by Lauren Wood
I listened to him and I wanted to agree with him, but I wasn’t sure that I could. It didn’t feel like Mariss was going to forgive me and if I was honest, I hadn’t done near what Jesse had done. It didn’t seem fair that he was forgiven, and I was still getting the cold shoulder. I think in a way I was paying for what he did because he was my friend. I didn’t know anything about him and Katarina until it was said and done.
“I hope so. It’s miserable without her. I didn’t think I would ever feel this way about a chick, but she got to me.”
Jesse just chuckled and told me that he knew what I was talking about. I had a feeling that he did. He’d been happy and single one minute and the next he was having a breakdown because of a woman. It was strange how it bit us in the ass no matter how badly we wanted to avoid it.
“Now you have to keep her Cal. Getting her was the easy part.”
How true his statement was? It felt like it was going to be impossible, but she was worth the fight. I just wish I knew what I was up against.
Chapter 24
Mariss
“You seriously haven’t told him?”
“No, I was going to, but I don’t know. You said that it was a friend.”
She tried to look innocent. “What is the problem? He is a friend.”
“Oh really? When did this happen? Before you told me that he was a bad influence on Jesse. What happened to that?”
“Well I guess he was probably the good influence. He’s a good guy and I’ve gotten to know him, and I like him. He definitely meets my approval.”
It was a complete turnaround and I didn’t get it. Anna was going through all sorts of changes and I wondered if it was the hormones doing it. She wasn’t that much further along than I was, but I wasn’t having epiphanies every other minute. No, I was still in a state of worry and shock. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do and having Cal sprung on me like that had made me do nothing more than freeze up. Seeing him again was going to take some preparation. I had to be ready for him or there was no way that I was going to be able to get out what had to be said.
“I’m going to tell him. Soon. I just don’t know how. What if he never wants to see me again? I mean, it’s not like we did much more than have sex a few times in a few years. I don’t know if that is a good way to start a relationship.”
“You have the connection and that is the hardest part.”
“Okay seriously, where is my friend and what have you done with her?”
Anna giggled and asked me what it was that I was talking about.
“You’re acting strange. I’ve never seen you so happy before. I know this is because of Jesse, but I don’t know what to say about it. You are like a different person.”
“I know, but it’s a good thing. I spent too much time all stressed out. He loves me, made a mistake and I had to get over it. It was what was best for us.”
She held her stomach and I didn’t know how to respond. It all sounded good in theory, but at the end of the day, how could she ever trust him again? I don’t know if I could trust Cal. I wanted to, but he had too much on his record. How was I to really think that he would change all because of me? It didn’t make sense and I wasn’t that naïve.
“I don’t know if I can forgive like that.”
“What is there to forgive?”
“Well, besides the fact that I was the woman he cheated with. I didn’t know about it and I felt horrible about it. You know I would never do that knowingly.”
Anna agreed, but I still felt like she didn’t get it.
“Then I heard a woman’s voice on the phone when I talked to him after the wedding. He says that he wasn’t with no one else, but I don’t believe him. I want to, but I’m afraid of being the idiot that didn’t know about it.”
I stopped when I realized what I was saying and who I was saying it to. That was how it had happened for her and I didn’t want her to think that I looked down on her or anything. She had been the idiot that almost walked down the aisle with him. Now they were back together and having a baby. How do I go from this to that? I was up for suggestions because raising the baby alone did not appeal to me at all.
“I know how it looks, but I am at peace with what happened. You have a lot less to be at peace with Mariss. He is a good man and so is Jesse.”
I knew that she was right, but there was still the concern of him doing the same thing later. What happened in a couple of years when he was ready to move on? I just didn’t know the answer to that and I wanted to, badly.
“You just have to decide what is best for the both of you. It’s not just you anymore Mariss.”
“I know.”
We got to the store and I was glad for a distraction because I needed to think about everything. I was going to have to see him eventually and she was right, he had to know what was going on. I owed him that at least. Whatever happened, was going to happen. I still had to tell him. I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy, but nothing ever was, not really.
When we got back from shopping I was exhausted. It was one of the many things that was changing. I felt sapped of all strength most of the time. I wanted to sit down and put my feet up. Anna was right next to me and she sort of laughed as I covered my stomach with my hand. We looked like twins and it didn’t escape me either.
“What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know. We talked about having kids.”
“Yeah, a long time ago. I stopped thinking about it when Mr. Right never showed up. I didn’t think he ever would and I can’t say that I seen it all happening like this.”
“No, me either. I would have thought we’d be married. I’m afraid to get married to Jesse. I’m going to be sure that someone is going to object again and ruin it all. Maybe we don’t have to be married and it doesn’t have to go as planned. Maybe this is how it was supposed to go the whole time.”
“That is a whole lot of maybes.”
