by M Dauphin
“Dad. DAD! NURSE!” I hear him yell. “She moved. Her hand. It moved. She moved. She’s in there. Molly baby, wake up for me. Please, Molly. Can you move your hand again?!”
Silence surrounds me. I try my hardest, just like before, and this time I feel it move. I’m moving my hand. It’s coming back!
Suddenly, commotion fills the room and Tatum’s warm hand is taken from mine. I would do anything to see him again. People keep moving around the room and I refocus my efforts to opening my eyes. I feel like they’re glued shut, and the pain of finally getting them open makes me immediately tear up. Everything is so bright, but through the lights and searing pain, I see him.
He smiles. There are tears in his eyes and he just smiles at me.
“Hi,” I manage to whisper. It was more like a croak, but I did it. It’s all coming back now.
“Hey, you,” he says, tears streaming down his face. “How ya feeling?”
I nod my head and try to raise my arms to hug him. Just feeling his embrace I know I’m going to make it. This sucks, yes, but I’ll get through it and Tatum will be right there next to me.
Tatum
It’s been a week since they released Molly from the hospital. After she woke up she stayed for a few days to make sure her vitals were staying strong, then we could finally escape. She’s so worried about the wedding she has this weekend, but there is no way she is shooting it. She can barely walk and it’s just a few days away. I went ahead and pulled the strings I needed to pull to get the bride a photography team on me and refund her all the money she has paid (out of my account of course. Molly doesn’t need that burden). To say she was upset was an understatement, but I don’t care, she needs to rest.
I’ve been able to keep the police at bay for a week to give her time to recover, but they are practically beating down our door to get our statements now. I guess money only talks so much when it comes to the law.
“Babe, the investigator on the case is coming by in an hour”
She sighs. She has had good days and bad since we got home. It’s worse when the pain meds wear off, but today she has been quiet all day. I just want to hold her, take her pain away, but I can’t. The pain she feels is more inner turmoil rather than physical pain. When we got home she made me tell her everything. Every. Last. Detail. God, I didn’t want to, but how can I say no to the woman I love? Especially when she looks at me with her bruised and battered face and her bright green eyes shining through.
Apparently her ex went off the deep end when their daughter died. Blaming Molly for her death, he went after the money to find it gone. On a ‘Molly is a bitch’ kick, once he took over the group he put every man out there to find her and find the money, obviously believing she took the money and ran. He then used every asset he had to find her. They had been trailing her for a couple months when I came along. The men in her office hadn’t found anything and Brian was apparently planning a trip to take her back to Tacoma just before she made the trip herself. The money still is nowhere to be found, but there hopefully won’t be anyone going after it anymore. Now that Brian is dead it’s not the top priority to anyone.
“What about Evie, though? So young, so sweet. She couldn’t have been so wrapped up in this,” Molly states matter of factly. The tears in her eyes stay there, making the beautiful green glisten in the sunlight coming through the window.
“Ah, well… the Evie end of things is complicated. No one outside of Brian and her knew the truth about who she really was. All we really know is that she in fact is the daughter of the man who ratted out Brian when he noticed the money and drugs missing. She hid very well. In plain sight, really.”
“I just can’t believe she’s gone. She was my best friend. You know, she seemed filled with inner peace at the end, like she knew everything was going to work out,” Molly whispers. She is curled up next to me on the couch wearing yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt and looking just as beautiful as she did the day I met her. I am in awe of her strength and still have a hard time believing she is mine. I’m also having a hard time staying away from some of my favorite parts of her. With her body being in so much pain I don’t want to act too fast and injure her more, but hell I can’t wait to be inside her again.
Breaking my thoughts, the doorbell rings. Time to rehash the events of the last few years one more time… and hopefully the last.
Molly
After going through everything I remember of the last 5 years, the detective thanks us and leaves. He took pages and pages of notes and told me that I should be hearing from them in a few days. I don’t want to have to stay here any longer than I have to so hopefully they can get everything straightened out pretty quickly.
Tatum has been wonderful to me. He knows how to bring me out of my bad moods and put a smile back on my face. I can’t imagine having to go through this without him. Each night he holds me and does things for me that only he can do. It’s been what seems like forever since we have been able to have sex, though, and after only being able to enjoy him once I’m itching to have him again.
“You know, I’m beginning to feel like my old self again,” I hint. Hoping that he takes it.
“Oh yea?” He grins at me from across the room. “Well good, that makes me very happy.”
I smile at him and stick my tongue out playfully.
“Did you just stick your tongue out at me?!” he quips, as he treks towards me with a purpose. He holds my chin up and looks in my eyes. “No one sticks their tongue out at a Savage.”
“The last name may seem menacing, but you are anything but savage.” I grin.
“I’ll show you,” he growls and scoops me up carrying me into the bedroom.
Laying me on the bed, Tatum stops above me and stares at me. The bruises are fading, the stiches will be out soon, and I don’t hurt anymore. He looks at me with so much love and adoration that my heart starts to swell.
