by Vivian Ward
“What does that mean? Why do you need to do all of this testing?” Blake asked.
He doesn’t know.
“When babies are born very prematurely, they’re at a higher risk for speech, vision and hearing impairment. Those are all things that should be tested periodically. There’s also a slight risk that he may have some mild learning disabilities, which could affect his motor development.” She paused as she pursed her lips and studied us. “I thought I explained all of this already.”
“No, you didn’t explain it to me.”
“You told me,” I interjected. “He wasn’t here when you went over all of this.” I looked up at him, “Sorry, I thought the nurses told you or I would’ve told you myself.”
“Anyway, he’s only had two apnea episodes since we took him off the oxygen several weeks ago, but they were minor. There is a possibility that he may develop asthma so that’s something else you should watch for. You might hear slight wheezing or he may experience tightness in the chest or general difficulty breathing, especially after a lot of physical activities. Do either of you have any questions before I give the nurse the orders to release him?”
I looked at Blake, who was still trying to take everything in. “No, I don’t think so. If we think of anything, I’ll call his pediatrician.”
“Oh, that reminds me. Who will his pediatrician be? I’ll need to record that on the discharge papers.”
“I was planning on using Nikki’s pediatrician. His name is Dr. Steven Rhoads.”
“All right. The nurse will be in shortly with the release forms for you to sign saying that we covered everything and then you’re free to go home.”
I smiled at her as she walked out the door. Blake’s eyebrows were furrowed, and the crease in his forehead was bulging out. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t understand. I’m the boy’s father. Why wouldn’t they cover all of this stuff with me when he was born?”
“I don’t know. They probably only told me because I spent as much time as I could with him right after he was born because I didn’t think…well, you know.”
“Yeah. It frustrates me, though. I mean, I spent plenty of time in the nursery, too.”
“I know you did, but let’s not dwell on it. He’s healthy, and we get to take him home. That’s what matters the most.”
“You know what? You’re right. I’m glad I have you in my life.” He kissed the top of my forehead. I couldn’t help but smile.
The nurse broke up our moment of bonding when she came in with the release forms. After we had signed all the paperwork, Blake pulled the car around to pick us up at the front door.
I strapped Carter in his infant car seat while Blake buckled Nikki in her booster seat. The four of us were finally heading home, as a complete family for the first time. It felt nice to have my man dri—wait?
Did I just say, my man?
Oh my God! I did. I smiled. It’s nice having my man drive us home. He looked over at me as we drove down the highway, his bright smile beaming at me. For the first time, I reached over and grabbed his hand. A smile of pride crept over his face as he laced his fingers between mine and gave my hand a squeeze.
That night at home, Blake and Nikki held the baby every chance they could when I wasn’t nursing him. For him being on feeding tubes, he sure had an appetite.
I think I must have nursed him every 45 minutes on the dot. This kid loved his food. By 9 PM, I had Nikki in bed while Blake rocked the baby to sleep.
“You can go on to bed if you want. I got him,” he offered.
“What are you going to do if he gets hungry?”
“You can put the baby monitor in your room, or I can bring him to you if I’m still awake.”
“It’s okay. I think I’d like to spend some time alone with just you and him. Nikki went out wicked fast.”
“Okay. Do you want to watch something on TV?”
“Nah, I think I want to sit here and talk. We had a really good day today. I’m so glad he’s home.”
“Yes we did, and I’m glad he’s home too. You know what? I think today’s the first day that we haven’t fought over a single thing.”
“I think you’re right.”
Sitting next to him, I rested my head on his arm as we talked on the couch. It felt good sitting there talking to him. As we were conversing, he raised his arm and had me lay my head on his chest.
This was the closest we had ever been, but it didn’t last long. Carter woke up hungry and crying. I stood up to take him in the other room to feed him, but Blake stopped me.
“You don’t have to go to the other room to feed him. I thought we were talking?”
“We are, but don’t you want me to feed him in there?” I pointed to the entertainment room.
“Tasha, if we’re ever going to make this work and become a couple, I think I’ll see your breasts eventually. You’re only feeding a baby. It’s not like you’re putting on pasties and lap dancing for me.”
Discreetly, I unbuttoned the first few buttons of my shirt and turned my body as the baby latched on. After he had a nice stream going, I turned back around to face Blake and continued our conversation.
“You know, you’re so beautiful.”
I could feel the heat rising in the room. It was awkward hearing him tell me how beautiful I was, especially with half my breast exposed. Even though I couldn’t see it, I knew my face was turning crimson as I felt myself blush.
“Thanks, I guess.”
“You are. Really. And you make a great mother. I know that when we initially met, we never dreamed of any of this happening but I think God works in mysterious ways. Look at us now. We’re sitting here laughing and talking while enjoying a tiny person that we both created.”
“And don’t forget the fact that we had both sworn off dating anyone else, but here we are, operating as a family together.”
“That’s true. We can’t forget that.”
After I had finished feeding Carter, I changed his diaper and rocked him back to sleep. It was nearly midnight before I finally laid down in the guest room with the baby monitor on. He woke up off and on all night, hungry for feedings.
