Something Blue

by Sean Ashcroft

  But that didn’t mean it was true.

  Even if he’d been kind of disappointed last night when Connor hadn’t even seemed like he wanted to make a move.

  He was still unpacking that disappointment. He had no idea how he would have reacted.

  Which was both exciting and terrifying. He didn’t know how he would have reacted.

  He wasn’t sure he would have said no.

  So far, he was coping with that by trying not to think about it.

  “Sorry.” Max shrugged. “But if it helps, my own mother said kinda the same thing when she found out about all this, so… you’re not alone.”

  Riley nodded. “Okay. None of my business anyway,” he said. “You can use the barn, but you gotta help me paint it. At your normal hourly rate.”

  “I wasn’t trying to make work for myself,” Max said. “It’s fine as it is.”

  Riley shook his head. “I know you weren’t. You haven’t got a sneaky bone in your body, so I’m actually shocked to hear you’re faking an entire wedding. But I figure it’s for a good cause, and I’ve secretly wanted to host weddings out here for a while now. This would give me an excuse to talk to Brent about it. But he won’t mind a friend borrowing it for a day at all.”

  Friend.

  Max turned that word around in his head a few times, finally tucking it away with a happy glow. He could use as many friends as he could get, and Riley seemed like a good one to have. Brent, too.

  “Hey, lunch is ready,” Brent called out, making Max turn to look at the porch.

  Riley had told him earlier about all the work he’d done on the house. It looked brand new from where Max was standing, but it must have been at least fifty years old, judging by the style. Maybe more like seventy.

  Riley seemed like the kind of man who liked a project, and Max felt as though he was maybe a project for Riley, too.

  He also felt like that was a good thing.

  “Come in and eat,” Riley said. “We’ll finish up the rest once we’ve recovered.”

  Max’s stomach rumbled, so he couldn’t exactly say he wasn’t hungry.

  Besides, he was getting better at accepting kindness from people. He was starting to see that he didn’t have to do all of this alone.

  It’d only taken him a little over three years.

  “When I came out here, Brent was putting some kind of delicious apricot pastry together,” Riley said. “I bet it’s done by now, too.”

  Max licked his lips involuntarily. He could get used to this new thing where people fed him really great meals just because he happened to be around.

  “I’d like to come in,” Max said softly. “Thank you.”

  “Hey, I could not have gotten as far as I have today without you,” Riley said. “I’m not doing you any favors. You did an honest day’s work today, and you deserve a reward. Come on,” he added, heading for the porch.

  Max trailed after him, his back and shoulders aching, but in a good way that made him feel as though he’d accomplished something today.

  He’d planted Riley’s saplings and secured a venue for the wedding. That wasn’t a bad day’s work at all.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Connor jumped at the sound of the doorbell, heaving himself up off the couch.

  He hadn’t been expecting Max for another hour, and he’d been planning to put a nicer shirt on before that, but now it was a little too late, and he didn’t want to leave the guy standing outside.

  Connor opened the door, smiling broadly at the prospect of seeing Max again. His face fell the moment he actually saw him.

  His hair was a mess, his eyes were red, and there were fresh tear tracks shining on his cheeks. He sniffed, which only made him look more miserable.

  Connor’s heart sank. He’d invited him over to finalize a guest list—mostly people who were already in on what they were doing, plus other people Max knew he could trust to fill out numbers.

  Of course, he’d really been inviting him over as an excuse to hang out again.

  None of that mattered now. The only thing that mattered was that Max was upset.

  “Come inside,” Connor said, stepping away from the door. Max slipped in past him, their shoulders brushing against each other as he moved into the hall.

  Max was a pretty big guy, but he seemed tiny right now. Connor wanted to wrap him up in a blanket and hold him until everything was okay.

  “What happened?” Connor asked, shutting the door behind Max. He hadn’t been into the bookstore today, so he had no idea what was going on in the world.

  Max sniffed again. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to end up crying in front of you,” he said, his voice rough.

