by Helen Lacey
“It came off,” she said, reminding him of the failed contraception the second time they’d had sex that night. “Remember?”
He blinked slowly and gave a vague nod. “So, that…that’s enough to…”
“That’s enough,” she said and smiled for a second. But her smile quickly disappeared.
He didn’t say anything. He looked at her for a moment and then stared down into his linked hands. There was nothing cheerful or positive in his expression. Nothing that made her think he was in any way pleased by what he had heard.
Silence stretched like elastic and Holly twisted her hands in her lap. She had no idea what to say next. Or what to think.
Nothing…he knows…that’s all that matters. Time to get on with life.
“So…there’s no doubt?” he asked finally, looking at her with such scorching intensity she had to meet his gaze.
“No doubt that I’m pregnant?” she shot back. “Or no doubt that it’s yours?”
He nodded fractionally. “Both.”
“No doubt at all,” she said. “But don’t look so freaked out, Marshall. I didn’t tell you because I expect anything from you. I just thought you would want to know.”
He stayed silent. Like he couldn’t have spoken if he’d tried. Not that he was much of a talker anyway. But Holly had expected some kind of reaction. Anything.
“I’m not freaked out, Holly,” he said finally. “I’m surprised. Shocked. And—”
“Disappointed?”
“Surprised,” he said again, firmer this time and she noticed how his gaze darkened fractionally. He took a short breath. “Have you been to see a doctor?”
She nodded. “Yesterday. But I took the home test on the weekend.”
“Have you told your family?”
“I thought I should tell you first.”
“I see. Well, now that I know you should tell your family.”
Irritation snaked up her spine. “I’m not a child, Marshall. I don’t need to be told what to do.”
He was speaking with such quiet control that she knew he must be harnessing all his will to stay focused. He had control by the bucket load. She knew that. It emanated from every pore in his body. But when he was out of control—like he’d been the night of the rodeo, he possessed an intensity that was mind-blowing. At times she’d felt like he was making love to her almost against his own will. And at other times, when he’d spoken her name over and over, or when he’d touched with such blistering passion, it was as though he couldn’t get enough of her.
All water under the bridge now…she reminded herself.
They’d had one night together and he hadn’t come near her since. She didn’t need that message written in stone to get the meaning.
“Do you need anything?” he asked quietly.
You. Holly shook her head. She was done romanticizing about Marshall Harris. “No. I asked Sam if I could stay at the practice for another six months once my contract is up and he’s given me that option.”
“Six months?”
“It will mean I can work up until the baby is born and take some time off before my due date. I’d prefer to have the baby here. I like this town and the community hospital has a good midwifery unit. Unless you would rather I leave?”
“Why would I want that?”
She shrugged. “I guess I thought you might prefer people didn’t know.”
“People?”
Holly sighed impatiently. “People…other people. Your friends and family. You know…people.”
“People can think what they like. They generally do.”
She stared at him. “So…you don’t mind people knowing?”
“That you’re pregnant?” His brows came up. “Well, it isn’t something that can be hidden forever, is it? Not once you start showing.”
Irritation coursed over her skin. “I mean do you mind people knowing that the baby is yours?”
Because he looked like he did mind. A lot.
“I don’t think anyone is going to believe the cabbage patch story, do you?”
Holly gritted her teeth. God, he was impossible. She stood up and grabbed her tote. “No, I don’t imagine they will. Goodnight Marshall.”
He was up with lightning speed and came around the table. “Holly, wait…just give me a minute to—”
“To what,” she shot back. “To think of some other sarcastic response. I don’t want or expect anything from you, understand? And your reaction is exactly what I expected it would be…in typical Marshall Harris style, you have proved what an unfeeling and selfish bastard you truly are.”
He moved to grasp her arm but she pulled away. She was hurting from head to toe. Like she had been for six weeks, when he’d discarded her so easily…as though the night they’d spent together meant nothing to him…as though she meant nothing to him.
Then she was down the steps and safely in her car. Away from him. And alone.
Just as she’d known she would be.
Chapter Two
By the time Marshall returned inside he was numb all over. Sam and Levi stopped their conversation the moment he slid back into the booth.
“You look like hell,” Levi said and pushed a beer toward him.
He stayed silent and took a deep breath.
“It went that good, did it?” Sam asked quietly.
Marshall grabbed the glass and quickly drank half the contents. Once he placed the glass back onto the table he flicked his gaze from one man to the other. They knew him. And he’d never be able to fob them off with a hand wave or a shrug. What did it matter if his friends knew? Once Holly started showing the whole town would know. And he wasn’t about to deny the fact he was her baby’s father. Maybe he was the selfish bastard she’d accused him of being…but he wasn’t a complete ass. If Holly’s baby was his, then he’d do the right thing.
Which meant what?
Marry her?
No! Absolutely not. He already had a wife and he’d lost her. He didn’t want another.
He sucked in a breath and spoke. “Holly’s pregnant.”
Levi almost spat his beer across the table. “Holy freakin’ hell!”
Sam, always the most sensitive of the group, sighed heavily. “And it’s yours?”
He shrugged one shoulder loosely. “Yeah…I guess so.”
