Voices

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Voices Page 12

by Phyllis P. Colucci


  Suddenly a look of enlightenment came across Maria’s face as she slowly followed Rosalie up the stairs to the apartment. Maria was starting to figure this out but didn’t want to start anything. She was still confused and unsure about Rosalie’s behavior towards her so she decided to let it go for now. Franco was standing at the apartment door waiting for them with a welcoming smile. He stepped back out of the way so Rosalie and Maria could enter. Maria, trying to make light of what she perceived as a strange confrontation between herself and Rosalie, smiled back at Franco and gave him a friendly hug. Rosalie just bit her lip as she watched Franco place his arms around Maria’s waist and pull her close as if he hadn’t seen her in years. Maria then said to Franco, “Um…I love your cologne. You smell so good, doesn’t he Rosalie?” Rosalie glared at Maria and responded, “Yes he does. So nice of you to notice.”

  Franco, with a strange look on his face, said, “Am I missing something here? The air is so thick I can cut it with a knife.” Both Maria and Rosalie quickly glanced at each other but neither one spoke a word. If looks could kill, Maria would have been dead, and she knew it too. However, continuing to make light of the situation, Maria happily removed two gift boxes from the shopping bag on her arm. She handed one to Franco and one to Rosalie, telling them both that she brought back gifts from the new clothing line they are developing in Europe, stating that the gifts were nothing big, just accessory items; adding that it was a very short trip this time, as she was assigned to check in on their crew in Europe then rush right back to New York. Maria stated that she was really happy to be back home. “New York is where my heart is,” she joked, “and these short trips are tiring. I expected to be there another day or so, but the bosses wanted me back here on a new project right away. Either way, I get my salary – and a good one at that...and I get to see you guys.” The next time she promised to bring back a European-cut dress shirt for Franco and a fancy designer blouse for Rosalie, right from their showroom.

  …Franco opened his gift first. He pulled out from the open box a very extravagant and obviously super-expensive silk tie. It was dark navy with a few gray and white stripes running diagonally across the middle of it. Maria took the tie from Franco’s hands and placed it around his neck, telling him how nice the color goes with his skin. She turned to Rosalie and asked what she thought. Rosalie, responding with little emotion, commented that the tie was very nice and navy was one of Franco’s favorite colors. Maria smiled and said, “This tie was actually worn by one of our male models for a print ad. It’s a popular color for men.”

  …It was evident to both Maria and Franco that Rosalie was very upset. However, Franco thanked Maria for the beautiful tie, then asked Rosalie to open her gift. Rosalie apprehensively opened the box only to discover an exquisite silk scarf beneath the perfectly folded pink tissue paper. She removed the scarf from the box and dangled it in midair for all to see, commenting that the red and black paisley design was very unique and that she appreciated Maria’s thoughtfulness. Maria said, “Scarves are very popular with women in Europe these days. That scarf will look beautiful with your black cashmere coat Rosalie.” She then approached Rosalie with a big hug trying very hard not to react to the stiffness in Rosalie’s body. Franco, unwilling to accept what was transpiring between Rosalie and Maria right before his eyes, demanded an explanation. Instead, what he got was dead cold silence from both Rosalie and Maria. Rosalie was silent because of her anger toward Maria and Maria was silent because of her confusion about that. This further agitated Franco. He told them that he had to rush off to work but he wasn’t leaving until someone explained to him what the heck was going on. Maria just shrugged her shoulders, looking to Rosalie for answers. Now both Franco and Maria were staring at Rosalie patiently awaiting a response.

  All Rosalie could say was exactly what she was feeling at this moment. She looked directly at Maria and asked her why she felt it necessary to contact Franco the first time, before she left for Europe, about Rosalie’s well-being; and then again yesterday about her early return from Europe and her visiting them this morning? Rosalie firmly reminded Maria that best friends talk to each other and that Rosalie is, in fact, capable of speaking directly to Maria about her well-being and anything else for that matter. Maria grabbed Rosalie’s hand and nodded, stating that now she fully understands why Rosalie acted the way she did towards her when she answered the door a few minutes ago. Maria apologized for making that first call to Franco, but went on to explain that she honestly felt that since Rosalie was going through such a bad time hearing those voices in her head, she didn’t want to upset her any more by checking in with her and letting her know that she was deeply concerned for her. She thought calling Franco would be a better choice. As far as calling Franco yesterday about her early return from Europe and her visit this morning, Maria didn’t see where that would be a problem since she would be seeing Rosalie today anyway. Maria apologized again for upsetting Rosalie over this, but explained to Rosalie that when she pulled out her cell phone initially to call the house yesterday, Franco’s cell number came up first, so she went with that number. She assured Rosalie that it was all very innocent.