  “You don’t need to apologize for crying,” Connor said, nudging him toward the living room.

  Max took a step in the direction Connor was prodding him, but then stopped and turned to face him. “Zoe fell and hurt herself last night. We had to go over to the hospital. I haven’t slept much and I’ve been at work all day and Ash and Declan are cool, but I needed the hours, and I just… it’s hard.”

  Without thinking, Connor reached out and pulled Max into a hug. He squeezed tight, holding him as close as he could.

  He could hear Max’s heart pounding in his chest, which made him want to cry as well. Max didn’t deserve this, he shouldn’t have had to go through it at all. He was a good man, strong and kind and unfailingly sweet, and things should have gone his way more often than they did.

  As Connor held him, his racing heart started to slow. One beat after another, with just a little more space between each one until they felt more or less normal.

  Connor breathed a sigh of relief, loosening his grip on Max and stepping back to look up at him. “You need a cup of tea,” he said.

  Max nodded silently.

  “Make yourself comfortable, and I’ll get you one,” Connor murmured, reaching out to squeeze Max’s shoulder before backing away.

  He listened to Max settling on the couch as he searched for the chamomile tea he knew he’d bought a while back and then never opened.

  If Max was here, then Zoe was okay. He wouldn’t have come if she wasn’t. That was one less thing to worry about.

  Max, though… he wasn’t okay, but maybe Connor could help, there. Sometimes crying was the best thing you could do when you weren’t okay.

  Seeing Max upset made Connor’s stomach hurt. Max was so sweet, and so kind, and he absolutely didn’t deserve the things life had thrown at him.

  Connor tapped on the counter while he waited for the water to boil, anxious to get back to Max. Max needed him, or he wouldn’t have come here, and he wanted to be there for him.

  He was honored that Max had chosen him to cry in front of. Maybe that was stupid, but it meant a lot.

  When the water was finally hot enough, Connor poured a generous mug of tea for Max, loading it with two teaspoons of sugar. Sugar would make Max feel better, even if the tea didn’t.

  Max was sitting hunched over on the couch, his face in his hands, still sniffing softly. Connor set the tea down in front of him and grabbed a box of tissues to put beside it.

  He sat down gingerly, not wanting to disturb Max as he settled next to him.

  “Drink up,” Connor said. “It’s warm and soothing.”

  Max took the mug of tea as instructed, breathing the scent in deeply. He laughed suddenly, making Connor jump at the suddenness of the sound.

  Laughter was good, though.

  Well.

  Probably good, possibly a sign that Max was feeling even worse than Connor thought.

  “This is the stuff mom makes Zoe drink to help her sleep,” Max said.

  “Oh.” Connor swallowed, immediately feeling guilty for reminding Max of why he was so upset in the first place.

  “She hates it,” Max added. “I get it. It smells like grass.”

  “Chamomile is pretty close to being grass,” Connor said. “But it’s… okay. It’s mild and sweet. Mostly floral. And it really doe
s help.”

  Max sat back on the couch, holding the mug close to his chest. “You trying to knock me out, here?”

  Connor shook his head. “No, but if sleep would help, you can have your pick of the bed or the couch,” he said.

  “Thanks.” Max sipped his tea, making a face at first, but then licking his lips and taking a second sip. “And thank you for not… freaking out, or whatever. I try not to let anyone see me cry because it seems like it’s worse for them than me.”

  “I’m a wedding planner,” Connor said. “I’m used to people crying. Usually over less serious things, but…”

  “I knew I could trust you,” Max said softly, sipping his tea again. It was bound to be scalding his mouth, but he was only taking the tiniest of sips. More for comfort than anything.

  “Are you hungry?” Connor asked.

  Max shook his head. “I couldn’t eat, but don’t let me stop you.”

  “No, I’m okay.” Connor reached out, putting a hand on Max’s back. He paused for a second to make sure that was okay.

