One Unhappy Horse

by C. S. Adler

  Mattie's excitement made Jan anxious. No way could she and her mother measure up to such a high level of expectation. As they walked toward the casita, Jan worried that the invitation had been a mistake.

  "Your horse any better, honey?" Mattie asked. Her hand trembled lightly on Jan's arm.

  "Uh-uh. Dove's miserable. He keeps lying down and it's hard to make him get up and move."

  "Oh, my! Lying down's no good for horse or human. It makes your muscles weak. That's why I try to walk every day. It's important to stay healthy." Mattie nodded in agreement with herself. "Well, we're going to get help for that poor animal soon. Don't you worry." More quick birdlike taps on Jan's arm followed.

  Mattie greeted Jan's mother with a hug, as if they were old friends, never mind that they'd never met. "I just know you're a lovely person because you're the mother of this sweet child. Did you know she made me a birthday present?"

  Mom laughed. "I hope you didn't get sick from eating it. Jan and I aren't much for cooking. And you'd better be satisfied with hamburgers, because that's what we've got for supper."

  "Oh, I love hamburgers. They're my favorite."

  Mattie then went on to exclaim about how cute the casita was. "Just the right size for two women, isn't it?" she said.

  Jan and her mother glanced at each other. "Actually, it's a pretty tight squeeze," Mom said honestly.

  But Mattie wasn't listening. She was admiring the framed photographs on the wall behind the television: Mom on a bucking bronco in a rodeo, Dad with the first yearling they'd raised on their ranch, Jan sitting on top of Dove when she was seven and barely visible under her father's hat.

  "Why, that hat almost fits you, doesn't it?" Mattie said with a sly grin.

  The supper was a gourmet delight if Mattie was to be believed. Jan hadn't heard her mother laugh so much since Dad had died. Mattie was full of stories about her horse experiences and how her husband had spoiled her. All she said about her daughter was that Valerie had never taken to horses much and that she'd always been good in school.

  "Don't know where she got it from," Mattie said. "I was never much of a student. Maybe my husband would have been if he'd had a chance, but he had to go to work so young. He came from a poor farm family. Though you'd never know it to speak to him. He was a real old-fashioned gentleman, just like my daddy. In fact, those two got along real well.

  She described with some pride the property her own family had owned in Mississippi. "Until my daddy lost it all. He was a gambler, you know. A good man, but he did like to gamble.

  The stars were out when Mattie looked at the clock and exclaimed, "I can't believe how the time has gone. It's my bedtime, and here I am, still out partying. Oh, my! She turned to Jan. "You don't want to walk me home in the dark, honey. I'll just take off by myself and leave you to help your mama with the dishes."

  "Jan will walk you," Mom said.

  "Do you think she should be out alone this late?" Mattie asked anxiously.

  "It's just on the ranch, after all. Like walking around your own property," Mom said.

  "Well, I guess if you look at it that way, I'd be glad of an escort," Mattie said. "My eyes aren't good in the dark anymore. Thank you for this wonderful evening. I had such a lovely time. It's the most fun I've had in—oh, I can't tell you when.

  She rose and Jan got up to take her arm. Then Mattie said, "I almost forgot. I have something here for you." She smiled and put the thin rectangular box, which she'd set down on the TV set, into Jan's hand.

  "Now, don't be that way, honey," she said when Jan pulled back and shook her head. "You'll like this present. I know you will."

  There was no polite way to get out of accepting it. "Thanks," Jan said. She took the box, but set it back down on the TV unopened. Getting presents embarrassed her, and she'd never been good at pretending to like something if she didn't. Better to open it in private and wear it once for Mattie to see, and thank her then. That was assuming the box held something wearable and not a photograph or something like that.

  "Well," Mattie said, "I guess I'd better get on back to the house, hadn't I?" She seemed anxious to leave now, but not so anxious that she didn't spend five minutes thanking Mom again for the delicious meal and saying she just wished she could return the invitation, but she wasn't living in her own house anymore.

  "I used to make the tastiest beef burgundy, so good you wouldn't believe it. But I don't even have my own room now, let alone a kitchen," Mattie said. She looked around. "This place may be small, but at least it's your own."

