Breaking Skin

by Debra Doxer

  “Dad.” Derek’s voice carries to us across the night.

  “Dammit,” Cole whispers as he presses his forehead to mine. It occurs to me that we were only minutes away from doing something we wouldn’t want the children or any of the neighbors to see.

  Cole lifts me off him and sets me down on the lounger while he stands. “Hey, buddy. I’m over here. What are you doing up?” He says this quietly over the distance.

  I run a hand through my hair, trying to tame it before I turn a smile in Derek’s direction.

  “I couldn’t sleep.” Derek stands on the grass as his gaze shifts between us. Siegfried trots over to him, looking for attention.

  “We were just finalizing our plans to go into the city tomorrow,” Cole says. “I told you Aunt Lily’s taking you to school in the morning.”

  Derek’s eyes settle on me, and I can feel the heat crawling up my face.

  “We’d better get you back to bed.” Cole places his hand on Derek’s shoulder and leads him away from the patio. Before he disappears from sight, he turns to look at me and winks.

  I press my palms to my fiery cheeks and sit there until I hear the door of Cole’s house close behind them.

  Later, as I’m making up the couch to go to sleep, Cole sends me a text.

  Cole: Be ready by six in the morning. Sorry about earlier. Didn’t mean to maul you out in the open like that. Lost myself for a minute there. #notreallysorry

  My skin warms again as I smile wistfully. He lost himself. In me. Those words turn me upside down and throw me completely off-kilter. They echo in my head and cause flashes of our one night together to click by in my head like an X-rated slide show.

  As I lie down, the steady throbbing between my legs won’t go away. To fall asleep, I have to satisfy myself with his image in my head and his voice floating through my thoughts.

  At the break of dawn, I walk with a sleepy Langley to Cole’s house.

  “Derek’s aunt is going to take you to school and pick you up today,” I explain, hoping she’ll roll with the change of plan.

  “Why?” She rubs the sleep from her eyes as we walk through the damp morning air.

  “Mr. Dempsey needs to go to San Francisco too, so he’s going to drive me.”

  “You’re going with Mr. Dempsey?” She squints up at me.

  “This way you get to hang out with Derek and his cousins after school.”

  She considers this and a smile spreads across her sleepy face.

  Before we reach Cole’s house, I glance back at the woods and search for a lone figure among the trees. I don’t expect to see anyone, especially not at this early hour, and I don’t. It’s still and quiet.

  When Lily greets us at the door with a smile for Langley and only a stiff nod for me, I’m surprised. She’s been nothing but friendly before, and I wonder if Cole exaggerated her willingness to watch the kids today.

  “Thank you so much for doing this,” I say politely.

  “I’m doing it for my brother,” she replies. Then she gives me a pointed look before she turns and walks out of the room.

  I’m taken aback, confused and uneasy now.

  Cole comes down the stairs and spots me standing there. “Ready to go?”

  I hesitate. “Are you sure this is all right? I’d hate to put your sister out.”

  “You’re not.” He eyes me more closely. “Everything okay?”

  I wait until he’s closer to quietly say, “Lily doesn’t seem thrilled about doing this.”

  He shakes his head, dismissing my concern. “Lily’s fine. Did you bring a copy of the house key so she can walk Siegfried?”

  My fingers close around it in my pocket and I hand it to him.

  Then I go into the other room where Derek and Langley are sitting at a big kitchen island. I hug Langley good-bye, relieved that the apprehension she exhibited last night is gone, and Cole gives Lily some last-minute instructions before he walks me out to the big SUV I saw Derek washing the day I first arrived. I hold the door to hoist myself up, and the next thing I know Cole’s hands are around my waist as he lifts me into the seat like I weigh nothing at all.

  Once he’s behind the wheel, he says, “I need to stop for coffee on the way out of town. Want some?”

  “Dying for some.”

  With a grin, he starts the engine and we’re on our way.

  “What did my sister say to you?” he asks.

