Rosalie realized that she cannot give in to these voices. She just can’t. If she does, she will be destroyed and wrongfully carted off to a mental institution, living on medications and bouncing off walls. “This stuff only happens in the movies,” she yelled. “It is not going to happen to me! I am not crazy and I will prove that,” she screamed. “But not tonight. No, that won’t be happening tonight. My God, I am just so terrified to go down to that cellar. Please God, give me tomorrow. Give me the strength to win back my life!” Rosalie begged. She turned on the kitchen radio, put the volume up as loud as it would go, and successfully drowned out any evidence of the awful, mysterious voices ringing in her ears, tearing at her soul. For now, that’s all she could do to survive the afternoon and evening. Tomorrow will be another day. Yes, she won this battle at the moment – but not the war. The voices are still out there.
Afraid to turn down the radio, Rosalie kept the volume up until Franco came home. It was so loud she could almost feel the kitchen vibrate. She could feel it in her throat. But she couldn’t hear the voices through the loud radio and that was good enough for her now. However, Rosalie was sure that Franco would immediately figure out that she had heard the voices again by the fact that the radio was blasting. She would never keep the radio on that loud and Franco would know something was wrong for sure. Yet, Rosalie really didn’t care what Franco figured out or what he didn’t figure out because he wasn’t willing to help her solve this mystery. He didn’t believe her and that was the end of that. He was only quick to judge her of late, and there was nothing she could do to change his mind. So Rosalie, looking out for herself, just went about her business feeling protected by the company of a very loud radio.
…Before long, evening came and Franco was at the door. He walked in sheepishly, with a look of guilt written all over his face. It almost seemed as if he was about to apologize for doubting Rosalie. He looked remorseful. He looked as if he finally understood her and was willing to offer a helping hand to the woman he loves. Or was it that he just had something else to say to Rosalie that she didn’t want to hear. Maybe he had a plan in mind to further his and Maria’s agenda to get Rosalie committed for evaluation. Franco would surely look guilty about that too. Rosalie, unsure of what Franco was truly feeling or what he wanted to say to her, felt her stomach drop. Something didn’t feel right. Rosalie sensed that something not very good was about to happen…and her intuition was a hundred percent correct. That something was Maria.
Maria followed behind Franco and was soon standing in the middle of Rosalie’s living room. Rosalie couldn’t believe that after their last encounter, Maria would have the audacity to come by the house without warning. Rosalie stood dumbfounded. She didn’t know whether to look at Franco for answers or to just approach Maria. She felt them both closing in on her and she felt her world closing in on her as well. She felt trapped in the abyss with no way out. She had no choice but to first confront Maria. So refusing to allow Maria to invade the privacy of her own home, Rosalie blurted out to her, “What are you doing here?” After a few moments of silence, she asked Maria if the cat got her tongue. But again – more silence. So Rosalie, with a clear sense of what was going on here, looked over at Franco and sarcastically said, “Oh I’m so sorry Franco. How rude of me. I’m sure you and Maria were in touch with each other today and made plans to come here together so that you can both help me, your mentally unstable girlfriend, get help…Am I right? Would you like me to put up a pot of coffee? Maybe tea? We can discuss the plans you both have for me.”
As the silence in the room grew denser than the New York City smog, Rosalie patiently waited for a response from one of them…but no one spoke. Franco looked uncomfortably confused while Maria looked like the snake that she was, trying to crawl back under the rock that she came out of. So Rosalie turned her back on both of them and went into the kitchen, leaving them to wallow in their own embarrassment. Rosalie secretly smiled as she wallowed in her own moment of joy, knowing that Franco and Maria were at a loss for words. They seemed thick as thieves, yet exposed and shamed by Rosalie.