  She was quiet on the walk back. "Are you all right?" Jan asked her when they got to the big house.

  "Just a little tired, honey. You open that box when you get home, now. Hear? And let me know what you think about what's inside it."

  "Okay, I'll tell you," Jan said. And on impulse she bent and kissed Mattie's cheek.

  The echoes of Mattie's repeated good-byes followed her most of the way back to the casita.

  "So," Jan said to her mother, "our first party was a big success, Mom. Maybe we should entertain more."

  "Maybe," Mom said. She had washed up the few dishes by herself. "You'd better open that box so you can thank your friend for whatever she gave you."

  "It's probably just something she had around," Jan said. "Something that I can't use. I mean, she doesn't get out to the mall or anyplace."

  Carelessly, Jan ripped off the ribbon and the tissue-paper wrap and opened the box. Inside was a plastic Baggie. And inside the Baggie were hundred-dollar bills—fifteen hundred-dollar bills—enough money for Dove's operation.

  "Oh, my!" Jan said in unconscious imitation of Mattie. "What do I do now?" She held out the box with the bills spread so her mother could see.

  Mom looked stunned. "I don't know," she said. "So much money! It's unbelievable that she should—How do you think she got so much money?"

  Jan didn't have to think very long. "Did you notice, was she wearing a ring?"

  "I don't notice things like that."

  "Me, neither, but she must have hocked her emerald ring somehow," Jan said.

  "I hope not," Mom said. "Anyway, tomorrow we'd better go talk to that house manager and ask her what to do about this."

  "I think Stella's only there during the week. Someone else was in charge tonight."

  "Then we'll wait until Monday," Mom said. "Put that money out of your mind, Jan. My guess is we won't be able to keep it."

  Despite her mother's warning, Jan couldn't stop thinking about the fifteen hundred dollars. She longed to rush over and thank Mattie for it, but how could she when she didn't know whether she was returning it or not? It made her squirm to think that the money would save Dove if it somehow turned out to be all right for her to keep it. There it was—happiness just within her grasp. But keeping the money did seem wrong, wrong because Mattie was weak and defenseless and maybe not as much in charge of her own possessions as she imagined. Wrong ... and yet so tempting.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Until she knew what to do about the money—whether she had to thank Mattie and return it, or could thank Mattie and keep it—Jan wanted to avoid her benefactor. So Sunday she hid out in the barn. She oiled tack and groomed whatever horses needed more attention than they got from their owners. She patched Dove's horse blanket as best she could and devoted more time than usual to homework. Meanwhile, she was imagining how ungrateful Mattie must think she was since she hadn't yet thanked her.

  Whenever Jan tried talking about it to her mother, Mom changed the subject. Finally, her mother said, "I can't see how you can rightly take that money, and I don't want you trying to persuade me that it's okay."

  "But, Mom, as long as we repay Mattie, what's wrong with letting her help? You're willing to take on two jobs—" She paused briefly. "And I'm willing to lease Dove out. But I want to pick the one who gets him, and we have to wait until he's well, of course."

  "You're willing to lease him out now?"

  Jan shuddered. "Well, I'm not glad abou
t it, but I know it's necessary."

  Mom nodded. "It's nice to know you've got some common sense in you," she said.

  "So is it okay about borrowing from Mattie?"

  Mom shook her head. "I don't want to discuss it," she said and walked away.

  Jan let Mom be then. But she couldn't help thinking that anything they could do to save Dove should be acceptable. Mom was just leery of being beholden to anybody for anything. But this was an emergency, reason enough to make an exception. Dad would have known how to put it to Mom. He'd probably have been able to convince her that they were doing Mattie a favor by letting her lend them the money. No doubt it would make Mattie feel good. If only Jan had his persuasive powers! But at least Mom was willing to consult with Stella. That meant she might change her mind.

  The more impatient Jan got for the school day to end on Monday, the more endless it seemed. Mom had promised to call and ask to see Stella that afternoon. Meanwhile, Jan fretted about how hurt Mattie must be that Jan hadn't said a word about her extraordinary gift.

