Voices

by Phyllis P. Colucci

  Rosalie walked up Millie’s front stoop and stood on the porch, with plant in hand, stifled by a bit of hesitation. She had second thoughts about barging in on Millie without calling first. Rosalie wasn’t too keen on unexpected company herself, so she decided to turn back, head home, and give Millie a call later. No sooner did she turn around and take the first step down off the stoop, Millie opened the front door. “Oh dear,” she said, “I was just coming out to check my mailbox. What a nice surprise Rosalie. Yesterday, and again today. I’m so happy. I feel so special dear. Please, come in.” Rosalie apologized for visiting Millie on such short notice and without warning – as she did yesterday too. She explained to her that she was just about to go back home when Millie opened the door. Millie responded to Rosalie that her visits are always welcome. Surprise visits especially. Millie said surprise visits are the highlight of her day. She warned Rosalie that once Rosalie gets to be Millie’s age, she will understand how important company is, whether planned or unexpected. So Rosalie happily followed Millie into her sunlit kitchen and took a seat at her kitchen table. She placed the small rosebush on the windowsill and told Millie the plant is a gift of love. Millie’s eyes watered as she thanked Rosalie with a great big hug. Rosalie told Millie that once the rosebush gets too big for the pot, she can plant it in her backyard and it will come up every year. Millie responded, “Well the winter will be approaching soon. I would hate for the rosebush to die with the winter frost.” Rosalie assured Millie not to worry. She explained that she’s planted these small rose bushes on her parents’ grave many times and, although the little branches are bare in the winter, the roses come back in the spring and summer. Millie then took her frail index finger, felt the soil around the little bush, then decided it was a bit dry. She went over to the sink and filled her measuring cup with tap water and moistened the soil. Then she put up a pot of water so she and Rosalie could chat over a cup of tea…Millie had a gift for sensing Rosalie’s emotions. Even as a child Rosalie recalled how Millie was able to see right through Rosalie’s mischievous ways. That thought brought a smile to Rosalie’s face since it reminded her of the days when her mom would take her over to Millie’s house to visit.

  Before Rosalie could entertain another thought, Millie grasped Rosalie’s hands and held them securely in hers. As Rosalie gazed down at Millie’s aging hands, she embraced the safety and security of Millie’s grip. Rosalie grew ever so blissful knowing she would soon be the recipient of Millie’s profound wisdom. Millie looked deep into Rosalie’s hazel eyes and said, “I know you’re here for a very good reason my Rosalie, besides visiting with old Millie; and I welcome the chance to help you in any way I can. I’m so flattered that you look to me for guidance. So please, talk to me dear. I’m here for you and I’m listening.” So as Millie served her wonderfully aromatic tea along with a plate of freshly-baked sesame cookies, Rosalie began to share her story.

  Rosalie confided to Millie that she once again heard the voices from the cellar and explained in detail exactly what she had gone through last night. She told Millie how terrified she was, and how fearful she is about possibly losing Franco over this. Rosalie explained to Millie how Franco is showing signs of annoyance and impatience over the situation and feels that Rosalie should see her psychiatrist about this. “I’m not crazy Millie,” Rosalie exclaimed. Millie immediately stopped Rosalie at that very moment and asked her if Franco was home when she heard the voices again. Rosalie responded, “No Millie. It always happens when I’m alone.” Millie, in trying to calm Rosalie’s fears about Franco, told Rosalie that she understands Franco’s concerns but believes Franco will come around once he has the opportunity to think about the situation. She stressed to Rosalie that Franco just needs time and that some men react before thinking. Millie added that Franco is probably just as much afraid of this situation as Rosalie is and he wants answers that just aren’t there right now. So by him suggesting that Rosalie see her psychiatrist, might just be Franco’s way of coming up with a solution that takes the pressure off him. Millie went on to say that even Franco doesn’t know what to do or how to handle this. However, Millie strongly requested that Rosalie hold off on seeing her psychiatrist right now, but that she please try to understand Franco’s side too.

  Millie admitted that she is not sure why Rosalie is hearing these voices, but she is not convinced that Rosalie is having mental issues. She advised Rosalie to keep a log each day of exactly what time she hears the voices, where she is in the apartment when she hears the voices, and who is present in the apartment with her, to see if there is some kind of a pattern to this. If it continues, Millie suggested that then and only then should Rosalie run this by her psychiatrist for his professional opinion; however, Millie feels that keeping this log may be enough to help Rosalie figure things out. Rosalie was still unsure how this would help, but Millie insisted Rosalie try this. Millie thought that maybe it’s just a coincidence that Rosalie hears these voices only when she’s alone when, in actuality, the time of day or night that she hears these voices, or even notices them, may vary and only seem like they are happening when Rosalie is alone, like when Franco is at work or when he is out of the house. Millie wondered further if Rosalie noticed them only during times when she felt lonely. She went on to explain that the voices could possibly be just the sounds of the house very much magnified by Rosalie’s fears, and these sounds may be happening all day long. Millie added that those sounds could very well be running water in the pipes, or just creaking sounds from the cellar coming up the air shaft, or maybe even squealing mice. She stressed that those sounds could somehow mimic human voices and scare the heck out of anyone when they’re alone. Millie urged Rosalie to try keeping the log and to let Franco know that she is going to do this. It might put Franco’s mind at ease for now, and he may be more supportive until the sounds or voices prove otherwise.