Maria stood in the living room covering her ears as Franco ran into the kitchen to turn off the blasting radio. He stared at Rosalie and asked, “What’s going on here Rosalie?” Rosalie ignored Franco’s question and politely invited Franco and Maria to the table to share her omelet, as if this was a social gathering. Instead, Franco joined Maria as they both took an uninvited seat on the sofa, periodically eyeing each other in wonderment, while still at a loss for words. Rosalie found this quite amusing. So she continued to eat her dinner as if no one else was around, ignoring them both, much to her delight. Rosalie poured herself a second glass of merlot and scraped the remnants of her omelet from her dinner plate with a piece of semolina bread, enjoying her food ‘til the very last bite. Emotional eating seemed so satisfying to her at the moment. As she began to clean up after herself, Franco reentered the kitchen. He just stood there with a blank look on his face, waiting for Rosalie to say something. Rosalie wouldn’t budge. So Franco firmly asked, “Did you hear the voices today Rosalie?” Rosalie responded to Franco with a laugh, saying, “Now that was a silly question Franco. Of course I heard the voices today. That’s why I had the radio playing loudly when you and Maria walked in. I had to drown them out. But you already figured that one out, didn’t you Franco?” Every muscle in Franco’s face tightened from Rosalie’s response. Clearly, that was not what he wanted to hear. He had hoped that Rosalie had said, “No, no voices today Franco.” Unfortunately, she had not. The voices were still around and the extremely loud radio confirmed that.
Without any further response or explanation, Rosalie continued to clean up around the kitchen. She sensed Franco had much more to say to her but his apprehension seemed to take hold of him. Rosalie then gazed over at Maria then back over to Franco, nodding her head in disgust. Before Rosalie could say a word, Franco jumped in. He knew exactly what Rosalie was thinking. He immediately offered an explanation by saying, “I ran into Maria outside the house just now. That’s why we came up here together.” He stressed to Rosalie that no matter how this looks, he was originally alone when he came home just now. He swore that was the God’s honest truth and that Maria came here on her own. He exclaimed, “There was no plan here to gang up on you, Rosalie! I know that’s what you’re thinking, I can see it in your eyes and it’s just not true.”
Rosalie said nothing. She grabbed her half-filled glass of merlot, walked right past Franco, brushing up against him in an antagonizing fashion, then took her seat on the sofa next to her uncharacteristically quiet friend, Maria. Franco followed her to the sofa and stood up in front of her. Maria just sat there like a statue, frozen in time. Franco leaned down a bit to take Rosalie’s hands in his, but Rosalie immediately pulled away from him. She asked him to please not patronize her and to just say what’s on his mind. Rosalie noticed that Franco became upset and looked as if he was about to explode, so she said, “Do yourself a favor and speak up Franco while you have the chance.”
As Franco struggled to get his words out, Maria came to his rescue. Without making eye contact with either of them, Maria began to break her silence. She said that she and Franco were very concerned about Rosalie and, in trying to find a way to help her, they thought perhaps they could set up an “intervention”. Maria further explained that with Franco’s approval, she had previously called Rosalie’s Psychiatrist, Dr. Whitman, and explained the situation about the voices Rosalie was hearing. She added that Dr. Whitman was willing to stop by whenever they called him, so all four of them could sit down and set up a plan for Rosalie to have a psychiatric consultation and evaluation at a mental health facility. Maria thought tonight might be a good time to do that. The sooner the better, for Rosalie.
Franco looked over at Maria and said, “This was a discussion between you and I Maria. Nothing was written in stone and I did not okay an “intervention” for tonight. I didn’t even speak with Dr. Whitman about any of this. Why wo
uld you do this without telling me? Why did you call Dr. Whitman without letting me know first, regardless of my approval to do it? I didn’t even know you were coming by tonight. You were standing outside the house looking pretty surprised when I saw you there. What’s going on Maria? - and Rosalie, this is why I walked in the house tonight looking uncomfortable. I didn’t expect Maria to be joining us tonight and I certainly didn’t want you to get the wrong idea about it. You have to believe that. This isn’t what it looks like.”
Rosalie jumped from her seat and yelled, “How dare you Maria! How dare you come to my home and set up an intervention!” Maria quickly responded that Franco was in agreement with this idea from the moment Maria suggested it. She told Rosalie to stop being so selfish about it and to do what’s right. She stressed that this is killing Franco and he can’t take it anymore. She then added that this is killing her too, because as Rosalie’s best friend it hurts her to know that she is running out of options to help her.
