by Vivian Ward
Each one of them echoes as he draws closer to my room. They grow louder and heavier until they are outside of my door. Holding my breath, I don’t exhale until he opens the door and is standing before me.
His hair is disheveled, and the dark circles under his eyes tell me that he hasn’t slept in days, probably since I took off with his brother. I know that he just came from work, but he looks closer to someone who just crawled out of bed.
He casts his glance down on me, through his puffy hooded eyelids; a sign that he’s been crying. My heart shatters into a million pieces when I see what hell I’ve put him through. The pang in my chest makes my next breath almost too painful to take.
What have I done to him?
My poor, sweet Trent; the man that would do anything for me looks lost, hurt, broken, and angry. He has every right to be mad at me; I don’t blame him.
Sitting on my bed, I draw my knees to my chest and wrap my arms tightly around my legs, something I’ve always done since I was a girl. It’s a coping mechanism that I developed to make myself feel safer, more protected and while it generally works, it’s not working right now.
“Tell me,” he says.
My mind jumps to a hundred different thoughts. What does he want me to say to him? About the illegal gambling with his brother? How much trouble we’re in? How bad I’ve fucked up our relationship? How much I’ve lied to him? That I’ve slept with his brother? That I actually do love him even though I haven’t had the guts to tell him?
Drawing in a deep breath, I try to clear my mind.
“Tell you what?” I ask.
Chapter 21
His gaze doesn’t leave my face. Towering over me, I can tell he’s doing everything he can to keep himself composed.
“I want to know everything, Joline.”
Define everything; I want to ask, but I don’t. I know better. Saying that to him just might be the glue that undoes everything for him.
“Where do you want me to start?”
His large frame collapses on my bed, springing me a couple of inches off the mattress as I bounce a few times.
“Don’t play games with me,” he rubs his temples like he’s getting a migraine. “Start with the part about my brother. Tell me how long this has been going on between the two of you. No! Tell me what is going on between the two of you.”
When he looks at me, I see a look of sadness and a grim expression in his eyes, and I’m reminded of everything that I want to forget so badly.
He knows.
“Well, I, um,” I can feel my heartbeat pick up a couple of hundred notches, and my hands begin to sweat. “There’s no good way to say this, so I’m just going to come out with it.”
“I’m listening,” he says.
His lips are turned down, and his chest looks heavy, like he’s holding the weight of the world on his shoulders. No matter how gently I try to word things, nothing will soften the blow.
“I was having the damnedest time trying to find work and had a mounting pile of credit card bills, and I needed to buy a new car. You remember the night of the reception? When you left me to go get your keys and when you came back, I was gone?”
“Yes, I remember it all too well,” he says. His tone is clipped, irritated.
This isn’t going to go well.
“I left with him, but I was so drunk that I didn’t know what I was doing,” I say in my defense.
“Mmm, yes, that’s why I was trying to get you out of there. You don’t think I didn’t see how my brother was looking at you that night? That was the biggest reason why I wanted you out of there.” He stands up and begins pacing as he runs his hands through his soft brown hair. “So was that it? The night you two started fucking and doing God knows what?”
“No!” I exclaim like it’s the most preposterous thing I’ve ever heard. “I didn’t know what I was doing, Trent, but I woke up the next morning in a hotel room with your brother—clothed,” I add with emphasis. “We didn’t sleep together, but apparently I’d been out gambling with him and his crew the night before and did fairly well.”
“Great,” he snorts. “So my little brother had you out breaking the law while you were shit faced. Fantastic guy, isn’t he?” he says with every ounce of sarcasm in his voice.
He pulls his hand to his forehead and shakes his head back and forth.
“You know how I feel about him doing that shit. How could you get involved? How much do the two of you even owe those thugs?”
“Nothing, we don’t owe them anything.”
For once, I told the truth. Sitting here with him, seeing him and what I’ve done to him makes me realize how much I love him. I love him more than I ever realized I did before. This is a man I’ve put through hell, but he’s still here.
For now at least.
“Tell me why they came to me looking for the two of you. Tell me! And don’t think I’m stupid, Joline. You two were gone for over a week, don’t tell me the two of you weren’t fucking each other. I know better.”
I can feel my throat tightening, closing shut; constricting. It’s getter harder to breathe, and I feel as though I’m suffocating. Rubbing my chest, I hope to get some air in my lungs. It works, but not as well as I had hoped it would.
“You’re right, and we did have sex.” I can see the disappointment wash over his face, and his arms drop to his sides in disbelief. “But I love you, Trent. I love you,” I cry.
“Right, Joline. I know every girl who loves a guy goes out and fucks his brother. Was he better than me? Did you like feeling him inside you?”
His words sting and cut me like a knife. I don’t want to hear them, but I know I need to; it was all my fault, and he has every right to vent. He has every right to say whatever the hell he wants to me because I deserve it.
“Trent,” I say. “Trent, baby, don’t do this. Please.”
I reach out to touch his arm, but he jerks it away from me; almost as though he’s repulsed by my touch. I feel sick to my stomach.
