The Saddler Boys

by Fiona Palmer

  ‘I think we should hit some nightclubs later. Who’s in?’ Alisha demanded, her eyes still on Nat.

  ‘I think you read my mind,’ Nat replied with a smile.

  Each glass seemed to numb the anxiety that was sitting in her mind, replaying events and threatening to drive her mad. Each glass made the dark side of Gary grow hazy until it disappeared, and all that mattered was laughing with her friends.

  They made it to Kent’s with two minutes to spare. A strong coffee was holding Nat together and she’d put on a scarf at the last minute because she could see some bruising. Probably not enough for anyone else to notice, but Natalie could and that was enough. In a way she hoped Gary understood why it was there, that it was all because of him. But he made no comment. Luckily Gary was driving, as the traffic would have been too much to handle with her mind so scattered. He had wanted to come with her this morning, and although she didn’t want to spend any more time with him, as she needed some time alone to think, she didn’t feel she could say no. At least this way he’d see that she was telling the truth and that she really was just helping Drew. And her parents might start asking questions if she came to lunch alone again.

  ‘There’s my girl,’ said Uncle Kent as he rushed out to greet her, throwing his arms out and pulling her in tight. ‘Hmm, someone had a big night,’ he said.

  ‘She was rather entertaining,’ said Gary, putting his arm around her.

  Nat felt uncomfortable, but relaxed a bit as he caressed her shoulder gently. ‘Sorry I can’t stay long, Uncle Kent, but I have to see Mum again before I leave. It’s good to see you.’ She loved that he wore jeans and his favourite Queen T-shirt.

  ‘Come on inside, and I’ll get you that stuff for Drew.’

  ‘Thanks. He really appreciates it, and so do I. Billy is one of my favourites,’ she said, heading into Kent’s spacious brick home.

  ‘I gathered. It’s all I seem to hear about. You need to hurry up and have kids of your own.’

  ‘As soon as I can get Nat to come back to the city, we will,’ said Gary quickly.

  ‘Kids make you realise what’s important in life. How you should cherish your moments and make smiles while you can.’ Kent went into his office, which was the opposite of his brother’s. Kent had an old desk, covered with files and papers, a penholder that she’d made in primary school along with a paperweight from her brother. Boxes were stacked against the walls and his bookshelf was overflowing, but at least it looked used.

  ‘It hasn’t changed in here a bit, Uncle Kent. When are you going to throw this out?’ she asked, picking up the glass jar, which had sequins and red hearts glued onto it.

  ‘Never,’ he said, taking it and putting it back in its spot. ‘I still remember the day you gave that to me. Such a bundle of joy you were. You’d sit on the floor, colouring in for ages while I worked. I couldn’t resist your smiles and we’d always end up playing tea parties.’

  ‘With real tea,’ said Nat. How could she not have idolised him, growing up?

  ‘Here it is.’ Kent handed over a folder. ‘It has information on the Family Law Act, section 65E, and the forms for parenting orders. My card’s in there and he can call me anytime.’

  Nat hugged her uncle again. ‘Thank you. Love you heaps.’ Nat resisted the urge to wave the forms in Gary’s face.

  They had a quick cuppa with Kent and then went to her parents’ house for lunch.

  ‘When will you be back, darling?’ asked Jennifer, passing the prawn salad to her husband. ‘Oh, and I love that scarf. It brings out your eyes beautifully.’

  Nat clammed up at the mention of the scarf but relaxed with her mum’s compliment. ‘I’m not sure, Mum. You can always come and visit.’

  ‘We’d never get down there with your father’s work. Even Gary finds it hard, don’t you, love?’

  It was a load of rubbish: if they wanted to make the effort Nat knew they could. For once she decided to call her mother out.

  ‘You managed to find time to visit Jason when he was in Melbourne for that week, yet you can’t find the time to drive out to Lake Biddy?’

  Jennifer looked flustered for a moment. ‘Yes, but that was Melbourne, darling.’

  Nat sighed. ‘Well, if you can find some time, you’re always welcome to come and stay. It would give me an excuse to take you to some local tourist spots.’ Ones Nat hadn’t even got around to checking out yet either.