Rosalie was in shock at this point. She grabbed Franco’s face and looked right into his eyes and asked if this is what he wanted. Without uttering a word he nodded in the affirmative, but assured Rosalie he did not plan an “intervention” tonight. Things were only in discussion between him and Maria, although he did okay Maria speaking with Dr. Whitman about the voices. He expected that Maria would have spoken to him first though, before she called Dr. Whitman. Franco apologized to Rosalie about the way things turned out tonight, but promised that he had nothing to do with Maria showing up here. He swore to Rosalie that he is telling the truth. Obviously upset with Maria, Franco just glared at her until she looked away.
Rosalie’s eyes filled up with tears. She was deeply hurt and heartbroken that Franco could be so easily swayed by Maria to go against her. Franco insisted he was not going against her, he just didn’t have a better way to handle this situation. His main goal is to help Rosalie and that’s all that mattered to him. Maria cautiously stepped toward Rosalie and offered her a friendly hand. Rosalie took Maria’s hand and spit right in her palm. She then pointed to the door and ordered Maria to leave the apartment. Maria was shocked. She apologized for upsetting Rosalie, then asked her what she would like her to do about Dr. Whitman. He was planning on joining them at the house once they made the phone call to him. Rosalie handed Maria her purse and told her to get the hell out of her home and to be sure to cancel that appointment with Dr. Whitman for now and any time in the future because there will be no “intervention” tonight or any other night. Maria gathered her things and left the apartment without saying another word. After a few minutes, Franco escaped Rosalie’s wrath by running down the stairs to lock the house up for the night.
Rosalie was sickened to death at this little plan between Franco and Maria. “An intervention,” she thought. Rosalie was so sure more than ever now that Maria was trying to get her out of the way so she could take Rosalie’s place with Franco. Rosalie couldn’t decide whether she was more upset with Maria for instigating this whole thing, or with Franco for falling victim to Maria’s game. Rosalie thought, “How weak can he be?” She just couldn’t believe that Franco was convinced something was mentally wrong with her instead of believing that there was much more to this situation than meets the eye. Rosalie sat on the sofa stunned by this little episode tonight and thought back to Michael’s words, urging her to not give in to Maria and Franco. He warned her that if she does agree to see her psychiatrist, it would be the doctor’s obligation to look into this. This would only spell unnecessary trouble for Rosalie. So while hanging on to those thoughts, she sat patiently on the sofa waiting for Franco to return from locking the front door so she could let him have it. She now knew exactly what to tell Franco. She was going to demand that he phone Dr. Whitman to be sure the doctor doesn’t show up at the apartment tonight. She didn’t trust that Maria would do that. She also wanted Franco to assure Dr. Whitman that Rosalie would be in touch with him at another time, that they would both visit him together. After that, Rosalie planned on asking Franco to pack his bags and leave.
As Rosalie waited for Franco to come back upstairs, she kept going over in her head exactly what she wanted to say to him and how she would say it. This was so difficult for Rosalie because part of her still felt connected to Franco while the other part of her felt betrayed by him. She quickly envisioned life without having Franco by her side, and the thought of that made her nauseous. They were a couple for a very long time. Everything they did, every decision they made, everywhere they went, it was all done together. They were partners, almost as if they were one. How would she go on alone after being part of someone else for so long? Rosalie felt like she was cutting off one of her arms or one of her legs, but she also felt that she had no other choice. Once the trust in a relationship begins to fade and betrayal shows its nasty face, the emotional connection dies. Without that connection, there is no relationship. Accepting that reality brought tears to her eyes, and she tried desperately to wipe them away before Franco entered the apartment. Unfortunately she was too late. She could feel her makeup running down her cheeks just as he stepped into the apartment.
