to scream, but I had to think of a way to make him pay.
"Do you, Ross?" he asked agai
n, and I nodded.
"I had injected Valium on his dextrose for four days. He slept all day, and that is why he was sound asleep everytime you came. He finally died on the fourth day, darling, and that was how my good times started.
"My good times were taking his life and making you pay for your infidelity, my darling. I am glad you still married me. I watched you mourn for him for forty years, and I think that is why we never had children. You wanted to be the mother of Carlisle's children. You wanted to be his wife, to become Ross Matthews. I know you tried to love me, but you never did succeed. All your life, I will make you pay, my dear Ross," he finally finished as he held and kissed my right hand.
"So that is how it went, George? Is that all?" I asked, staring at the white marble floor.
"Yes, Ross," he answered without any emotion, "I did not want any competition, you see, and I want to receive my half-brother, Carlisle's share in inheritance."
I showed no trace of emotion as well, "You could have let him live, George."
"And you could have looked for another doctor, Ross, but still, I would find ways to dispose him and his songs."
I smiled at him, for one last time, and walked out of the room. I waited till that Tuesday afternoon. Everything that would happen on that day was planned.
He was in that room, standing and staring around the estate. He looked delighted as he gazed around the place he owned, the property that my Carlisle would own if he were not murdered. George danced, I knew he was insane, and then turned to face me. He was surprised and terrified as he stared at the gun I