  In social studies they were starting on projects. Each group was to do a report and an oral presentation on one of the key countries listed on the chalkboard. Jan hated oral reports. She considered them a form of torture. Groups were forming around the classroom, but she didn't see any that was likely to welcome her enthusiastically. Why should they? Her research talent was only slightly better than her ability to make speeches. Her eyes met Lisa's. Lisa didn't have a group she could take refuge in, either.

  "Want to work with me?" Jan asked her.

  "Okay." Lisa nodded. "But just the two of us?" She glanced apprehensively at the list: Japan, Mexico, Russia, Canada, China.

  "I guess they're kind of big topics, huh?" Jan said.

  "Unless you want to do Mexico," Lisa suggested. "My family's traveled there, so I have a zillion slides. We could do like a travelogue."

  Jan heaved a sigh of relief. "Fine. How about I run the projector and you do the talking?"

  "Sure," Lisa agreed easily. "Let's ask Mr. Coss if he'll let us."

  Another group was already doing Mexico, but their amiable social studies teacher poked his glasses farther up his pudgy nose and suggested to that group that they include Jan and Lisa. "These girls have slides. They could do an introductory overview to your presentation," he said.

  "Yeah, sure." Carlos, who was always the leader in any group, spoke for the other members and waved Jan and Lisa over. "The more we got, the better the grade, right, Mr. Coss?"

  "Nice try, Carlos," Mr. Coss said as he turned away.

  At lunchtime, Lisa fell in beside Jan and asked, "Want to talk about our presentation while we eat?"

  "Sure. Let's do that," Jan said.

  "So how's your horse?"

  "Bad, but there's a chance we can borrow the money for the operation he needs."

  "But you don't want to talk about it, right?" Lisa said.

  "Well," Jan said. "It's a long story."

  Lisa turned out to be a good listener. It took Jan five minutes to explain about the loan and how Mom felt about it. "If I'm lucky and Stella doesn't think it's wrong to take the money," Jan concluded, "Mom might give in."

  "I'll keep my fingers crossed for you," Lisa said.

  Jan took a deep breath and, to her own surprise, blurted out, "You wouldn't want to lease a horse, would you?"

  "Huh? What do you mean, 'lease a horse'?" Lisa said.

  "Well, it's like to go shares in him. We'd both ride him and take care of him. I mean, after Dove gets well—if we can borrow the money for the operation and if he gets well, that is. Then I'll need to find someone I trust to lease him so we can pay back the loan."

  "And you'd trust me?" Lisa said.

  Jan looked her in the eye and nodded.

  Lisa's smile was radiant. "I don't know," she said. "But I'll ask my folks. How much would it cost? I mean, to lease him."

  "I don't know. If your folks say yes, they could ask my mother."

  "It would be fun to share your horse," Lisa said enthusiastically.

  Jan smiled to cover her dismay. She still didn't like the idea.

  They ate their lunches in silence then. To restart the conversation, Jan asked Lisa about her travels in Mexico. Lisa launched into a long-winded tale of mishaps with a car that kept breaking down en route to the next town, and Jan relaxed listening to her.

  "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Lisa asked when she'd finished.

  "No," Jan said.

  "Lucky you," Lisa said with so much passion it made Jan laugh. "I hate my little brother."

  "Why?"

  "Because his favorite fun thing is to make my life miserable."

  "What does he do to you?"

  "Rotten stuff. Like last night he signed his name on every sheet of my good stationery. And like he's scribbled all over the new wallpaper in my bedroom."

  "That does sound rotten," Jan said, but she couldn't help smiling.

  "You may not think so, but I'd trade your horse for my brother anytime," Lisa said. With that, her anger burst and drained, and they both laughed at the outrageousness of such an exchange.

  On the other side of the cafeteria, Brittany's overcrowded table had begun shooting straws at each other. A cafeteria aide went to settle them down. "How come you're not sitting with Brittany?" Jan asked her newfound friend.

  "Oh, you know, I'm quiet. I like to talk to one person at a time and sort of get to know them. You're quiet, too, like me."

  "Yes," Jan said. The things she and Lisa had in common were beginning to wrap cozily around her. "So when are you going to come and see what living on a ranch is like?"

