Where did your heart go? (The Heart Trilogy Book 1)

by Audrina Lane

  Tuesday 9th February, 1988

  I have found the perfect present for James for Valentines Day, one which I will be able to post to him; it’s a kit to make a fire engine! I just hope that he will love it as I wrapped it up carefully along with the card I had bought him and the letter.

  “Dear James

  I am writing this letter to tell you how I really feel about you. I am hoping that you will read it and perhaps you might decide that what you have read is what you might want. If not then I am sorry if this will spoil our friendship and hope that perhaps it won’t.

  Ever since I first saw you at the swimming pool I knew that I fancied you. When we started to become friends I started to feel even more than just a crush for you. Then when you kissed me for the first time under the water I didn’t know what to feel. I could only hope that you perhaps felt more than just friendship for me.

  Now that you have gone I just seem to miss you more and more. Your letters are great but I want more than friendship. I want love. I want to be your girlfriend in all senses of the word. I know that I am only sixteen but don’t let that be the barrier between us trying to have a relationship that is more than just friendship. I also know that it will be harder due to the distance between us but I hope that we could work it out somehow.

  Well, that’s all I can say and I am just wishing and praying that you might feel the same way too.

  I hope you like the present?

  Love Stephanie x”

  Wednesday 10th February, 1988

  After school I rushed into town and posted the parcel first class just to make sure. I was hoping that James might send me something, even if it was only a card. Another letter was waiting for me when I got home, telling me about work and about the area where he now lived. Apparently there was a great park nearby for roller skating, he asked if I could skate and I smiled and thought about what it would be like to skate along next to James, holding onto his hand tightly….knowing that it would probably never happen. He told me that he had bought a car and was just waiting until he could pick it up and then he would arrange to come down and see me. Inside the envelope was a photograph of his room, and I could see the elephant on the shelf above his bed.

  Charlotte looked carefully at the photograph that was stuck into the diary and smiled, that must have made her Mum happy knowing that the cuddly toy had not been demoted to a cupboard.

  Thursday 11th February, 1988

  At school today Sarah and I grabbed a quiet spot away from the others to eat our lunch. I showed her the last letter that James had sent me.

  “I’ve already posted the Valentine card and present and letter” I said, between crisps.

  “Here’s the card I’ve bought for Chris” Sarah said, checking first before she pulled it out of her bag. I smiled as it said “Guess Who” on the front of it.

  “So what shall I write inside” she asked me, chewing on the top of her pen.

  “I think you should put something about him making a splash in your life as it might make him think about the swimming pool”

  “Do you think it will” she asked

  “Well, you do want him to guess who has sent it, don’t you” I said. She nodded as she carefully wrote the message.

  “So should I post it to the video shop or do you want to drop it off there” she asked.

  “I think we should both drop it off on Saturday, either before of after we go swimming” I said.

  We spotted June and Amanda heading over towards our spot with their lunch so Sarah quickly hid the card between her folders and we enjoyed the rest of lunch listening to June going on about what she was going to send John for Valentine’s Day.

  Friday 12th February, 1988

  It’s the last day of school before half term and I could hardly believe how quickly time seemed to be flying by. We would only have another term until Easter and then it would be study leave and our exams. I arranged to meet Sarah in town tomorrow and then I headed home with a certain amount of excitement and optimism just in case there was a card already waiting for me.

  Unfortunately this was short lived as there was no sign of a card waiting for me but at least there was always the post tomorrow.

  Saturday 13th February, 1988

  I woke up and was disappointed that I had not received a Valentine card from James, perhaps I was hoping for too much…or perhaps it was still in the post and I would just have to wait until Monday instead. Sarah tried her best to cheer me up, but not even a swim at the pool could lift my mood. Was I setting my sights too high, were we only destined to be friends until he met the right girl for him and abandoned me completely??

  We just managed to get to the video store before it closed later and I found the copy of Top Gun. Taking it to the counter I couldn’t see Chris anywhere.

  “I don’t think Chris is here” I said to Sarah

  “What should I do with the card then” she asked.

  “Leave it in their post box for returned cassettes, no one will look in there until tomorrow morning now” I said. We slipped the red envelope in through the slot and then continued through the town towards home.

  “I’m sure James will send you something, you might just have to wait until Monday” Sarah said, as she hugged me on the corner of the street.

  “I hope so, but I’m trying not to hold my breath. After all we’re only friends” I replied.

  “Well I have my fingers crossed for you” Sarah said

  “And I’ll cross mine for you then” I finished.

  I sat in the lounge and watched Top Gun later that night and tried not to cry when I watched the love scene. How I wanted that to be me and James, how I longed for him so much that my heart seemed to ache. In bed that night I put my stereo on low and played the mix tape and cried in the darkness until sleep claimed me.

  Sunday 14th February, 1988 (Valentine’s Day)

  I woke up and went down for breakfast and noticed that my Mum seemed to be acting slightly strange, perhaps Dad had forgotten to give her a card too?

