by Audrina Lane
“Look at the stars later Baby” he crooned, his hand on my cheek being covered in tears “and give me a quick call when you get home so I know that you are safe”
When we eventually drew apart, he handed me his hankie “For the journey home” he said, smiling but I could detect the pain in his heart as it matched mine.
“See you soon” I sniffed
“As soon as I can get away I will be down to see you”
“I’ll write as soon as I get home”
“I’ll be waiting” he finished as we finally let go of each other and I stared out of the back window of the car. I didn’t turn away until he was out of sight.
Sarah looked over from the front seat
“Are you ok?” she asked as her hand reached mine and she gave it a squeeze.
“Yes, I guess” I replied, as I wiped my eyes for a final time with James’ hankie. Breathing in I realised that it smelt of his scent and holding in tight in my hand I closed my eyes and spent the rest of the journey home replaying all the events of the last week we had spent together. These memories would help to sustain me whilst we were apart.
When we reached home Chris helped me carry my bag to the door.
“Shall we meet up tomorrow” I asked Sarah
“Yes, I’ll come over at around ten” Sarah replied.
“See you tomorrow, thanks for the lift home” I finished and then I watched them drive away, jealous that they were still together and James and I were suddenly miles apart.
After chatting with my parents I excused myself and after a quick call to James to say I was home ok and missing him terribly I headed for my room, which had been abandoned for over a week. Sitting on the bed I grabbed my elephant and hugged him tight, wishing with all my heart that it was James. Then remembering his words from earlier I crossed to my window seat and stared out at the moonlit night and the millions of stars that littered the black velvet of the sky
“Goodnight James” I breathed silently into the night.
Monday 11th July, 1988
After a sleepless night I set about tidying my room before Sarah arrived. When she did we grabbed some cold drinks and settled down outside as it was another warm and sunny day and I was determined to keep my tan topped up ready for James’ next visit.
“So” Sarah said “Spill the beans and I mean everything”
“Ok, I’ll tell you as much as I can but some of it’s personal and I want to keep it between James and myself” I responded
“That’s cool, I understand” she replied “So did it hurt?”
“A bit, but it was just kind of strange really, especially when he was inside me” I paused and remembered the feeling of complete fullness I had experienced.
“The first time was ok but it just gets better the more you do it” I finished, feeling my face flush at the garden experience. “Anyway the whole time we spent together was fabulous, we went to the beach, swam in the sea, dinner out and room service too”
“You lucky thing” she replied, envy in her eyes.
“We also went up the Blackpool tower and then had a ballroom dancing lesson with this elderly couple called Jack and May who showed us how to waltz”
“I thought you both looked a bit professional at the end of James’ party the other night” she laughed.
“What about you and Chris that night?” I asked
“He was a gentleman as I had never shared a bed with him before Saturday night”
“And”
“Nothing much really, we just kissed lots and I made him come and he made me come but we didn’t make love as we don’t want to rush things”
“Cool, isn’t it great when you get to go to sleep and then wake up next to them”
“Yes, it’s the best feeling in the world” Sarah replied, as we both lay back and enjoyed the sunshine.
Later on Sarah had to go as she was going round to Chris’ flat for the evening to watch a video. She asked if I wanted to go too but I declined knowing that she would much rather spend quality time alone with him than have to share her time with a third wheel.
“When’s your interview for the Hospital radio job?” she asked
“Tomorrow, so I’m going to dust off my records this evening and take them for a spin”
“Well, if you can get a party jumping like on Saturday night then you’ll have no problem amusing kids stuck in hospital” she finished, giving me a hug.
“See you Wednesday…shopping?” I finished
“Yep, definitely” she replied as she headed off down the drive on her walk to Chris’ flat. Once Sarah had gone I grabbed my pen and writing pad and wrote to James before I wandered to the nearest post box and dropped it in.
Tuesday 12th July, 1988
I woke early and full of butterfly nerves. I had retyped my CV the previous evening and had found a sensible looking skirt and top to wear. As Mum dropped me off at the reception area she wished me luck before I walked in.
“Can I speak to Mr Ford” I asked the girl on the desk, she quickly buzzed his extension number
“He will be with you shortly” she responded, as she motioned to the chairs nearby.
Sitting there I felt nervous and wished that James was there next to me, his hand in mine would have helped. Instead I shut my eyes and thought of his smiling face. I opened my eyes just in time to look up and see a guy in a suit approaching me.
“Are you Stephanie March” he asked.
“Yes” I replied, standing up to shake his proffered hand.
“If you’d like to follow me we’ll go and have a quick chat about things and then I can introduce you to the guys who run the radio station here”
“Ok” I replied as I grabbed my bag and followed him down the seemingly endless maze of white corridors.