“But do you know for sure?” Levi asked, frowning.
“Holly doesn’t lie,” Sam said quietly. “She’s a good person. If she says it’s yours, then it’s yours. You know that, right?”
Marshall nodded. “I know.”
“What does she want?” Levi again, always asking the blunt questions.
“Nothing,” Marshall replied.
I don’t want or expect anything from you, understand? And your reaction is exactly what I expected it would be…in typical Marshall Harris style, you have proved what an unfeeling and selfish bastard you truly are…
Holly’s words echoed through him and shame hit him squarely between the shoulder blades. She had every right to say that to him. For six weeks he’d avoided her. Because he’d been so wrapped up in feeling bad about what happened between them. Guilt was a damn good motivator. And after he’d spent the night with Holly he experienced guilt by the bucket load. Because he’d betrayed Lynette. He’d betrayed their marriage vows.
Marshall glanced at Sam and saw the other man was now frowning. “Something on your mind?”
Sam shrugged. “She asked me if she could stay on at the clinic until after Christmas, so she obviously plans on having the baby here.”
“That’s what she said.”
Sam frowned again. “What are you going to do?”
“Honestly? I have no idea.”
“Would you prefer I didn’t extend her contract?”
Marshall looked at his friend. He knew Sam would stand by him if he said he’d prefer it if Holly wasn’t working at the practice, but he wasn’t about to start making demands. Holly had a right to live her life how she wanted…and if
he was about to become a father, he was pleased she’d be having the baby in Mulhany Crossing.
A father…
It seemed surreal. He’d long ago given up on the idea of being a parent. Lynette’s condition made pregnancy risky and they’d both accepted they wouldn’t have kids.
But now there was Holly. And a baby.
And Marshall had no idea how he should feel. He’d stopped feeling anything over a year and half ago. Losing his wife had made him numb and he’d needed to stay that way to get through each day. Lynette would have understood. But, in typical Lynette style, she would also have told him to man up and accept his responsibility.
“No, of course not. If Holly wants to stay on at the clinic then she should,” he said and pushed his beer away. “I gotta bail. Catch you both later.”
Both men looked like they knew exactly where he was going. But it was Levi who spoke. “Good luck.”
Yeah, he thought as he left the pub and headed for his truck. He was gonna need it.
By the time he pulled up outside Holly’s small house his insides were on fire. He dragged himself out of his truck and shut the door. There was no need to lock cars in Mulhany Crossing. Everyone looked out for their neighbor and anyone who didn’t generally only passed through the town.
It was hot out—summer had started with a vengeance and it was threatening to be one of the hottest on record. Marshall opened the gate and grimaced when it squeaked. There were lights on and he saw a silhouette pass by the window.
Holly.
He ignored the impulse to head back to his car. Six weeks ago he’d walked the same path, that time with Holly, knowing they were going to go inside and make love. Have sex, he corrected himself as he climbed the short set of steps. It was just sex. Nothing more. He took a deep breath and tapped on the door.
Half a minute later the overhead light flicked on and the door opened. Holly remained on the other side of screen, arms crossed, staring at him. She’d changed into long cotton shorts and a red T-shirt and her beautiful hair was falling around her shoulders.
“What do you want, Marshall?”
“I thought we should talk,” he said quietly.
“I’m pretty sure I heard everything I need to hear.”
Impatience frayed his nerves. “Don’t be childish about this, Holly. We need to talk. Right now.”
Her eyes glimmered with fire. “You don’t have the right to demand anything of me.”
“Don’t I?” he shot back. “If that’s my child you’re carrying, then I’m pretty sure I do.”
Her chin came up. “If?” she echoed. “If?” She said the word again, tighter, angrier, like she couldn’t believe what she’d heard. “Are you suggesting that I—”
“Let me in, Holly,” he said irritably, and then took a long, weary breath. “Please.”
She took her time and Marshall kept the lid on his temper. Finally, she opened the screen door and stood aside to let him cross the threshold. Once he was in the hall she closed the door and walked down the hallway and into the small living room. Marshall followed and waited by the sofa as she settled on the chintz loveseat by the window. He looked around and bit back a smile. The room, like the rest of her home, was decorated in a unique Holly style. Bright colors, abstract wall hangings, candles and incense—it was a little bohemian and yet welcoming. She’d certainly made the place her own in the months that she lived in the small house.
“Okay,” she said tersely. “You wanted to talk? Let’s talk.”
Marshall moved around the sofa and sat down. “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”
She raised one brow. “You mean, other than to know what you want to talk about.”
He ignored her sarcasm. “What do you think I want to talk about, Holly? You tell me you’re pregnant and give me just minutes to get used to the idea…I’m sorry if my reaction disappointed you…but you shocked the hell out of me tonight.”
She inhaled heavily. “I wasn’t disappointed. I got exactly what I expected.”
“Because I’m such a selfish bastard, right?” he quizzed.
She shrugged. “I have my reasons for thinking that.”
“I get it,” he said and sighed. “You’re angry that I didn’t call you after we…” his voice trailed as discomfort squeezed behind his shoulder blades. “After that night.”
