The Staff of Naught

by Tom Liberman

  “Mayor, oh mayor,” said Myris and once again wrung his hands together the fingers intertwined in an apparently intricate dance, “it’s all true. The dead are rising; we have reports from six separate witnesses in different parts of town.”

  The mayor yawned widely and put down his glass with a halfhearted sigh, “Have you confirmed any of the sightings yourself Myris?”

  “There hasn’t been time your honor,” replied the little man almost hopping up and down as he spoke. “It’s an emergency, your leadership is required!”

  “What would you have me do about these reports?”

  “Send in a team of warriors, alert the baron, call up the militia, act decisively to swat out this threat!”

  “And if it all turns out to be kids playing tricks with strings and bones?”

  “Your honor, six separate witnesses in town to confirm what Tanner already said. You know the merchant isn’t prone to exaggerating, he said there were thousands of the things on the march.”

  “Marching into the ocean where they were destroyed by waves is how his rant was reported to me by Lousa,” replied the mayor with a wave of hand showing off three golden rings two of them with massive gemstones embedded inside.

  “Why do you listen to that woman,” said Myris almost spitting out the words his face screwed up as if he just took a bite from a lemon. “She traipses around in those little dresses and you just do whatever she says.”

  “And your point is?” said the mayor who raised his eyebrows a wide grin across his face.

  Myris sighed loudly, “Well, never mind. There are reports in town as well, skeletons in the graveyard, skeletal skulls walking across the floor, skeletal hands flying through buildings, they can’t all be coincidence, something is going on!”

  “And it will be investigated Myris,” said the mayor who put down his drink with a thump. “But, we can’t be seen as panicking.”

  “I … I … don’t … well.”

  “I’ve already begun the investigation, Shamki and Humbort are doing a little work for me and what I want you to do is find that urchin, the clever one who sent the entire town guard into the river chasing after the ruby fish last year, he has a little sister as I recall. Find him and get him here.”

  “That little kid cost us a lot of money, what do you want with him?”

  “I’m not going to explain myself to you Myris. It’s enough to know I want him here. Are you going to do it or not?”

  The little man stomped his foot onto the cold stone floor, looked out the window behind the mayor, and then up to the ceiling his nostrils flared and his hands twitched at his side. “I’ll do it but I don’t understand why you trust the stupid half-orc and his moron cousin.”

  “Oh, and send in the witch woman who lives over across the river, she’s clever.”

  “I meant to tell you mayor, it’s Hazlebub who reported the walking skull, she’ll confirm my story, I’ll get her right away your honor!” With that the thin man bolted out the room and his footsteps echoed down the hallway.

  “The door!” shouted the mayor towards the receding figure who quickly reappeared and shut the door behind him. At that moment a small wooden panel beneath the dragon head swiveled and revealed a swathe of green hair on top of a lithe girl whose waist had an elf sort of look but whose overfull bosom revealed some other blood in her veins. “By the gods he’s an idiot,” she said, came forward, and leaned over the desk in front of the mayor. “Why do you put up with him?”

  “Idiots are useful,” said the mayor with a wave of his hand. “Sometimes very useful.”

  “We need to be careful about that witch Hazlebub, she’s up to no good spreading rumors about walking skulls, and I know about Unerus the Urchin as well. That boy and his little sister are not to be trifled with.”

  “I’m not a fool Lousa,” said the mayor with a grin. “I’m well aware of what Hazlebub is up to and that boy as well. But, Tanner is not an idiot and if he says the dead are swarming up at shipwreck point then the dead are swarming. Shamki is due in with his report from the cemetery this afternoon but something strange is going on and I’ll be damned if I let Baron Avakubia or that lap dog colonel of his horn in on my action.”

  “I know you’re not a fool Mayor at least not when it comes to money,” she said and moved close to the mayor and breathed in his ear, “but perhaps more foolhardy in other matters?”

