Voices

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Voices Page 17

by Phyllis P. Colucci


  Rosalie backed away from Franco and asked him to go back to where he was sitting. She couldn’t stand his false gestures of comfort, and hated the look of pity on his face. Rosalie painfully told Franco that what she needed from him was his unconditional support. Instead he chose to side with Maria and set up an intervention. If not tonight, then some other night, in order to have Rosalie committed. Franco responded that he was at his wits end and wasn’t able to think clearly. The issue with the voices was just too close for comfort now and Maria was the only one able to see things more objectively. He went on to explain that since Maria was Rosalie’s best friend, he trusted that she could take the reins and help them through this chaos. Rosalie just looked at Franco in disbelief. She cried out saying that Franco should have been the one to take the reins. He should have been strong enough to want to support Rosalie through this instead of questioning her sanity. He should be the one fighting to get to the bottom of this; yet he chose to fall prey to Maria’s agenda. Rosalie demanded that Franco take a better look at the situation here so he could see that Maria is only trying to push Rosalie out of the way so that she can take Rosalie’s place with Franco. Franco found this hard to believe since Maria and Rosalie were like sisters. Rosalie begged Franco to open his eyes. She admitted that at first she felt that these thoughts of Maria’s disloyalty and betrayal were just part of her imagination running wild, but she was convinced otherwise when she took notice of the way Maria spoke and acted around Franco. She told Franco he was oblivious to all of this because sometimes men could be so dense and just unable to pick up on things as quickly as women can. Rosalie further stated that this whole thing with Maria is destroying her because she needs the support of a good friend more now than ever. Instead what Rosalie realized, and tried to convey to Franco, was that Maria took advantage of Rosalie’s weakened state and blew it way out of proportion, trying to convince Franco and Dr. Whitman that Rosalie was going off the deep end. Rosalie explained to Franco that Maria is a lonely girl and this loneliness has pushed Maria to the point of no return, where she will do anything to fill that void in her life, even hurting her best friend Rosalie.

  Franco listened attentively, then reminded Rosalie that it was Maria who came up with the idea of getting Ms. Jacqueline Price, the psychic medium, to do a walk-through down the cellar, in hopes of finding answers for Rosalie. Rosalie just laughed at Franco, insisting that Maria was setting her plan in motion to destroy Rosalie so she could get her hands on Franco. She added that in hindsight she sees this all very clearly now. She noticed back then that Maria had her eye on Franco, but Rosalie dismissed it all because she trusted Maria so much and felt so guilty having such bad thoughts about Maria. Now Rosalie knows those thoughts were right on track. She begged Franco to try to see it too, but Franco just couldn’t. He was confused by all of this because Rosalie and Maria shared a lifetime of friendship together. This just didn’t make any sense to him. Rosalie told Franco it didn’t make any sense to her either, but the signs are there. He needs to face the truth before he falls right under Maria’s spell, destroying Rosalie in the process.

  Franco just stood quiet for a very long time, taking all of this in. Rosalie could see the wheels turning in his brain. Then he asked, “What about the voices, Rosalie? You admit that you’re still hearing voices. Can’t you understand that your best friend, and me of course, would be very concerned for you? I still think you’re reading Maria all wrong. You’re taking her concern for you and turning it into betrayal because this is so painful for you and you want to distract yourself from the reality of the situation.” Rosalie couldn’t believe her ears. She almost thought for a few seconds that she may be able to get through to Franco as far as Maria is concerned, but she was wrong. Franco just can’t see the game Maria is playing because he can’t find an explanation as to why Rosalie keeps hearing these voices. Maria knew this about Franco and jumped right on it so she could use Rosalie’s torment to draw her closer to Franco, instead of trying to figure out what was really going on here. Maria knew Rosalie since they were young kids together, how could she now think that Rosalie is mentally unstable? Knowing Rosalie, why can’t Maria consider that just maybe something else is happening here and opt to help Rosalie find out what it is. No, that’s not the case here, that’s just not in Maria’s plan. Maria wants Franco and she saw an opportunity to get him at Rosalie’s expense. Franco is so blind to this.

