by Vivian Ward
My cycles are pretty regular, and I haven’t been—not even once—in the past three years, and that was only because I switched birth control pills because my insurance stopped covering the brand I was taking.
Before I open my mouth and say anything, I’m going to give myself a few days to start. If I’m pregnant, I don’t know what I’ll do because either one of them could be the father and the last thing I want to do is stir that pot.
I’m going to keep my mouth shut about possibly being pregnant until I take a test, but right now I can’t do that because Zack’s been going with me every time I leave the room just in case they figure out where we are. I need to take it soon, though, so I can figure out what I’m going to do. The last thing I want is to spend days on end wondering whether or not I’m pregnant.
I wish I could talk to my dad. He could bring me some comfort just by hearing his voice, but I know that Zack said we had to keep our phone off.
“Do you think I could turn my phone on to call my dad for just a few minutes? He’s probably worried sick about me,” I say to Zack.
“Call him from the hotel phone. We don’t want to give those guys anyway to find us.”
I call my dad from the hotel phone, and he’s so elated to hear my voice; I can practically hear his smile coming through the phone line.
“Baby, I was starting to get worried about you. When are you coming home?” he asks.
“I don’t know, dad. Soon, probably.”
“Your friends came by looking for you,” he tells me.
“Which friends?”
Zack sits up on the bed, placing his palms on his knees and leans in to listen.
“A couple of guys. They said that were friends of the Richardson brothers; heard you were back in town,” he chuckles. “I told them you'd been back almost a year, but they said they only found out about a week ago.”
“Oh, you know what? I think I know who they are. Were they wearing suits?”
“Yeah, how’d you know?”
I nod, letting Zack know our guys have been by my house.
“Those guys are a couple of crazies; don’t answer the door for them anymore.”
“How do you know? Who are they?” he asks.
“I, um,” I look to Zack for help even though there’s nothing he can do. “I ran into them after I bought my car and they’re a little off their rocker; always have been.”
After I get off the phone with my dad, I turn my attention to Zack.
“We’ve got to figure something out,” I say. “They’re not going to forget about all of this, and I don’t want them to hurt my dad. We need to go back.”
He sits up and grabs my hand.
“I know, and we’re going to, but I need some help with my plan, more specifically, I’ll need your help.”
“My help? What am I supposed to do?”
“We can get rid of these guys if we give them cash and pay them off. A lot of fucking money, but I’ll need you to help me arrange the meet.”
“I don’t understand.”
“We’ll pay them off with the understanding that our crew will never show their face in any of the underground casinos. They’ll still beat the shit out of me, but at least I won’t die.”
“But it’s you they’re after, so where do I fit in?”
“You wait until we’re back in town and turn on your cell phone. I need you to schedule a meet up with them for me, and when I go, I want you to be in the back seat, hidden under a blanket. You’re going to record everything so if I don’t make it out of the meeting alive; I have some sort of life insurance that they’ll be dealt with accordingly because it’ll be up to you to turn them in.”
Sucking in a deep breath, I think about how dangerous and crazy his whole plan sounds but I know that I need to help him in any way I can.
“Okay, when do we go?”
“Tomorrow. I want one more perfect night with you, and then, after the meeting, you’ll never see me in your life again. I promise.”
“Zack,” I put my finger to his lips. “Don’t say that. We’ve always been there for each other. We’re like family.”
“No, you deserve a fair shot at a relationship with someone who’s not going to get you in trouble and one who can give you the world. As much as I want you, I’ll never be able to give you those things.”
I know he’s sincere in his words, but they still twist like a knife in my gut as he says them. I don’t want to lose him.
“Let’s go,” I grab his hand.
“What do you mean?”
“If this is going to be our last night, our last hoorah, I want to have some fun. I want you to see what having a good woman’s like, someone who cares about you.”
“What are we going to do?”
“For starters, we’re not going to eat another night of Taco Bell. We’ll go to a fancy restaurant and then we’ll head to a show. I’m sure there has to be some sort of live entertainment that we can take advantage of, and then we’ll come back here and start fresh in the morning.”
“Okay, it’s a plan.”
Chapter 20
Our last date. Our one last hoorah before I finally seal my fate and swear off of Zack Richardson forever.
We had to go shopping to buy special clothes for tonight because the jeans and sweats that we’ve been lounging in won’t cut it if we’re going to have a night out.
Zack takes us to a steak restaurant where they’re known for their signature desserts.
The smell of delicious food fills my senses as soon as we walk in the door. I’ve never smelled meat that made my mouth water, but this isn’t your ordinary steakhouse.
A mixture of garlic, grilled meat, fresh baked bread and sweet, sugary desserts make me wish we were sitting at a table, but the place is packed, and we have an hour wait before we’ll get a table.
The weather’s working in our favor tonight so we opt to sit out on the large decorative copper-colored rocks that double as seats in front of the restaurant as the scent of grilled steaks drift by in the air.