  Rosalie was not at all satisfied with that explanation and knew that she and Maria would have lots to talk about once Franco left for work. So with that, Rosalie went over to Franco, kissed him on the lips, and told him to have a nice day, that he really should get moving before he ends up late for work. Franco agreed, but asked that both Rosalie and Maria fix whatever is going on between them because it’s not worth ruining a lifelong friendship over. Rosalie promised Franco that she and Maria would talk after he leaves. So as Franco made his way out the apartment door, Rosalie invited Maria over to the kitchen table for tea.

  Maria, always wearing her ego on her sleeve and exuding self confidence at all times, suddenly found herself sitting in Rosalie’s kitchen at a loss for words, sheepishly fiddling with the many rings upon her fingers while awaiting the wrath from her dearest friend Rosalie. The atmosphere around them was torture for Maria, especially not knowing what to expect next. So Maria just sat quietly, forcing a smile now and then, waiting for all hell to break loose. She could see it in Rosalie’s eyes - a look and a demeanor that was purely out of character for sweet Rosalie. For the first time ever, Maria was a bit frightened of her best friend. Not frightened for her life, but frightened over the possibility of a now tainted friendship.

  …As Rosalie served the tea, Maria stretched her hands out to help, gently guiding Rosalie towards the two dainty, floral-patterned teacups set out on the kitchen table, carefully watching her pour the hot tea from the large teapot. Rosalie placed the teapot back on the stove and took a seat across from Maria. She was prepared to put her feelings out on the line to Maria without a second thought; and that’s exactly what she did. Rosalie wanted the truth, right from Maria’s mouth. She wanted Maria to further explain why Maria felt the need to contact Franco, not once, but twice, instead of calling Rosalie directly with her concerns for Rosalie and then regarding Maria’s return from Europe and her plans to visit this morning.

  Maria looked down at her teacup, unable to make eye contact with Rosalie, and simply stated that she loved Rosalie so much so that she just couldn’t bear facing the fear and anguish that was tearing Rosalie apart, by speaking with Rosalie directly at the time. She stressed that she hated leaving for Europe knowing that Rosalie may need her close at hand. Maria also went on to say that she didn’t want to call Rosalie directly for fear of setting her back even more by learning that Maria was that concerned for her. So Maria thought it best to call Franco instead, to let him know about her concerns for Rosalie and to promise that she would be available by cell phone at any time if they needed anything at all while she was away in Europe for a couple of days. Rosalie responded that she could truly accept that reasoning if it were the truth. She then asked Maria, once again, why Maria felt the need to call Franco the second time to let him know about her return from Europe and her visit thi
s morning, because that information had absolutely nothing to do with Rosalie’s well-being and weakened state. She could have called Rosalie directly. Rosalie warned Maria that she wanted only honesty from her. Maria, looking terribly hurt and uneasy, responded that she already told Rosalie “why”, before. So Maria repeated herself again by saying Franco’s cell number popped up first on her phone so she called him first. There was absolutely no other reason behind this. Maria stressed that they are all such good friends, that this shouldn’t be a big deal, and she felt that Rosalie was making a mountain out of a molehill. To add insult to injury, Maria lashed out at Rosalie suggesting that perhaps all of this crazy stuff going on with the voices in Rosalie’s head is causing her to doubt the people closest to her and making her lose trust in them for no logical reason. Maria added that this is very detrimental to Rosalie’s well-being and could possibly destroy any connection Rosalie has with the people who really care about her, the same people who are willing to stick around and support her through this ordeal, namely Maria and Franco.