  Chapter 3

  Myris was once again in the hallway this time muttering to himself as he paced back and forth casting occasional glances at the closed door. “Damn fool mayor, let that woman influence him, damn witchy woman and damn that kid,” the last with emphasis as he looked at the patch of cloth wrapped around his right hand and he remembered the incident which caused the wound. He kicked at a stray cat that wandered in from the courtyard but missed badly and the black and white thing glared at him with yellow eyes and then yawned luxuriously and began to lick itself. “I’ll be mayor one day.”

  “What was that Myris,” came the lilting voice of the young woman as she suddenly appeared at the opposite end of the hallway her ears seemed to actually swivel as she sashayed towards him.

  “Hello Lousa,” said Myris folding his arms across his chest but he could not keep still his eyes as they strayed to her bosom, revealed almost completely in a green and gold frilly gown that ran in two long strips from her shoulder to her waist where it was bound by a large yellow sash that seemed to shimmer with a sparkling light.

  “Hello Myris, my dear,” said the woman as she came so close to him that her perfume wafted to his nostrils. She flipped her long green hair with a shake of her head and a few strands brushed the chamberlain who shuddered noticeably and sweat appeared on his brow. “Have you been talking to yourself about Mayor Shumba again?”

  “I am simply an advisor who does as he is told,” replied Myris with a sharp sort of edge in his voice as he refolded his arms across his chest and lifted his chin although could not help but take in another whiff of her intoxicating perfume.

  “Of course, of course,” said Lousa with a smile and flipped her hair once again. “Have you managed to gather them all for the meeting?”

  Myris snorted, a sound rather pig like despite a narrow nose that bore no resemblance to that species. “They’re in the hall that damn girl bit me when I tried to take her brother. I had to have Shamki hold her down while useless Humbort just stood there stammering like a fool.”

  “Have you alerted the mayor to their presence?”

  “I sent in the boy to tell him about ten minutes ago but I’ve just been waiting out here since.”

  “I see, well then you’ve done your job haven’t you?”

  “And done it well,” said Myris standing up straight which brought him to within a couple of inches of the height of the woman before him. He looked up at her and smirked, “Have you accomplished anything useful this morning?”

  Lousa smiled playfully and walked so close to Myris that her hair brushed over his shoulder as she headed to the door at the end of the hall and vanished. A few moments later she came out with the mayor and a young boy no more than eleven or twelve and not yet into puberty. They walked quickly passed the chamberlain and only Lousa gave him a small smirk before they headed out of the room. Myris watched them go for a moment before he shook his head with a start and rushed after.

  By the time he caught up they were in a large chamber where the witch woman sat at the head of the table a large mug of something frothy already half-finished, the little urchin boy perched on a sideboard his legs dangled over the edge while his sister sat on his shoulders and played with a silver spoon, more of the silver objects poked out from her pockets. Elsewhere the heavyset merchant sipped from a mug much like the witch’s and next to him the massive half-orc whittled at the table with a sharp carving knife. In another seat, almost invisible and slouched low, sat the last member of the quorum the foppish companion of Shamki, Humbort. In front of the group stood the mayor with Lousa at his sid
e her arm around the waist of the fat man and a wide grin on her face.

  “I’ve no doubt you’ve already heard my story Mayor Shumba,” said Tanner to the big man as his eyes flicked towards the woman at his side. “And more than once I’d guess.”

  “I’m glad you could join us Tanner. I know we’ve had our differences before about import tariffs and taxes but this is a serious situation and I hope you can mollify your belligerent attitude for the greater good. I’m not sure if you’ve met everyone here, so you won’t mind if I make a few introductions?”

  The merchant spread his hands and took a long sip from his mug, “It’s your party.”

  “Many of you know me as Mayor Shumba,” said the fat man with a smile and a little bow, “but for today please just call me Jorum. I think everyone knows my deputy mayor, Lousa Felendar of the fairy folk. She will be in charge of today’s little gathering. My son is here to learn but won’t say anything,” with this he gave the boy a glance.

  Myris shuffled his feet and made a small sound.