  ‘We’ll think about it,’ said her mum before turning to Gary. ‘So, love, how are things with you? How’s the new resort deal coming along? Do you think it’s viable? Does your father agree with your proposal?’

  Gary flinched at the last question. Nat knew it irked him that at his age he still had to run everything by his dad.

  ‘Yes, Tony sounds rather impressed with this new resort plan,’ added her dad. ‘He told me just yesterday that you’ve done a lot of work investigating this, Gary. I think he’s seeing just how capable you are.’

  ‘Did he mention anything about a partnership?’ asked Gary, clearly happy with this news.

  ‘He didn’t, but I have a feeling he was seriously thinking about it.’

  They peppered Gary with more questions than they had asked her. Nat stared at the food on her plate, not hungry, not really seeing it at all. He was already their son. How could she deprive them of officially having him in the family? She wondered if they’d ever forgive her if she broke Gary’s heart. Would they even listen if she tried to explain why? Right now she didn’t know what to do or what to think. It was all too hard and too scary. Maybe she just needed more time to think about it.

  Yes, she decided. A little more time.

  Chapter 20

  NAT called Drew on Sunday night as promised. He was concerned that Billy didn’t seem that fazed about his mum; in fact he hadn’t reacted at all. Nat tried to reassure Drew, and to let him know that Billy might just need time to let it all sink in. It was a short conversation because his neighbour Doris dropped by and Drew had to go. But it had been nice to hear his voice, nice that he appreciated her opinion and input. And talking to him was better than talking to Gary. She needed space to think, to recover, and to figure out what she should do. How long until Gary realised she was avoiding him? How would he react? she wondered. At least she had work to distract her a little.

  Nat didn’t talk to Drew again until the meeting on Wednesday night at the school. It was just a small crowd of those who were determined to fight for the school, including Lauren, the school staff and the parents on the P & C committee.

  ‘Heck, how long till school is back?’ said Mel, rubbing at her forehead. Nat saw that she had food stuck to the side of her face. Another mum pointed it out and Mel almost burst into tears. ‘Jaxon is so bloody hard to feed at the moment. I wear more than he eats. I’m seriously over kids. Who bloody wanted six? I’m sure it wasn’t me.’

  ‘I know, my two are driving me nuts. How about you bring Ruby and Jack over tomorrow for the day. Give both our kids something to do,’ Lauren offered.

  Mel smiled. ‘Lozzy, you’re the best. That would be great.’

  ‘Come around ten and we can have a cuppa too.’ Lauren squeezed Mel’s shoulder and Nat could have sworn Mel’s eyes sparkled with more life.

  Nat was busy watching Lauren, thinking about how amazing she was, when someone touched her shoulder.

  ‘Hey, you,’ said Drew.

  He’d sneaked in just as the meeting had started so she hadn’t had a chance to speak to him yet. Looks like he’d found her first. ‘Hi, Drew. Where’s Billy?’

  ‘Kim’s looking after him for me.’

  Nat wondered if Kim did that at her own place or whether she went to Drew’s. She wasn’t sure why that thought had even entered her mind. ‘Have you had a chance to look at the stuff from my uncle?’

  ‘Yeah, it’s painful to read. Just about need a translator. But it’s good to have, thank you.’

  ‘Anytime.’

  Drew looked at her silk scarf and tugged
the end of it. ‘It’s not winter yet.’ His smile faltered as he noticed the bruises. Nat tried to grab the scarf but Drew pulled it completely off. ‘Jesus, Nat, that’s no hickey.’ He leant in closer, so close she could smell soap and deodorant. ‘Are those finger marks?’ he hissed quietly. He took her arm and walked her out of the senior room and down to the junior room, where they were alone.

  ‘Drew, it’s nothing,’ she said, worried about how he’d react. He looked like one of her students, about to explode because they couldn’t get their feelings out.

  His fingers gently touched her neck. ‘Natty, what the hell are these from? And don’t lie to me.’

  Nat tried to shrug him away and snatch back her scarf. ‘It’s nothing, you don’t have to worry about it.’

  ‘Like hell! Tell me who did this.’

  Nat stood there, unable to lie to him but also unable to share her secret. She hadn’t told a soul and wasn’t sure if she could even get the words out. She felt weak.