  Rosalie assured Millie that she would give this a try, and she did acknowledge that the sounds of the house could be happening at other times of the day or evening when Franco is at home, but that she is truly familiar with all those sounds. Rosalie emphatically told Millie that what she is hearing is something very different. Millie agreed that may be the case, but she told Rosalie to consider that with Franco home, Rosalie’s mind may be so preoccupied with him and their time together that the noises or so-called voices actually go unnoticed during that time and become more pronounced when Rosalie is by herself. Millie warned that those noises can sound like voices, and they may sound much much worse to Rosalie when she is alone.

  Rosalie promised Millie that she will consider that, because she has nothing else to go on and she is desperate for answers. Rosalie feels that what Millie said actually makes perfect sense as she thinks about it since she honestly doesn’t do “alone” very well. She told Millie that she is a very wise woman and that Millie may be on to something that Rosalie never thought about. Rosalie took her hand and brushed it lightly against Millie’s cheek, letting Millie know that she adored her and trusted her word. She felt that Millie’s logic could help get to the root of the issue. It’s worth a try and it gives Rosalie renewed hope. If nothing else, it does explain this craziness in Rosalie’s favor and that’s good enough for Rosalie today.

  With that, Rosalie excitedly jumped to her feet, carried the teacups to the sink, rinsed them out for Millie, kissed Millie on the cheek and made her way to the front door, turning back to tell Millie she will start that log today. Millie followed Rosalie as if chasing after a child, and called her back for a moment. She laughingly requested that Rosalie slow down. Millie understood that Rosalie was excited about their talk, but she told Rosalie that she wasn’t quite finished speaking with her. Millie stated that she wanted to discuss Maria with her. Rosalie looked back toward Millie and said, “I’m so sorry Millie. I just got a little too excited. Of course, let’s talk about Maria. Not a problem Millie – but please be nice now, Maria is my good friend.” Millie stared at Rosalie with wide-opened eyes and a bit of a smirk on he
r lips and responded, “I know dear. I know how close you are to Maria. No need to remind me.”

  …So as they both stood near the front door, Millie told Rosalie that she saw that Maria had visited with her yesterday and hoped that with all that is going on in Rosalie’s life right now that Maria is being just as good a friend to Rosalie as Rosalie is to her. Rosalie, looking quite surprised, responded that Millie must be mistaken because Maria is on business in Europe looking at new fashions for the department store she works for. Rosalie said that Maria did not visit with her yesterday. Millie was taken aback by this because she was so sure it was Maria that she saw in front of Rosalie’s house. Rosalie then asked Millie, “What time was it when you thought that you saw Maria in front of my house?” Millie responded, “It was early evening, before the dinner hour. I was taking some garbage out front at the time.” Rosalie said that was impossible. She told Millie that right after visiting with her yesterday, she immediately returned Franco’s phone call, then headed to the supermarket to pick up some chicken for dinner. She also mentioned that she had run into an old friend, Michael Conte, then headed straight home after chatting awhile with Michael. With a horrified look on her face, Rosalie added, “The only visitors I had yesterday were the eerie voices coming up from the cellar Millie. I did not see Maria at all. She left for Europe for a couple of days…As a matter of fact, Maria had called Franco’s cell phone yesterday, before she left for Europe, to let him know how concerned she was for me.”

  …Rosalie patiently waited through some uncomfortable silence for a reaction from Millie. To Rosalie’s surprise, Millie admitted that perhaps she was mistaken then. She added that her eyesight has not been at its best lately. Maybe who she actually saw was Irene the mail lady, who just happens to be a woman with dark hair just like Maria and sometimes delivers the mail late in the day towards early evening. Rosalie, with a sigh of relief, agreed, and said she was sure that’s who Millie had seen, because she believes the mail did arrive late yesterday. It was definitely not Maria. Millie nodded, then said that she was really glad to know that Maria was concerned for Rosalie’s well-being by checking in with Franco before she left for Europe. Rosalie peered at Millie and said, “I told you Maria is a good friend Millie. Trust me, she is like a sister to me and always has been. I hope you can see that.” Millie calmly responded, “Okay dear, if you say so. I believe you. Old Millie here is too cautious for her own good sometimes. I’ll try to keep an open mind about Maria. Give my love to Franco.”