  The mayor didn’t even glance in his direction. “I think all of you heard the rumors that are flying around town today thanks to Tanner Wilmer. Tanner, I know you’re a free man and entitled to do as you please but do you think it might have been wise to bring this issue directly to me rather than causing a panic among the people?”

  The merchant shrugged his shoulders but looked down at the table rather than directly at the mayor for the first time.

  “Speaking of panic among the people,” went on the mayor with a look at the witch and the two children. “We have with us today the illustrious alchemist,” he started before the old woman interrupted him.

  “I’m a witch and I’ll be addressed as such,” she said with a cackle that ended with a rattling cough.

  “Of course Hazlebub, of course. I’m sorry to give your profession anything other than the moniker it deserves. Hazlebub joins us to give her expert opinion on all things caught between the living and the dead.”

  “Every moment you keep me in this farce of a meeting is money out of my pocket mayor,” said the old lady and pulled out a jar filled with a thick, dark green substance whose odor immediately began to fill the room and caused the other members of the meeting to move away from her. “At that means a loss of tax revenue to you mayor, as you well know.”

  “I understand the financial burden I’m placing you under Hazlebub but I can only hope you’ve managed to instruct your sister on the proper preparation techniques for whatever charm you hope to sell people to ward off this undead invasion. In any case, if I might continue?”

  The old witch bowed her head and poured some of the green liquid into the mug of frothy beer while Humbort made a sort of gagging sound in the corner.

  “In the corner there is Humbort Hillfloppen the quarter ogre, three quarter moron whom associates with Shamki Plugbol doing odd jobs for the city now and again. I sent them off to investigate the local graves and they’ll give a report later.”

  “Finally,” concluded the mayor, “I’ve invited a couple of younger members of society to give the viewpoint of those not normally represented.”

  “How egalitarian of you mayor,” said Myris stepping forward into the room. “It is a generous gesture and ….”

  “But, my part in this little affair is now over,” said the mayor who did not even pause to acknowledge the balding man. “I turn this meeting over to my deputy mayor and I hope that you all can manage without me.” With that the mayor turned and exited the room followed by his son.

  “Myris,” said Lousa with a smile. “Why don’t you go and join the mayor?”

  “I thought I could be of help here?”

  “No dear, I don’t think so.”

  “I’m not your dear,” said Myris staring at the woman his upper lip trembled and his hands shook. “I’ll do as I please, I’m the chamberlain!”

  Shamki gave a loud chuckle at this as the balding chamberlain spun on his heal to look at him while his head shook with excitement and his lip almost danced in agitation. “Apologize, you … you … you … person!”

  The half-orc raised his eyebrows and turned the small knife in his hand over and over a few times not moving his gaze from the chamberlain. “Leave Winkels, or me make you leave.”

  “I will not be threatened,” said Myris his eyes darted back and forth to the children, the merchant, the witch and then lingered for a moments on the long legs of the deputy mayor. “I will not be intimidated,” he continued and stamped his foot.

  “In any case,” said Lousa coming forward to the table. “Tanner, I assume everything you said in the town square is true. Do you have anything to add?”

  The broad shouldered merchant paused for a moment; his hand scratched his chin, and looked at the woman with his head tilted slightly to the side. “Well, Lousa, it’s clear to me the skeletons wanted something on that wreck. The dead are slow, their stupid, but they are persistent. That wreck’s been there for more than ten years, since I’ve traded up the Shadow Mountain Road.”

  “Thank you Tanner. I think many, if not most of the panic that has spread through town can be traced to you Hazlebub and the boy,” she said and nodded to the witch and the young boy.

  At this the girl on the boy’s shoulders burst into a giggle so soft that it went almost unheard and she tickled her brother with a tweak of his ears and broke into a little tune, “Bones and string, strings and bones, tools of crone, make people run and shout all about!”

  Lousa looked at the young girl beyond the dirty face and scrubby dress for the first time and saw clear dark eyes, half a mouthful of teeth that looked cared for, and a strange sort of slant to her eyes, “That’s a lovely singing voice you have darling, untrained but with potential, would you like to meet with me and we could see about developing it?”