  Drew crossed his arms but Nat wasn’t afraid of him, even if he did look like he wanted to murder someone. Instead of pressuring her, he swore softly and walked away. Just like that, leaving Nat all alone and on the verge of tears. Why couldn’t she speak about it? Was she worried Drew would look at her differently? Was she worried what Gary would do?

  When she was calm enough to return to the senior room, half the people had left.

  ‘Hey, there you are, Nat,’ said Lauren. ‘I just want to go over the things to prepare for our Department visit. Do you mind?’

  ‘No,’ said Nat, but she did. She wanted to escape to the safety of her home, where no one could see the shame she felt burning her cheeks and neck. She hardly took in what Lauren asked, just nodded in the appropriate spots. ‘We’ll talk again soon,’ Nat promised. ‘But I have to head off.’

  Lauren reached for her arm. ‘Are you okay, Nat? You seem a bit distracted. Anything I can help with? This isn’t too much for you, is it?’

  ‘No, not at all. I’m just expecting a call from Gary soon and don’t want to miss it. Sorry. We’ll catch up later.’

  ‘For sure. Bye.’ Lauren pulled her in for a quick hug. It surprised Nat but made her feel better. She headed home a little less tense.

  She’d only been home for five minutes when there was a knock at the door. Assuming it was Lauren, she opened the door with a prepared smile. It slid from her face when she saw Drew standing there in a grey T-shirt that had a rabbit standing in front of a light bulb making a human hand in the shadow. It was quite cute – the shirt and, if she was honest, the face of the man standing before her.

  ‘I’m sorry, Nat. I didn’t mean to yell at you.’ His brow creased in anguish. ‘I got halfway home when I realised I couldn’t leave it like that. I’m really sorry. It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.’

  She wasn’t sure about that. But she automatically opened the door, letting him in. He strode past her and made himself at home at the dining table. She sat down beside him, unsure of what to say or do.

  Drew slid his hand to hers and held it. It felt so right, but at the same time she knew how Gary would react if he saw it. ‘You’ve been there for me, Nat, and now I want to be here for you. I wish I could help you. It’s just I can’t handle abuse of any sort. You see, the reason I don’t want Simone around Billy is because she’s an addict and she nearly killed him.’

  ‘What?’ A world without Billy didn’t seem possible.

  ‘When I first met Simone she was a good-time girl, but eventually I learnt that was just a front. Her dad bashed her mum real bad when she was nine. He did a stint in jail and never came back. Her mum fell apart, and her occasional drug use became an addiction. She was on antidepressants as well and so Simone grew up in a crazy world, and it wasn’t till after she’d come back pregnant that I realised how bad she was. She couldn’t give up smoking, but we made her give up the other drugs and alcohol. She had no choice, we almost kept her prisoner, trying to dry her out. It wasn’t pretty; it was hard on us all. I don’t even know what damage she caused in those four months she didn’t realise she was pregnant.’

  Nat could only imagine.

  ‘A few times we were unprepared and she found alcohol and drank herself silly, or called her sellers and begged them to deliver whatever they had. God knows what it did to Billy. We were lucky she didn’t lose him. I grew to hate her then, hate the fact that she couldn’t put the baby first instead of herself.’

  Drew stopped and they sat there quietly. He still held her hand, his thumb rubbing circles. She wasn’t sure who it was soothing, him or her. She knew he was sharing in the hope that she would too. The lump in her throat was still there but it had eased, maybe from Drew’s touch or his closeness, which swathed her in his scent.

  Nat managed to find her voice, and some courage. ‘Gary’s never done anything like this before,’ she whispered. But as she said it, she thought about the time he came to Lake Biddy. She had told herself that he hadn’t really meant to hurt her, that it hadn’t been that bad. But now she wondered whether it had been a warning sign, and she’d missed it. ‘I don’t know if it’s a one-off or whether he has a violent streak that will always come out when he’s jealous.’

  ‘Why was he jealous?’

  If Drew was livid, his voice didn’t betray it. Would it change after she told him? Did she dare?

  ‘He saw you trying to call my mobile . . .’

  Drew’s face fell. ‘Are you serious? I’m the cause of this?’