Her eyes flashed and she got to her feet, hands on hips, chin set at a defiant angle. “Seriously? Can you actually get out of the way of your own ego for a second? I haven’t been sitting around pining after you, Marshall. Sure, it was…nice…but that’s all. And if I hadn’t ended up pregnant after that night it wouldn’t be anything other than a distant memory by now.”
Nice.
That was all Marshall heard. Nice. Right. For him, it had been the most erotic, hot and sexually satisfying night of his life. Obviously not for her. He was an idiot allowing the idea into his head. But Goddamnit! Nice? He resisted the impulse to haul her into his arms and prove to her that it could be way better than nice between them.
“So…what did the doctor say?” he asked stiffly, ignoring his ridiculously battered ego.
“That I’m pregnant,” she replied. “Six weeks along.”
“Do you feel well?”
She nodded. “So, now that’s out of the way, could you leave?”
“Not yet,” he replied, staring up at her.
She looked as mad as hell. But still rivetingly beautiful. The first time he’d seen her, walking through his store, her shoulders back, her hips swaying, he’d almost tripped over his own feet. Of course he’d ignored her. It was too soon after Lynette’s death to consider getting involved with someone. And certainly not with a girl over ten years younger than he was. But each time he saw her after that he was even more drawn to her, and staying away from her became a battle he had to have with himself. Until the night of the rodeo when his resistance had failed him. Big time.
“You obviously have something to say Marshall,” she said coolly. “So, out with it.”
Discomfiture snaked up his spine and he took a deep breath. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright. We didn’t exactly part well earlier tonight.”
She shrugged, as though she couldn’t have cared less. But Marshall wasn’t fooled. Holly was mad with him and realistically he knew she had every right to feel that way. He’d behaved like a horse’s ass after they slept together. And he hadn’t done much better when she’d told him she was pregnant.
“I’m fine,” she said stiffly. “You don’t need to worry about me. And since you don’t seem to believe that the baby is yours then I don’t see how we have anything left to—”
“I never actually said that,” he shot back quickly. “I just…I just…” He stopped speaking and ran a hand through his hair wearily. “I’m in shock, okay? Probably like you were when you first took that home test. Just give me a little time to get used to the idea, will you?”
“Sure,” she said, way more agreeably than he figured she felt. “Take all the time you need.”
He cracked his knuckles, something he always did when he was on edge, and then noticed how her brows came up quickly, as though she knew exactly how much she wound him up. No one had ever got under his skin like Holly did. That’s why he’d kept his distance. And why he always would. He didn’t want to feel things in the extreme. And certainly not with someone he hardly knew.
“When do you plan on telling your family?” he asked.
“Soon,” she replied. “Once I get to twelve weeks along. Just in case.”
“In case of what?”
She shrugged loosely. “In case…something goes wrong.”
Marshall stiffened. “Is that likely?”
“No, I don’t think so,” she said and shrugged again. “I’m in good health and everything seems fine. But twelve weeks is considered a sort of milestone. I’d rather wait until then to tell my family. I’ve no intention of returning to Brisbane before then anyhow, so it doesn’t really mat
ter.”
He nodded fractionally. “How do you think they will react?”
Her mouth twisted a little. “I’m twenty-six years old and live my own life, so they don’t get to have an opinion about it.”
“They’re your family,” he reminded her. “So, most likely they will have an opinion.”
She laughed brittley. “Don’t worry, Marshall…I’m pretty sure my dad isn’t about to come after you with a shotgun and demand you marry me.”
Marry. Once the word was out there his gut clenched. Because nice girls like Holly Berrigan were definitely the marrying kind. Only…Marshall still felt married to Lynette and had no intention of betraying her by jumping into anything with someone else. He stood and crossed his arms.
“I’m not…I can’t…” His words trailed and he fought the sudden urge to flee. Once he’d quickly pulled himself together he spoke again. “I’m not ready for that again. I mean…marriage. I don’t want to get married.”
She laughed again…a hollow kind of sound that he knew was a mask for the fact she was as uncomfortable by the idea as he was. “Neither do I. And certainly not to you.”
Good. It was settled. The idea of marriage was off the table. Relief surged through him. And a tiny stab of something else. Something he didn’t want to acknowledge. Because if felt way too much like he was insulted by her words. Damn it, he was good at marriage. At least, he had been once upon a time.
He nodded and rocked back a little on his heels. “So, you’ll stay in touch?”
“Is there any need?”
Marshall ignored the twitch between his shoulder blades and took a long breath. “We’re having a baby in seven and a half months…so yes, there’s every need.”
Her mouth flattened for a micro second. “Okay, sure. I’ll let you know when I have any doctor’s appointments scheduled. But other than that I don’t really think we need to hang out together. You’re off the hook and can continue to ignore me.”
He pushed back his shoulders. “That’s a cheap shot, Holly.”
“Is it?”
“Okay,” he said irritably. “You’ve made your point. I shouldn’t have taken off so quickly that night after we…after what…after…” He stopped, thinking that no matter what he said he was going to end up looking like an idiot. After a moment he took a deep breath and continued. “I should have called you. I apologize for my lapse of judgement and bad behavior.”