“Screw it,” I said, as I got into my car and pulled out of the lot.
If she was going to be there, then so was I. She was going to explain her sudden change of interest. I could be a much bigger pain in the ass than she ever could. Cassie didn't know who she was messing with. After I got the answers I wanted, I would be the one walking away, leaving her to wonder what the fuck had just happened.
Chapter 12
Cassie
The kids asked each day if we could go play baseball. I said no, but between Sammie and Lauren, they went each day without me. There was no way I wanted to see him, not after what we'd done and what I'd found out. I also needed to take care of the papers he'd shown me online and find a good lawyer.
The kids being gone actually gave me the time I needed. I stayed in my room each day from morning until night. Parker had sent me a text with a link to the forms he'd began asking me the questions from. That saved me a ton of time trying to find them. I should have thanked him, but I didn't. He hadn't said anything else, and I didn't want to make it seem as if I wanted to talk to him. I did want to talk to him, but he didn't know that, and I wasn't planning on him ever finding that out.
When Lauren and Sammie came back one of the days, I left the baby with them and took my laptop to the store so I could print out the papers. I'd had to borrow twenty dollars from James to print them and send them certified mail, hoping that I'd have the whole lawyer situation taken care of before the little green card came back in the mail. It was much easier to ask for the twenty than it would have been to get him to print and mail them for me. He would have seen what they were, and that would have opened up a whole can of something I still wasn't ready to deal with. Christmas needed to pass before I went to James and Sammie about the lawyer. The day after Christmas would even be fine, but not a day sooner.
It wasn't as easy to find a lawyer as I thought it would be. I'd called a bunch from Michigan and Pennsylvania. Some of them were going to call me back, and the others had given me quotes over the phone after asking me questions. I was asking everything I could think of, needing to find the perfect one. I wanted custody of my kids, and I didn't want to take the slightest chance that it wouldn't happen. It was something I couldn't screw up. The person I picked would hold the fate of my family in their hands. That wasn't something I could decide lightly. Jeff would positively have the best team behind him, and I needed to be ready with an arsenal even better than his behind me. Somehow I had to make that happen without a penny to my name. He was not getting our kids. They were staying with me. I didn't care what happened to everything else. When I told the last lawyer I talked to that, he laughed.
“Whatever you do, do not say that in front of him, his team, or the judge,” he said. “That's your first lesson.”
It was true. I needed my babies. Other than them, I didn't care what he took from me.
I went down to dinner and sat quietly, thinking about Parker, what we'd done, the fact that I wasn't even divorced and I'd been with another man, and that I'd soon have to find a way to tell not only Sammie and James but also the rest of the family about Jeff filing, the papers he'd sent me, and that I would need a ton of money to fight the man that was supposed to love me.
The kids had finished eating and gone to their rooms, so it was just James, Sammie, and me at the table. It felt strange. I could feel the tension filling the air around us and couldn't help but wonder what was going on. I was pretty sure that I was the only one that didn't know.
After a few minutes, I couldn't take it anymore and stood up. That was when Sammie let me have it.
“We need to talk to you, Cassie,” she said.
James looked over at her with his eyes narrowed, and she shook her head. Then she turned her eyes to me.
“I can't do this anymore,” she said.
“What?” I asked.
“I thought you were getting a bit better and then bam,” she said, doing some strange motion before smacking her hands together. “You sit in your room in sweats all day. It's bullshit. I'm down here with four kids the entire day. Sometimes I even have five. Not to mention the fact that I am pregnant. I have a house to take care of and a man that I love as well. By the time the kids are in bed at night, I'm done. I fall asleep in seconds. I'm five months along now, Cassie. It's taking a toll on me. It wouldn't be bad if you were doing something productive, but you're not. All you do is sit in bed and sulk. I don't even know what it is you're sulking about. You haven't said a damn thing to us. You've obviously heard from Jeff by the looks of your old phone. You have some decisions to make.”
“Just give me a few days,” I said. “Right after Christmas.”
“That's the same shit I heard at Thanksgiving,” she said, sounding frustrated. “I'm done. I'm sorry. You need to pick your ass up and bring it down here to take care of your kids in the morning. I'm not doing another thing. I love them, Cassie, but it's too much. I'm not trying to be a bitch, but they are your kids. You need to take care of them. I'm their aunt, not their nanny.”
I let out a huff at her last line. I wasn't treating her like a nanny. She didn't understand.
“I'm not sitting in my room doing nothing,” I said, my voice going up a notch.
“Sure looks like it to me,” she said.
I shook my head, and she said something that blew me away.
“Maybe you should give them to Jeff,” she said.
James nostrils flared, and his eyes shot a look of warning in her direction.
“What? No! How can you say that?” I asked through gritted teeth.
“You're not taking care of them,” she said with a shrug, “and he has a nanny.”
“No way,” I snapped out. “They are my kids, and I love them. They will be with me. If you don't want us here, we'll leave, but I am not giving them to him.”
James moved to stand up, but Sammie grabbed his arm to stop him.