  “Nothing. She was fine.”

  “Fine. Is that code for rude?”

  With a laugh, I shrug. “Maybe she was a little.”

  “She’s just looking out for me. Lily has appointed herself commander in chief of my well-being, even if it comes at the expense of my sanity.”

  I grin. “I understand. She cares about you. She probably wants you to find a nice girl from a nice family who went to college and has a nice, normal job.”

  He gives me an amused look. “Sounds pretty boring to me. Don’t worry about Lily, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  Cole pulls up to a drive-through place to get our coffees, and then it’s onto the freeway along with hundreds of other cars.

  “Did Derek say anything after you left last night?” I ask.

  He smirks. “He said, ‘Good going, Dad. She’s hot.’”

  My jaw drops. “He did not.”

  “Swear to God.”

  “He’s only ten years old.”

  “And he already has great taste.”

  I snort and sink into my seat.

  “Come on. It’s a compliment.”

  I slide my gaze in his direction. “The thought of you with someone besides his mother doesn’t bother him?”

  Cole glances at me briefly. “It probably would have in the beginning, but I think he accepts it now, especially with Celeste engaged to Luke.”

  I look over at Cole and remember what I thought when I first saw him in that bar, that he’s larger than life. From the outside, you’d think he has it made. He’s a former pro hockey player and a celebrity. He’s easy on the eyes and exudes confidence when you meet him.

  Anyone would assume he must live a playboy lifestyle, partying all the time with beautiful women surrounding him. But his life isn’t like that at all. It’s not charmed. He has his share of problems, maybe more than his share.

  Alan Lamont’s apartment in San Francisco is located in Central Richmond over a Chinese restaurant. Because we’re close to the ocean, the fog is thick as Cole parks in a spot on the street. Richmond itself is a beautiful area, but the neighborhood we’re in has a run-down feel to it.

  I look up at the brick apartment on the second floor and wonder if Renee is in there. There’s a light on inside, and a shadow passes by the window occasionally as we watch. A silver minivan is parked up the street that probably belongs to him.

  “Should we see if there’s a buzzer?” I ask.

  “Let’s wait for him to come out. Maybe he won’t be alone.”

  I close my eyes and say please over and over in my head. Renee has to be here and she has to be okay, because if she isn’t here, we’re out of leads. San Francisco is a big place to try to look for someone, especially someone who doesn’t want to be found.

  The next ten minutes drag on until a door at street level opens and we both sit up straighter.

  “He’s alone,” I say, my tone defeated as I watch a stout, balding man make his way down the sidewalk toward the minivan.

  “Stay here,” Cole orders, and he’s out of the car before I can argue. He jogs across the street, his long legs quickly covering the distance, and calls out something that makes Alan Lamont stop and look at Cole.

  I can’t stay in the car. I jump out and wait for a car to pass before crossing. They’re deep in conversation by the time I reach them.

  Cole turns to me, appearing slightly annoyed that I didn’t listen and stay in the truck. “He says he gave Renee a ride into the city.”

  “You’re her sister? You look just like her,” Alan Lamont says, looking me
over.

  He’s a little taller than me and his clothes, a button-down shirt and khaki pants, have seen better days. The small buttons of his shirt strain over his stomach, revealing a white T-shirt beneath.

  “Your sister is a real piece of work,” he says.

  “Is she here?” I ask anxiously.

  “She was. Said she needed to come into the city for some meetings and wanted to know if she could stay at my place. Three days later, she was gone, along with all the money I had in my wallet. Almost two hundred bucks. I should have called the cops on her.”

  I give Cole a wide-eyed look.

  “Did she tell you what the meetings were for?” Cole asks.

  He makes a disgusted face. “I don’t think she had any meetings. She just wanted a ride and a free place to stay.”

  I study this man and wonder if I can believe him. He does seem to be sincerely ticked off at Renee.

  “Do you know where she went from here?” I ask.

  “No idea, but if you see her, tell her I want my money back.”