I knew what I was doing the minute Zack’s lips touched mine; I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. No matter how much you try to hide or deny the truth, it always has a way of coming back to catch up with you.
Some people call it karma; others call it fate. You reap what you sow and eventually, everything will make a full circle. I am responsible for every choice I’ve made and every lie I’ve told.
And now that the music has stopped, I’m faced with another decision. This time, I choose Trent. I have the chance to come clean, own up to my mistakes and beg Trent for forgiveness, but if he doesn’t forgive me, I’ll understand.
My dilemma is that no matter what I do, my heart will be broken either way because I love both of these men. I love the Richardson brothers, but I have to have Trent in my life.
I cannot give him up, so I need him to forgive me. I want him to give me another chance.
“Do what? Tell me what I’m doing. Please, tell me how I’m supposed to feel.”
The coldness in his voice is enough to cast a cold winter’s breath; only it’s not winter, and though my room is plenty warm, a chill creeps down my spine.
“I need you to forgive me, Trent. I know what I did was wrong. I know that I hurt you, but I didn’t plan for any of this to happen. My intention was never to see how I could play the field or how I could hurt you. It all started with the money, and then—,” he holds his hand up.
“Stop. Stop right fucking there with the money, Joline. You know if you needed money, all you had to do was ask. For fuck's sake, you know how much money I have. How many times did I offer to take care of you? You don’t expect me to believe this bullshit, do you?”
Anger is beginning to boil beneath my skin, and it’s taking everything I’ve got to suppress it. The last thing I want is to show him how angry I am because right now, I don’t really have that right. I threw all my rights out the door when I decided to cheat on him with his brother.
“You know I’ve never let a man t
ake care of me,” I say. “I’m too proud to do that, and you of all people should understand that. I was just trying to pay my bills and make things work until I found a job.”
“Right, like I’m supposed to believe that. I don’t believe that you’re still looking for work. No, I think you found your job.”
“I swear to you!” I get off the bed and open my laptop. “See?” I point to the browser. “Here’s the classified ads from The Post right here, and,” I click on the next tab to my email, “Here is where I sent off my resume.”
“I don’t know, Joline. What am I supposed to believe? You stole my heart, stomped on it, bled it out, and now you want me to put it back together so we can be a couple? Do you hear what you’re asking me to do?”
Well, when you put it like that….
“Please, I’m begging you. Let’s start over. Give me a second chance.”
“No.”
Did I just hear him right? He flat out said no. Not even an, “I’ll think about it.” Nothing, like he has no heart; maybe because I ripped it out of him.
“I’m pregnant.”
It was the only thing I could think to say to get him to listen to me and to keep him from leaving me. I was afraid that if I didn’t do something drastic, he might walk out of my life forever.
I’m so consumed with shame, guilt, and sadness. All I want is to feel his arms wrapped around me, telling me that everything will be okay, but that warmth never comes.
His face is callous, stone-like.
We’ve been friends for almost two decades.
TWO DECADES.
You’d think after nearly 20 years, you could read someone like a book, but his cover his hiding all of his expressions.
“Is it mine or is it his?” he asks.
The question is like a sucker punch to the gut.
How am I supposed to answer that? I can’t because I don’t even know.
While Zack and I did have sex—a lot of sex—it’s still very possible that Trent is the father. The timing lines up just right that there’s a 50/50 chance, or maybe 60/40 or 70/30. Hell, at this point, it’s anybody’s guess.
But I want the baby to be his. I need the baby to be Trent’s baby.
“You don’t even fucking know, do you?”
I shake my head.
“I think it’s yours.”
“Why?”
“I-I don’t know; it’s just a feeling that I get.”
He inhales so deeply that I can see his chest filling up with air, almost like he’s filling up a balloon.
“What are you going to do?”
That’s a question I’ve been asking myself ever since the plus sign popped up in the bathroom.
Obviously, I’m keeping the baby but other than that, I don’t know what my plans are. I’ve never believed in abortion, but if I have to, I’ll raise this baby alone. It’s not what I want, but we don’t always get what we want.
“I’m going to keep it.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he shakes his head. “I was talking about my brother.”
Zack. He wants me to tell him what I’m going to do about Zack.
“He doesn’t know about the pregnancy. I haven’t told anyone, except you.”
“You’re done with him. If we’re going to make this work, then you’ve got to cut all ties with him.”
I don’t know what to say to that. I’ve got to go with him when he tries to pay off the two thugs who want to hurt him.
“I have to help him. I’ve got to—,”.
“No, you don’t understand. You’re done. Nothing else to do with him.”
“You don’t understand,”I protest. “Those guys—the ones that told you about us—they want to hurt him, if not kill him. I have to go with him when he pays these guys off to make sure nothing happens, or if it does, I can turn them in.”
His eyebrows scrunch up as his face twists.
“Are you serious? Do you hear yourself? What’s petite little miss Joline going to do to save a big boy like Zack? You can’t help him, especially in your condition.”