“I’m so glad we’re not eating at another drive-through tonight. Dinner’s going to be good,” he says.
“Tell me about it,” I say, patting my belly. “I’m starved. You’d think you wouldn’t work up an appetite just hanging around the hotel room all day, but you do.”
He takes my hand in his and looks deep into my eyes.
“You know, we had a pretty good run. I know I said that my brother would never have a permanent place in your life, but he deserves it and even though I can’t have you for myself, I know you’ll be happy.”
Tears begin to well up in my eyes as I see the pain in his. He looks defeated, broken, and lost. I wish there were a way that I could reach out and touch him, make it all better but you can’t heal that kind of wound with the touch of your hand.
Wounds of the heart take a long time to heal, and with the history the two of us have, it’ll take both of us a long time to move on.
Sure, I know I’ll be happy with Trent; I have no doubt about that, but what about Zack? Who will he have? What will he have left?
No, he needs me in his life.
“Don’t say that. You make it sound like you’re never going to have anything to do with me after this is all over, and that’s not what I want, Zack. I’ve always wanted the two of you in my life.”
“That’s not going to be possible, Joline. He and I have hated each other for as long as I can remember, but my brother’s a smart man. He doesn’t want to have anything to do with someone like me, and I’m okay with that. I mean, let’s face it. There are days where I seriously want to hurt him because of you.”
“Because of me? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I fucking hate the fact that he’s going to take you away from me. One minute I’m okay with it because I know it’s the way things should be, but the next I want to put his head through a plate glass window.”
A gust of wind picks up, and it looks like a severe st
orm is about to blow in. Looking to the west, I can see dark storm clouds on the horizon.
“We might want to take this conversation inside,” I say, shivering as the cool front breezes by us.
I hate the way he feels about his brother. I’d like to see the two of them get along, but I don’t think that’s ever going to be possible. Those two are as hot and cold as ice water in hell; they just don’t go together.
Over dinner we laugh and have fun, it’s like we don’t have a care in the world but we both know the imminent danger that we’re both about to face, which is putting a damper on our mood.
Half-way through dinner, a loud burst of thunder booms overhead as lightning cracks like a whip in the sky, knocking out the power in the restaurant.
There’s a loud gasp as everyone panics, but the servers are quick to bring candles to each of the tables as they assure all of the patrons that the backup generator should kick on in the kitchen at any moment.
For some reason, I actually prefer the dimly lit candlelight dinner. It’s cozier, more intimate, and this might be the last private dinner the two of us will ever have because once we get back into St. Louis tomorrow, it’s all over.
“I love the way you look in this light,” he says as he scoots his chair closer to mine. “You’re probably tired of hearing me say this, but you’re so beautiful.”
Nothing he can say makes me blush anymore. When we first got together, I used to blush at every little thing he said or did, but not anymore. Now it just feels natural, like he’s supposed to tell me these things.
“I’m going to miss dinners like these, but it’s for the best. Right?”
“Right,” he says.
I can tell he doesn’t mean it, but I want
When the waitress passes by our table, he stops her and asks for a bottle of wine.
“What’s that for?” I ask as she promises to bring it back right away.
“What else? To celebrate our last date.”
He leans in, kissing my forehead, and I want to tell him that I can’t drink the wine. I don’t know if I’m pregnant, but I decide that a few sips won’t hurt. I’m probably overreacting anyway. The odds of me being pregnant are slim to none.
My birth control hasn’t failed me. Ever. So why would it now?
Pouring two glasses of wine, he recites a little toast.
“To a playboy, that’s never been tied down but is positively captivated by the one woman he can’t have. Here’s to the future,” we clink glasses and drink.
“I’m sure you’ll find the right person. Who knows?” I snuggle up to his chest as we wait for our dessert to come out. “Maybe Jenny will come around and be the one.”
“That’d be a cold day in hell. She’s not that type of girl, but maybe you’re right. Maybe one day I’ll find somebody.”
As soon as we wake up, I turn my phone back on to text the guido brothers and ask that they call me at their convenience so I can plead for their mercy as we drive back to St. Louis. We’re only about 20 minutes out, and we’re headed to Zack’s bank to withdraw a half-mill; $250,000 for each of them.
We both hope his plan will work, but neither of us knows for sure. With the way my pulse is racing and my stomach’s turning, I wouldn’t be surprised if I threw up on my shoes long before we find out.
A flood of text messages and voicemails begin to take over my phone after being on for a few minutes; they’re mostly Trent.
Message after message is demanding to know where I am and why I won’t answer his calls, or asking why I’ve not been home in days.
The realization begins to set in that I have no idea what I’m going to say to him; I have no good explanation (as far as he’s concerned) as to where I’ve been or who I’ve been with because I pretty much ditched him for his brother.
Zack gets out of the car to go into his bank to withdraw the cash, leaving me with my thoughts…and my phone.
Hesitant, I dial my voicemail and enter the passcode to listen to his messages. His voice is even angrier than his text messages, and for a minute, I’m afraid of him.