  Max barely reacted, so he assumed it was. Connor moved his thumb, tracing circles into the coat Max hadn’t even taken off yet.

  “I don’t understand why you’re so nice to me,” Max said.

  “Yeah you do,” Connor said.

  Max knew he had a crush on him. Connor had realized that a while back.

  The fact that it was fine, that Max didn’t mind, was a relief. He still wasn’t sure exactly where the line was, but at least he knew that he could pine quietly without upsetting him.

  Max swallowed. “Yeah, I do,” he agreed. “I still appreciate it.”

  Connor chuckled, scooting just a little closer to Max, humming softly as Max shifted to make it easier for him. “You’re a sweetheart, you deserve people being nice to you.”

  “You too,” Max said, blushing. Connor could have said things that made him blush all day and never gotten tired of it.

  He watched Max lean forward and put his tea down on the coffee table, and then sit back again, turning his head to look Connor in the eyes.

  The look was so intense that it made Connor squirm.

  “I’m grateful,” Max said, just barely above a whisper. “For everything you’ve done for me. For everything you’re doing.”

  “You’re doing a lot for me, as well. This is a two-man job.”

  “I know.” Max licked his lips. “I know, I just… want you to know how much it means. How much it helps, to know someone has my back.”

  Connor took a breath to respond, but before he could decide what he wanted to say, Max started to lean toward him. His eyes widened as he realized what was about to happen, his heart hammering in his chest.

  Before he could react, Max’s lips made contact with his. Soft, and warm, and very definitely pressed against Connor’s.

  A surprised gasp escaped him as Max parted his lips, moved closer, reached out to touch Connor’s face. His strong, callused fingers cupped Connor’s jaw, the touch almost painfully gentle.

  It was everything Connor had wanted and more, his heart clenching in his chest at the sweetness. He’d been dying to do this for so long.

  Except that Max was upset, and he’d probably regret this later. Connor couldn’t risk Max feeling as though he’d been taken advantage of.

  He pushed back against him gently, breaking the kiss with a pang of regret. “Max,” he murmured. “You’re upset.”

  Max backed away a few inches, his eyes shining again. He wet his lips, pausing, and then took a deep breath.

  “Please?” he asked.

  That… wasn’t what Connor had been expecting to hear.

  “Please,” Max repeated before Connor could respond. “I need… this. I need you. I need to feel something other than… than pain and panic and bone-deep exhaustion, just for a little while. If… if that’s okay.”

  Connor swallowed. He wasn’t sure this was a good idea, but Max clearly did need it. And he trusted Connor enough to come to him, to ask.

  Connor wasn’t going to refuse him. Not when he wanted this so much.

  “Okay,” Connor agreed, nodding. “Of course. Let me take care of you.”

  “Thank you,” Max said, curling his hand around the back of Connor’s neck and pulling him in for another kiss.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Max hummed happily as Connor pushed his coat off his shoulders, strong fingers digging deep into the muscles there, soothing them after a long day.

  He wanted this. He hadn’t been sure when he kissed Connor, but he was more than sure now. His heart was racing, his breath coming in desperate gasps, but he knew it was the right thing.

  Connor tossed his coat aside and moved a hand to the middle of Max’s chest, pushing him back.

  Max went with the pressure eagerly, nerves and arousal both swirling in his gut.

  He definitely wanted this.

  He hadn’t quite come to terms with wanting it, but… he couldn’t pretend anymore. He couldn’t pretend Connor didn’t bring up all these feelings, and he didn’t want to, either.

  Connor was safe. Max trusted him in a way he didn’t quite trust anyone else.

  He could trust him with this.

  “I’ll look after you,” Connor murmured. It sounded like a promise.

  Max believed him. He believed that Connor would be kind, and gentle, and good to him. He wanted that, now more than ever.

  He’d been putting his life on hold a long time. All he wanted was a taste of what it’d be like when he didn’t have to.

  “I’ve never done this before,” Max confessed.

  “With a man?” Connor asked. “I know.”