Franco didn’t know where to look or what to say as he tried to avoid making eye contact with Rosalie. He was pacing back and forth, from the living room to the kitchen, from the kitchen to the living room. This was making Rosalie dizzy. She yelled out, “Stop it Franco! Please! You’re running back and forth like a trapped rat! Is that how you feel? Then it serves you right for siding with Maria!” Franco just looked at Rosalie with the saddest eyes she had ever seen. Eyes that were screaming out, “I can’t take this anymore! I don’t know what to do anymore! Where do we go from here?” All seemed hopeless. Franco continued to stare at Rosalie waiting for her to say something, to say IT…almost like he knew what was coming. Rosalie thought that perhaps he sensed that she would ask him to leave the apartment tonight. Thinking that somehow made it a little easier for her to approach the subject. She felt like she was off the hook now. Whether she convinced herself of that or not, she and Franco always knew what the other was thinking, and many times they knew what the other person was about to say before they even said it. She was hoping this was the case tonight. This situation was just too painful to prolong, so the sooner she could get this over with the better.
Franco took a seat at the other end of the sofa, staring down at the floor, waiting for Rosalie to break the silence. He was hoping to hear something, anything that would move them forward one way or another. Desperation was the only thing they had in common right now. Rosalie thought she had better get to the point before she changes her mind, pops a xanax and hides under the bed sheets for the night. She knows she can’t let that happen because it will just prolong the agony of this situation for another day, another night. So she stoically ordered Franco to phone Dr. Whitman and cancel this planned intervention. She added that she didn’t trust Maria to do the right thing. She feared Maria would provide Dr. Whitman with false information about her, leading Dr. Whitman to further investigate this situation, looking for answers that are just not there. She feared Dr. Whitman would press to have her committed to the mental health facility for evaluation which is truly unwarranted at this time. Rosalie pleaded with Franco to do the right thing and make that phone call. Franco seemed a bit hesitant, but he did as Rosalie asked. He called Dr. Whitman under the watchful eyes of, and with instruction from, Rosalie. Franco explained that Rosalie was under some added stress from her writing deadlines but was very willing to come see him as soon as she completed her manuscript. Franco went on to say that Rosalie is taking her xanax as prescribed and he promised that he and Rosalie would visit him together. Rosalie heard Franco respond to Dr. Whitman by saying, “No, she is not a threat to herself or others. She is just suffering from anxiety and panic disorder.” Franco agreed to look after Rosalie and bring her in immediately if things got worse. Dr. Whitman asked to speak to Rosalie, so Franco handed her the phone. Rosalie spoke to Dr. Whitman in the most logical, reasonab
le, and in-control manner as any other sane person would, convincing Dr. Whitman that it would be okay for Rosalie to visit with him at a later date. He advised that she continue taking her xanax when necessary and to be sure she calls him at any time if she needs to speak with him, to which Rosalie agreed. Rosalie was able to ease Dr. Whitman’s mind about her hearing voices by explaining that what she was actually hearing were just the noises of the house that frightened her when she felt upset or anxious. The sounds would magnify in her ears and scare her into thinking they were voices, especially when she was alone. To her surprise, Dr. Whitman accepted that and told Rosalie that he understands her very well because he has been treating Rosalie for a long time now and she has never had a problem like this before. He told her to keep calm, stay rested, and to remember that he is just one phone call away. Rosalie appreciated that and thanked Dr. Whitman from the bottom of her heart for his understanding and his concern. After Rosalie hung up the phone, she thanked Franco for doing as she asked. Franco just nodded and whispered under his breath that this was really against his better judgment, and he believes Rosalie needs to see Dr. Whitman about this right away. Rosalie just broke down in tears. Franco will not give her the benefit of the doubt and she cannot accept this from him.
Franco got up from his seat on the sofa and moved over to where Rosalie was sitting and tried to comfort her by putting his arm around her. He again stressed that he and Maria may have discussed an “intervention” for Rosalie, but no plans were made to go through with it. Maria showed up here on her own tonight pushing the issue. He stated further that Maria went forward with things without discussing them beforehand with Franco. He apologized for that, but still insisted Rosalie needs help and soon.
Voices Page 16