  As Rosalie tried to leave for a second time, Millie again called her back. She asked Rosalie to forgive her for being a bit intrusive, but she was very curious about this Michael Conte, the old friend Rosalie ran into yesterday. She didn’t want Rosalie to leave without telling her all about Michael. Rosalie laughed and asked Millie if she could share a seat next to her on the sofa for a few minutes so she could tell Millie all about Michael Conte. Millie obliged immediately as she perked up and listened intently with undivided attention. Rosalie knew nothing got past Millie. Millie was like an inquisitive reporter – in a good way though. She always meant well, but never passed up an opportunity for more details on any subject. So as Rosalie sensed the wheels turning in Millie’s brain, she went on to tell her about her “old college friend”, Michael Conte. She told Millie how wonderful it felt to run into him yesterday, since he had a special way of soothing all the chaos going on in Rosalie’s life right now just by his mere presence. Rosalie happily added that she had run into Michael again, earlier today, while walking over to the Post Office. Millie said, “Oh how nice for you dear.” She then asked, “Have you told him about what you’re going through?” Rosalie gently placed her hands on Millie’s shoulders, drew her closer, then stated with great certainty, “Of course not Millie. You don’t expect me to share that information with someone outside of my very close circle now, do you? I don’t want to be known as the “crazy” woman that lives in the third house off the corner.” Millie laughed heartily and whispered in Rosalie’s ear that she understood completely, but that she should keep this Michael Conte on the back burner. Rosalie asked Millie what exactly did she mean by that. Millie, always with honesty and sheer concern, uttered to Rosalie that Rosalie is going to need all the support she can get while she works through this issue of hearing those awful voices, impacted by the effects they are having on her relationship with Franco. Millie advised that if she trusts this Michael gentleman, she should consider making him a confidant somewhere down the road. Rosalie thought for a moment, then told Millie that she is so full of wisdom and admires her for that. She stated to Millie that she would most definitely heed her advice, because even Rosalie knows she is going to need a strong support system to get her through this ordeal - and Michael may just be the one to go to. After all, she thought to herself, they are old college buddies. It’s not like they are complete strangers. Besides, Michael even admitted having feelings for Rosalie, so of course she would consider Michael at some point, just not now. Rosalie feared that it would be too soon to drop news like that into his lap…Rosalie then got up from her seat on Millie’s sofa and tried saying her “good-byes” again, while Millie followed close behind toward the front door.

  Rosalie turned to give Millie a kiss on the cheek, then quickly asked if Millie thought that Michael could possibly be the person her parents warned about when they came through to the medium Jacqueline Price. Rosalie admitted to Millie that the thought did cross her mind that perhaps Michael could be the one to come between Rosalie and Franco, but she also felt he was just too nice of a person to do something like that; yet on the other hand, Rosalie questioned the timing. She asked, “Why did I run into Michael at this particular time in my life Millie?” To that, Millie firmly responded that she did not want to hear such nonsense coming from Rosalie anymore. She reiterated that Rosalie really needed to let her parents rest in peace. She practically ordered Rosalie, in a caring manner, to forget about this psychic and work on getting to the bottom of the true issue here, and that issue is all about the voices Rosalie hears. Millie promised that once Rosalie works through her problem, everything else will fall into place the way it should be. She added that only Rosalie can take that first step in order to do that and suggested that maybe God put Michael in Rosalie’s path at this point in her life to help her through this, and that Rosalie should just let things happen naturally. Millie suggested that Rosalie should consider Michael as a guardian angel and cherish that thought for now.

  Before Rosalie stepped down from Millie’s porch, Millie again said with conviction, “Keep that young man on the back burner dear.” Rosalie felt her anxiety level drop to almost a complete calm after talking to Millie. She thought to herself that Millie could be absolutely right about Michael coming into her life at this point in time. Millie’s words just echoed in her ears – “Keep that young man on the back burner dear.” Rosalie planned on doing just that because Michael was special.

  As Rosalie walked back to her house a few doors down, she felt the anxiety creeping up on her again like a cold chill. She wasn’t ready to go into her house right now, for fear of hearing those voices. Instead, she decided to make her way over to the local library and use the internet to research “schizophrenia” and hearing voices. This would be the first step Rosalie needed to take to confront her situation. She had to empower herself with good information in order to rule things out and learn the truth about herself so she could move on with her life and deal with the voices in the cellar.

  …The library was tranquil and the silence calming, allowing Rosalie to do her research in peace. As she searched the internet, clicking on all the topics she could find on the subject, what she eventually discovered brought sudden relief to her. She was elated to learn that the display of bizarre or delusional behavior is a big factor here and, to her delight, she does not possess any of those behaviors. Rosalie sat at the computer reading on and feeling better by the minute. She was content that she had found some explanation in her favor. She
joyfully put her hand up to her mouth and giggled into her fist, whispering to herself that she does not have schizophrenia, mental illness or personality disorder. She does suffer from mood swings periodically, but that has already been documented by her psychiatrist and attributed to her panic disorder. She is actually a pretty calm, in control, responsible and sane person who suddenly began hearing voices from her cellar. No other issues come into play. So convinced about who she isn’t, Rosalie must now find out who she is and what the heck is going on with these voices. She is certain more than ever that speaking to her psychiatrist is not the answer for her right now. That could probably make things worse at this stage of the game. Rosalie is now willing to rely only on herself and Millie’s great wisdom to figure things out, even if Franco is not onboard anymore. Although she wants so much to save their relationship, she cannot be responsible for how Franco feels, she cannot control that. She can only control herself. So after spending a couple of more hours at the library thumbing through some writers’ magazines on developing strong characters and good plot in fiction, she sat back in her cushioned library chair to rest her tired eyes and dwell in silent bliss for awhile…