“Yeah, I guess so. There is something to be said about it all working out though. And think, we’ll have babies together and we’ll always have each other to call in the middle of the night when the baby thing goes to hell.”
I laughed, and I could already see it happening. We got into the many horrors and changes that were happening and that were awaiting us when we gave birth. Birth itself was a whole other conversation in and of itself. It was nice to have someone to share this all with. I was just worried about what came next and how it was all going to work out.
I wasn’t paying much attention to the time. Before I knew it, Jesse and Cal were coming in and I stopped mid-sentence. I was talking about the names I was thinking of for the baby. I found out before I came that it was going to be a girl and I really liked the name Ophelia.
But now the man that we’d been talking about earlier was in front of me and I pulled my legs back and sat up. My stomach was showing a little because I’d had it up rubbing it and I stopped dead in my tracks. I didn’t know what to say, but I knew I was going to have to say something. I could see it in his eyes.
“Can I talk to you Mariss?”
I looked over at Anna and she encouraged me with her eyes. The truth was that I was going to have to have this talk with him soon enough. I might as well do it now.
“Do you want us to go for a while?” Anna asked.
“No, I think we’ll just go to his house, right Cal?”
Cal nodded and smiled. He thought he’d won, but I didn’t want him to think that way, not just yet. I wanted him to know the whole story first. Then and only then would I be able to truly know for sure.
I followed him out, determined to have the one conversation I was scared to death to have. I couldn’t go on like this, not for too much longer. This secret was eating me up inside and it looked like it was finally the time to get it out before it finished me off.
This secret also had a timer attached, so I wasn’t going to be able to keep it a secret for much longer anyways.
Chapter 25
Cal
I didn’t say much on the way to my house. Mariss was acting like a flighty bird and I was starting to think that what was my original thought was the right one. She was pregnant and the way she was acting around me made me conclude that it was mine. It was the only thing that made sense. There had to be a reason and I was pretty sure that’s what it was. Jesse had been no help to me, so I was just going to have to wait it out. It was about to come out.
“You’re really quiet tonight Cal.”
“I’m afraid to say anything. You haven’t been taking much of what I said the right way.”
“I didn’t mean for earlier. That was really awkward and the only excuse I have is that I really didn’t think I would be seeing you so soon.”
“Was it really that bad?”
“No, but you have to understand that I’m a bit at a loss here. I don’t know what to think and when you started to talk about us, I didn’t know what to say. I’ve had a lot of time to think and kissing you, pretending that nothing happened wouldn’t be right.”
“You’re right. Let’s get it all on the table. That’s what I’ve wanted to do all along. I want to make this work. I spent a long time thinking about you and wondering what would happen if you were here again. Now you are, and I don’t want to mess it up or scare you away. I was with Marsha because I didn’t think I could have you again. I couldn’t go through with the wedding, not when I was in love with you.”
“Love?”
“You have to know that.”
“I don’t know if I do or not Cal. It’s hard to know what’s real and what’s just make believe. I’ve wanted this for so long. I don’t know if this is even real, not really.”
I took her hand and put it to my chest. I was sure that she could feel how hard it was thumping behind my ribs. It was so loud that it was deafening and the more I tried to turn it down, the less able I was to do so. It was just supposed to be this way. When she was around, my heart moved at its own speed and I knew that this was the girl for me. It had to be.
“This is not pretend. This is for real. I’ve loved you for a long time. I fell in love with you in one night and now I love you even more. You are more than I could have imagined for myself. I don’t deserve you and I don’t deserve the family that we will have together, but I want you so badly. This is what I want Mariss. It’s what I always wanted. I just didn’t know it. It took losing you all that time ago to realize what it was that was between us. You were the faint memory in the back of my head and now you’re here. I’m not letting you leave me again.”
She started to tear up and leaned her head on my shoulder. We were almost to my house and that couldn’t come soon enough. I wanted her, needed her and her body was ripe for the taking. I could tell that she needed the physical side of it as well. It was obvious to see that or maybe it was my own need making me see what I wanted to see.
“I don’t know what to say Cal.”
“Just tell me that you want to be together.”
“I do, but you don’t know everything.”
“I think I do.”
“Really?”
Mariss was a little red-faced and her eyes had a red rim around them because she was upset about what I said. I don’t know what sort of emotions were running through her.
“I think so.”
“Well, say it then. I want to hear you say it out loud.”
“You’re pregnant.”
She gasped. “How did you know?”
“Do you know how much attention I pay to your body Mariss? Surely you can understand that I keep my eyes on you always. That little bit of a bump that you have under your shirt was noticed as soon as you got in the truck. I don’t know why you were so antsy earlier, but I noticed. I notice everything about you. Is that what has been bothering you?”
Mariss nodded her head and said that it was. “I didn’t know what was going to happen and how you were going to react to it. I didn’t know if you would be mad, or if you would care. I wasn’t ready for you yet.”