  “I might be able to reimburse what Renee took from you, but if that’s all you remember and you’re in a rush, I don’t want to hold you up.”

  I shoot Cole a look, wondering if he’s serious about giving this guy two hundred dollars.

  Alan shifts restlessly on his feet. “If I knew anything else, I’d tell you. I have no loyalty to that girl. I was glad when she left. I think she has a screw loose or something. Sorry,” he adds, looking at me.

  “What makes you say that?” Cole asks.

  “She had nightmares, kept me awake half the night talking in her sleep. When she woke up, she’d have a few drinks and sit on my couch, crying her eyes out. That wasn’t what I was expecting when she invited herself to spend the weekend with me.”

  “When she talked in her sleep, could you understand what she said?” I ask as my anxiety builds.

  “I don’t know, something about her father.”

  I bite my lip as Cole takes out his wallet.

  “Cole, no.” I place my hand on his wrist but he doesn’t stop.

  “If you hear from her or see her, I need you to call me.” Cole writes down his number and pulls some bills from his wallet.

  Alan takes the money and the number without so much as a thank-you. “You look familiar,” he says to Cole. “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

  “I don’t think so,” Cole replies.

  Alan studies him for a moment before he shrugs. “I’ll let you know if I see her, but I got to say, I hope I never cross paths with that girl again.”

  Cole takes my hand and walks us back across the street to his SUV.

  “I’ll pay you back,” I say as he helps me climb into his car.

  “No, you won’t,” he replies before closing the door.

  I watch through the window as he walks around and slides in on the other side.

  “I know I looked surprised when he said Renee stole money from him, but it’s not so hard to believe. When we were kids, she took money from our mother’s wallet all the time, and once she got picked up for shoplifting at Fry’s. And the drinking—”

  I break off and shake my head. This reminds me too much of the old Renee, the way she used to be before Langley came along.

  I can feel Cole’s gaze on me as I turn to meet it.

  “The nightmares didn’t seem to surprise you either.”

  My throat works, but the explanation gets stuck. Was seeing that man in the woods enough to trigger Renee’s nightmares again? Was it enough to make her leave her whole life behind?

  When Dad first moved out, she thought she saw him lurking around every corner. I remember walking into our bedroom once to find her sitting in the corner of the room, trembling because she was sure Dad was coming for her. She had terrible nightmares then too. Mom got the doctor to prescribe something and eventually they went away.

  “I’m worried about her, Cole. I should have tried looking for her long before now.”

  “You had no reason to. She left you a message saying she’d be gone for a week.”

  “But then I waited another week.”

  “We didn’t have a lead to follow until now, and then we drove up here as soon as we could.”

  I turn away because he needs to stop making excuses for me.

  His fingers grasp my chin and gently urge me to face him again. “I don’t know what thoughts are racing behind those big brown eyes of yours, but your sister is an adult, and no matter what happened in the past, she’s the one who walked away. None of this is your fault.”

  I swallow past the lump in my throat. “She’s not off on some fun getaway. She’s out there somewhere, scared and hurting. I have to find her and try to help her.”

  “Have you thought about hiring a detective?”

  Yes. My gaze drops to my lap. “I can’t afford that.”

  “I can.”

  The moment the words left my mouth, I knew he’d offer. “I can’t let you do that. You’ve already done so much.”

  His fingers flex on the steering wheel. “It’s not a matter of you letting me do it, Nikki.”

  Cole’s voice is soft but his intention is clear. He’s going to do it whether I want him to or not. I’m embarrassed and uncomfortable at the idea of being indebted to him. A part of me keeps waiting for the moment he decides I’m more trouble than I’m worth. I’m surprised that moment isn’t now.

  “I’ll make a call when we get back. Howard probably knows someone.”

  I can’t help but smile and shake my head. “Howard again.”

  “He has his uses.” Cole smirks as he starts the engine.

  “Thank you,” I say quietly.