  Rosalie just looked at Franco with a hopeless stare and a broken heart. Although she planned on asking Franco to leave the apartment tonight, she thought during their conversation that maybe she wouldn’t have to. She tried convincing herself that Franco just might come around and see things her way, and wake up to Maria’s vicious game. Rosalie truly felt that Franco would see that what Rosalie was saying made perfect sense. Instead, he continued to defend Maria’s actions and question Rosalie’s mental state. Rosalie had no other recourse than to ask Franco to leave. How could she live with someone who doesn’t believe in her, who stares at her with pity and watches her in fear?

  Rosalie continued to study Franco and saw that he was convinced that Maria was an innocent friend trying to help both of them. His belief is that Rosalie is still hearing voices and there is nothing more to say. He wasn’t going to budge. Deep down inside Rosalie knows that Franco will never support her until she gets evaluated. In his mind, that is the only way to go in order to explain the voices. His mind is now closed to anything else. Maria has won. Without further complicating matters by postponing the inevitable, Rosalie asked Franco to please pack his bags and leave. There was nothing more to discuss.

  Franco seemed to welcome that suggestion, which just added more insult to injury for Rosalie. He quietly walked into the bedroom and started packing a few things. He told Rosalie that he’d be sleeping at the construction company he works for because they have some cots there for emergencies. He politely advised Rosalie to reconsider her relationship with Maria and to put her trust in her by accepting Maria’s help and support. He urged Rosalie to think about contacting Dr. Whitman for a “very needed” psychiatric evaluation. Franco, although he had tears in his eyes, warned Rosalie that if she doesn’t make an effort to get to the bottom of these voices, she will be destroying whatever is left of their relationship. As Franco made his way to the apartment door with duffel bag in hand, Rosalie said, “How convenient Franco. Now you’re free to join Maria. She got what she wanted. How blind are you?” Franco responded, “You asked me to leave Rosalie, not Maria.” Rosalie screamed, “You already left me before you packed your little bag Franco!” Franco did not respond to that last remark. He just walked out of the apartment and slammed the door behind him. Once again Rosalie was on her own. Only this time she was truly alone. Franco may never be back in her life again, she thought; and her very best friend was behind it all. Maria instigated this turn of events, and Franco fell for it – hook, line and sinker. This is the beginning of the end of their relationship, whether Franco realizes it or not. Maria will be waiting in the wings for him, for sure.

  …Rosalie had no one to turn to tonight. She didn’t want to call and disturb Michael, and she certainly didn’t want to upset Millie. This was a pain she had to endure alone, accepting the facts that she had no one to comfort her tonight, no one to dry her tears, no one to hold her in bed until she fell asleep, and no one to wake up to in the morning. All she had left tonight was the companionship of another xanax and the threat of the “voices” from down the cellar.

  Rosalie was deeply hurt; tortured by feelings of abandonment, a bruised ego, and the loss of a love she thought could never die. Although Rosalie and Franco had many arguments in the past as many couples do, and she’s found herself alone in bed as a result of those many arguments, tonight it felt too real. Tonight it felt too final. She wanted to die. Rosalie stripped herself naked, popped a xanax, threw herself into her bed, rolled herself up into a ball, and hid beneath the chilled sheets. She was frightened, shaken, and unable to compose herself
. She shivered uncontrollably under the bed covers, feeling her own nakedness with her bare hands, pretending it was Franco touching her body. She couldn’t handle being alone; but alone she was and alone she would remain tonight. All she could do was hang onto her tear-stained pillow and pray for God’s mercy. She hit rock bottom and remained fearful of the uncertainty of the days and weeks to come.