“Are you ready for me now?”
We were pulling up in front of my house and she looked out the window. I was going to take it as she wasn’t, but I hoped that it changed as the night went on. I don’t know how it was going to turn out and I’d learned with Mariss, there was no use even trying to assume that a situation was going to go one way or another. I knew that I loved her though and I was going to make sure that this time she would see that I loved her, and I was going to make it work. If that didn’t do the trick, then I would find another way. Jesse was right. No matter how hard it was to win her back, it was going to be worth it.
“Are we here?”
I grinned and nodded my head. I wanted her to see where I lived and see that she’d been apart of my life, even when she was gone, taking off. I’d had only one picture of her, but there was other bits and pieces that she’d left with me. I’d kept them all these years and I finally wanted to show her. She was unsure of if we were supposed to be together. I wanted to show her that I’d known for a long time that we were meant to be together. I’d known since the moment that I saw her across the crowded room that she was to be mine forever.
“Come on. It’s getting cold out here.”
“It feels good. I’m burning up.”
“I have air conditioning in the house. We can make it like the Artic if you want.”
“You have no idea what you are getting yourself into.”
“I think I do.”
She followed me in and I was already feeling lighter. I don’t know why, but having her here, knowing how we both felt without all the bullshit background noise. I knew now that she was carrying my child. I didn’t even have to ask. I knew it was mine. I knew that she’d been as uninterested in others as I was. All the things I knew, I just knew because I was so sure of how it was all going to end.
She wasn’t joking about the temperature. She turned the air conditioner temperature way down and then smiled at me. It wasn’t long before we were heating up the place and it went down even further. It started to feel like the Artic, literally.
Epilogue
Mariss
“She’s asleep. If you don’t stop looking at her, I swear she is going to wake up from you staring.”
Cal moved back, but I could tell that he didn’t want to. So much had changed and Ophelia Laverne coming into the world was the biggest one of all. She made Cal a different person and it was only good changes. He was more attentive to both of us and he was treating me like a Queen.
“I don’t mean to, but she is just so cute.”
I agreed with him, but I wanted time to ourselves. Our daughter was asleep, and it seemed right that we had some time to spend together. The last few weeks went by in a blur, one day going into the next. Now we were getting a little more sleep and I had more on my mind than babies.
Pulling him into the living room, he asked me what I was doing. “I’m taking you away for a little while. The monitor is on.”
He didn’t get it yet and I kept tugging him towards the shower.
“What are we doing?”
“You’re going to wash my back.”
“Oh, okay. I told you that I should have gotten you that long loofah at that store in the mall. It would help you get your back and anywhere else that’s hard to reach.”
“Why would I need that when I have you?”
We were in the bathroom and I shut the door behind us. He was still going on about a damn loofah and I had to stop him. He just wasn’t getting it. Loofahs was the last thing on my mind. I wanted a shower, but I wanted one to get dirty, not to get clean.
I started to take my clothes off and about the time I was taking my top off, I could see that it was all finally clicking in his head.
“What are you doing?”
“Taking a shower. You coming?”
He nodded his head, but his eyes were on my engorged tits and I had to laugh. He never said anything about them, but he sure did look at them a lot.
It didn’t matter what I was doing, if Cal was in the room, his eyes were usually on my chest. He didn’t even try to hide it, telling me that I was his and he could look whenever he wanted. Cal really used that excuse a lot because I caught him looking a whole lot.
“Yes.”
The hot water had me in the mood far quicker than it should have. It had been a long time and I was ready to get back to the other things that we used to do to entertain ourselves.
I started to soap up the washcloth and I handed it to him to start washing my back. He did my neck and shoulders, moving down my body and hesitating for only a few moments before he went over my ass.
I turned around when he was finished with my backside and his eyes took me in.
“You can touch them if you want to. You don’t have to just look.”
“Are you sure?”
I grinned at him and laughed a little bit. He was so worried about something happening. I don’t know why, but I found it so endearing. He’d been treating me like I was going to break with the slightest bump. I wasn’t. I was made of sturdier stuff and I needed his hands back on me. It’d been too long, and the date was marked on the calendar. Today was that day.
His hands came out and started to massage my tits. I groaned and closed my eyes. He used the wash cloth for a few minutes to soap me up, but before rinsing me off, his fingers started to slip and slide on my skin. It was a nice feeling and I couldn’t help but anticipate more to come. I was already shaking with desire, just that quickly.
“Are you sure we should be doing this?”
“Yes Cal. If you don’t do it soon, I’m going to explode.”
“But…”
I pressed my finger to his lips and lifted one leg onto the side of the shower. I wanted to feel his touch there and I was short on words. I was past the point of reason.
“No buts Cal, just make me feel good. You know what I need. You’re the only one.”