by Audrina Lane
“Usual for me today, college, and dance practise and then I thought I might pop in and see Aunt Sarah on my way home” Charlotte said.
“Ok, I’ll mention that you might do that as she is meeting me after my lunch time show for a gossip” I replied.
“Great” Charlie replied, before she grabbed some toast and headed out of the door and off to meet Julia.
I headed into Hereford early so that I could prepare my show and felt a tiny bit disappointed that no song had come through for me all morning. However once I started my show and the text lines started to reel in I spotted the next one from my secret admirer and after a quick search through the archives I found the song and queued it up.
“Well listeners it appears that my secret admirer is listening in again today and this is his song – Secret Garden by T’Pau, perhaps he’s telling me that he’s a gardener? Or just enjoys spending time in the Garden”
As the song played I pondered what I could play in return and decided that my response would be very tongue in cheek.
“Hope you enjoyed that Mystery Man but this is what I’m looking for it’s Holding out for a hero by Bonnie Tyler, can you be my hero?” I announced and then sat back and lined my next few tracks up and kept an eye on the text.
Over in Warwickshire James listened with a smile on his face, he couldn’t believe she had no idea? Or perhaps she did with the hero response but she was flirting well and enjoying it. He had chosen the song as it always reminded him of their night under the stars between the apple trees. He spent a few moments wondering if he should respond but then decided that there was always tomorrow’s song to have some fun with. He would have to get his thinking cap on for that. As the second song finished he paused and listened once more as Stephanie moved on to her next request, her voice still sounded the same and it tugged at his heart and memories of how she had been when they were together. He was determined to get her back, regain her love and her trust he hoped so that his life would once more make sense.
As my day’s shift came to an end I handed over to Ian and after a few quick replies to corporate emails I was out of the door and into the sunshine and heat of the early afternoon. I had arranged to met Sarah on the green by the cathedral and I quickly scanned the crowd and found her sat on a blanket with a fine spread of a picnic and a cold bottle of crisp white and some lemonade.
“Hey Stephanie, great show” Sarah said, as she stood up and pulled her ear phones out and stopped her radio app on the phone.
“Hey Sarah” I replied, pulling her in for a hug “Good to see you and what a wonderful surprise” I finished, indicating to the picnic basket.
“So tell me more about this Mystery Man” Sarah said, as we both sat down in the sun and tucked into some French bread and cheese.
“Well, there’s not much to tell really, he first sent a request on Sunday morning whilst Charlotte was away and it was Father Figure but I thought it was either Paul or Ian playing a joke on me or even possibly Jack from the Hospital to cheer me up” I said
“Well, it seems to have worked” Sarah said, “You look radiant, the best I’ve seen you look in a long time” she finished; the warmth of her strong friendship tinged her voice.
“But they have all denied it so I really do have a secret admirer who is trying to communicate with me through song” I finished, grinning and blushing at the thought.
“So you have no idea who it could be then?” Sarah asked.
“Nope but it’s good fun trying to figure it out, like for example today’s song was Secret Garden by T’Pau does it mean he likes gardening or visiting gardens or is a gardener? I really don’t know but I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s song as he seems to manage to send one every day but not always directly to my show he sometimes uses Ian or Paul”
“Perhaps he works shifts?” Sarah surmised.
“Maybe, I just hope he’s not a weirdo or stalker just perhaps a genuine guy” I replied
“Would you meet him?” Sarah said, leaning forward slightly.
“Maybe, I don’t know if I’m ready for all that” I finished, as I popped a succulent strawberry in my mouth.
“For goodness sake, it’s about time you got back out there; how long have you been single now?” Sarah asked me as she poured us another glass of wine and lemonade.
“About seventeen years” I replied, suddenly remembering the night I had lost Mark.
“Well I think it’s time you tried again” Sarah said “And if your Mystery man is awful then I’m sure Chris has some seriously good looking single friends we can introduce you too” she finished. She leaned over and gave me a hug and then we just lay back and enjoyed the sunshine on our faces.
Eventually I looked at my watch and realised I had better get home.
“Did you come in your car?” I asked Sarah.
“Lisa dropped me off as she was shopping so if I can get a lift back with you” she replied
“Sure, I think Charlotte wanted to pop in on you on her way home from dance practice so I’d better make sure you’re there in time” I finished “I’ll also need to get home and some food on as she’ll be starving after dancing for hours on end”
“It will be nice to see Charlie, how is she?” Sarah asked as we packed everything up and headed the short walk to my car.
“In Love” I replied
“With that charming boy we met in Birmingham?” Sarah asked.
“Yes, he’s called Mitchell, they have sent in a separate dance as the organisers of the competition need a fill in whilst they make their final decision on the Sunday afternoon” I said “They’ve recreated the final dance from Dirty Dancing and I have to admit it takes your breath away to watch them together”
“We are really looking forward to seeing her dance and also a weekend in the capital” Sarah said “Chris gets home tomorrow so I can’t wait to see him” she finished. I watched the faraway look cross her eyes, the anticipation of a loved one back in her arms and wished that I had that too.