  CHAPTER EIGHT – TOMORROW COMES

  Somehow Rosalie had made it through the night. She believed that by the grace of God and her one xanax she was able to fall asleep, stay asleep, and wake up to another day. She wondered if the voices were there during the night while she slept. Those voices always seemed to know when she was alone, and alone she was indeed. However, Rosalie did keep her bedroom door closed. Perhaps that was added insurance against the torment of the voices. Regardless, Rosalie was thankful. She couldn’t even imagine the state of mind she’d be in this morning if the voices had called out to her after Franco had left the apartment last night. Fortunately, they had not, and Rosalie woke up to a new day. She made her bed, stepped into the shower, got dressed, cried a few tears of self-pity, then had a quick cup of instant coffee with some rye toast. Although she woke up with a nervous stomach and was surrounded by complete loneliness, Rosalie felt the morning was as normal a morning as she could ever hope to ask for under the circumstances. So far, no voices. Yet she knew this wouldn’t last forever. She was at the mercy of those voices. However, feeling good that her day was uneventful so far, she decided to take advantage of that. Rosalie jumped on her computer and outlined a new storyline based on the eerie events taking place in her life. She felt compelled to do this. She was a writer and writing was her outlet. This was great therapy for her and a strong step in coming to terms with the “voices” and the loss of Franco as well. She thought if she could get her feelings on paper, this may give her the strength to move on and keep things in perspective until she could solve this mystery. This was a productive way of confronting these demons. It would make one heck of a story too, that’s for sure. So Rosalie sat at that computer and typed away…She thought to herself, “If by some strange miracle this story gets published, then ‘the end really does justify the means’ – strangely of course; but thank you for that one Mr. Niccolo Machiavelli. I read ‘The Prince’ and I understand exactly what you meant both politically – and in my case, personally. Stand your ground! To hell with Franco and Maria!”

  Rosalie finished up her outline, shut down the computer, quickly grabbed her bag, jacket, keys and cell phone and made her way out of the apartment and out of the house. Things were going too smoothly right now. She did not want to risk that by staying alone in the house too long. She did not want the voices to catch up with her, so poor Rosalie was on the run. It felt like a race against time. As she locked the front door, she asked herself, “Where do I go now? I feel like I’m being pushed out of my own home by something I can’t even see, yet something that puts the fear of the devil in me everyday! Something that lives with me everyday! Something that is attached to me and won’t let go!” Those thoughts were grueling. Rosalie did not feel safe in her own home. Yet, it was so early in the morning that she had no idea where she would go. She felt homeless, she felt alone, and she was scared. However, Rosalie didn’t want to roam the streets with no direction, looking like she was out of touch with the world, so she picked up the local newspaper and headed to the new café that opened around the corner from her house. She grabbed a seat at a small table near the window, ordered a green tea, then thumbed through the paper like anyone else would do. Rosalie wasn’t like anyone else though. She was running to save her soul, to save her life, to save her sanity. Yet, in order to survive this morning, she needed this distraction. Rosalie quickly skimmed over numerous articles about the goings on in the neighborhood, the real estate trends, and some restaurant advertisements, just to pass the time and shelter herself from the constant horrific thoughts that taunt her on a daily basis. She read about the new condos going up that were replacing neighborhood shops and the quaint little row houses Rosalie loved so much. She read on and on about all the changes in the area. It saddened her to witness the neighborhood, Rosalie’s neighborhood, losing its “old-world charm” day by day to developers. Rosalie recalls all the new restaurants opening up throughout the neighborhood blocks, offering strange dishes on their menus, while a new breed of “human” begins to invade Rosalie’s Brooklyn. The neighborhood has gotten so congested that even the parking spaces are like “gold”. Rosalie was getting more and more agitated as she read on. She then stopped for a moment and realized that her problems are a lot bigger and a lot worse than what’s going on in the neighborhood and the world around her. Yet, Rosalie had a bad habit of letting news reports and newspaper articles add to her problems, making her more depressed and more prone to a panic attack. Well it was either that, or focus on the “voices”. She chose the lesser of two evils this morning; the “newspaper”. So Rosalie continued to read and turn the pages of the newspaper as she remained distracted from what was really going on in her life...Soon enough, however, she closed the paper in front of her and sadly stared down into her cup of green tea, slipping back into the reality of her life, hoping for answers that just weren’t there. She is right back to her own disaster, the disaster that haunts her each and everyday. There is no longer any peace for Rosalie. Will she ever find it again?