  He gives me a single nod, and I know it’s as good as done.

  “We’d better get going. You said you needed to be at the studio by nine.”

  I give him the address, but I’m not sure if there’s any point in talking to Nadia since I still don’t know where Renee is. Unless I’m prepared to move Langley up to San Francisco, I can’t give Nadia a time frame for my return.

  “What was it Miss Emily said about leaving the stage broken?” Cole asks. “If you don’t break a little, you’re not doing it right?”

  My gaze shifts back to him and I smile because he’s quoting Miss Emily to me, or at least he’s trying to, even though I don’t know why.

  “That’s the gist of it.”

  “Did she have any sayings about not having to go through everything alone? That it’s okay to accept help when it’s offered?”

  I shake my head.

  “That’s too bad because it’s true.”

  He’s being so kind, and instead of acting thankful, I’ve been sullen and reticent. I reach for his hand.

  “Everything will be okay. You’ll see,” he says as he squeezes my fingers.

  When he’s touching me and being so reassuring, I can almost believe him.

  “Should I wait out here?” Cole asks as he stops in front of the brick building that houses the company’s rehearsal space.

  It’s only been two weeks but it feels like forever since I’ve been here, like I don’t belong anymore, as if my world fast-forwarded while this one remained perfectly still.

  The rehearsal space isn’t in the best neighborhood, and although I’m sure Cole can handle himself, I invite him to come inside with me.

  The building isn’t much to look at either. The plaster walls are stained and dented, and the wood floors where we rehearse are scuffed and dull, but I hardly notice. It’s the work that matters, and the fact that one of the most renowned ballet companies in the country can barely afford the rent on this place is a sad statement about the arts in general.

  From down the hall, I hear the clear notes of a piano and Nadia’s wooden stick pounding out a beat on the floor. The studio door is propped open, and when I peek inside at everyone, something inside me sighs. The sounds, the smells—this is my world, and I miss it more than I realized.

  The
music stops, and Nadia tells the dancers to take some time.

  That’s when Deedee spots me in the doorway and screeches. Everyone turns to look. I want to kill her for calling the entire room’s attention to my presence, except I can’t because now she’s hugging me too hard.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming today?”

  “In case I couldn’t make it.”

  She looks over my head and raises her brows speculatively.

  “You remember Cole,” I say.

  Deedee’s gaze scans the length of him. “How could I forget?”

  I roll my eyes and spot Tag walking toward us with a towel around his neck, patting the perspiration from his forehead.

  “Nikki. How are you?” He leans in to kiss my cheek.

  “I’m fine. I’m here to see Nadia, actually.” I glance back at Cole. “There’s a lounge area down there if you want to sit down. I won’t be long.”

  “I’ll show him where it is,” Deedee offers.

  “Don’t worry about me.” Cole moves in close and presses a lingering kiss to my lips. “Good luck.”

  When he leans back, I can’t help feeling surprised. That’s the first time he’s kissed me in front of people as if we’re a real couple. Before he turns away, he looks pointedly at Tag, who scowls back in return.

  Deedee smirks, but I’m a little stunned. Cole doesn’t know I dated Tag. He only saw him at the show we did for Langley. Did he sense something there? Was that kiss for Tag’s benefit? If so, I’m not sure I mind. In fact, I sort of like the idea of Cole wanting to stake his claim, as juvenile as that seems.

  Deedee nudges my shoulder and I realize I’m still lingering in the doorway. With one last look at Cole, I take a fortifying breath and walk into the studio to find Nadia looking at her phone and drinking from a water bottle.

  “Nadia?”

  She looks up and after a moment she smiles. “Nikki, hello.” Then she gives me a kiss on each cheek.

  She hasn’t changed at all. She must be in her midfifties but she retains the lithe form of a dancer. Her posture is perfect and her neck is impossibly long. Everything about her is cultured and completely intimidating, but not in the same way Dennis was. With Nadia, it’s all about respect and admiration.