As we drove back to Ross I turned the stereo up and we sang along to all our favourite 80’s tracks, the roof on my soft top down so that the wind blew our hair and our out of tune singing away into the late afternoon air. Dropping Sarah off I declined a cup of tea and turned for home and the chores I needed to finish as I waited for Charlie to return. Once in the house I switched the stereo system on and plugged in my iPod and flicked to the mellow tunes of Savage Garden. I had discovered them in the mid 90’s with a whole host of songs that didn’t remind me of anything or anyone just the emotions of being in love.
Gathering up the ironing I headed upstairs with a pile of clothes for Charlotte’s room and after placing them on the end of the bed I noticed my diary lying open on her pillow and a pile of tissues on the floor. Picking it up I glanced down at the page and realised that she had finished it and therefore knew about my suicide attempt. Sitting down heavily on the bed I turned back the pages and read again what I had written there in my childish script and once again I was propelled back in time to that black moment. I still had times now when I had to reach for a tablet to stem the darkness that would creep over me suddenly, for a single song; an unknown voice that sounded like James, a woman with long dark hair was all it took.
I now knew the reason why Charlie wanted to pop in and see Sarah, I reached for my mobile phone and hesitated over Sarah’s number to warn her, but as I looked at the time I guessed that my daughter was already there. Standing up I scooped down to pick up the tissues from the floor and spotted the pink cover of my old photo album. I pulled it out and realised it was open on the last page, the only picture I still had of James. I stared at the image in front of me; my hands trembled as I looked into my innocent, happy eyes and his beside me. How long ago that moment in time was as my heart started to beat faster and the emotions threatened to engulf me like a tidal wave upon the rocks.
I ran my hand over the surface of the protective covering as a single tear hit it and spread under my finge
r. My James, how could I ever forget him? He had been my whole world, the light in my darkness, the moon in the starry sky that I had spent so many nights gazing up at when we were apart. The sun on my face when we were together, burning under the heat of each other’s bodies. Quickly I shut the cover and popped it back where I had found it and walked to the bathroom. In the mirror I looked at my face, a single tear was balancing precariously on one of my eyelashes as I wiped it away. How could a photograph take me down in an instant as I reached for my tablets and took one to head off the darkness looming in my reflection?
Chapter 44
Charlie wandered up the path to Sarah’s house and rang the bell and waited for her Aunt to appear. All the while she hummed the tune to ‘Take my breath away’ as in her mind her feet were still dancing the steps.
“Hi Charlotte” Sarah said “Your Mum said you were going to pop in” she finished.
“Yes, I kind of need to talk to you about something” Charlotte said, as she stepped into her second home.
“Go through to the garden and I’ll get you a drink” Sarah replied, following her god-daughter through and pausing in the kitchen to grab some glasses of orange juice. The wine in the afternoon had given her a headache already. Then once out on the patio she wandered over and took the chair opposite Charlie and passed her the glass.
After a long slug Charlie began.
“Mum lent me her diary from 1988 about the time she spent with James, when I was upset about Craig and I’ve finished it but I need to know a few things” she finished.
“About what?” Sarah asked, breathing in deeply as she realised all that the diary would have revealed.
“Well about New Year’s Eve really?
“Ok, I’ll try my best but it’s hard to talk about this stuff as I felt at the time I had let your Mum down badly. I wish she had talked more about how she was feeling and especially about the Wedding invitation when I was with her that afternoon getting ready for our big night out” Sarah paused, and wished that she had put some vodka in with her orange juice.
“Mark your Dad was the first to alert us that she had run out of the club so I grabbed Chris and the three of us headed out in the street hoping she was still in sight. When she wasn’t we decided to try the river as it’s one of her favourite places and then after that we headed to the house”
“Go on” Charlotte urged, even though tears were already falling down her cheeks as she remembered the words in the diary.
“Well we found your Mum in the bath tub and Chris managed to pull her out and wrap her in a towel so that Mark could start to revive her, we had no idea how long she had been unconscious for and whether she would make it but Mark, your Dad was so calm and just ordered me and Chris about to get the ambulance on it’s way”
Sarah passed a tissue to her god-daughter and paused for a moment reliving that night again as if it was yesterday.
“Did it take Mum long to recover?” Charlotte asked, eventually as she blew her nose.
“Well, she was in Hospital for about a week and then just had to wait for the scars to heal and she had to have some physio to get her wrists working again”
“No I kind of meant in her mind?” Charlotte finished “I kind of need to know before the dance competition next weekend” she finished.
“Why?” Sarah asked; her curiosity piqued by this turn of conversation.
She watched as Charlotte wrestled with what she was considering saying and then she continued
“Well Mitchell’s Dad is called James Cooke” she finished, as she watched the colour drain from her Aunt’s face.
“Fucking hell, how on earth did that happen?” Sarah said, amazed by the slim odds of anyone predicting this, let alone it actually occurring.
“I know it makes your brain reel if you think about it too much” Charlotte said.
“So I’m guessing that James will be at the dance competition next weekend?”
“Yes and they are staying in the same hotel as us and I just don’t know whether to tell Mum or just let her meet him there?”