  "Whenever you invite me."

  "I want to, but first I've got to find out what's going to happen with Mattie's loan," Jan said.

  "I understand," Lisa said. And by the serious look in her eyes, Jan guessed she did.

  When she got home from school that afternoon, Jan found Mom in the barn shaving a bridle path on top of a horse's head to allow the halter to lie flat over his mane.

  "Did you call Stella?" Jan asked.

  Mom looked up at her and said, "She says she'll stop by the casita after she finishes work and the evening woman comes on duty."

  "Is she bringing Mattie?"

  "No, I thought it'd be best if we just talked it over with her first."

  "You'll do the talking?" Jan asked.

  "No. You will. Just tell her what Mattie did and we'll see how it hits her."

  Jan went to spend the waiting time with Dove. "Now what?" she asked him when she saw that he still had half the hay she had left for him that morning. "If you're off your feed, you must really be in a bad way."

  Dove had always finished every bite he was given. He had never not been hungry.

  "What's the matter with you?" she chided him. "It's your leg that hurts, not your stomach."

  He was down again, and even though she tempted him with carrots and bread, it took her a quarter of an hour to get him up on his feet. Then he did something that brought tears to her eyes. She reached up to comb his mane, and he hung his head over her shoulder and rested it there as if he needed the comfort of leaning on her. He'd nudged and pushed her playfully often enough, but that heavy head had never been slung so pathetically over her shoulder.

  "Dove," she implored, "don't give up. We'll get you that operation." She might not be her father, but she must somehow persuade Stella that it was okay to accept the money. No way would Mom allow it if Stella didn't think it was right.

  Jan was making little braids in Dove's mane when Stella appeared in her white uniform. Her long brown hair was in a ponytail and she still sparkled after her day of work.

  "Is that the horse all this fuss is about?" Stella asked.

  "Hi," Jan said. "Yes, this is Dove."

  "He looks kind of droopy."

  "His leg is hurting."

  "Yeah, that'll do it for sure," Stella said, as if she'd had experience with pain.

  "You can com
e in the corral and meet him," Jan said.

  "Not me. I'm scared of horses," Stella said. "Where's your mama? She wanted to have a talk with me about something."

  Jan took a deep breath. "It's about Mattie," Jan began. "Mattie gave me a lot of money when she came to our house for supper the other night. And Mom wants to know what you think of letting her lend it to us. It's for an operation for my horse, a really important operation. If he doesn't get it, he could die."

  Stella surprised Jan by nodding. "Yeah. I know all about that money, and I have some opinions on it. Why don't you find your mother?"

  Stomach churning, Jan ran off to get Mom. Stella had sounded so grim, not at all her usual cheerful self. That must mean she thought it was wrong to keep Mattie's money. And Stella didn't like horses. A cold fist socked Jan in the stomach as she tried to think what she could say to persuade her.

  Mom suggested they sit on plastic lawn chairs in the shade of the tiny ramada because there was more room outside the house than in. She asked Stella if she'd like some iced tea or a soda, but Stella said she was fine.

  "I've got to get home and fix my husband's dinner," she said. "He's the kind that doesn't know how to boil water."

  Mom smiled. "My husband was the cook in our family."

  "Well, they're all good at something or we wouldn't have married them. Right?" Stella said.

  Then to Jan's relief, she got down to business, "About Mattie. She asked me for help in pawning her ring. Well, first I told her she shouldn't do it, but she convinced me that, after all, the ring is hers to do with as she likes. It's about the only thing she still has any control over. And she really wants to help Jan and her horse. She's crazy about your daughter, you know."

  "It's not just me," Jan said quickly. "Mattie wants to help Dove because she had a horse like him when she was a girl. And she understands. I mean, how important he is."

  "Still—" Mom began reluctantly.

  "I know. I know," Stella interrupted her. "Anyway, I told Mattie okay. I happen to be friends with the owner of a pawnshop. He went to school with me. And as a favor, he promised he'd hang onto the ring until Mattie can redeem it. The question is, How fast could you repay her? I mean, he can't hold the ring forever, and, you know, Mattie's pretty old." It was Mom to whom Stella had directed her question.