By morning, I was completely exhausted. I forgot just how much motherhood can zap out of you. When I finally woke up and glanced at the alarm clock, I realized it was almost 10 AM. Jumping out of bed, I ran to the nursery but Carter wasn’t in his crib.
As I walked down the stairs, I heard Nikki and Blake playing with the baby.
“Sorry, I slept so long. I must have been tired.”
“It’s okay. I fixed breakfast this morning, and we were just hanging out, playing with the baby. You can lay back down if you want to.”
“No, I better get up. I can’t sleep all day. I’ll start fixing lunch in a minute. Let me wake up first.”
“There’s no rush. We had a late breakfast so don’t worry. You can take a shower if you want. I have things under control down here.”
“Okay.”
I have to say, he’s stepped up to being a father, especially when he went from zero kids to having two of them. He’s the kind of man that I’ve always wanted—good looking, a great father and well, we’re still working on the great partner part of the relationship, but I can see that he’s trying.
It’s ashamed that he was such an ass at the beginning of all of this, we could’ve hit things off so much better. As the steam hung a dense cloud over the bathroom, I stepped into the shower, allowing my thoughts to consume me. I never would’ve thought he would have turned out to be such a great guy.
And Carter seems to be adjusting quite well to the home life here. When I first had him and saw him with all those tubes coming out of him, I was scared for him but I think he’ll grow up to be a strong athlete, or maybe the president of the United States.
It was a no-brainer that Nikki would be such a good big sister. Luckily, she hasn’t asked too many questions about me and Blake and how she suddenly got to keep the new baby that I told
her we couldn’t have. She’s a pretty happy-go-lucky kid and goes with the flow. I’ll be sad when my maternity leave is over at the bank. I kind of like being a stay-at-home mom, but all good things must come to an end.
Just like my shower—I hadn’t realized how long I’d been in here until the water turned cold and the cloud of thick fog was no longer hovering over the shower. As I stepped out of the shower and started drying off, Blake was knocking on the door.
“Tasha? Are you almost dressed? I think Carter’s hungry.”
“I’ll be out in a minute,” I called to him as I quickly dressed.
I took Carter to my room to feed him. As I was sitting on the bed, nursing him, Blake popped back in.
“I don’t mean to be a pain in the ass or anything, but you said you would pump extra so I could feed him. When are you going to start doing that?”
“Are you kidding me? There’s a whole stash of frozen milk in the freezer downstairs. What did you think I was doing with all the milk I’ve been pumping since he was born? I just thought you hadn’t fed him because you didn’t feel comfortable with it yet.”
“There is? No, I didn’t know that. I thought you were throwing it out since he couldn’t eat on his own yet. How do I heat it up? For how long?”
“Depends on how many ounces you’re heating up. I have all the bags labeled. I’ll show you after I’m through feeding him, and then I’ll start lunch.”
“Okay, I’m going to head back downstairs and keep Nikki company.”
Walking into the kitchen, I saw Blake fumbling around in the freezer. “If you’re looking for the frozen milk, it’s on the bottom right-hand side of the freezer.”
“Hm? Oh, yeah. No, I was looking for something quick and easy to make for lunch. I didn’t know how long you would be so I was going to get it started.”
“Here,” I handed him the baby. “I’ll start lunch. You play.” As he turned to leave the room, I stopped him. “Hey! Where’s Nikki at? I haven’t seen her since I got out of the shower.”
“She’s in my study. I’m letting her play some games on the computer. She’s smart.”
“She’s playing on the computer in your study? I didn’t think you liked her—”
“Relax. She’s fine. You did a great job raising her. I have her on a kid’s learning website that teaches shapes, colors, numbers, and letters. She knows most of them, though.”
“Yeah, that’s from daycare. They teach them a lot there.”
Preparing lunch, I thought about my apartment, my job, and Nikki’s daycare. Pretty soon I got to get back to all of that—or at least figure something out with what I’m going to do with my apartment. As we sat down at the table, I brought the subject up to see what he thought I should do.
“When I was taking my shower earlier, I got to thinking. What should I do about my apartment?”
“When is your lease up?”
“This summer, August I think.”
“We can call your landlord and see if he’ll let you out of your lease early. Otherwise, we’ll have to pay the early termination fee on it and be done with it.”
“Yeah, I guess I can do that, but I hate to see what the termination fee is. I’ve never done something like that before, so I have no idea what it is. I think it was a few hundred dollars, though.”
“I’ll cover it. Don’t worry about it. You need to focus on things here.”
“Yeah, at least until I go back to work. My maternity leave is up in a week and a half.”
“What? You can’t go back to work. We’ve got two kids to raise.”
“Well, what do you want me to do? I have responsibilities. Money doesn’t fall off trees, and besides, Nikki likes going to daycare.”
“Nikki, which do you like better? Going to daycare or hanging out here all day?” he asked her.
“I like hanging out here. Your house is so much fun!”
