by Tracy Kiser
“Can we at least see the dolphins? I really wanna’ see dolphins Daddy.” Lana’s eyes were full of hope. Tom felt happiness rush over him. He pictured his daughter diving in after the dolphins and momentarily ducking under the water just to reappear riding on the back of a silver creature.
“If we’re lucky, we will,” Tom replied while crossing his fingers to show Lana the luck he was praying for. If her face showed this much joy at thinking about seeing dolphins, he couldn’t imagine the happiness on her face if she saw one.
Lana looked at her dad who was holding on to the mast, guiding the sail. He looked so strong and at home on his sail boat. Lana still couldn’t believe that her father had finally allowed her to sail with him. The ocean seemed unending to the small girl. She saw it spread out in all directions and dared herself to imagine what lay beyond the horizon. Then a breeze came up off the waves sprinkling Lana with salt water and sending goose bumps up Lana’s arms. Thomas heard his daughter laugh and saw her twirling in circles to catch the obscure droplets. Hugging her jacket closer, she warmed herself back up, stepping into the sunlight shining down on her and her father.
“So what do you think kiddo’? How’s it feel to be out on the ocean?” Lana shuffled over to her father and gestured for him to pick her up. He bent over and gently lifted her up to sit on his hip.
Lana’s eyes widened when she looked up at her father and a pearl white smile shone across her face. “I love it Daddy. It’s like we’re in the center of the world. Just you and just me.”
“That’s what I love about it too. Out here, no one can touch you. It’s just you, the boat, and the water.” Thomas pulled his daughter closer and breathed in the smell of his little girl. I hope I can always be this happy, he prayed.
* *
Lana felt a tear roll down her cheek. She remembered that day perfectly. She had begged her dad for days to take her sailing, non-stop. Lana knew that she couldn’t give up and he had finally said yes. They had the perfect day together. The first time she had ever sailed and it had been with her dad. They had seen dolphins that day and Lana remembered jumping up and down on the sailboat. Her father must have thought she’d go after the beautiful animals because he had swooped her up into his arms to ‘give her a better view.’ She wiped the tear away and skimmed through the logbook to the last entry. The letters all had a quality of being smeared. Must have happened when the book got wet in the … crash. Lana squinted her eyes and read the last entry her father had written in this logbook.
August 1, 2001
Tomorrow I’m heading out on the most important trip I’ve ever been on. My nerves are driving me crazy and I can’t believe what I’m about to do. Sailing south toward Puerto Rico. The species should be on the move. At least, I hope so. Or else this trip may be all for naught. The current is expected to shift bringing warmer waters up from Latin America. If I can collect evidence this could be, would be, groundbreaking. Contact must be made delicately. Not much is truly known about this species. And if I’m going to be the first one to have proof, I have to be able to form a connection with this species.
Lana read twice through what her Dad had written. She absorbed the words scrawled across the page and closed her eyes. She could see the words outlined across the blank canvas of her mind. Then the questions started blooming in her head. Why Puerto Rico? Was there something special about the area? Lana wondered what species he was making reference to. Had he discovered something relatively new? What kind of contact did he need to make? Lana didn’t want to wait to talk to Daniel. She needed him to answer these questions. If anyone would know, it would be Uncle Danny. If she wanted to find out what truly happened to her Dad, she had to find out why he thought this last trip was so important. That had to be the key to unlocking the mystery surrounding her Dad’s disappearance.
* *
“Where are you off to?” Lana’s mother asked as Lana came down the stairs with her satchel-bag hanging across her body and her new yellow flip flops on.
“Oh, I told Aiden that I’d meet him for lunch,” Lana lied, hoping her mother wouldn’t question or catch onto the fact that she was a horrible liar.
“Okay, well I’ll be in my studio if you need me. I’m going to try to get some work done today. Emphasis on try,” Sarah laughed at herself, mentally planning the rest of her painting while she took a sip out of her polka-dotted coffee mug.
“Alrighty, Mom. Have fun painting. Love you.” Lana jingled her keys as she headed out the door. She walked toward her royal blue Toyota, pressing the unlock button on her key chain.