  …The thoughts of last night continue to eat away at her brain and her heart, burning her insides. It feels like someone lit a flame in the pit of her stomach just to watch her burn from the inside out. Who was she kidding, trying to mask things by running out of her house and hiding behind a newspaper in a local café? She felt so lost and so desperate, and needed to put out that flame in the pit of her stomach that was burning her alive. How? What could she do to help herself? Even dear Michael and sweet Millie didn’t really have the answers she needed. This feeling sickened her so, but it pushed her to reach out and phone Millie anyway. Millie was her most trusted confidant. She needed to tell Millie about Franco and Maria’s betrayal and to let Millie know how right Millie was about Maria.

  …When all was said and done, Rosalie took Millie’s advice to get in touch with Michael as soon as possible. Millie convinced Rosalie that she needed to speak to Michael immediately about this situation and let him step in to help before things got worse for Rosalie. Millie begged Rosalie to be strong and promised that she would pray for Rosalie – and Michael. As soon as Rosalie ended her conversation with Millie, she ordered another green tea, tossed her newspaper to the side, and began searching for Michael’s number on her cell phone. As soon as she found it, she made her call to Michael.

  Within moments Michael was by Rosalie’s side, sitting across from her at the café. He told Rosalie that after hearing the urgency in her voice, he knew he couldn’t waste another minute. He rushed over as fast as he could. So without wasting a precious second more, Rosalie explained exactly what transpired the evening before between her, Franco and Maria. Michael sat there in shock, staring at Rosalie in disbelief. He assured Rosalie that he would help her unravel this mystery of events that’s destroying her life. He promised her that he will protect her from Franco and Maria. Michael was adamant about that. He firmly stated to Rosalie there was no way he would allow Franco and Maria to convince Rosalie to commit herself into a mental facility for evaluation. He said, “Absolutely no way Rosalie. That’s not happening!” Michael now agreed with Rosalie that perhaps Maria is, in fact, behind all of this. He thinks it all makes sense now, that Maria would use Rosalie’s misfortune to win Franco over. Michael just couldn’t comprehend how Maria, Rosalie’s closest friend, could ever do something like this; but unfortunately, life happens. He was more upset at the fact that Franco could actually fall for Maria’s game and throw Rosalie under the bus in the process. “How oblivious can he be? How stupid can he be?” he asked. Michael added that he doesn’t quite understand about the voices yet, but he plans on getting to the bottom of
that real soon. He told Rosalie that there is more going on here than they realize, but together they can solve this. It’s going to take work and real digging, but he promised Rosalie that she would get her life back. He believes in her and he can see without a doubt that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her sanity. He urged Rosalie to believe that herself. He also commented to Rosalie that he’s glad all this happened last night. It puts both Franco and Maria on notice that they are no longer going to push Rosalie around like a little weakling. He was so happy that Rosalie mustered up the strength to show them both who they are really dealing with. “Good for you,” Michael said. Then he put his arms around Rosalie and gave her a brotherly hug that made her feel safe, warm, loved and cared for.

  …Rosalie’s cell phone began ringing while Michael was still hugging her. She reached for the phone and noticed Franco’s name pop up. She hesitated for a moment, then answered the call. Franco told Rosalie that he would be by the apartment to pick up the rest of his things around noon during his lunch hour, because he thought it best that he continue to stay at the construction company for the time being. He apologized to Rosalie that things got to this point, but he feels they both have to realize that they can’t go on like this until Rosalie admits she is having some mental issues and is willing to address them. He admitted that he still loves Rosalie but they just can’t be together right now because it’s detrimental to their well-being. Rosalie responded, “That’s fine Franco. It’s your decision, do what’s best. I am not going to fight you or Maria any longer. Since you don’t believe me when I say something else is happening here, and you’d rather believe I’m mentally unstable, then please team up with Maria for answers. You can both cry in your beers once this situation is resolved because I will find out what’s really happening here, because the truth will set me free…and by the way, after you pick up your things and lock up, slip your keys under the front door. You are no longer allowed back into my home without calling first!” That was the end of their phone conversation.

 

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