  The girl looked down at her brother who looked back up and her and shrugged his shoulders. She then peered at the older woman, the beautiful older woman and narrowed his eyes, “How much do I have to pay?”

  “Nothing my dear, I’d do it for the good of the community, the church needs as many singers as possible, I don’t know if you’ve been to services lately but it’s not a pleasant experience.”

  A great guffaw came from Shamki who slapped his knee and stuck his knife into the table. “Lousa right,” he bellowed, “sound like crow eated by owl!”

  “When was the last time you went to church?” asked Humbort as he twisted his foot around the chair and looked straight down.

  The big half-orc glanced at his companion and made a kissing movement with his mouth.

  “All right, all right, I know we’re all best friends and I was the one who got us off track,” said Lousa with a smile. “Hazlebub, you’re the town’s leading expert on the waked dead. I want straight answers, not any of your mumbo-jumbo, this is a town emergency.”

  The witch shrugged her shoulder and gave off a loud belch. “Tanner’s pretty well got it, that storm last month must have stirred the cargo around on that old wreck, there’s something there that’s got the dead agitated. I know a spell to call a spirit, it might be able to help us, but the components to cast the spell are pricey.”

  “All reasonable expenses will be covered from the town treasury,” said Lousa with a smile and a nod of her head. “How long will it take to prepare the spell?”

  The crone shrugged her shoulders, “It’s best if done near the manifestation, if we call a spirit from town it’s likely to know little about the wreck. A few hours maybe.”

  “Shamki, Humbort, what did you find out at the cemetery?”

  “Some of the graves was dug up,” said Humbort moving forward so he stood near Lousa who in turn moved half a step away from the man.

  “Is that true Shamki?” asked Lousa of the big half-orc who nodded. “Hazlebub, kids, do you know anything about anybody digging up the graves?”

  The little girl giggled again and the boy simply shrugged his shoulder while the old crone looked at th
e kids and shook her head. “We need to work together, indeed we do, indeed.”

  “That wreck is the key,” interjected Tanner. “If we can find out what it’s about then we’ll find out what is going on with the skellies.”

  “I agree Tanner,” said Lousa and looked at the man and nodded her head. “Hazlebub, you go about making preparations for that spell of yours, Shamki and Humbort will go with you to make sure nothing goes wrong. Kid, I’m going to give you access to the town hall records, can you read?”

  “I can do that,” interjected Myris, “and I can read just fine.”

  “You’re right Myris,” said the woman with her brightest smile. “You go with … what’s your name again kid?”

  The boy shrugged his shoulders, “They call me Unerus around town but I don’t rightly have a given name, and I can read, taught myself but Ariana’s better at it, I paid to have her teached.”

  “Fine,” said Lousa, “you and the girl go with Myris and look for ships that wrecked sometime more than ten years ago. Tanner, how old do you think that wreck might be in the condition it’s in?”

  The merchant shrugged his shoulder, “Don’t rightly know Lousa, you’ll have to find a sailor to tell you that, but surely someone in Lycidas or Sea Fen remembers it and if not you could petition the baron for help.”

  “Mayor Shumba made clear to me his aversion to calling in the baron or any military aid from Doria at all. Head to Lycidas, you’ve got contacts there, right?”

  The merchant nodded. “I’ve traded as far north as Lycidas but that’s not an ocean town. They live up against the Great Salt Marsh so they are mostly smaller boats and such. I’ve never been to Sea Fen, that’s on the Great Eastern Sea and they have ocean going vessels. I mostly work with the Thilnog Monks up in the mountains bringing down iron products and the such and as a kid I took one trip into the lands of Lord Thotmes but they don’t have anything other than river boats.”

  “I understand, head up to Lycidas and find out what you can while the rest of us meet out by the wreck for Hazlebub’s ceremony. I’ll alert the rest of you as to when. After we’re finished I’ll want to talk to you again Tanner so as soon as you get back look me up. Any other questions?”