  Rosalie, beside herself with anger, accused Maria of joining forces with Franco behind her back. Maria shouted back that Rosalie is now becoming paranoid, stressing that this is a dangerous component to add to the “voices” in Rosalie’s head. In defense of her actions, Maria clearly stated that all she was trying to do was support the both of them by staying in touch. She screamed out, “What does it matter Rosalie, whether I call you or Franco first? The important thing here is that I stay in touch with both of you. I’m here for both of you no matter what. Is this the thanks I get for supporting you and Franco, Rosalie? Is this the thanks I get for loving both of you like family?” Maria, seeing that Rosalie was about to cry, became quite upset at the thought of her having brought Rosalie to this point since Rosalie is already in a fragile state. She knew Rosalie had enough to deal with. So Maria got up from her seat at the table, walked over to Rosalie, and threw her arms around her trying desperately to convince her that she would do anything to take her pain away. Maria apologized for coming down so hard on Rosalie. Rosalie grabbed onto Maria’s arms and held them tightly. With tears streaming down her face and lips quivering uncontrollably, Rosalie expressed to Maria how truly sorry she was for her behavior today and admitted that she never felt so out of control. She yelled out, “What is happening to me Maria?” Maria just held Rosalie closer, gently rubbing her back and stroking her hair. She whispered to her that she will be there for Rosalie and will never let her down. She promised Rosalie that they would work through this together, and together they will conquer those “voices”.

  Rosalie felt so safe in Maria’s arms and so thankful to have her support. The sisterly love they shared was something Rosalie needed more than ever at this time in her life. She now felt secure enough to talk openly and honestly to Maria about her feelings, knowing that Maria was truly on her side. Rosalie felt immense guilt over doubting her very best friend and for not trusting her motives; and then questioning her about them as well. Rosalie felt like a terrible person and an awful friend…So they both took their seats at the kitchen table, once again, as Rosalie confided in Maria.

  Rosalie explained how terrified and how all alone she feels having to deal with hearing these voices in her home. She admitted that she is tormented by them on a daily basis and she just doesn’t know where to turn or how to deal with this. Listening to Rosalie with undivided attention, Maria responded as only a concerned friend would. First she took a napkin from the napkin holder on Rosalie’s kitchen table and began wiping Rosalie’s tears away. Then she took her hand and pushed back the loose strands of hair from Rosalie’s face and whispered, “You are not alone Rosalie. Take my strength. Use my strength. Feel it my friend…my sister. Let it carry you.” Rosalie grabbed both Maria’s hands in hers and just shook them in appreciation, unable to utter a word through her tears.

  After a few moments of sisterly bonding, Maria, out of the clear blue, suggested the unthinkable. Rosalie could not believe her ears. Where did these words come from? How did Rosalie’s safety net suddenly disappear from under her? She abruptly pulled away from Maria as if the devil himself appeared before Rosalie’s eyes in the form of her friend. “How could you suggest such a thing to me, Maria?” Rosalie screamed. Rosalie was so enraged that Maria jumped with fright causing her teacup to fall off the edge of the table, onto the floor, shattering into tiny bits and pieces. Maria, while on her knees picking up the broken pieces, calmly responded back by saying that her suggestion was meant to help Rosalie to find the answers she needs so she can move on with her life; not to hurt her. Maria tried so hard to make Rosalie understand that perhaps her suggestion is the only way to really get to the root of the voices in Rosalie’s head. Maria added that she doesn’t know what else to do for her and begged Rosalie to consider the fact that they need to start somewhere.