I could hear the tunes over the corridor speakers and realised that the music they were playing was more like the stuff my Mum and Dad listened too.
Once in his office we sat down and I told him all about the type of music I liked and that kids would be more interested in, along with some ideas for competitions we could run to get some more involvement from them. I watched as he smiled and nodded and wrote some notes
“Well, I think you’ve got yourself a job” he said, smiling as he stood up “But I guess you’d better meet your radio colleagues and decide if you want it before you say yes”
I grinned in amazement as we left the office and set off along some more corridors until we reached a room that said ‘Radio’ I saw that the green light was illuminated which generally meant it was ok to head on in as he pushed open the heavy door and the music hit me at full blast.
“Gerry, Vic this is Stephanie your newest DJ” Mr Ford said, as I shook hands with two middle aged guys who looked rather amused “Is Jack around?” he finished.
“Nope, he’ll be here in an hour” Gerry said “We’ll look after Stephanie here until then”
“Ok, that’s good, well I look forward to catching some of your shows over the next few days, if you need me for anything just ask at reception” he finished.
“Thanks I will” I replied, still feeling utterly amazed that I had got the job.
I spent the next hour being shown the music system in use before the door opened and a young guy breezed in
“Hi Guys” he said, before he stopped in his tracks and stared at me “Who’s this then?” he asked with a grin on his face
“Hi I’m Stephanie, but you can call me Steph” I replied “And you are?”
“Jack” he responded as we shook hands
“Steph here is going to be helping you with some of the kid’s programmes as she wants to do this full time and needs some experience before she starts her college course in media” Vic said.
“Cool, I have a partner in crime at last” he grinned and I was immediately caught up in his enthusiasm.
“Well, while these two oldies finish their shows shall I take you on a visit to the kids ward to meet your audience” he finished.
“That sounds great” I replied, as I left my bag in the locker and after having a temporary badge to wear I followed Jack through the corridors.
“I think I’m going to need a map” I said, as I was feeling totally disorientated with all the corridors looking so alike.
“I’ll get you one” Jack replied, “but just ask someone if you’re not sure…well avoid asking the surgeons as they are always too busy” he replied.
Once we reached the ward I took a deep breath before we opened the door and lots of young faces looked up expectantly at the new arrivals. It only took a second before a couple of girls walked over to Jack and each took one of his hands
“Jack you’re back” the blond girl said “Come and sit on my bed” said the other girl, both vying for his attention.
“Why don’t you say hi to my new friend, Stephanie is going to be doing some radio shows with me and she needs to know what you like to listen too the most” he prompted.
Kneeling down so I was on their level I stuck out my hands and sure enough they decided I was more interesting. Soon I was surrounded by young expectant faces as I heard them asking for all the usual favourites – A-Ha, Rick Astley, Sonia, Sinitta, Kylie Minogue, Mel and Kim. It was great fun, as I wandered around the beds and spoke to those that were unable to get out of bed, still smiling despite the pain they were in or the injuries that were healing.
The hours flew by until it was time to head back to the studio so I could sit in on one of Jack’s afternoon sessions. As he showed me again how it all worked I settled in and helped out where I could, but also took notes as apparently I had a week to learn before I launched my own show.
Checking my watch later I knew I had to head off as Mum was coming back to pick me up. Leaving Jack to his show I headed off down the corridors, trying to read my map and locate the way out. All of a sudden I bumped into a doctor hurrying the other way, I dropped my map and he dropped all his notes.
“I’m sorry” I said, as I quickly knelt down and started to help him gather up his paperwork.
“My fault I should have been looking where I was going” he replied as kneeling beside me we both made quick work of the notes. Looking up into his face I smiled and blushed.
“My name’s Stephanie” I said, to break the sudden silence that had fallen.
“Mark” he replied “Nice to meet you”
Standing up he took a better look at me
“So are you new here, I don’t think I’ve seen you around before”
“Yes, I’m going to be working on the radio to help with my media course at college in September” I replied, taking in his blond hair and startling green eyes. He had a nice smile too.
“Well, Stephanie, I will look forward to hearing your show soon as I do my rounds, I’m a junior doctor so still in training too” he finished.
“Nice to meet you” I finished “Am I going in the right direction for the reception area?”
“Yes, just keep going down this corridor and it’s through the double doors on your right”
“Thanks see you around”
“Yes, you too” he replied, before he hurried off in the opposite direction.
Friday 15th July, 1988
I couldn’t wait to speak to James on the phone, even though we had exchanged letters that week it was always better to talk to him and I had plenty to talk about. I told him all about the Hospital radio job and about all the stuff I had to learn before my first show the following Friday. Then he told me that he had been accepted into the Fire Service but just had to complete his physical and medical which would be in August so if that went well he would be able to start in September.
Then we reminisced about our week “Are you still wearing your St Christopher?” I asked.