If my goal was to piss him off, then mission accomplished.
“Joline, I don’t know what stunt you’re trying to pull, but you need to call me. There are these two guys that came by my office today, and they told me a fucked up, twisted story about how you’ve run away with my brother who is also MIA at the moment. Call me back. Now!” his voice sounds more like a bear growling than a person talking.
Zack comes out of the bank with a manilla envelope; containing the cash, I assume. I decide to ignore Trent’s messages, his demands to know what the hell has been going on, and stuff my phone into my bag.
“All set?” I ask.
“Yeah, have you heard back from them yet?”
“No, let’s swing by the store real quick. You can just drop me at the door and I’ll run in.”
“What do you need? We can just go in together,” he offers.
I need to buy a pregnancy test, but I can’t do that if he’s with me. I’m not even ready to admit to myself that I might be pregnant yet, let alone anyone else.
“No, no, it’s fine. I just need to grab some feminine stuff.”
“Oh,” he lifts an eyebrow. “Yeah, I’ll sit this trip out.”
Thank god. I was beginning to worry he’d follow me in, but it looks like I’m in the clear now. Driving me to the store, he drops me off at the door and tells me he’s going to park in the aisle to the right of the front entrance.
Inside the store, I hope that no one I know sees me. My plan is simple. I’m going to make a quick trip down the family planning aisle, pick up a pregnancy test, pay for it, and take it in the store’s restroom before I come back outside.
There are so many different types of pregnancy tests.
My eyes are swimming in pink pregnancy test boxes. Why are there so many different ways to pee in a cup or on a stick? How many different ways do you need a positive sign that you’re pregnant?
It becomes evident to me, according to price, that some tests are better than others, which leads me to read the boxes closely. I spot a test that says it can detect a pregnancy almost a week before your period is due. Opting for the best results, I grab that box off the shelf and make my way through checkout.
Walking into the bathroom, my phone goes off with a text from Zack asking if everything’s okay. I didn’t realize that I’d spent nearly 20 minutes reading pregnancy test kits. I just need to take this test right now to find out whether or not I’m pregnant.
My timing of sleeping with Zack couldn’t have been worse. Our first time was practically right in the middle of my cycle so if this test does come out positive, it could be either one of them.
Pulling down my pants, I whip out the pregnancy test and tear the package open. I’m so nervous that I can hear my heart pounding in my ears and my hands are so shaky that I hope I can get enough urine on the stick for an accurate test reading.
Sucking in a deep breath, I close my eyes and count to three before I exhale and open my eyes. It seems to have helped calm me down some, enough that I can at least take this pregnancy test and hold the stick steady.
When I’m finished going, I place the cap back on the stick and set it on top of the box while I pull up my pants and wait for the indicator to turn. Slowly, I can see the control line beginning to form before the pregnancy window shows a faint plus sign.
I’m pregnant.
No, no, no.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. How did this happen? I’ve been on the pill for as long as I can remember and have never had a problem.
Ditching the evidence of my pregnancy in the trash, I wash my hands and head outside where Zack is waiting for me.
I feel lightheaded and dizzy. This is too much for me to process right now.
“Everything okay? You took forever,” he says.
“Yeah, sorry it took so long.”
“Where’s your bag?” he asks.
“My bag?�
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“Yes, you bought something, didn’t you?”
Speechless, I open my mouth and promptly close it.
“Oh, no. They were out of what I normally buy so I didn’t get anything.”
More lies. I’m starting to become a pro at this.
“Where to now?” he asks.
“Let’s run by my house so I can see my dad.”
We’re pulling up to the front of the house when my phone rings and I see it’s the two guys that we’ve been hiding from.
“Shit, it’s them,” I say to Zack.
Two days.
That’s when we meet with them. I’m terrified, and I don’t know what to do. I want to help Zack, but I also don’t want to put myself in danger.
I’m already putting myself in enough danger because Trent has demanded that is coming over tonight. Scared of what he’s going to say, I do my best to prepare a defense for myself as to why I’m in all of this mess.
I wish those two assholes would have minded their own business. I wish they would have never gone to Trent or told him anything, but it doesn’t matter because with my current state, I’m going to have a lot more explaining to do than just tell him about my illegal card gambling activities.
I’m going to have to tell him that I’m pregnant and that I’m not sure who the dad is, or maybe I won’t. Maybe I won’t tell him anything about being pregnant.
No, I won’t. I’ll keep it to myself. There’s no sense in complicating things right now.
For the next couple of days, I need to focus on me. Keeping myself out of trouble and alive is my only concern, and it’s going to stay that way until this whole mess with Zack blows over, and we’re in the clear.
At precisely 5:41 PM, I hear a car door in the driveway slam shut. I know it’s him, but I can’t force my legs to move to go to the door and let him in.
My dad, who I was forced to tell part of what’s going on, opens the door and lets Trent in, telling him that he can find me in my room. His footsteps have never been heavier.