  Rosalie raised her voice to a much higher pitch and yelled, “So you think committing myself to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation is the way to go? Is this your way of helping me Maria, or are you trying to get me out of the way for some reason? Or do you believe I’m crazy?” Maria, fighting to remain calm, compassionately explained to Rosalie that getting a full psychiatric evaluation would be the way to go. She stressed that Rosalie would have true professionals looking after her. The guessing and confusion would finally be over and Rosalie would have her answers. Maria promised that these professionals would give Rosalie the help she needs, not to mention peace of mind. Maria expressed that she truly feels Rosalie is suffering from some sort of panic or stress disorder more than anything else, and being evaluated at this time will determine exactly why she is hearing voices. Maria looked Rosalie in the eye and asked, “Don’t you want to find out what’s going on with you? Wouldn’t you want to do this for both you and Franco?” Rosalie stared right back at Maria with frightened eyes wide open, and accused Maria of wanting Rosalie out of the way for awhile so she could conveniently comfort Franco during Rosalie’s absence. Maria, at a loss for words, just shook her head in disbelief. Rosalie then added, “I see the way you look at Franco. Not like a friend, Maria. It goes way beyond that. Your little love taps and smiling eyes are a dead giveaway. They speak mouthfuls. Did you think I didn’t notice? Now getting me out of the way would work perfectly for you, wouldn’t it Maria?”

  Maria quickly grabbed her things and headed toward the door in disgust. She turned back one time only to say that now she believes Rosalie has a lot more going on in her head than just hearing voices. She practically ordered Rosalie to discuss the matter with Franco, and see what he says; because if Rosalie felt so secure in her relationship, she would never think that Maria, her very best friend, would be making a move on Franco. As she reached for the doorknob to leave the apartment, Maria told Rosalie to give her a call when she calms down and regains her sanity. With that, Maria let herself out and slammed the door behind her.

  Rosalie ran into the bedroom to take a xanax. She became so unnerved that she needed to calm her anxiety and numb her pain. After taking the xanax, she made her way over to Millie’s house to pour her heart out to a trusted family friend who would offer her words of wisdom and motherly advice; a trusted family friend who would dry her tears and protect her from the evils of life.

  …Millie, listening attentively to Rosalie’s account of her visit with Maria this morning, just nodded silently like a psychotherapist. Rosalie confided to Millie that her main concern was that Maria would get Franco to join forces with her and, in so doing, would convince Franco to have Rosalie sign herself into a psychiatric hospital for further evaluation. This terrified Rosalie. Rosalie felt she didn’t have a prayer if both her best friend and her boyfriend sided against her, having her believe they were helping her.

  Still nodding, without uttering a word, Millie stretched her arms out to Rosalie, grabbing both Rosalie’s hands with her fragile grip, making sure their eyes remained focused on each other. At that moment, Millie responded in her motherly and protective fashi
on, warning Rosalie to be vigilant when it comes to Maria and to be sure that Rosalie gets to Franco before Maria does so Rosalie can nip Maria’s suggestion in the bud, before it gains any merit with Franco. Rosalie needed to put her spin on the situation tonight with Franco, and not give Maria the chance to build her case. Millie is convinced more now than before that Maria is the problem here and that she could possibly be trying to break up Franco and Rosalie. What perfect way than to persuade Franco that Rosalie is mentally unstable. Millie then emphasized that Maria may do this while pretending to be a friend to both of them. Rosalie was so distraught that she couldn’t even fathom the thought of her very best friend doing something like this to her. It was unreal. Rosalie was sick to her stomach at the realization that Maria would use Rosalie’s mental state to destroy Rosalie and Franco and gain Franco in the process.

  Millie urged Rosalie to be strong and to be aware of Maria’s every move. Millie assured Rosalie that she was behind her one hundred percent and knows in her heart that there is nothing mentally wrong with Rosalie other than her panic disorder. Millie added that her panic disorder certainly does not warrant a stay in a psychiatric hospital. She reminded Rosalie that Rosalie has been doing fine all along before all this happened. There is something not right, something sinister at work here, and Millie warned Rosalie that she must convince Franco of that so she can gain his full support to get to the bottom of things. Millie wiped Rosalie’s tears away with the back of her aging hand and leaned over to kiss her forehead. Rosalie hugged Millie with every ounce of her being, thanking her from the bottom of her heart for believing in her, as she made her way out the door. Before closing the door behind her, Rosalie could hear Millie saying, “Be strong Rosalie. I’ll be praying for you. Please keep your eye on Maria. I warned you about her dear.” Rosalie responded, “I know Millie. Thank you and please don’t worry, I will handle things. I love you Millie.” Millie ran to her front window and watched until Rosalie disappeared from her view. She was deeply concerned. She walked over to her makeshift altar and prayed.

 

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