“Yes, I never take it off” he said, as I imagined his fingers wrapped around it and wished that they were wrapped around me instead.
“I look at the stars every night” I finished.
“I do too” he said, “When I hear certain songs I think of you, at night I dream of you” he finished.
“Me too, when will I see you again?”
“I can get down to yours for the weekend of 5th August, sorry it’s not sooner but other staff are away on holiday so there are not many breaks in the shifts”
It sounded far too long to wait but I knew I would, I had too and in the end it would be worth it.
Thursday 21st July, 1988
I woke up with nerves again as it was my big day at work, luckily James had sent me a good luck card in the post so I packed it in my bag to take with me. Just as I was about to leave to catch the bus to Hereford the phone rang and it was James.
“Hi Babe, just wanted to wish you good luck for today, you’ll be great”
“Thanks James, it was good of you to give me a call”
“Sorry it’s a quick one but I’m just on my way out to work”
“Me too, but I’ll phone you later and let you know how I get on” I finished
“Love you, loads”
“I Love you too” and then the conversation was over. The walk to the bus stop was suddenly much easier as I floated along on having heard James on the phone.
I had never been so pleased to have Jack helping me out for my first show. It was only two hours long but felt like five and it was really tricky to get the music queued up and answer the phone at the same time. I was shattered by the end of it but overjoyed, especially when Jack gave me a hug
“That was great, you have a real flair for music” he said.
“Thanks, I loved the whole buzz of it” I replied. “Are you heading straight home or do you want to come out for a burger with me and some of the other guys at the hospital?”
“Yes that sounds good” I replied, as we closed all the equipment down and headed for the door.
There was a group of people waiting in reception and I watched shyly as Jack introduced them all to me, the only one I knew was Mark who I had bumped into the other day.
“Hi Mark, nice to see you again” I said.
“Hi Stephanie, great show, loved the music you played and the kids in the ward appreciated it, I could tell by the smiles on their faces”
“That’s great” I replied as we fell into step with the others. It was great to make so many new friends but all I really wanted to do was head home and speak to James, I wished he had been there to share this with me.
I said goodbye to everyone and headed off to catch the bus, suddenly feeling really tired and extremely lonely.
Once I got home I chatted with my parents and then up in my room I called the number I knew by heart and lying back on the bed I waited to hear James’ voice once more.
“Hi James” I said, when he answered on the second ring.
“Hi Steph, how did it go” he asked.
“It was brilliant, but much harder than I thought it would be. You almost have to do three things all at once, play music, answer phone calls and talk live too” I replied.
“Well I’ve got some great news too, I have my physical test on the 1st of August so I might know if I get through ok when I next see you” he said. I could hear the excitement in his voice as his dream job appeared to be within reach at last.
“Only two weeks until I see you again” I breathed, softly down the line.
“I know baby, I hope the time flies” he said “I’m missing you so much”
“Me too, my bed is too big without you” I said.
“Mine too” he mirrored, as we paused to think of each other for a moment.
I remembered how things had moved on in both of our lives that summer, each taking us closer to the careers we craved but at the same time driving the wedge between us. Lying back on my pillow I wondered whether James was still a Fireman now, as I was a radio DJ and loving it. Was he still married to her? Was he happy? Turning out the light I put aside the diary, knowing that I would put it back in my daughter’s room the following morning when she was at college.
I woke up to music blaring away and coming from Charlie’s room, looking at my clock it was only 6.30am. I had to admit she was definitely dedicated to her dancing as I realised that it was ‘Take my Breath Away’ that was on continuous loop. By 7.30 she was finished and polishing off some toast before college.
“How are things going?” I asked.
“Great, the song is amazing and I am hoping our routine is going to go well as it’s really tricky in places”
“Well, you know there will be at least three people in the audience who will think it’s fantastic”
“Mum, would it be ok for Mitchell to come and visit this weekend?”
“Yes, is he coming on the train as I don’t mind picking him up” I replied.
“I’ll find out” Charlie replied, as she reached for her phone “I’ll text him now and find out” she said, beaming at me.
Oh how easy life was now with mobile phones and text messaging, instead of having to wait three or four days for a reply to a letter or that precious once a week phone call.
“He’s got a motorbike so he’s going to come down on that, he just needs to know where we live so he can put it into his Sat-Nav” Charlie replied, almost instantly.
I watched as she tapped away again and everything was organised for the weekend.
“We’re practising after school again tonight so I’ll be home later, is it ok for Julia to come over and stay?” she asked, as she picked up her bag.
“Yes, that’s fine I’ll pick up some stuff for tea then” I replied.
Once she had left I headed back to my room to retrieve the diary and was about to set it down on her bedside table when I decided I needed one more read and one more trip down memory lane before work and shopping later.