Lana opened the driver side door and got into her car, throwing her satchel-bag into the passenger seat. Lana guided the key into the ignition and the little Toyota came to life. Lana reversed out of the driveway. She shifted into drive and at the end of the street she turned right, toward the pier.
* *
Lana walked down the wooden pier to the spot that Daniel rented for his sailboat. Her legs carried her there, Lana’s mind reeling through the questions that she had for Uncle Danny. She knew exactly where his boat was docked. Daniel hadn’t sailed in a little over three weeks and Lana was the only one who knew he still sailed at all. He tried to keep it hidden from everyone since when he sailed, he took Lana with him against her mother’s wishes. It wasn’t that Lana’s mother had told her specifically not to sail, but something to the same effect. Lana had found the loophole was Daniel. He had been ecstatic to teach her how to sail and Lana had more than fallen in love with being on the water. When Lana walked up to Danny’s boat he was rigging the sails and masts of the large orange and white boat he called ‘The Beast.’ Lana giggled at the name, yet again. Typical name a guy would pick.
“Hey Uncle Danny,” Lana yelled, waving her arm to gain Daniel’s attention.
Daniel turned to face her. “Why hello there, adult-kid,” he teased, trying to keep the mood light. He didn’t know what to expect from this meeting with Lana. He’d been up since five a.m. wondering what she would want to know about Tom, and what the logbook held, if anything. If it even belonged to Thomas.
“I brought the book. You have to look at it.” Lana pointed at her satchel-bag.
“Well, let me see it, I guess,” Daniel shrugged. He would rather not look at the logbook, much less go through it with Lana, but he couldn’t exactly refuse. Daniel figured that if he could help Lana develop a little closure about losing her father, than she would be better off. Perhaps, she would even be more accepting. Daniel watched as Lana climbed aboard his sailboat and pulled the leather book from her bag.
Daniel and Lana sat down on the wooden floor planks. Lana held out the book to Daniel. He didn’t take it right away as he let his eyes scan the cover. He remembered how Tom had always jotted down his initials in the right hand corner of each logbook he owned. Daniel reached out with caution, and took the logbook from Lana’s open hand. Carefully, he opened the front cover and recognized Tom’s scratchy signature. Lana eyed his reaction and waited patiently for Daniel to speak. She could see the look of recognition scrawled all over his face.
He stared at the nearly illegible scrawl. Each letter matched Tom’s handwriting perfectly. Daniel could have been an expert on Thomas’ handwriting since he’d had to read it with every trip they ever took or paper they ever published together. What had he expected? Daniel asked himself. Did I think the book would not be his? He let out a deep sigh and finally met Lana’s unwavering gaze. The look on her face dared him to say the words aloud.
“I don’t want to believe it, but it’s his.”
* *
“Look at the last entry, Uncle Danny. It’s about the trip he planned right before he disappeared,” Lana urged. She reached for the logbook to turn the page but Daniel gestured for her to wait.
Daniel flipped through the pages of the logbook until he had found the entry Lana described. He read through the words Tom had written thinking back to the day he told his best friend that he couldn’t help him. A feeling of des
pair crept out of the pages and into Daniel’s heart. How could he have been so selfish? Had he been selfish? Wasn’t he staying home for his wife…the wife that would eventually leave him anyway?
“Daniel, do you know what he’s talking about?” Daniel could hear the need for answers in Lana’s voice.
“I wish I did, but I don’t.” He remembered bits and pieces of exactly what Thomas had said to him, but it hadn’t been much, nothing to indicate the real reason behind this expedition. Nor the reason why it was so important.
“Uncle Danny, you have to know something,” Lana pleaded. How could he not know? Wasn’t he supposed to be her dad’s partner? Lana remembered that Daniel had to stay home from this trip. Was he hiding what he knew? Or did he just not want to tell Lana?
“Kid, I’m telling you, I really don’t know. Honestly. He didn’t even tell me this much.” The truth shone in his eyes and Lana’s shoulder’s immediately fell.