“We do want you here, all of you,” she said. “I just can't take care of all five kids alone, Cassie. You need to do this. You are their mother, and they need you. Don't you think this is bothering them too? They're hurting just as much as you, and they need their mom.”
I wanted so badly to tell her that my time in my room was for them. I was trying to get everything in line before I talked to her and James. If I had to borrow money, that was all I wanted to need from them. I didn't want them worrying and trying to find a lawyer too. It wasn't their job. I wanted to tell them, but I wouldn't do it until after Christmas. Once they got back from Michigan, I'd tell them everything. There was no way I wanted them thinking about my problems while they were visiting grandma and my parents. I just needed a few more days.
“I'll take care of them from now on,” I said. “I'm sorry for everything.”
I walked over, picked up the baby, and then headed toward the stairs. How could she even suggest me giving Jeff the kids, I wondered?
“Cassie,” she called out to me, but I didn't stop.
I walked up the stairs and down the hall to the kids rooms.
“Come with mommy to her room,” I told Jenny and Jeff.
They both told Jillian they'd see her later and followed behind me. The four of us got onto my bed, and I turned on a movie. Jake was leaning against my front, while Jenny and Jeff each curled in at my sides. When the movie was over, I looked down to find all three of the kids asleep. They really were perfect.
Since moving to James and Sammie's house, I'd seen more smiles and heard more laughs out of my kids than ever before. They loved it there, and I didn't want to take them away from Jillian, Jackson, or Sammie's place. I needed to make a home for us, and I wanted to do it in Pennsylvania. Part of me felt so sad. I missed my parents and grandma so much. They were going to want me to live by them. I knew I'd want to drive to see them often, but I couldn't live there. Jeff wasn't far enough away from them for me. I couldn't be anywhere near him, not after the way he was treating me.
The guilt of not telling them was weighing
down on me, and I'd put that same weight on the rest of my family. It wasn't fair to anyone. Grandma and my parents were going to feel so hurt, and not just toward me. They were going to feel that way toward all of us. It wasn't right, and I had to end it. I knew I did. I'd let them all have their holiday together before I shook their world and mine, yet again.
I put Jake in his bed next to mine. Then I looked over at Jenny and Jeff. I needed to put them in their own beds, but I couldn't make myself do it. Instead, I turned out the light and quietly got under the covers between them. I pulled them both close, covered us all, and kissed their foreheads. I'd never once slept with my kids. Jeff would never have allowed them in our bed, and since we'd gotten to James and Sammie's, they'd slept down the hall. I closed my eyes, and for the first time since I'd seen her on the other side of my front door, I felt like everything was going to be okay.
Chapter 13
Cassie
The kids were up bright and early, so I turned on some cartoons, and we cuddled under the covers together. I slept better that night than I had since knocking on James and Sammie's door. We were all laughing at the television when I heard a yell coming from the bottom of the stairs.
“Breakfast,” the yell belonged to Lauren. “Come and get it.”
She was something else. It was my fault she was closer to my family than me, and I was the one that needed to fix it.
The kids took off down the steps and hurried to their spots at the table. I brought the baby down with me and put him in the swing. Little James was still asleep, so he wouldn't be using it for a bit. I joined everyone at the table, feeling so damn nervous.
“Cassie,” James said the second my butt hit the chair.
I shook my head, letting him know I wasn't willing to talk about the night before.
“After breakfast, I'm taking Jillian and Jackson to play ball,” Sammie said. “We'd love for you and the kids to join us.”
I wasn't ready to face him, not yet.
“Can we go, mom?” Jenny asked, her voice filled with excitement.
“What about Lauren?” I asked, trying to point out that Sammie was willing to take her son but not my kids.
“I have an appointment with my doctor, and of course both Lances,” Lauren said with a smile.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, instantly feeling nervous for her.
“Yeah,” she said. “Since I don't pop babies out every nine months and it's been years, I'm getting an extra ultrasound. Everything is good though.”
“That's good,” I said.
The second breakfast was over and I stood up, Lauren pulled me to the side.
“Go today,” she said.
“What?” I asked.
“Just go,” she said sternly.
“Nope,” I said, before turning to walk away.
She grabbed my arm and gave it a pretty good tug to stop me.
“He won't be there,” she said.
“You're sure about that?” I asked.
“Yes,” she answered. “Go.”
“Fine,” I snapped. “Come on kids.”
Jenny and Jeff followed me up the stairs and down the hall to their room. It took much longer than it usually did for Sammie, but they were finally dressed. I took a quick shower, which I definitely needed, and threw on sweats and a t-shirt. I pulled my hair up on top of my head and headed down the stairs without putting any makeup on or even looking in the mirror. I leaned down to unbuckle Jake from the swing, when James walked up next to me.
“Stop,” he snapped.
“What?” I asked, as I turned to look up at him.
“He's staying with me,” he said.
“Not happening,” I said, as I continued.
“Cassie,” he growled out, as he grabbed my arm and I pulled back fast from his grip. “He is staying with me. Take the other two and have fun with them. James is staying with me too. She didn't mean it the way you took it last night. We love all of you and want you here. It's just too much for her.”