Anger rises up in my throat like bile. I’m tired of him treating me like a porcelain doll.
Let me take care of you. Let me do this for you. You can’t do that, you’re so fragile. You might break.
“Your brother’s life might be at stake and he can’t do this alone. I’ve got to help him—with or without your blessing. I can’t let them murder him.”
“And what are you going to do?”
“My job is to hide in the backseat and film everything so if they do anything to him, I can turn them into the police.”
“And what? What if they come after you, Joline? What if they see you or find you somehow? You won’t have a chance to defend yourself against those guys. Don’t forget, I saw them. I know what they look like; how big they are.”
That’s where he’s wrong.
“You are aware of the fact that your brother keeps a gun on him and in his vehicle at all times, right? Do you think I’d be dumb enough to hide in the backseat and be a sitting duck?”
“I can’t let you do that. I can’t let you put yourself in danger. I’ll go.”
“The two of you can’t get along for five minutes. There’s no way you’ll be able to go with him.”
“If it means protecting you I’ll do it. That doesn’t mean that I won’t kill him myself, but I’m not going to let you get hurt.”
That’s Trent for you; no matter how badly I hurt him, he’s always right there for me. It’s a reminder of why I love him, but it makes the knife twist a little deeper as to why I betrayed him.
“Come home with me tonight. Please.”
Chapter 22
Trent’s house feels and looks so different. It feels like I haven’t been here in ages.
“Are you hungry?” he asks.
“A little.”
He flips the light on in the kitchen and opens the fridge, searching for something to eat.
“How about a grilled cheese sandwich?”
“Sure.”
Having him cook for me seems a little weird. Right now I feel like I should be doing everything for him, but that’s not how he is.
After we eat a semi-late dinner, he puts our plates in the dishwasher and carries me to his bedroom, and I let him. I’m so exhausted and drained—mentally, emotionally, and physically. Staying in the hotel room, being constantly on the go, and finding out that I’m pregnant is sensory overload.
I need a good night’s rest, some time to decompress and to feel the comfort of his arms cradling me, forgiving me. It’s all I’ve wanted since I came back home.
At some point, our cuddling in bed turns into kissing and before I know it, both of our clothes are off.
“Joline, I’ve missed you so much,” his lips are hovering just above mine, grazing my skin. “Don’t ever,” he kisses me. “Leave me,” kiss. “Again,” kiss.
His hands are all over me, covering every exposed part of me that his brother touched, almost as if he’s erasing him off of my body.
Parting my legs, I rest one on top of his hip as we lie together on our sides, kissing, holding, feeling, needing, and touching each other.
His erection is teasing me, barely caressing my wetness, as it coasts back and forth, brushing against my clit. I want him inside of me.
I need him inside of me.
Our teeth crash together as we kiss, his erection becoming more evident, more aggressive as he pushes it harder against me. I can’t stand another minute of him not being inside of me.
Rolling onto his back, I straddle him and look him in the eyes. All I see is love staring back at me.
“You belong to me, and only me,” he whispers into my ear.
Grabbing the base of his cock, I lower myself down onto him and take him as deep as I can while I lean over and kiss him. Wonderful kisses filled with so much hope, so much promise.
Sitting on the bench in his shower, I let the hot water cascade over my body
as the fog builds up around me.
Tonight is the night that Trent and Zack will have to come together to meet up with the two men that threaten Zack’s very existence on this earth.
Zack wasn’t keen on Trent going in my place, but when he found out that I was pregnant, he agreed that it was best.
I didn’t want Trent to tell his brother about the pregnancy, but he didn’t leave me much of choice in the matter. They were having a heated debate over the phone when he delivered the news. I could only hear one side of the conversation, but it was enough to keep up with what was being said.
“No, she’s not going with you. I’m going in her place,” he said to his brother.
“I don’t care what you and she agreed upon; she’s not doing it.”
There was a long pause.
“You don’t know, do you?”
I begged him not to tell his brother. Shook my head, clasped my hands together, and even got down on one knee.
“She’s fucking pregnant.”
“Yes, pregnant.”
Another pause, this time a bit shorter.
“No, she doesn’t know.”
“That’s what I said,” another pause. “Fine, I’ll see you at 7.”
I’m worried about the two of them going tonight. If the two pit bosses don’t do any killing this evening, they might just kill each other.
Getting out of the shower, I shiver as the rush of cold air licks my skin. Zack should be here any minute, and part of me hopes that he shows up while I’m still in the bathroom getting dressed.
I have no idea what his reaction will be when he sees me for the first time since finding out that I’m pregnant, but I can’t imagine it will be good.
Slipping into my Victoria Secret sweatpants and a matching Pink sweatshirt, I head downstairs to give Trent a kiss before he leaves with his brother tonight and to tell him how much I love him.
Just as I walk past the front door, I hear knocking. I know it’s Zack, and I freeze in place as though I’m not sure what to do. My mind tells me to open the door, but something else tells me I better let Trent do it.
Before another awkward second passes by, Trent appears and opens the door for his brother.