“No, it’s our house,” he corrected her. “See? She likes it here. Problem solved. I don’t want you going back to work. You have new responsibilities here.”
“Are you crazy? I have bills to pay. I can’t just leave my job.”
“I’ll take care of whatever bills you have. I can’t imagine you have all that much. You’re a stay-at-home mom now. We’ll be fine.”
“Whatever you say.”
Not that I want to use him for his money, but it has been nice staying at home. After Nikki was born, I was back at work within two weeks of her birth. I didn’t have the opportunity to stay home longer because I had bills to pay and Troy wasn’t helping any.
I feel like I’ve missed out on so much of her life. In a year and a half, she’ll be starting school. I’ve missed the last four years of her life. I only have about two years to spend time with her before she becomes a big girl. Carter, on the other hand, is a different story.
I might have missed out on the first few months of his life, but that’s all I was going to lose. I have almost six years with him until he starts school.
Blake
There’s no way on earth that I’m letting any woman of mine work, not when we have kids at home. I make enough money that I can take care of our family without her making whatever crummy wages the bank’s paying these days.
She’s much more useful at home taking care of our family, and she’s damn good at it. I love watching her play with the kids, and she’s a great cook. Even though I worked out regularly before Carter was born, I ate like shit. It was usually fast food or some take-out because I didn’t see a point in cooking for one person and eating alone.
It was easier to grab a burger or grinder from somewhere and surf the Internet while I had supper. I’d forgotten how much I missed home-cooked meals until she started living with me and prepared meals religiously.
Ever since the baby has come home, I’ve seen a completely different side of Tasha. While she’s always good to her daughter, and very tentative to her needs, she has this magical touch when it comes to him. There’s no way I could ever soothe him the way she does, and I love watching her hold him. I still have mixed feelings about her breastfeeding him, though.
On one hand, it’s very convenient, and he loves nursing from her, but there’s some part of me that feels awkward when she does it. I know it’s natural, but I’m not sure if I should look away when she feeds him or if it’s okay to sit there and talk to her. Maybe if she didn’t have a perfect rack, it wouldn’t be such a difficult decision.
Every time she takes out her breast, I have to make myself not stare at her. They look so succulent, round and extremely perky. I can see why Carter enjoys nursing so much. There’s been a few times when she was nursing the baby that I caught myself getting hard.
It’s just so sexy to see her vulnerable, exposed and damn delicious. I know I probably shouldn’t be having these thoughts about her, considering that we haven’t even had sex yet, but I’m a man. I have needs.
All I can think about is her soft skin, perky tits, long legs and round ass. I want my mouth and hands on every inch of her.
As she was putting Carter down for the night, I invited her to join me for a cup of coffee in the kitchen. We need some alone time together, which is hard to do when you have two kids, especially one that’s basically a newborn who has so many needs. Making our way into the kitchen, she started to get out the can of coffee but I stopped her.
“I’ll make it. You’ve done enough today. Have a seat and relax.” She looked at me in surprise. Since she’s lived here, the only time I’ve ever made anything was the one morning when she was exhausted, and I took care of the kids so she could rest. “I got it.”
“Are you sure? I can make a simple pot of coffee.”
“I know you can, but I want you to see that I’m capable of doing things and giving you a break sometimes. Having a family is something that’s very important to me. I’m sure hearing about my late wife is the last thing you want to listen to, but she and I had always planned on having a family. It was very important to both o
f us, which is why she had her eggs frozen.”
“And now?”
“What?”
“I’m waiting to hear the but.”
“Well, now that we have a baby together, it’s important for me to raise this baby—and Nikki—as a family, together.”
“I’ve got to be honest and level with you. The way you’ve handled everything, from the day you threw a fit about me being black when you first met me at the agency to the day Carter was born and even after, you dug yourself a pretty deep hole to climb out of. I’d say you’re doing pretty good at coming back up to the surface.”
“I know I haven’t been perfect, but neither have you. When you were pregnant, you were supposed to keep me up to date on all of your doctor appointments, labs, ultrasounds, et cetera, but you only updated me half the time. You’ve broken a lot of trust with me so I’m sure you can see why I thought you duped me when he was born black—I mean bi-racial.” I laughed, “He takes a lot after you, I guess, but anyway. Yeah, we have a lot of issues to work on but I think we can manage.”
“You’re right. Family is important, and I think I’m willing to give it a shot with you. I know you try to act like a hardass, but the truth is, I kind of like it.” She smiled at me.
“Another thing I want to talk to you about is our sleeping arrangement. I want you to stop sleeping in that guest room and join me in my bedroom. If we’re going to start being a family, it’s time we act like one.”
“Okay.”
I’d expected her to put up a fight over that one, but she stunned me when she didn’t protest at all. She’d fought me more about little things than she did the big ones.
“I’ll help you move your stuff into my room tomorrow.”
“I don’t have much. Most of my clothes are still at the apartment.”
“Let’s go to bed, we can talk more about it while we lay down. And yeah, we need to figure something out about that soon. When are you going to tell your job that you’re not going back?”