  Max shook his head. “With anyone.”

  He swallowed, unsure how Connor would react to that confession.

  To his surprise, Connor smiled a soft, warm smile that made Max’s stomach flip over. “That’s okay. I’ll go easy on you,” he teased.

  Despite his nerves, Max laughed. For the first time in a while, he felt a little joy coming back into his life.

  Connor always made him feel like that.

  Whatever this was, whatever that meant about him, he didn’t care. As long as Connor was here, right now.

  He could figure out what all this meant later.

  “If you need to stop, just let me know, okay?” Connor said. “Don’t hesitate.”

  “I won’t,” Max said, already knowing that he wouldn’t want to stop. Not for anything. This was too important, and he wasn’t about to blow his chance.

  He reached up to pull Connor in by the collar of the thin t-shirt he was wearing, sealing their lips together again. He’d never really kissed anyone like this before, but it came naturally.

  Max felt needy and desperate, a soft sound welling up in his chest, catching in his throat. He just wanted more. More of this, more of Connor. As much as he could get.

  It was okay to want a little affection.

  And it was okay to want it from Connor, who’d been so kind to him.

  Connor pushed on his chest again, forcing him to lean back into the cushions behind him. He swung his leg over Max’s, settling in his lap, a warm weight that made arousal flare up in the pit of Max’s stomach.

  This felt good.

  He rocked his hips against Max, a long, slow grind that made him gasp as Connor’s cock rubbed against his through his jeans.

  A rush of heat to his cock made Max squirm, the urge to grind up against Connor almost overwhelming.

  He wasn’t sure he was meant to do that, though. He had no idea what he was doing at all.

  “Tell me what you want,” Connor murmured. “You can have anything.”

  “You,” Max said without a second thought. Connor was what he wanted. He wanted him close, he wanted his attention, he wanted more. More of everything they already had.

  Connor laughed, his eyes lighting up. “You never stop being sweet, huh?”

  “Do you want me to?” Max asked, raising an eyebrow. Maybe this wasn’t do
ing anything for Connor. Maybe he liked guys to be more forceful, or… something.

  Max wasn’t sure he could do that, but he could try.

  “No,” Connor said, shaking his head. “No, you’re perfect just the way you are.”

  Max breathed a sigh of relief. That was good to hear, especially coming from Connor.

  He gasped as Connor laid a hand on his stomach, surprised by how sensitive he suddenly was. How aware he was of every touch, of the warmth rolling off Connor’s body and seeping into his own.

  His heartbeat sped up, pulse pounding in his ears. This was happening.

  “You sure about this?” Connor asked.

  Max nodded eagerly. He’d never been surer about anything in his life. Whatever it meant about him that he wanted this, he couldn’t pretend that he didn’t.

  He could soul-search later. This was too good to pass up.

  Connor hitched up the edge of his t-shirt, making Max hold his breath as he teased the delicate just above the waistband of his jeans. Connor’s touch was light, his fingertips tickling Max’s skin, sending little sparks of pleasure out over it.

  Max’s cock was already hard, straining against the zipper, the rush of blood making it feel hot and heavy.

  And Connor’s hand was so close.

  Max groaned as Connor’s fingertips brushed against his cock through his jeans, biting down on his lip. Even through the layers of his underwear and the thick denim, this was new and exciting.

  No one had ever touched him like this before. No one other than himself, anyway.

  A jolt of arousal shot down the length of Max’s cock as Connor reached for the button of his fly, so strong it made his hips jerk. He groaned, the sound so loud and so deep it made him blush.

  He’d never been turned on like this before. Never been so desperate for someone to touch him, so eager to get off.

  Connor was different. Connor made him feel new, scary things he wasn’t sure he was entirely ready for, but that he wasn’t about to back away from. Not when it felt this good.

  Max screwed his eyes shut as Connor unzipped his jeans. Watching would have been too much. He was already leaking precome into his underwear, already at risk of coming too soon and ruining the moment.