“Then hire her some help,” I said.
“She won't let me,” he said. “As soon as Lance and Lauren are moved in, I'm going to be home more, a lot more. Please let him stay with me.”
“Fine,” I said, as I turned toward Sammie. “Let's get going. I'll meet you there.”
“We can drive over together,” she said.
“No,” I said. “I'll drive the three of us.”
“Cassie,” she said, with a bummed look on her face.
“It's okay,” I said. “I get it.”
I took the kids out and got them situated in the Escalade.
“We'll meet you there,” I said, before getting in and backing down the driveway.
I did get it. I wasn't just saying that. She'd hurt my feelings the night before, but she was right. I'd known that already after being at Parker's that night. My kids needed to come first. I'd been trying to make them first, she just didn't know that. I hadn't told her, and that was my own fault.
The kids hurried as fast as they could into the place. By the time I walked through the door, they already had a ball and two mitts. I stood watching them throw the ball back and forth. They were actually getting better, and it made me so proud. If Jeff knew our little girl was playing baseball, he'd have a fit. I would have felt the same just two months before, but I didn't think that way anymore. It didn't matter what my kids did. I just wanted them to be happy. If she grew up loving the game as much as her aunt, I would totally support her.
Sammie opened the door, and Jillian and Jackson ran by squealing and laughing. I watched as they grabbed mitts of their own and started playing. When I looked back toward Sammie, she had two big mitts and a ball. She handed one of the mitts to me.
“I love you, Cassie,” she said. “I hope you know that.”
“I do,” I said, as I took the mitt and put it on my hand. “I love you too.”
She put the ball in my mitt and turned to walk the other way. Once she turned back to me, she held her mitt up and smiled.
We threw the ball back and forth, and I couldn't help the pride that filled me. I really had gotten better. Each time I threw the ball her way, she didn't have to chase it. I wasn't perfect. She did have to stretch her arms a bit, but it was a huge improvement from when I'd walked in the door that first time.
Sammie threw me the ball, and I jumped to get it. Then I heard his voice, and the ball dropped from my hand.
“Not bad for a girl.”
Without a word, I bent down, picked the ball back up, quickly turned, and threw the ball as hard as I could, right at him. His gloved hand moved fast to catch it, but it still felt good.
“Cassie,” Sammie snapped. “What if he hadn't had a mitt on?”
“Guess he would have figured it out,” I said with a shrug, as I stared right into his eyes. “He is a huge player, right?”
I turned away from him and walked right to my kids, but I could hear Sammie talking from behind me.
“I'm sorry, Parker,” she said. “She's pissed at me.”
I could hear the two of them talking behind me, but I couldn't make out everything they were saying. She'd asked him something about being traded. He didn't come out and say that he didn't want to leave, but I could hear so much sadness in his tone. Just hearing it tore at my heart, and I started feeling bad for him. That was not happening. There was no reason for it. I walked away from the kids and headed toward the bathroom. I needed a minute away from everyone to clear my head.
I took a few deep breaths while looking in the bathroom mirror and gave myself a little talk about how I needed to get my life in order. He was not part of that order. I closed my eyes and took one last deep breath, as I turned the knob, opened the door, and took a step forward. I let out a loud umph sound and my eyes shot open the moment I crashed into something hard. My hands went up, and I reached out to grab hold and steady myself, but I didn't get the chance. Two big hands grabbed my arms and pushed me back into the bathroom. Before I knew it, his g
iant body was in there with me, the door had been closed, and I'd heard the lock click into place.
“Get out of my way, you big lug,” I snapped out.
“No,” he snapped back. “What was that out there? Were you trying to hurt me on purpose?”
“You weren't supposed to be here,” I growled out. “I'm going to kick Lauren's ass when I see her.”
“What the fuck happened?” he growled right back.
“Move,” I yelled out.
“Cassie,” he snapped so loud, I stopped frozen in place. “Talk to me. You were fine one second, and the next second you'd completely changed.”
“That's exactly it,” I said in a whisper.
“What?” he asked, confusion filling his tone.
“Everything changed,” I said, as I looked down at my fingers that were nervously moving between each other.
“What changed?” he asked. “I don't understand. I didn't do anything. You need to finish those papers. They're really important. If you don't.”
“I already did,” I said harshly, cutting off his words. “Thanks for the link.”
“You mailed them?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“Certified?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said again, the word filled with frustration. “Now get out of my way.”
“No,” he said, as if putting his foot down.
“What do you mean no?” I asked.
“Not happening, princess,” he said. “I'm waiting for you to explain yourself. I have all day.”
“You sure you don't have some important meeting to be at?” I asked sarcastically.
“What is that supposed to mean?” he asked.
I couldn't take his innocent act. He was driving me crazy, and I was done.
“A Pirate,” I snapped out. “You're a fucking Pirate, Parker.”
“Yeah,” he said. “So.”
“Ugh,” I barked out. “What was that shit with the jersey? Was that fun for you? You let me go on, looking like a fucking idiot.”
Out of My League: Complete Box Set Page 17