“God, Molly, you gave me a really good scare for a while. I thought I had lost you for good too many times to count in the last few weeks. Everything has happened so fast with us, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you.”
A single tear streaks down my cheek. “I love you too, Tatum.”
22
Tatum
This is it. The first time since the whole ordeal that we can be together and I’m so nervous I’m almost shaking. I don’t know why I feel like this. We have had sex before, but this is so much more. There is no danger now, there are no lies between us or hidden secrets. It is simply Molly and I together at last.
I slowly and agonizingly strip her of all her clothes, kissing each bruise and scrape on my way down her beautiful body. She’s breathing heavier and heavier as I reach her core. She smells beautiful and tastes it as well. I slide one, then two fingers inside her and curl them up as I flick my tongue just on the right spot to make her gasp and arch her back.
“That’s my girl, let go, Molly.” But she won’t. She’s holding back for some reason.
“I want you. I need you inside of me, Tatum.” she pleads, then she pulls away from me to start stripping my layers off. I’m so hard I’m not sure she will be able to get my jeans off without doing damage, but somehow she does so gracefully. She grabs me and starts sucking and stroking in a rhythm that almost sets me off right away. I want this to last too much to blow now, though, so I pull her up to kiss her. Then it hits me.
“Molly, we don’t have any condoms here.”
She stares at me for a moment and then smiles the saddest smile I’ve ever witnessed. “It’s ok, Tatum. I was told after the accident that if I ever wanted to get pregnant again it would be a long drawn out ordeal, and I trust you are clean.”
I smile at her. Those were the happiest and saddest words ever.
“You can’t have kids?” I ask, careful not to let her see my slight disappointment in the obvious.
“Not what I said. Just that it’s going to be… difficult,” she says, then trails away from me. The loss of physical c
ontact is a punch to the gut. No, I wasn’t planning on having kids right now, but I can’t help the wonderful fleeting thoughts of tiny Molly’s running around.
“Stop,” I say. I don’t know if it’s to stop my thoughts or to stop her from leaving, but it works. She freezes and looks at me. Tears burning her eyes, she glances at me and I see it. “Molly, I love you. I will always love you. The fact that child bearing may be hard makes me want to try ten times harder to make it happen. People don’t tell me I can’t do something, especially when it comes to the woman I love.” Then I kiss her and she falls apart in my arms.
“Oh, Tatum, thank you. I was so afraid to tell you. I thought you wouldn’t want me anymore since I’m broken.” she cries.
“Hey,” I say, wiping a tear from her face. “We are both broken. It’s what makes us work.”
We make love. Multiple times. Fast, slow, even slower, and each time is better than the last. The woman is amazing. I am truly the luckiest man ever.
23
Molly
After that night together things seem to have changed between us. We started making big decisions together and planning things for our future, all without actually talking about what the future held.
I decide to sell the house. There’s no reason to keep it anymore. My life is waiting for me halfway across the country. So I sell and we move back to Illinois. I finally get in touch with my parents and we meet for coffee before Tatum and I leave Washington. They give me a box full of old items of mine that was left at their house, then we’re on our way.
My business is waiting for me, the town is going to be full of gossip, and Tatum has made it very clear that he’s moving in with me and will continue to be my assistant at the studio. There’s also a lot of desk sex promised and that’s something I have absolutely no problem with. Illinois is looking more and more promising.
While we unpack together, since we seem to never leave each other’s side anymore, I take the next step. It’s been a while and I just wasn’t sure I wanted to do this alone, but I have to.
The first hint of our future together showed up in the form of the most beautiful thing ever. Something I had never imagined would happen again. Something I pray he’s as excited as I am.
Something like two tiny blue lines on a very white stick.
1
Molly
“No fucking way” I whisper. There are so many thoughts running through my head and I don’t know how to sort through any of them. Pregnant?! I can’t get pregnant! I know I told Tatum it would be difficult, but I haven’t had a doctor yet that seemed positive I’d ever be able to have another baby. Now, after everything that has happened, my body decided to defy all odds. Not that I’m not happy, but that’s only one of the many emotions going through me. Scared is the other emotion that was pulsing through me, making me start to panic that he will leave me.
When I told him it would be difficult if I ever wanted to have a baby again he almost seemed relieved. It was like he doesn’t want kids. I don’t blame him, though, the two of us have been through so much heartbreak over the last few years who would want to take the risk of going through it all over again. The lines on that tiny blue stick are glaring at me when there is a knock at the door.
“Hey babe, you ok?” He sounds worried. I guess I have been in here for a long time.
“Uh, yea. Yes, I’m good. I’ll be right out.” I stash the test and make a mental note to call the doctor two towns over. I’m not stupid. I know a trip to one in town would get the town talking, and no one needs to know anything before it’s confirmed. False positives happen all the time.
Walking out to the rest of the house I stop and look around. So much has changed in the last few weeks. Tatum is in the middle of moving in with me and there are boxes everywhere. Currently, he is unpacking and setting up his home office. Apparently after everything that went down with his father he left the family business behind and headed out on the road until he landed here. He said the daily reminder of what happened was too much for him, plus the way his father started treating him when he thought he was helping was really getting to him. I get it. I had to leave Washington for the same thing. Well, that and because I feared my life. Now he wants to help out his father in other ways… I’m not sure what that entails and I’m honestly scared to ask.