“Christ, I don’t know what to advice but I guess that in answer to your previous question I don’t think your Mum ever truly got over James, even when she was married to your Dad. Sorry I had to say that to you but I guess honesty in the best policy here”
“I was hoping you might say that” Charlotte said “James knows who my Mum is, he guessed when I stayed there last weekend and he is single now and he said that he had made a mistake in ever letting her go and I think he still loves her too” Charlotte said, as she drained the last drops of juice from her glass. She looked over at her Aunt who was still in shock with the news.
Shaking her head as if to clear her thoughts Sarah finally managed to finish her drink as she started to worry about Stephanie. How happy she had been this afternoon with the thoughts of a potential secret admirer. How would a meeting with James after twenty four years affect her mentally? What would James think when he found out she had nearly died over the loss of him? Finally what would Chris do when he met his estranged best friend again? As all these thoughts tumbled around her head she saw Charlie stand up.
“Thanks Aunt Sarah, I’m going to speak to Mitch this weekend and see what he thinks we should do about Mum”
“Ok Charlie, I’ll think on it too and let you know”
“Can you keep it secret?” Charlie finished
“Yes, Mum’s the word” Sarah said, giving Charlie a hug and kiss.
“I’d better get going, I’m starving all this dancing make you hungry” she grinned
“You know where I am if you need me, don’t hesitate” Sarah finished
“Thanks again, you’re the best” Charlie shouted, as she headed through the gate and towards home.
The music was on as Charlotte let herself into the house and headed past the kitchen towards the stairs. She spotted her Mum dancing around the island to some Savage Garden track and smiled: she really did look happy. Upstairs under the shower Charlotte considered her Aunt’s words. It was good to know that Sarah still thought that her Mum had feelings for James but the whole suicide business was the curved ball here and Charlotte just didn’t know what was for the best. After a lovely supper together Charlie excused herself and headed upstairs to ponder all the possibilities a meeting could cause and also to text Mitchell before she went to bed. It had become a lovely habit to exchange a couple of texts before drifting off and always seemed to mean that Charlie had good dreams to fall into.
The rest of the week seemed to fly by in the usual state of home life versus work life. I was definitely enjoying work more that I ever had before. My Wednesday song from my secret admirer was ‘Kokomo’ by The Beach boys so I joined in with the holiday theme and played ‘Holiday’ by Madonna. I also commented that the song was included in one of my favourite films ‘Cocktail’ as I remembered sitting in the cinema with James and dreaming about making love on the beach and under the waterfall. Not that many miles away James felt sure that she had guessed it was him with the Cocktail mention. He too recalled the feel of her hand on his leg in the darkness. If they ever did get back together then he would be taking her on the holiday of lifetime so that he could fulfil her dreams.
The Thursday song turned out to be ‘I want your sex’ by George Michael so I really had a giggle with the guys in the studio and in return I played ‘We don’t have to take our clothes off’ by Jermaine Stewart. Even Jack sent me over a text for that one saying it was a class flirting rebuttal. Mitchell had wandered into the kitchen and found his Dad laughing as the Jermaine Stewart track played on the radio. Something was definitely a foot but when he asked what was funny James replied “It’s a secret”. So Mitchell continued through to his studio and started to warm up while he waited for the rest of the guys to turn up.
As the sun shone on Friday morning Charlotte burst into the kitchen early, bags flying.
“You do remember that Mitchell is coming over today and he’s meeting me at colleg
e so he can join in with practice and then bringing me home on his bike” she said, hardly stopping for breath.
“Yes I hadn’t forgotten you’ve been reminding me all week” I said “Do you want a lift this morning?” I finished.
“Yes please, I never realised how heavy bike helmets were” Charlotte said, gulping down her coffee and ending up with the hiccups; much to my amusement.
In the background Paul was on again and he had today’s song choice from my secret admirer. I moved to turn the dial up to hear what my song was today and grabbed my phone so that I could reply.
“Morning Stephanie your song from your Mystery Man today is ‘She wants to dance with me’ by Rick Astley so give us a call or text and let me know if you want to send one in reply” Paul said, as the familiar tune started to fill the kitchen. Picking up the phone I gave Paul a call
“Hi Paul, can you reply with ‘Dancing on the ceiling’ by Lionel Richie.
“Ok Steph, I’ve had an idea to ask our listeners if they think you should meet your secret admirer at the Rock on the River event?”
I paused to digest this information, the scared part of me wanted to say no as if we never met then I would never get hurt again, but on the other hand maybe this was the time to be bold and go for it.
“Ok Paul, you have my permission to do a text vote on this” I replied, with a certain amount of trepidation.
“Cool Steph, gotta go now as the song’s nearly finished, see you later” and he had hung up.
“So listeners Stephanie’s song back today is ‘Dancing on the Ceiling’ by Lionel Richie and I think we should decide whether Steph takes the plunge and meets her mystery man at our fabulous Rock on the River event so drop us a text with a yes and at the end of my show we’ll announce the results” Paul finished as the song started to play and I gathered up my car keys and shouted to Charlotte.