“Did you know the trip was to Puerto Rico?” Lana felt her voice tremble. She was grasping onto anything. Any piece of information that would help her find her father. That would be the only reason her dad would send her his logbook. He knew that she’d try to find him, save him. She looked up at Daniel and saw regret streak his face.
Daniel shook his head. “He never told me where and he refused to tell me why. He just kept telling me it was the most important trip of his life,” Daniel whispered. He struggled to keep his eyes met with Lana’s. He was letting her down and that clawed at his heart. Another person that was depending on me…and another time I fail…
“That’s it?” Lana felt defeated. She had been certain Uncle Danny would be able to explain everything. It turned out she had known more about it than he did. Why had her dad been so secretive when it came to this trip? The only trip that mattered. At least the only one that mattered to Lana.
“He told me it was the trip to prove ourselves as marine biologists.” Daniel saw the disappointment sweeping over Lana. “I wish I could tell you more, but that’s everything. I guess we’ll never truly know.”
Lana’s hopes were crushed. The feeling of failure rushing over her like waves sliding across the sand. “Thanks anyway, Uncle Danny,” she managed, imagining her dad somewhere, alone, depending on her to help him.
“No problem, kid. Call me later this week if you’re up for some sailing.” Daniel said as he watched Lana walk toward the edge of the boat, her feet slightly dragging.
“I’m always up for sailing,” Lana said as she forced a smile. “See you later.”
Lana stepped back onto the pier, hopelessness surrounding her, a cloud promising rain. She started toward her Toyota, the sadness consuming her. Lana felt idiotic for thinking she could unravel her father’s disappearance with a simple logbook entry. Perhaps she wasn’t meant to know.
No, Lana thought, there has to be more. There has to be more information somewhere in the rest of the logbook. If I can go through the other entries, he had to have written about it before, and I can find what I need to know.
Lana unlocked the doors to her car. “Dad, I’m going to figure this out. I’m going to find out what really happened to you. I know you’re out there,” she whispered to the wind rolling off of the ocean dispelling the heat emanating from the inside of her small blue car.
* *
Lana’s phone beeped as she buckled her seat belt, the soft click echoing her cell. She pulled her Nokia out from her satchel-bag and opened her text messages. It was Aiden.
‘Hey beautiful. Grab lunch with me at the deli?’
Guess she wouldn’t really be lying to her mother after all. She typed back: ‘Meet you there in twenty.’
Lana’s mind reeled as she drove to meet Aiden, her body on auto-pilot taking her to the deli downtown. She wanted to tell him everything she’d found about her Dad. Aiden had grown up around sailing more so than Lana. If he helped her go through her Dad’s logbook, maybe they could find out where he was. Maybe they could even go find him. That is, if he would help her. Lana knew that Aiden cared deeply for her, he had made that quite obvious. However, this could be the one line drawn in the sand that he wouldn’t cross.
Lana knew that after ten years, hoping to find her dad was a longshot. But she couldn’t help feeling like he was still alive. There was a small glimmer of hope in her chest that had never gone away. It rose up inside of her, especially now, with the logbook showing up out of nowhere. Only he could have sent it, or had someone send it for him. Her father had to know that it would arrive around her birthday. The one birthday that separates childhood from adulthood. That had to mean something, it had to be the time he was waiting for. The time when he knew his daughter would be old enough to embark on a journey such as this.
Lana felt the entire logbook was a message from her father. Maybe to tell her that he was in fact still alive. Or maybe to tell her where to find him. She needed Aiden’s help. She needed someone’s help for Pete’s sake. Lana spent the remainder of the drive wondering what Aiden would say. But even if he called her a delusional maniac, a feeling she was beginning to mentally admit, she had to ask him to help her.
* *
Air conditioning washed over Lana as she entered the deli sending goose bumps up her arms and legs. She spotted Aiden waiting for her at a small corner table. He stood as she walked over, resembling a perfect gentleman. Aiden ran his fingers through his already messy brown hair and leaned over slightly to kiss Lana.