  I headed back upstairs to shower and then I decided to tidy my room and try to forget about not receiving a valentine card, so I put my favourite Wham album on full blast and danced around the room, until I heard a car pull up in the driveway outside. I peered out the window and saw a lovely red mini sat there and then I heard the doorbell go. Who could it be? Probably someone to see my parents until I heard my Mum shout

  “Stephanie, there’s someone here to see you” she called.

  I rushed downstairs, which seemed to take me ages as I had two flights to negotiate from my attic room to ground floor but it was worth it when I saw James standing there, smiling shyly and holding a single red rose and card in his hand.

  “Hi Steph, I thought I would surprise you” James said.

  As the blood rushed to my head I almost fainted as I smiled too and wished that I had the nerve to run into his arms there and then.

  “Hi James, it’s a lovely surprise” I said as I took the gifts and he kissed me on the cheek before accepting my Mum’s offer of a coffee. We sat together in the kitchen and chatted with my parents for a bit. Then he asked

  “Would you like to come into town with me as I have to see Chris?”

  “Yes that’s great as I have to take my video back to the shop” I replied. I ran and grabbed the video along with my coat and bag.

  Sitting next to him in his car was fantastic, especially when he turned the stereo on and all the tunes were from the mix tape as we sang along, and chatted.

  “So I’m going to be around until Tuesday so would you like to go swimming on Monday night” James asked.

  “Yes, so long as Chris and Sarah can come” I replied. James nodded and smiled across at me, knowing that I was trying hard to play match maker.

  We spent an hour in the video shop and Chris agreed to come swimming on Monday evening too if I was going to invite Sarah along, she would be so happy as he gave me a thumbs up as we left, making me believe that he had g
uessed who the valentine card was from and that he seemed quite happy to know who had sent it.

  Then we headed back to my house, I made us both a cold drink

  “Mum is it ok for James to come up to my room for a bit before dinner?”

  “Yes that’s fine” my Mum said. James followed me up the two flights of stairs to my room. By the time we reached the door I was shaking with nerves as we entered, had he received my card and letter? What did he think of my proposal? It was now or never. He sat down on my bed and kicked off his trainers as I headed across the room and put my stereo on, only George Michael would do at this moment. I turned and stared at him, unsure what I should do next as George started to strum the guitar and sing “cos you gotta have faith” how true! But he beckoned me over to him and before I knew what was happening he pulled me into his arms and said “The answer is yes”

  My heart was beating so hard I could hear it drumming in my ears as I trembled in his arms and waited for his lips to reach mine.

  He pulled me onto his lap as his hands pulled my hair loose so he could run his fingers gentle through it, making even my scalp tingle from his touch. His lips on mine were infinitely gentle as they touched mine and then growing bolder his mouth opened and mine matched his as our tongues explored and my whole being was rocked by the new sensations that were coursing through my body. I pushed James away and he pulled back “What’s wrong?” he asked, “I need to breathe” I managed as I finally opened my eyes “Am I doing it right?” I asked “I’ve never kissed anyone this way before” I finished, as we leaned back against the headboard “You’re doing fine, but we can practise some more if you like?” As he inclined his head towards me and our lips met again. All too soon the album came to an end and I untangled myself to turn it over and we spent the rest of the afternoon just lying together on the bed, talking and of course kissing, all the time in my mind I was just thinking ‘he’s my boyfriend, he’s my boyfriend, this gorgeous, handsome guy is my boy friend’ I was in shock.

  When we headed downstairs for dinner I wondered if Mum and Dad would notice anything different about me, as I was sure that I was positively glowing but if they did they didn’t comment. James then had to head over to Chris’ place but as we lingered on the doorstep saying a final goodbye until tomorrow afternoon I knew that I didn’t really want him to go and I felt sure that James felt the same as he held me tightly in his arms and kissed me one last time “Until tomorrow, Steph” he whispered as he walked to his car and then drove away.

  Charlotte rubbed her eyes, her Mum definitely had a way with words as it felt as through she was feeling the same emotions that her Mum had felt all those years ago. She had hit the nail on the head, as Charlotte remembered the feelings of elation when Craig had asked her out and also the scary feelings of their first kiss six months ago. It felt like an age now that they had finished. Putting aside the book, she turned the light out and fell asleep, dreaming of a mysterious man who would change her world the way James had done for her Mum.

  Chapter 11

  While Charlotte was at school on Monday I headed back up to the loft to search for the letters, that I was certain I had kept, but I came down empty handed. My pink photo album has also mysteriously disappeared so I guessed that perhaps my daughter had found them when she had been up here the other day. Anyway, I was way past mooning over my first boyfriend, especially when I remembered how it had ended all those years ago. I wondered if James still thought of me, but dismissed that idea…after all it was he that had ended it and broken my heart.