  ‘After meeting you in the shop he felt threatened.’

  ‘Jesus. I’m so sorry, Nat.’

  ‘It’s not your fault. You’ve been a perfect gentleman. Gary is just taking things too far.’

  ‘Too damn right he’s gone too far. Have you told anyone else? Your parents, your uncle, or your friends?’

  Nat shook her head in turn.

  ‘Do you stand up to him?’ Her body broke out in a sweat just thinking about standing up to Gary. With wide eyes she shook her head firmly. ‘Are you scared of how far he’ll go?’

  Yes, she was. Tight knots twisted in her stomach just thinking about it.

  ‘I’m guessing yes,’ said Drew. ‘Nat, you can’t put up with this. What if he gets worse? What if this is just the tip of the iceberg?’

  ‘I know. But he’s not just my fiancé. Our families have been tied together since before I can remember. I’m not sure they’d believe me if I told them. And I still care for him. I think.’

  ‘I can’t make you stand up to him, nor can I make you share this with your family, but I want you to think about it. Please, Natty. If you’re waiting around, hoping he’ll change, don’t. People like that never do.’

  Was she just waiting for it all to go away? What if Gary always had this possessive streak? What if he never got better? What if it got even worse?

  Drew let go of her hand and moved closer. Holding her face in his hands he stared her down with his brilliant blue eyes and she felt hypnotised by them. Her questions drifted away to nothing as Drew became her focus.

  ‘You deserve better, Natty. You’re an amazing person with such a big heart. Don’t let him ruin that. Please.’

  A tear slipped out, trailing hot down her cheek. Drew swiped it away with his thumb before he pulled her into a hug.

  ‘Please don’t tell anyone,’ she begged through her tears. ‘I just need some time to sort it out.’ His strong arms, reassuringly tight around her, caused her to cry as if she’d bottled up ten years’ worth of tears. As he rubbed her back she clung to him, and with each sob she started to feel better, as if she’d released something buried deep down in her heart.

  Eventually she pulled away and went to get a tissue. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, gesturing to his damp shirt before blowing her nose.

  Drew smiled, that imperfect but alluring grin that made the world seem so much better.

  ‘Don’t worry about it. You can use my shoulder anytime. I guess I’d better get going. Kim will be wonde
ring what’s taking so long.’

  Nat frowned. ‘Yes, you’d better get back. Thank you. I’ll talk to you later?’ she said, walking him to the door.

  ‘You’d better.’ Drew paused, reaching out and lightly brushing her bruised neck. It sent tingles down her skin.

  ‘Think about it, okay?’ he said. ‘You know it’s wrong but I understand if it’s hard. I’ll be here for you, anytime.’ Then he leant forward and kissed her on the cheek before walking back to his ute.

  Chapter 21

  DREW sat on a crate in his shed, hammer in hand as he looked at the seeder bar. He could hear Billy riding around on his motorbike, Turbo yapping at the back tyre and causing all the pink-and-grey galahs to squawk and fly from gum tree to gum tree. He was still sitting in that same spot ten minutes later, not having moved a muscle, when someone spoke.

  ‘You know, to fix something you actually have to use the hammer,’ said Matty with a chuckle. ‘You okay? You look like you’re on another planet.’

  Matt sat on the edge of the seeder bar, his belly almost resting on his lap. He was in his work clothes, covered in grease, and Drew figured he’d been getting his machinery ready for seeding too.

  ‘I probably was.’ Drew put the hammer down and rested his elbows on his knees. ‘You finished all your jobs?’

  Matt’s deep laugh echoed around the large tin shed. ‘You’re a funny bastard.’ It was their standard gag. A farmer’s work was never done and job lists seemed endless. Drew cracked a smile but Matt frowned, turning serious. ‘Is it Simone? Has she come back?’

  ‘Nah, not yet. I’m prepared, though. Nat got me some lawyer stuff to read so I can figure out my options.’ It had caused him many sleepless nights, but now something else had him worried.

  ‘Spit it out, Sadds. What’s on your mind?’ Matt stood up in the afternoon light. The sun was starting to set, bringing a cool chill. ‘Will this need a beer? I’ve brought some coldies.’