“I already ordered for us. I got you the Turkey-Swiss on rye. Just the way you like it.” Aiden’s eyes shone with pride at being the dutiful boyfriend. He’d do anything for Lana. Ever since his sophomore year of high school, there had been no one else that could even compare to his Lana.
Lana looked into Aiden’s sparkling blue eyes and smiled, “You are too sweet.” Aiden motioned for her to sit and they both did so. Aiden placed his elbows on the table and folded his hands together so his chin could rest on them.
He returned Lana’s smile. “So…what’s up? How’s it feel to be eighteen?” He shifted in his seat, finding a comfortable position.
“It feels pretty great, but… there’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about.” If she was going to ask Aiden to help her, then it had to be now. It had to happen before she could convince herself not to do it. Her hands were shaking. God, is he going to think I’m crazy? Realize that he’s dating a lunatic?
Aiden paused. “Good or bad?” The tension sat on his shoulders. They sat in silence as Aiden drank in every agonizing moment.
Lana struggled. How was she supposed to say this? Should she lead up to it? Spit it out? She had to say something. Aiden’s face looked as if she were going to tell him that she just killed his little brother’s pet rabbit. Lana took a deep breath and made a mental note that Aiden was holding his as well. Okay, here goes. I just have to say it. I can say it. He’s not going to think I’m crazy. He’ll understand. “It’s about my Dad. I need your help,” the words tumbled out and Lana drew in a quick gasp. She didn’t know what to expect but she heard Aiden let out a deep sigh of relief.
“Lana what…” Aiden began, but was immediately cut off.
“I think he’s alive.” There, I said it. Lana shifted her gaze to the white tiled floor and waited for Aiden to answer. Peeking from behind the hair that had slid over her face, she watched Aiden mull over exactly what she had just said.
Chapter 6
“Order number 17,” Lana and Aiden heard the deli-worker yell, neither one of them broke eye contact. Lana waited for Aiden to say something, anything really. But Aiden’s mind wouldn’t seem to wrap around the idea that what Lana said could actually be a possibility.
“I’ll grab it,” Aiden said as he stood up. Lana watched him walk over and pick up the tray that held their lunches. At least he said something, Lana mused. Her eyes never left him as Aiden carefully carried the red plastic tray back to their table and sat down slowly.
“Lana, I don’t understand. Are you okay? D
id something happen?” The words tumbled out of Aiden’s mouth. His girlfriend had never, ever brought anything up like this before. Did this have something to do with her birthday? Aiden had noticed that her Uncle Danny had come to the party. A little late, but he did show up. Had seeing him sparked some kind of whirlwind theory to blow into Lana’s mind? Aiden waited for Lana to answer him, not knowing what to expect. After that kind of theory spilling from her mouth, anything could follow.
“Aiden, it’s not about me. Well, I guess it kind of is, but here, look at this,” she dug into her satchel-bag. “I got this in the mail yesterday.” Lana handed him the leather book and the scent of stale water and salt rushed into his nostrils. Aiden stared at the cover for a moment, fighting back a small wave of nausea, and then flipped through the pages.
Lana could tell that Aiden didn’t know what he held in his hands. He didn’t know the gravity of this book, what receiving it meant. “This is my dad’s logbook, from when he disappeared. Read the last entry.” She helped Aiden flip to the last page and pointed to the passage she was referring to. “It talks about the trip my Dad took, the one when he got lost.”
Aiden’s eyes skimmed the pages. Lana watched the green irises flow from left to right, again and again. She hoped that after reading this, Aiden would understand what the logbook meant to her.
“He was heading south toward Puerto Rico. I don’t know where exactly but I know we can figure it out.” Lana interrupted his reading, the anticipation near bursting, her mind surfing through all of the possibilities that could lead her to her father. This would be the biggest adventure of her life, and when she brought her father back from wherever he was, she would have her family back. The family she faintly remembered. The family she thought they would always be. The family that shattered into three separate pieces when her father lost his way home.
“We?” Aiden’s voice hinted hesitation. Lana snapped back into the reality around her. The images of her father and mother reuniting dissipating like smoke.