  Charlotte came racing in through the door later that evening, as she had been at her dance class, full of excitement.

  “Mum can I go to Birmingham this weekend?”

  “Well if you explain why you need to go then perhaps I can answer that”

  “Our dance troop have been picked for that competition I was telling you about. They are at the LG arena in Birmingham, there’s a minibus going so you’ll just need to do me a packed lunch and make sure I don’t miss the bus as it leaves at 7am”

  “Yes, sounds great” I replied, knowing how much Charlotte enjoyed her class and also realising that she was actually really good too.

  They both liked to watch all the dance programmes on the television together it was their favourite girly time, generally curled up on the sofa and eating popcorn or crisps.

  “Going to go and practice some more straight away” Charlotte said, glad that she had my approval.

  Up in her room Charlotte turned the music on and did half an hour and then decided to check out the Internet site for the competition and see who their rivals were going to be. Watching the small video clips of some of the other groups, Charlotte knew it was going to be hard to get through with that much talent. Then after tea and homework Charlotte reached for the diary, eager to see how the next few days went with her Mum and James now they were a couple.

  Monday 15th February, 1988

  I woke up early and immediately gave Sarah a ring

  “Hi Sarah, you’ll never believe what happened yesterday” I said

  “I’m not even going to try as I hope you’ll tell me” Sarah replied

  “James turned up in his new car and he’s staying with Chris until Tuesday and we’re all going swimming later” I said, stopping to take a breath.

  “Ok, I think I’d better come over to your place then to get ready” she said

  “Definitely as I have even more exciting news but I’ll tell you when you get here” I finished. Sarah soon arrived at my place and when we got to my room she stopped to look at me

  “You look different some how” she said

  “That’s because I now have a boyfriend” I replied. We fell into each other’s arms and squealed in excitement before falling back onto my bed.

  The bed where the previous afternoon I had spent hours kissing James, I hoped that there would be many more hours like that to come, preferably before he went back home on Tuesday evening.

  Our visit to the pool was great fun, just like old days, except that James kept motioning to me to go under the water so he could kiss me without getting told off. Sarah and Chris just laughed at us both and I could see that Sarah kept shyly looking at him when he was not looking. As I was so happy I hoped that perhaps Sarah could find the same with Chris. We had coffee upstairs in the café afterwards and then James asked if he could walk me home as he had left his car parked at Chris’ place. The four of us set out as Sarah’s place was the first we got too and then Chris said goodbye and playfully punched James on the arm and told him not to stay out too late!!

  Then it was just the two of us, this time I didn’t hesitate in putting my hand in his as he squeezed it tightly in his. I let us both in and made Hot Chocolate before I let my parents know we were going upstairs for a while. It took so much self control for me to actually put some music on before I found myself stretched out on the bed kissing James.

  “I don’t want to rush things” he murmured between kisses “so you must tell me what you are happy with and we will stick to those limits, after all you are still only sixteen”

  I agreed as we kissed and talked before he finally went back to Chris’ around midnight. Lingering on the doorstep I could still feel the heat of his lips on mine. As I headed back upstairs I wondered where we would be going tomorrow.

  Tuesday 16th February, 1988.

  I woke up early so I had plenty of time to get ready, James had not told me what we would be doing but he did say to wear something warm and sensible as it would involve being outside for part of the time. James arrived early and we had a quick coffee before he whisked me out to his car. “Are we going far?” I asked as we were heading out of town.

  “No not far” he replied as we headed towards the Forest of Dean and eventually we stopped outside a bike hire centre.

  “We are going to cycle round the ponds and then when we get back I have a small picnic in the boot, so if it stays dry we’ll eat outside, but if not then we will
eat in the car” James said.

  The scenery was spectacular,

  “My Dad used to bring me here when I was a kid, normally on a Sunday to get us out of the way of Mum cooking Sunday lunch” James said.

  “It’s beautiful” I breathed. It obviously held a special place in James’ memories, so I was pleased that he had felt he could share it with me. I struggled to keep up with James on some of the uphill parts, but he was always there waiting for me. At the bridge over the weir we stopped and leaned the bikes against a nearby tree.

  “Have you ever played Pooh sticks” I asked James.

  “I can’t say I have even heard of it but go on and explain. I’m all ears” he said, leaning against the railings of the bridge.

  Quickly I found two sticks that were about the same size and handed one to James.

  “It’s from the Winnie the Pooh books and the aim is to drop the sticks over the edge of the bridge and see whose stick reaches the bottom of the weir first” I explained.

  “And what’s the prize for the winner” he asked. I paused as if to think about it before I answered

  “Loser kisses the winner”

  James grinned as he held his stick over the edge of the railings before we both dropped them into the water and watched to see whose would reach the bottom first. It was a dead heat as James pulled me close and our lips touched in a kiss.

  “I don’t want today to ever end” I said, as we headed back to the car.