“Your brain is turning, I see it. What are you thinking about?” How does he do that?
“Just everything. This is so surreal that you are here right now. Setting up your office, doing laundry. It kind of doesn’t seem real. It all has happened so fast. All of this excitement swirling in my head, just mere hours before we go to mourn the death of my only friend for the last 5 years. I’m not sure how I should feel right now.”
He puts his arms around me and I nuzzle my head into his neck, his hands rubbing my back slowly. Such a comfortable, soothing movement. He knows how much I’m still hurting from Evie’s murder. It wasn’t just a death, it was cold blooded murder. I watched her die. I can’t close my eyes at night without hearing the gunshot, seeing her figure slump forward. My tears are all cried out for now, but I’m sure they will return. I sigh heavily, the weight of having to relive those moments at the house in Washington weighing heavily on me. Going to the vigil tonight will just make it all seem so final, and I’m not certain I’m ready for that.
The memorial was being held at the coffee shop. Evie’s mom wanted her buried in Washington, but she had made so many friends here in the last 5 years that it didn’t seem right not letting these people mourn their loss. I’ve been working on a speech since we were practically sisters the last five years, but I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to address anyone. Walking in the shop the first thing I hear is one of her favorite songs, and it makes me laugh out loud. Such a depressing event, yet blaring ‘She Don’t Use Jelly’ over the speakers lightens the mood a little. The entire night, Tatum’s hand doesn’t leave contact with my body. Whether he’s holding onto my hand or resting his on my back, he’s one hundred percent here for me.
Alex, a girl that was around the same age as Evie, take the microphone first. She looks absolutely devastated, and for good reason. Her friend was murdered. She didn’t get to say a proper goodbye like those do when they lose loved ones who are sick. She will never know the events that happened that night. She will never know the truth. No one here will.
“Thank you, everyone for coming tonight.” She starts, then clears her throat before continuing. “Evie was one of my very best friends. She was eclectic, energetic, and full of life. She never feared and always pushed people to do their best. I will miss her every day for the rest of my life, but I know she is in a much better place than living in this world.” She starts crying and if I had any tears left they would be flowing too. I hear the sniffles coming from the crowd as Alex thanks everyone again and walks to the bathroom. Poor thing. The shop owner gestures towards me, letting me know that I could say something if I wanted.
I want to, I really do. I can’t, though. I can’t lie to everyone’s faces. I can’t hold myself straight and believe it isn’t my fault she’s dead. Everyone here thinks that Evie was killed in a drive by shooting while home visiting her mom. Even her mom doesn’t know the truth about her death. I, however, know fully what happened to her, it haunts me every moment of the day. What I still can’t wrap my mind around is how she was involved in the first place. The minute my eyes hit hers I remembered our moments when she was younger. What I don’t understand is why she followed me, why she befriended me, and why she, of all people, knew where the money was.
Tatum broke into my thoughts just as they started to spiral out of control.
“You look ready to go. Let’s head home.” He whispers, his hand gently resting on my lower back. An assuring gesture. A loving gesture. I slowly nod my head and we head to the door. Goodbye Evie.
Tatum
Yes, I’ve lost a child. There is no sorrow that compares to the loss of a tiny, innocent, being. Holding the lif
eless hand of your tiny baby makes your heart fall out of your chest and never return. Never fully, at least. Meeting Molly, falling as hard and as fast as I did for her, makes the warmth return. It makes me feel again, but the pain from the loss of a child never goes away. I’ll always remember the pain.
Watching Molly grieve all over again adds another level to that pain. Watching a loved one go through pain that you understand, you empathize with, and not being able to help them hurts just as bad. Molly’s past was just ripped out of the dark and rehashed, making her bring up all of the ugly details that she never wanted to relive. Add to it the lies that her husband fed her their entire marriage and the murder of her best friend right in front of her and she’s having a difficult time, to say the least. The nightmares alone are enough to make me want to shield her from everything bad in the world. I hold her at night, praying to God that she sleeps a full night without the memories creeping their way back in. When they do, I’m there for her. Assuring her that she’s safe… she’s loved.
After the memorial service we walk back to Molly’s house. The walk home is silent, almost peaceful. It’s the end of April but feels like the middle of summer. Her skin glistens as the humidity takes hold of her. Being from Texas I’m used to heat, but Molly still hadn’t adjusted to heat and humidity in the time she’s lived here. The sheen of sweat on her skin puts a glow to her I’ve never noticed before.
Walking into the house she stops just inside the door and turns to me. Her hand lifts to my cheek and she stares at me for a moment before speaking.
“Thank you” she whispers. She reaches up on her tiptoes to kiss me. My hands slip down her back and grab my favorite part of her. So full, such a perfect fit for my hands. Hands that have done too much bad to deserve so much good.